The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[S. Aureus]

I forgot the day of NC ut pretty sure its more than two months.
So I see her everyday at the uni and hospital because we're classmate. Pretty weird saying hello to her but I don't care, I only do it when she is with some of our mutual friends. A few friends told me that she asked me how was I and more and that, some of them told me if we will be at least friends again and say "no" so they were pretty shocked.
Should I approach her more or stay in the same way? Just treat her like someone I ackwnoledge but nothing more.

Also I read the Dj bible but now I barely have free time, can anyone give me a tip about how to gain a little of interest from my classmate? For me it was easy to get a girl when there is a previously interest from her ut if she doesn't have, well it's difficult

 

[finality]

Dude if u are still fvcking ur ex, believe me, ur not over her no matter what u say to yourself. U mentioned u got some new girl going on. You want to mess that up because of ur ex ?? Think about it for a second. Or just make a decicison what u really want. This hot and cold game u are playing isnt bringing benefits to neither party. Either go full NC and try to work it out with the new girl, or get stuck in the past.

See how much benefits u have from breaking up with her. U are finishing college, and u are almost hired in a better and wealthier company. Like u said, u've never looked better EVER and u've had some adventures with more than 5 women EASILY!!!

I also noticed the word "NEEDED" in ur sentence..and i completely understand you what u meant by that because i've felt the same way. Believe me, u didnt mean that u NEEDED to get close to..u are just addicted to the closeness and the love that ur ex gave to u. And u are trying to find that feeling into this new girl. Dont rush things with her. I believe u are still not that sober so u can attempt to love some1 else. Just go with the flow, and be open for a relationship, dont be needy.

Before u go out with some girl next time, dress yourself, get a good haircut, get that pump from the gym, feel positive and TAKE A LOOK AT THE MIRROR! What do you see ? I'll tell what you will see. You will see a MAN that is desperately wanted by that chick waiting for u at the bar. That is desperately wanted by that company that u gave extraordinary impression. That is MAN enough to control his emotions, maintain frame at the worst possible moments and to never look back because thats a rude manner. That lives for today and plans and works for the better future.

Still want to sleep with ur ex ?? Yeah, I thought so

Well when I say I needed to get close I'm talking from a chemistry/magnetic attraction point of view. As for my ex, you are right.. not over her.

 

[finality]

@finality, you are playing victim to her endless calls and texts! It's a bvll**** story Finality!!! You are the one who chooses not to block her! You are the one who chooses to receive her calls/texts! You are not a victim!!!! You are the one at choice! You are the one who keeps choosing back!
You did not just "end up" sleeping with your ex. You chose to sleep with your ex. Your dlck didn't just "end up" in her. You put it there.
When an alcoholic actually finally gets sober, do they hang out in open bars? Do they walk around the liquor store where they always bought their booze before? When a drug addict actually gives up drugs for good, do they hang out with the 'friends' that they always shot up heroin with? Do they stay in contact with their drug dealer, just to 'stay friends' and be friendly?
To me, you are no different that a chronic alcoholic or a heavy drug addict, who relapsed once again, just three days ago, once again professing you have no problem, professing you are "pretty much over" your desire for alcohol or drugs. With all due respect finality, it's another bvll**** story, you are telling yourself. If you think anyone here is buying it you are likely mistaken. You have started 'rehab from this girl' maybe two dozen times only to just walk out and go use again. I am not saying this to judge you. I am saying it to wake you the fvck up. In my view, you are in denial.

Yes, you have been out with other women. You have fvcked other women and you even have a date coming up. You think that's proof you are moving on? An addict can spend a whole week eating healthy, working out, taking vitamins, taking care of his body, but when 'his friend,' the dealer calls and offers him some heroin, and he "finds himself' shooting up again, just one last time, I'd say he's still an addict, wouldn't you, Finality? All the healthy behaviors don't cancel that he's still using heroin.

To me, receiving text/calls from your ex, for *you*, is like like staying in contact with your drug dealer. Just like an addict who ends up shooting up heroin again, you 'end up' fvcking her again. The drive, the temptation, the desire for one more hit, the story that "you are pretty much over her at this point," all feed into your denial, in my opinion. They will keep you stuck in this cycle, as long as you allow them too.

What I have shared is harsh. I understand that. If anyone questions that, I encourage them to go read and count all finality's post about restarting no contact with this girl, again and again and again and again and again and again....

I am not trying to shame you finality (or those with addictions or alcoholism.) I have massive compassion. In my eyes, it's just feels/seems easier, to you, right now, to go back one more time, for one more hit, than truly face the loss and the pain you anticipate to be on the other side, of really letting go of her. I believe it's hard for you to conceive of not having her in your life, just as an addict or alcoholic finds it hard to conceive of not having drugs or alcohol in their life, until they do.

People create new beginnings for themselves. I believe you will too, when you finally decide that you have had enough and are ready for something better and you consistently choose accordingly.

It's ok that it will hurt. You will get through it. Just because this is a male forum, that promotes alpha behavior does not mean that it is not also not full of men who understand how letting go can be massively painful and fvcking hurt. Don't try to hide your pain here. Plenty of men here, know the pain, know the struggle, and know the immensity of it. There is a saying, you can't heal it unless you feel it. I believe there is truth in that. You serve no one, especially not yourself, if you try to maintain an image that you are all fine, and you are "pretty much over her," when you are not.

In my view, you might have dipped a toe in the pool but you haven't really gotten wet yet, with what it is to truly go NC with this girl and to and heal. I don't say that as judgement. I say that offering possibility. There is a freedom from who you have known yourself to be, with her, that you have barely yet touched. There is an untapped world in from of you.

Be kind to yourself. Be willing to be ruthlessly honest with yourself. It will set you free, if you let it.

TL;DR
An addict can spend a whole week eating healthy, working out, taking vitamins, taking care of his body, but when 'his friend,' the dealer texts/calls and offers him some heroin, and he "finds himself' shooting up again, just one more time, I'd say he's still an addict, wouldn't you, Finality? All the healthy behaviors don't cancel that he's still using heroin.

This is a great post and you aren't being harsh at all. I deserve a lot of criticism and at this point all I can be useful for is as an example of what not to do. I'm an addict.. it is what it is.

I slept with a new chick tonight and have another new girl coming over tomorrow and I will most likely bang.
I've seen close to 10 different women since my ex broke up with me and slept with 6 of them. None of it helps. I was in love and got played... I don't know if I will ever fully recover.

 

[Fireballs]

@finality What I do know is I played a part in all of it too. Self responsibility is the way out of victimhood, and victim consciousness, in my opinion. What do we choose and participate in moving forward is the question to ask ourselves.

I think accepting this is really important in moving on. I wrote out a note on my phone titled 'My contribution to the demise of the relationship' and had a real honest reflection of everything then proceeded to type out around 10 things that I did or failed to do to that contributed to the end. It's really helped..

 

[alex_in24]

@LiveYourDream You are totally right. Being stoic, keeping frame, and moving happily on makes me a MAN. She is the one that should be ashamed of herself.

As for today...i think it is day 26 or 27 or maybe 28 of NC..but that is not what i am going to talk about.

Today i think that I lived for myself. From the moment i woke up, i was forced into making everyday decisions as everyone else like (what to eat, what to wear,what music to listen,should i go to the bathroom now or 5 mins later etc etc.) Dont know why, but todays decisions were based only on my state of happiness. And I chose them unconsciously. As if i knew, that they were the right choice.

As I live in Europe, in the balkans specifically, now its 2 AM. So before going to bed, i wanted to do a recap from the previous day. And yes, maybe this thread isnt about this, but it makes me HAPPY doing it so..there i go.

The previous 24 hours, i found out some very important and essential thing. That I and only I can make myself happy. How did i find that out ? Here is how...I loved myself. I loved everything about me. Is my instinct telling me that i should go out tonight only for a drink and a chat with a friend ?? Yes, and i did that. Did i feel like i should have continiued in the disco later this night ? No, wanted to go home, put on my argan oil on my face, get on this forum, maybe download some movie, drink my coca cola and relax. And that is exactly what I did. And yes, i could have been now with 10 girls, for sure i could have ****ed or at least fingered 2 of them in the club by now, but is that what i really wanted ?? Was that going to make me happier ?? At this moment no,maybe the next weekend i will feel like doing that. Before i got out, my mother gave me advice on what to wear, and she made a very good dress up combination. But did i feel like wearing that ?? Fvck no, i chose something that I have visioned to wear tonight, maybe it wasnt that great as my mothers choice but, who cares, it made ME happy. As i said, i was out with this friend of mine at the bar for only a drink or two. There were two ladies sitting like one table away from us. The both of them were HB7s. I approached them, in the most nonchalant way that could be imagined. We met eachother, introduced my friend to them, we talked for an hour maybe with lots of laughing and talking. But did I feel like I should have made out with this girl that was 1000000% into me ?? Honestly, no. Why not ? Because that wasnt the thing that I wanted in the moment. And yes, i am happier by not doing that. Just wanted to chat, laugh a lil bit, introduce my friend to them so he can have a shot, and at the end of the night, go home and tell u this

To be honest, i feel freedom. Freedom to the choices i make, to the life i live. I feel freedom in my mind. I feel that i am only obligated to myself and no one else on the choices i make. I feel a desire that i need to make myself happy FIRST before I try to make some1 else happy. I feel something that i cant explain. I feel that I should LOVE myself more as i deserve that..as EVERYONE ELSE ON THIS FORUM DESERVES THAT. The real deal is, learn to LOVE YOURSELF so bad, that u can put aside ANY EMOTION such as love,hate etc etc in order to make the best decision for youself.

I honestly dont know if u will undertand this post. You are probably going to ask yourself if im on some kind of drug or somerthing..and no, i am not. I am just being open and honest.

tl:dr: I learned to say NO to things i didnt want to do. Learned to love myself first, then everyone else comes second.

 

[Fireballs]

Just saw my ex for the first time.. That was tough.. It was bound to happen sooner or later though as I live in a smallish town.

Was at the gym and saw her walk in..she didn't see me.. Finished my workout about 5 mins later and was on my way out and she was on the treadmill..I was walking past behind her so on the way past I gave her a flick of my towel and as she turned around I gave her a quick smile and then kept walking out and she gave a big smile (both had headphones in). Didn't want to stop to talk but also didn't want to appear butthurt/angry as she would've seen me walk out. The breakup wasn't a bad one and she is a genuinely nice person so I thought giving a quick hi smile on the way out was the mature thing to do. Especially since I've ignored her last text which maybe I should have replied to.

When I got home she called me but I ignored it.. Voicemail said ''Hey hope you're doing well, I was in my own little bubble at the gym otherwise I would have come and said hi..I still have some of your stuff so if I can get it to you or if you can let me know what to do with it? Anyway hope you're doing well''

The last text I ignored was her asking if I could come and get my stuff (which is basically some car wash stuff which I don't want) I thought she would have gotten the picture when I didn't reply? Was almost 2 weeks ago.... Anyway not sure whether to respond as I just want to move on.....but I don’t want to appear butthurt…..but I also DON’T want to text her to tell her to just throw it out..I just really don’t want to contact her…at all…

 

[Fireballs]

Can't edit my post but I had been thinking about it and it seems silly to ignore her text then ignore her call today about what to do with my things so I just texted her to throw them out or do what she wanted with them. At least now there is NOTHING for her to contact me about.

 

[alex_in24]

Alright long story short, yesterday I made eye contact with a beautiful blonde HB9 and it was during daytime coffee. I gave her that sexy look and a very flirting smile and she smiled back. 3 mins later she went to the bathroom as we were sitting in a coffee bar. I immediately stood up and went after her. We met in the bathroom and i said to her:

Me: Nice plan
Her : "smiles" what plan ?
Me: i know these games, hell yeah, i invented them
Her : "smiles again and looks for a paper to brush off her hands"
Me : "as i rip the paper of that paper machine and give it to her I say" I've got an offer for u, u saw that friend of mine that i was sitting with ?
Her : yeah, what about him
Me : Well it is very rude and not politely to leave him alone for a long time, so i am going to be direct, why dont u give me ur number, so we can go for a drink these days?
her : "smiles" sure write it down.


i think I played this perfectly, but my question is...what kind of opener should I use via SMS and when should i contact her ?

Again, this is not in connection with this threads topic and i am sorry.

 

[finality]

Alright long story short, yesterday I made eye contact with a beautiful blonde HB9 and it was during daytime coffee. I gave her that sexy look and a very flirting smile and she smiled back. 3 mins later she went to the bathroom as we were sitting in a coffee bar. I immediately stood up and went after her. We met in the bathroom and i said to her:

Me: Nice plan
Her : "smiles" what plan ?
Me: i know these games, hell yeah, i invented them
Her : "smiles again and looks for a paper to brush off her hands"
Me : "as i rip the paper of that paper machine and give it to her I say" I've got an offer for u, u saw that friend of mine that i was sitting with ?
Her : yeah, what about him
Me : Well it is very rude and not politely to leave him alone for a long time, so i am going to be direct, why dont u give me ur number, so we can go for a drink these days?
her : "smiles" sure write it down.


i think I played this perfectly, but my question is...what kind of opener should I use via SMS and when should i contact her ?

Again, this is not in connection with this threads topic and i am sorry.

Well done man. I would contact her right away.. you only chatted for a few minutes so whatever she felt in that initial convo is going to quickly fade. I would open with something like hey its Alex, did anything else exciting happen yesterday besides getting courted in a bathroom?

This gives her a few options to flirt back.

 

[alex_in24]

@finality

Alright i listened to u and sent her this:

Hey beautiful, this is the guy from the juice bar. I was asking myself if anything interesting happened to u yesterday or i was the main surprise of the day ?

Waiting for reply now, keeping u updated.

 

[Fireballs]

Have stopped counting the days.. I don't see the point in counting anymore as I'm doing NC for the right reasons..to move on and heal and we have had contact with each other regarding logistical issues during the past 7 weeks and it feels silly to have to start at Day 1 again.

Seeing her yesterday at the gym has thrown me off course a little though, but I know it's just the emotion of seeing her for the first time and it will settle back down. Going to start going to the gym at 5am when I know she definitely won't be there. I know I might see her around town and I won't go out of my way to avoid her but I can't be bumping into her regularly at the gym..it will hinder all this progress.

My fvck buddy got back in contact with me this morning after I held frame so will be seeing her tonight which is good.

 

[alex_in24]

@Fireballs

Do what it takes so u can feel better, if that means going to the gym at 5am, then go at 5 am.

As for me, im on day 28 NC, 52 days since break up.

So as u can see, almost 2 months have passed since we broke up. I rarely think about her, maybe 2 times a day the most. Stopped avoiding the paths and the places she might be because i don't even think about seeing her anymore. I feel good. I have my ups, but didn't experience a down maybe good 7 days or more..I have exams these week so i am busy studying. I keep going to the gym everyday, with the thought of bettering myself in every aspect in my life.

On 20th may, this friday, im going in Budva, Montenegro via my Faculty. Since i play basketball professionally, i am my faculty's team captain and best player and we are going in Budva to play bball games with 20 other faculties from the region. There will be more that 1500 people on that event that lasts 5 days. And 70 % are women..volleyball girls, tennis girls etc etc. So as u can tell, i am looking forward to it.

Update: the girl from the bar, didnt reply to my message but , who cares, at least i got her number and I found out she has a boyfriend. So, there i go, Alpha me

 

[finality]

Day 7 which I think is the longest I've gone in 5 months.

 

[dustmuffin]

Day 7 which I think is the longest I've gone in 5 months.

Keep at it. You can do it.

 

[finality]

Day 8. Had a dream about her last night where she was breaking up with me. wtf

Have one of my new plates coming over tonight for sex and another one set up for the weekend. I have 5 different women I can call from sex right now.. all of them are at least HB7.. but I just want to be with my ex.. its like she stole my soul or something.

 

[alex_in24]

Day 29 NC


Probably the worst day this week, or this month, maybe year.

And i take full responsibility for my actions.

My parents found my weed. Yeah...I smoke occasionally and i got busted today. Luckily, applied my red pill knowledge here. I held the god damn FRAME. And yeah, convinced them that is not for me. But i must admit, this was a mini stress for me, seeing my father holding the weed and asking what is this...fvck me..

Anyways, I feel some kind of feeling i cant describe about my ex. Last night had a dream about her again and that shook me..
Today is her prom so that also has some kind of influence over my feelings today i guess..

Thats all.

 

[Fireballs]

**** isn't getting any easier at this point in time after 7 weeks..my mind and emotions are starting to play tricks on me.. I'm finding myself starting to think that my ex and I could start dating again and then I have to stop and remind myself why it didn't work out and why I wasn't 100% happy and why it would never be the same. It's tough but I have to keep reminding myself that I needed this break-up to see where I need to improve myself as a Man, learn some life lessons from the mistakes I and her made and to see how weak I really was in the relationship.

I have a date on Monday night with a HB7.5 junior Doctor so will see how that goes.

 

[alex_in24]

@Fireballs

I know that feeling bruh, sometimes i think also that way. But your mind is playing tricks with you and is testing you if you are strong and man enough to take over your emotions and control them. Its just a way for your body to release the toxins. Keep on the fight, keep the struggle, keep your frame and take the god damn control over your emotions.

No, you will never be again with your ex, NO, you will never FVCK her for one last time. Keep that in mind and move the fvck on, because believe me, she has moved on already, and as u read this post of mine in this moment, she is fvcking some other guy without complaining to no one.

 

[finality]

Day 10.

 

[dustmuffin]

Day 10.

Keep at it it only gets better. Coming up on a year soon.