The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Reykhel]

You make this look like a prison term rather than how long you've been out.

So fvcking true. Completely different mindset.

Same circumstances, same situation......but altering your perspective on things.....
changes everything.

 

[jdb]

She went out her her way to remove everything related to me, including linkedin.

Day 2 and I'm relieved

No point in contacting her ever again or bein worried. The journey to rebuild myself begins today.

 

[CuddleJunkie]

She went out her her way to remove everything related to me, including linkedin.

Day 2 and I'm relieved

No point in contacting her ever again or bein worried. The journey to rebuild myself begins today.

That's the spirit bro. Take a walk outside or meet friends everytime neediness creeps back into yourself, so you don't try to contact and anxiety passes.

 

[dustmuffin]

Day 1

Dumped yesterday. It wasn't a bad ending to the relationship of 2 years so I do feel a bit guilty for ignoring her text last night. She is looking after my dog until I'm back from work which is when I'll move my stuff out and my dog (she will be away so I won't have to see her) and she sent me a text saying my dog is being cheeky and sent a photo of my dog to me. It was really tough to ignore and delete but I feel it's what needs to be done.

Stay strong. Its for the best.

 

[dustmuffin]

What do you mean by this?

The new girl isn't a replacement either. She's better looking (she's a model) and treats me amazing but I don't even want to bang her (I do but I imagine I'm with my ex). I only want to bang my ex, I think about her 24/7.

I know I have a terrible case of oneitis

The problem I don't know if I want to be cured...

Obviously I have some sort of mental problem

Your ex doesn't want you. She kicked you to the curb. You are just trash to be cast aside. Why would you think twice about a person that feels that way toward you?

Your ex is not perfect. I'm sure she has loads of red flags. Concentrate on those.

 

[MrWood]

my ex doesnt want me, she threw me to the curb
your ex doesnt want you, she threw you to the curb

she will not respect you, ever
she will not be trustworthy, ever
she will cheat again, always

she did something you do not tolerate nor accept from your closest male friends...
and I doubt you are fvcking them.

 

[Reykhel]

my ex doesnt want me, she threw me to the curb
your ex doesnt want you, she threw you to the curb

she will not respect you, ever
she will not be trustworthy, ever
she will cheat again, always

she did something you do not tolerate nor accept from your closest male friends...
and I doubt you are fvcking them.

Throw a few chords on to that and you might have something....

A bit of Hank Williams....

My son calls another man daddy...

 

[jdb]

That's the spirit bro. Take a walk outside or meet friends everytime neediness creeps back into yourself, so you don't try to contact and anxiety passes.

Hey man, thanks for the support. Women are replaceable, the transition in between each is the hardest part.

 

[jdb]

can you put that into a language I understand..

When someone has given their heart to you???

How does that take place?

She told me she loved me and I continued to play games by incorrectly giving her more more competition anxiety. I tried to get her to be exclusive and failed. It worked countless times in the past, but this one didn't bite. Live and learn to adapt and adjust to who you are dating. I generalized in thinking all women are the same. That's not the case and I'm wrong for that, take every case differently and analyze her actions. It's incredible to come to terms with your own assumptions.

 

[finality]

ex sent out breadcrumbs again to me. I finally blocked her. Should have done it months ago but now I can finally heal.

 

[Reykhel]

Hey man, thanks for the support. Women are replaceable, the transition in between each is the hardest part.

That's one view point. I implore you for your own sake to think about altering that
viewpoint.

Enjoy your freedom. Enjoy your life. Through everything you are the one constant.

From what you've written, it sounds like you need a woman in your life.

Kill that need. Live in the present. Learn to cut all dependencies. You'll enjoy
life and as an extension, women, all the more.

 

[Fireballs]

Day 2

I was hoping to not be posting in here so soon after day 1.. I am back from working away and I am at our house while she is at a friends for a few days while I pack my things. I lost it tonight.. No I didn't contact her but being in this house broke me a little tonight. I went out and played social tennis but that was a bad choice. I'm not ready to socialise, I need to be mourning the death of my LTR.

I still feel bad for ignoring her text the night we split. She was just sending me a pic of my dog. I really want to contact her but I won't.

When she gets back on Thursday night I will have moved out and taken my dog with me. I'm expecting a text or call from her that night as it will really set in that I'm gone.

I have a girl coming over to bang tomorrow night but I'm not even looking forward to it.

 

[dustmuffin]

She told me she loved me and I continued to play games by incorrectly giving her more more competition anxiety. I tried to get her to be exclusive and failed. It worked countless times in the past, but this one didn't bite. Live and learn to adapt and adjust to who you are dating. I generalized in thinking all women are the same. That's not the case and I'm wrong for that, take every case differently and analyze her actions. It's incredible to come to terms with your own assumptions.

She ha

Day 2

I was hoping to not be posting in here so soon after day 1.. I am back from working away and I am at our house while she is at a friends for a few days while I pack my things. I lost it tonight.. No I didn't contact her but being in this house broke me a little tonight. I went out and played social tennis but that was a bad choice. I'm not ready to socialise, I need to be mourning the death of my LTR.

I still feel bad for ignoring her text the night we split. She was just sending me a pic of my dog. I really want to contact her but I won't.

When she gets back on Thursday night I will have moved out and taken my dog with me. I'm expecting a text or call from her that night as it will really set in that I'm gone.

I have a girl coming over to bang tomorrow night but I'm not even looking forward to it.

I understand how you feel. Stick with the program. Every slip will prolong your emotional agony. That's a good idea having a woman come over. She will keep your mind off of the situation for a bit. You will make it. Just stay strong.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Day 2

I was hoping to not be posting in here so soon after day 1.. I am back from working away and I am at our house while she is at a friends for a few days while I pack my things. I lost it tonight.. No I didn't contact her but being in this house broke me a little tonight. I went out and played social tennis but that was a bad choice. I'm not ready to socialise, I need to be mourning the death of my LTR.

I still feel bad for ignoring her text the night we split. She was just sending me a pic of my dog. I really want to contact her but I won't.

When she gets back on Thursday night I will have moved out and taken my dog with me. I'm expecting a text or call from her that night as it will really set in that I'm gone.

I have a girl coming over to bang tomorrow night but I'm not even looking forward to it.

Okay, I'm going to be a little bit of an ass here but trust me it's in love.

Error#1 - Expecting a call - you shouldn't even think about this, it's over, she's gone, who cares about her.

Error#2 - Dating way too early. I waited two months and about a month after dating I found my current girlfriend. Going on 7 months, couldn't be happier. Trust me, I banged a girl two weeks after losing the girl that brought me here. You will only feel worse.

Error#3 - It's never too early to socialize, in fact, it speeds up the healing process. Go out to eat with friends. Go to a party, enjoy your life without her, who said she determines your happiness?

I might have come off a bit anal. But trust me, I've been there, and this is what I've learned. Take it for a grain of salt but it works. Good luck, and remember, no contact...

-Jared

 

[jdb]

That's one view point. I implore you for your own sake to think about altering that
viewpoint.

Enjoy your freedom. Enjoy your life. Through everything you are the one constant.

From what you've written, it sounds like you need a woman in your life.

Kill that need. Live in the present. Learn to cut all dependencies. You'll enjoy
life and as an extension, women, all the more.

Before this one, I didn't need a woman. The emotional investment/attachment brought out that need for her. Why was there that uneasy feeling in my stomach? Because I cared too much. The thought of losing her scared me! And that is why I lost her.

I wasn't in control of my emotions and my own true happiness. I will make decision based on my happiness and rules from now on. I am conducting the greatest show on earth - MY LIFE!

 

[Tictac]

Before this one, I didn't need a woman. The emotional investment/attachment brought out that need for her. Why was there that uneasy feeling in my stomach? Because I cared too much. The thought of losing her scared me! And that is why I lost her.

I wasn't in control of my emotions and my own true happiness. I will make decision based on my happiness and rules from now on. I am conducting the greatest show on earth - MY LIFE!

Oh! The drama!

 

[Reykhel]

Before this one, I didn't need a woman. The emotional investment/attachment brought out that need for her. Why was there that uneasy feeling in my stomach? Because I cared too much. The thought of losing her scared me! And that is why I lost her.

I wasn't in control of my emotions and my own true happiness. I will make decision based on my happiness and rules from now on. I am conducting the greatest show on earth - MY LIFE!

No, the neediness was there before. The hole was there before.

Write a list of things that a possible "new girlfriend" could bring you......
(apart from sex, you can get that from any woman)

Whatever you write on that list are holes in your personality that need filling.

You have a choice.....you go to work on filling those holes.......independence and freedom awaits you..

Or you find a replacement gardner to fill those holes for you.......knowing that this new gardner could leave
at a moments notice.....to avoid this anxiety you'll do anything so she'll stay.....but still you are filled with anxiety...................dependence and slavery awaits

It's a dirty job but someone's got to do it. Who's it to be....

 

[jdb]

To start, having the emotional connection with another human being. Like the genuine kind, not what I had in the previous girls I dated when I was emotionally detached from them, like they were just 'there' Of course they dumped me and I easily went NC and moved on. Maybe we saw each other too much and communicated too often that made me have the illusion of a relationship with her. During the 2 months, she took care of everything such as cleaning my house to cooking frequently to doing my laundry.

Even though I cook 90% of my meals, look forward to cleaning the house and doing chores, it was nice to have someone that does it for me. In return, I gave her affection and took her to things she has never done before.

That's definitely something I expect from the next girl, a fair tradeoff and complimentary interests and personalities.

Am I missing the point you are trying to get me to realize?

 

[Reykhel]

@jdb you kind of are a little yes....

I'm getting at your neediness. from what you wrote earlier "the transition in between girls is hard" or something
like that.

Going by that, it sounds like life is laborious for you between girlfriends......

when really women should be just complimentary to an already interesting, successful and
happy life.

Instead of needing a girlfriend. You create a happy single life so good.....that you have to
ask yourself "jesus christ, where would I fit a relationship into my life??"

....when you're there......if you can honestly ask yourself that....there's no longer a need....
granted there might be a want...just the same as you might want a cat or a dog.....

If you have a need......there are holes in your psyche that need filling...

For example....if you need a girlfriend to take away the loneliness. Get used to being on your own.
Spend time in solitude. Spend time in reflection. Come to love your alone time....

....no more feeling lonely.........no more hole......no more need.....

You've got to figure out what the holes are.

 

[jdb]

@jdb you kind of are a little yes....

I'm getting at your neediness. from what you wrote earlier "the transition in between girls is hard" or something
like that.

Going by that, it sounds like life is laborious for you between girlfriends......

when really women should be just complimentary to an already interesting, successful and
happy life.

Instead of needing a girlfriend. You create a happy single life so good.....that you have to
ask yourself "jesus christ, where would I fit a relationship into my life??"

....when you're there......if you can honestly ask yourself that....there's no longer a need....
granted there might be a want...just the same as you might want a cat or a dog.....

If you have a need......there are holes in your psyche that need filling...

For example....if you need a girlfriend to take away the loneliness. Get used to being on your own.
Spend time in solitude. Spend time in reflection. Come to love your alone time....

....no more feeling lonely.........no more hole......no more need.....

You've got to figure out what the holes are.

Ah gotcha, that quote on transition probably wasn't my best way to put it. It really wasnt my quote but i probably stole it because i was feeling emotional in my drunk stuper. During the 6 months between my previous 5 month relationship and this one, I never thought about the need to have a relationship. I never really was dedicated to a hobby so I made socializing my hobby, such has organizing events, starting clubs and meeting interesting people from all over the world. The progress with this girl happened so naturally - from having lunch as friends to sex in 24 hours. There wasn't any effort to 'seduce' her other than being who I am.