Taking the plunge here because I need support.
Not sure how much of the story I should outline, but I did a pretty beta thing and cheated on my wife of 4 years (I'm 35) with one of my students (23). Tough to explain why, my wife is a great catch. I will say this, and I admit this is f*cked up: I am a relatively inexperienced guy, and the connection I made with the student was literally the first second I saw her. I've read that perhaps our genes know what other person is right for us, but I feel super pathetic even talking about this. Regardless, this "chemistry," real or not, doesn't last and since it's not conscious it doesn't require the other person not to be a piece of rubbish.
So, I cheat with this girl for two months, wife finds out, I'm tossed from the house. Girl starts getting really distant and I foolishly didn't realize she was losing interest.
Flake #1: We make plans, she cancels the day before, but her cancellation didn't even effect the event, so I told her no worries we weren't going until 3ish anyways. She says cool, then flakes again but says "come around when you're done." I come around later, she says she's at dinner with her best friend. Should have ended it right there. I went no-contact on her for weeks over Christmas, eventually she sends me a crazy e-mail saying sorry, the wife finding out messed her up. The e-mail is confused and confusing, so a week later i tell her thanks for the memories, good luck.
She insta-responds, like two minutes later, "OMG No! Sex with you is the best ever, there are so many things I want to try. Can we get lunch? I will swallow my pride (and something else)." Huge mistake by me: I responded enthusiastically right off the bat. We made plans to get together three days later, the first available time.
Flake #2: She bails on me 1.5 hours before event, says she's hungover from the night before, am I available next week? I foolishly respond, "LOL, I have lots to do today anyways, but it seems like planned events aren't working for us, hit me up when you're feeling spontaneous."
I no-contacted her for 23 days, she did not contact me. I broke yesterday evening and invited her out to watch me perform stand-up at an open mic tonight at 9:30, something we had talked about doing together. After I sent the text, she responded immediately, "Awesome! That's so cool, glad you're doing it." One minute later: "Unfortunately I'm having dinner with my friend." (*FWIW, the most skilled player I know thinks I shouldn't give up on this one based on her response time, he thinks I'm getting to her. He says just invite her out next time you want to do something yourself and who gives a **** if she shows, she might. I'm partial to this as it's a freeroll, but I my psyche is in such a bad spot I just need to let this one go. Plus, if you look at the history, it looks bad for me.)
I need to go no contact for real, for myself. Everything I've done up to this point has been to manipulate. This girl is in my head so bad, I have the worst case of oneitis I've ever had. Honestly, my game hasn't even been that bad since I've been out of it for ten years.
FWIW, I have been hitting the gym hard, going out at night, and doing all of the things you are supposed to do. But I have major approach anxiety, so I mostly just sit around in bars trying to figure out what to do. And I hate drinking. I should probably just transition to daygame but I just get scared. So I'm already doing well in post-divorce, no contact mode, but I really, really need to make sure I don't contact her ever again, even if she contacts me.
I know there's a lot of affair stuff going on here but I don't need anyone to focus on that stuff, really.
Thanks for your help, I'll make sure I participate for others as well.
Here we go, today is Day One.
