The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[juandirection]

This girl i've been dating for 5 months asked permission to me that she doesn't want to talk to me and that i should not text or call her.i asked why but she didn't tell me the reason. I told her "okay i'm just here when you're ready". after 3 days that's when i realized what she really meant. Am i considered an AFC?? saw this post and tried it,it's been two weeks now. I have more free time now

 

[TRPShill]

This girl i've been dating for 5 months asked permission to me that she doesn't want to talk to me and that i should not text or call her.i asked why but she didn't tell me the reason. I told her "okay i'm just here when you're ready". after 3 days that's when i realized what she really meant. Am i considered an AFC?? saw this post and tried it,it's been two weeks now. I have more free time now

You ****ed up. That was the response of a clueless person. She does not care about you if thats how she broke up with you. If you contact her, it looks like you care. If you dont contact her, it looks like you're still available.

I'm not as experienced as I'd like to be, but here is what I would do.

I'd text her and tell her you've decided this cutting of contact ought to be extended indefinitely and that you would rather her not contact you. If you want her back, do this and simply dont contact her for the rest of her life unless she contacts you, because you have probably lost.

 

[TRPShill]

Feeling a bit meh.

Not upset or wanting to talk to her but just feeling stupid because I didn't know this other guy was boning her while I was sending messages saying come over and chill/lets go out somewhere.
Although i'm wised up to how hoe-ish she acts I still dont like the thought of her having fun with him.
The other guy must be proper beta - lied about his age to bed her, borrows hundreds of pounds off her, lives in a room share at 37, and asked her how big my d1ck was!!! wtf!!

Trying to keep mind occupied on things I want to do in coming months.
Wish I had totally understood Alpha/Beta behaviour much earlier. So far spent my life as a successful at pulling afc.

That behavior is actually extremely alpha. You are trying to discredit him because you have oneitis for this girl.

He is willing to lie to win. He does not spend lavishly on women only to be left penniless and sexless, he wins their love passively and enjoys the fruits of their adoration of him. He asked about your **** size likely to discredit you, no man goes into that fight unless he knows he is likely to win.

 

[BorisMoris]

That behavior is actually extremely alpha. You are trying to discredit him because you have oneitis for this girl.

He is willing to lie to win. He does not spend lavishly on women only to be left penniless and sexless, he wins their love passively and enjoys the fruits of their adoration of him. He asked about your **** size likely to discredit you, no man goes into that fight unless he knows he is likely to win.

Ok, I have no issues with lying to get what I want etc, but i'm not going to trade my apartment in for a house share or start asking girls to borrow me money - my ego wouldn't allow that.
My d!ck size is good and i'm not concerned about that, it just seemed insecure of him. I've never been one of those guys asking the girl how my d1ck compares, I know its good and works how it should.

Some of the things she's told me about him (yeah I now know I shouldn't be even entertaining that kind of convo with her) he comes across as needy too.

Anyway I've ****ed this up for ages since he got on the scene and I'm happy that the pedestal I had her on is crumbling down.
You're right about the oneitis though, just thinking about the opportunties I didnt take up in the last 12 months makes me sick. I put half effort into chatting up girls, but the other half was thinking about her and that the other girls bored me.

I'm a retail manager and normally i've managed to work my way through the 8/9's in my teams but havent tried since getting oneitis (she actually started out as a girl who got ignored by me in one of my shops and tried but failed to get me fired when she found me with a team member)

She knows i'm not some super beta - she's studying for law and a couple years back actually helped me write my defence statement for an accusation of sexual harrassment that some other girl made against me in another shop (dont even go there, that particular girl was nuts) and she obviously knows about my history but maybe I just went total beta on her because of the oneitis.

Reading this back to myself and thinking about all the stuff i've done in my past i'm just wondering why this girl seems to have been one I havent got that far with yet I still seem to be hanging around in hope.

 

[BorisMoris]

I've just had a Eureka moment and just want one more piece of advice....

Although i'm doing NC with her and whether I get her back or not is irrelevant, ive just realised why that guy beat me.

My fake niceness at doing lots of stuff for her, being always around and doing whatever she wants to hopefully get her to like me deeper so she eventually opens up her legs for my D and not just my mouth has ruined it. Ive been fake all along, I didnt do all that stuff because I was some altruistic charitable kind nutjob I did it because I wanted to bang her hard forever.

The other guy hasn't gone out of his way in the manner I have but has played a much truer game by telling her " i'm going to do whatever neccessary to get you into bed"
She told me she thought he was an idiot for saying it but it didn't stop her attraction to him.

I'm not interested in continuing any kind of drab friendship with her where I get to hear about the numerous guys that have hit on her so I am totally happy to walk away from her.

Question:
If during this NC she starts to blow up my phone with messages, and after a few weeks I deliberately reply, I basically want to say i'm only interested in sex and if not then goodbye.

How do I phrase this the best ?

 

[dustmuffin]

I've just had a Eureka moment and just want one more piece of advice....

Although i'm doing NC with her and whether I get her back or not is irrelevant, ive just realised why that guy beat me.

My fake niceness at doing lots of stuff for her, being always around and doing whatever she wants to hopefully get her to like me deeper so she eventually opens up her legs for my D and not just my mouth has ruined it. Ive been fake all along, I didnt do all that stuff because I was some altruistic charitable kind nutjob I did it because I wanted to bang her hard forever.

The other guy hasn't gone out of his way in the manner I have but has played a much truer game by telling her " i'm going to do whatever neccessary to get you into bed"
She told me she thought he was an idiot for saying it but it didn't stop her attraction to him.

I'm not interested in continuing any kind of drab friendship with her where I get to hear about the numerous guys that have hit on her so I am totally happy to walk away from her.

Question:
If during this NC she starts to blow up my phone with messages, and after a few weeks I deliberately reply, I basically want to say i'm only interested in sex and if not then goodbye.

How do I phrase this the best ?

No contact is best. You will bring up feelings if you do and it will just mess with your mind again.

 

[BorisMoris]

Day 6 NC
This has been the most difficult day so far and I don't know why.
I started this because even though I had gone from LJBF to FWB and back again she was now flaking on me at LJBF Level, which I think is unacceptable.
Have this real urge to text her and call her out on her flaky behaviour but know that I would lose all the cards I hold right now. So far i'm winning, I did NC in a ghost style. The last message I sent was fine and normal, she replied then I went ghost. She has know idea why I've disappeared except for me mentioning the day before I had a date.

Just feel a bit like making something happen. But I won't.
Still keep thinking of the other guy banging her. Yuk.

I want to keep this girl to practice Alpha behaviour on. I only have like 50% of my feelings left for her anyway as over the summer when she was ****ting over me I lost quite a lot of respect for her. But she will be great practice to ensure I don't end up being Beta again.

 

[dustmuffin]

Ju

Day 6 NC
This has been the most difficult day so far and I don't know why.
I started this because even though I had gone from LJBF to FWB and back again she was now flaking on me at LJBF Level, which I think is unacceptable.
Have this real urge to text her and call her out on her flaky behaviour but know that I would lose all the cards I hold right now. So far i'm winning, I did NC in a ghost style. The last message I sent was fine and normal, she replied then I went ghost. She has know idea why I've disappeared except for me mentioning the day before I had a date.

Just feel a bit like making something happen. But I won't.
Still keep thinking of the other guy banging her. Yuk.

I want to keep this girl to practice Alpha behaviour on. I only have like 50% of my feelings left for her anyway as over the summer when she was ****ting over me I lost quite a lot of respect for her. But she will be great practice to ensure I don't end up being Beta again.

Just forget her. Practice on others. Move on!

 

[BorisMoris]

Thanks Dustmuffin. It's the right advice I know.

 

[dustmuffin]

Thanks Dustmuffin. It's the right advice I know.

I know its hard because your mind is screwed up. You get dumped and want what you can't have. I am in the same boat. No contact is best for you and your emotions.

 

[BorisMoris]

Day 8 - Broke it.
You'll all moan at me but to be fair I found concentrating on not contacting her to be counterproductive.
All I kept thinking is I wonder if I've managed to finally upset her, I wonder if she's angry now, I wonder if she wants to contact me but isn't sure of the response, etc
she was on my mind about 80% more than before I did the NC!
I'm not one of the people on here that's madly in love or wanting to get back with an ex (she wasn't an ex anyway - she started as a pure friend which went to FWB)

Doing NC was kind of giving her a status in my mind she didn't deserve. She wasn't a long term GF, or someone I was going to get serious with one day.
She was an ex employee who became a friend that was all, so I should let it drop in the way I did with all the others.

She rang we chatted normally, I don't feel like contacting her further and I may ignore further calls - to be honest I feel in myself I need to move on and look for opportunities, but the good thing is i'm not obsessing all day over the fact I can't contact her. I can just go about my normal day ignoring her for no reason, rather than having a grand plan in place.I think I can allow this one to just fizzle out.

I think NC is amazing in the right context, and I wish had done NC when I had more power like just after she met her next FWB back in July, but now her long term ex BF is back on the scene as well and no amount of this will get me back to the situation I liked being in with her. You have to be realistic at the end of the day.

I have learned so much though, and I will definately stay on these forums. Men should be taught about Alpha/Beta behaviour at school. I was brought up in a generation which was taught about the 'New Man' and how you were supposed to suck up to ladies and make them breakfast in bed and clean the dishes etc, and be a walkover. There must be a whole generation ****ed up with that nonsense.

I've gone through old messages i've written to her and found chunks and chunks of cringeworthy AFC behaviour, stuff I know I would never do again. I was too easy with compliments, too eager to do anything to help her or solve her current problems, she would send me instructions like 'go to the post office and pick up my parcel' and I'd just do it no questions asked. She'd be overly sarcastic about a comment and I'd let it just be. There were flashes of Alpha here and there but I reckon I was 75% Beta with her. I have learned some big lessons even if i'm not focused enough to do NC properly.

The real trick is not to lose their interest in the first place by using Alpha techniques to your advantage. With future fwb's or girlfriends I will certainly be disappearing off the radar for a day or two occassionally rather than being available 24 hours a day seven days a week for every little tiny whim.

 

[dustmuffin]

Day 8 - Broke it.
You'll all moan at me but to be fair I found concentrating on not contacting her to be counterproductive.
All I kept thinking is I wonder if I've managed to finally upset her, I wonder if she's angry now, I wonder if she wants to contact me but isn't sure of the response, etc
she was on my mind about 80% more than before I did the NC!
I'm not one of the people on here that's madly in love or wanting to get back with an ex (she wasn't an ex anyway - she started as a pure friend which went to FWB)

Doing NC was kind of giving her a status in my mind she didn't deserve. She wasn't a long term GF, or someone I was going to get serious with one day.
She was an ex employee who became a friend that was all, so I should let it drop in the way I did with all the others.

She rang we chatted normally, I don't feel like contacting her further and I may ignore further calls - to be honest I feel in myself I need to move on and look for opportunities, but the good thing is i'm not obsessing all day over the fact I can't contact her. I can just go about my normal day ignoring her for no reason, rather than having a grand plan in place.I think I can allow this one to just fizzle out.

I think NC is amazing in the right context, and I wish had done NC when I had more power like just after she met her next FWB back in July, but now her long term ex BF is back on the scene as well and no amount of this will get me back to the situation I liked being in with her. You have to be realistic at the end of the day.

I have learned so much though, and I will definately stay on these forums. Men should be taught about Alpha/Beta behaviour at school. I was brought up in a generation which was taught about the 'New Man' and how you were supposed to suck up to ladies and make them breakfast in bed and clean the dishes etc, and be a walkover. There must be a whole generation ****ed up with that nonsense.

I've gone through old messages i've written to her and found chunks and chunks of cringeworthy AFC behaviour, stuff I know I would never do again. I was too easy with compliments, too eager to do anything to help her or solve her current problems, she would send me instructions like 'go to the post office and pick up my parcel' and I'd just do it no questions asked. She'd be overly sarcastic about a comment and I'd let it just be. There were flashes of Alpha here and there but I reckon I was 75% Beta with her. I have learned some big lessons even if i'm not focused enough to do NC properly.

The real trick is not to lose their interest in the first place by using Alpha techniques to your advantage. With future fwb's or girlfriends I will certainly be disappearing off the radar for a day or two occassionally rather than being available 24 hours a day seven days a week for every little tiny whim.

Never get emotionally invested. You can be alpha and she can still dump you. Look for the signs of lack of interest on her part. If you see them eject first. I saw them and didn't know what they were. If I knew now back then I would have dumped her and she would be a mess. Not me. I will continue no contact. Its best for me.

 

[TRPShill]

I'm going to go insane. This is day 40 of no contact. She is visibly unhappy from the breakup on social media, yet she hasn't even tried to speak to me within all these days. Not even when she was (I would assume) drunk around and on Halloween. If she misses me, why doesn't she contact me? Does she want me to contact her? are we both playing games?

 

[TRPShill]

Never get emotionally invested. You can be alpha and she can still dump you. Look for the signs of lack of interest on her part. If you see them eject first. I saw them and didn't know what they were. If I knew now back then I would have dumped her and she would be a mess. Not me. I will continue no contact. Its best for me.

You summarize it well. If you do the dumping, even if its her thats ****ing up the relationship, it can go over much better. A better choice, in my humble, is the absolutely beautiful soft next.

 

[dustmuffin]

I'm going to go insane. This is day 40 of no contact. She is visibly unhappy from the breakup on social media, yet she hasn't even tried to speak to me within all these days. Not even when she was (I would assume) drunk around and on Halloween. If she misses me, why doesn't she contact me? Does she want me to contact her? are we both playing games?

She doesn't know what she wants. If she did she wouldn't have dumped you. Women will think about exes and not contact them because there is no interest. Forget her...
Why are you looking at her social media? Move on if you want to get mentally sound. Cut all contact!

 

[TRPShill]

She doesn't know what she wants. If she did she wouldn't have dumped you. Women will think about exes and not contact them because there is no interest. Forget her...
Why are you looking at her social media? Move on if you want to get mentally sound. Cut all contact!

That's the thing. I dumped her, and applied so little comfort in the relationship. At first we almost got back together, but I didnt provide enough comfort and she stopped trusting me. A lot of her missing me occured when she was ovulating, so its not for lack of attraction i think, its for lack of comfort on my part.

 

[dustmuffin]

That's the thing. I dumped her, and applied so little comfort in the relationship. At first we almost got back together, but I didnt provide enough comfort and she stopped trusting me. A lot of her missing me occured when she was ovulating, so its not for lack of attraction i think, its for lack of comfort on my part.

Don't know what to say since you did the dumping. You might go back to her and ask forgivness. I dumped s girl and got back with her a year later but I contacted her. Its your call.

 

[TRPShill]

I tried that soon after the break up and it went okay, she almost did it but ultimately did not. Ive given her time to miss me now. but I feel like contacting her could look needy

 

[BorisMoris]

I'm going to go insane. This is day 40 of no contact. She is visibly unhappy from the breakup on social media, yet she hasn't even tried to speak to me within all these days. Not even when she was (I would assume) drunk around and on Halloween. If she misses me, why doesn't she contact me? Does she want me to contact her? are we both playing games?

Keep in there TRP, you've done so well so far. Any relapse now and you're back at square one. Please don't!
If you were to break NC, you'd find what happens to 99% of the guys on here- the ex would just send a sarcastic message saying their life is amazing and they've found someone new.
I applaud your self discipline.

 

[BorisMoris]

Never get emotionally invested. You can be alpha and she can still dump you. Look for the signs of lack of interest on her part. If you see them eject first. I saw them and didn't know what they were. If I knew now back then I would have dumped her and she would be a mess. Not me. I will continue no contact. Its best for me.

Thanks for your advice Dustmuffin,
I feel more for you and TRPShill as you both had proper ex's.
I only had an ex employee I flirted with who was with a BF at the time, and when she split with BF got her to do some FWB stuff while at the same time she said she had no interest in things getting any heavier with me,
I got jealous when she found another FWB guy, but really I knew the deal from the start.
My mistake was even going there in the the first place.