The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[fafo]

Thanks fafo,

You are right about flirting. I have been doing a bit of that in the past few weeks and it feels great.

I have a date (I don't know if it really is a date, doesn't matter) on Saturday with a girl from my past. There was a huge connection between us at the time but she was married with children lol. She is divorced now, haven't seen her in years. Will be fun.

You are talking about the 3% man book. Is it worth it ? I have been thinking about buying it. Loved the rational male. Changed my life. I bought "no more mr nice guy" but hated it.

I hated no more mr nice guy too but loved the 3% male. You can get it for free if you subscribe at corey wayne website. I think the free version could be found with google at some funky site for online reading(cant remember the name).
Im about to read the rational male as there is mostly positive feedback about it.

I had a date with the ex of my ex's new guy but nothing happened and I was AFC because I was thinking she only wanted information and didn't escalate or kino at all :crackup: + she had a bf i guess( fb pics and ****).
She had interest but I think I messed it up by not making a move at all.
Anyway last time we chatted 3-4 days ago I said i want to go out for some ice cream. She told me next week but she got only night shifts and I work all day, anyway no offer of a free day yet. I don't care about it but If it wasn't for the Bible and 3% I could have gone in needy AFC mode, now i'm confident and centered, this doesn't phase me at all.

My point is you should always assume she is attracted to you if she is ok to hang out. Worst case scenario she isn't up for sex or relationship but at least you tried and didn't shot yourself on the foot

 

[Shadowbite]

Liars, be liars. day 0. :box:

 

[Teac-her]

LozBoss and Allin - Thank you guys.

Quick update: I had not done this, but I googled her name today and I felt like reaching out to her. I really do not want to talk to her about anything. I do not have romantic feelings for her - I see her as a friend. I do miss having contact with her though. I miss having someone that is always there. Anyways, pho-k-it! Life goes on!

I feel like seeing and talking to other females at this point. The only thing holding me back is that I have not had time for myself. I have been in a relationship since I was 15. The greatest time I have gone without being involved in a relationship is one month. I think I owe this to myself to go at least 60, if not 90 days without being involved with anyone at all. This includes dating.

 

[Insidout]

I lost track of NC days.. it should be day 20 by now..

I found that counting the days only makes it worse. thinking that you're not contacting makes you want to contact her even more..

anyway, it felt much better after few days.. however, I still can't get over her and move on or even stop thinking about her..

yesterday I accidentally found some of our old pics on my cell phone.. made me shed few tears and ruined my whole day.. couldn't think of anything else the whole day yesterday and even today.

people study hard, work hard.. people would do anything to be happy. but have to ignore what matters and what really makes them happy. why is that?

I can see that the rest of you are doing great.. keep it up guys

 

[Lozboss]

I lost track of NC days.. it should be day 20 by now..

I found that counting the days only makes it worse. thinking that you're not contacting makes you want to contact her even more..

anyway, it felt much better after few days.. however, I still can't get over her and move on or even stop thinking about her..

yesterday I accidentally found some of our old pics on my cell phone.. made me shed few tears and ruined my whole day.. couldn't think of anything else the whole day yesterday and even today.

people study hard, work hard.. people would do anything to be happy. but have to ignore what matters and what really makes them happy. why is that?

I can see that the rest of you are doing great.. keep it up guys

Mate you need to snap out of this mindset. I haven't seen one positive post from you.

You need to be positive and see this a good opportunity to move on and find someone better- and in the meantime improve yourself. Unless you can do this you WILL never move on.

If it's depression then you need to see a therapist you trust who will talk it through with you.

Step up and be a Man now. Sorry if that seems Harsh-we are all here for you but you need to be the one who climbs out of this hole.

 

[beatjunkie]

Back on this thread for the second time over the same chick almost a year later. Except this time it's two chicks and not one that I am NCing. Guess thats a good indicator of somewhat improved pick-up game.

Let's do this!!!

DAY 1

 

[beatjunkie]

Ps. Story posted on new thread titled The Dilemma of Two Chicks

 

[RacerEx]

Well, I blew it again. Year-long intense love with, yes, the love of my life, who has quite a few Cluster B characteristics. Broke up over Christmas, and it was devastating for us both. It's been almost 7 months since the break-up, and I've emailed her a few times, very short remarks. I haven't had closure, of course. Got into a rebound relationship right away and still haven't really grieved her. I have to fix that...meanwhile, I emailed her, lightly reminding her of how powerful our connection was - she'd admit that - and wondering if time and circumstances had changed her perspective, and inviting her to talk. I haven't had closure yet, and I have a feeling I'm about to. Grrrrr! Day 0.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Liars, be liars. day 0. :box:

Hey shadowbite, welcome to sosuave. Just a few tips I like to tell others that really helped me!

1. Delete all contact, do it in the heat of the moment, and when you feel weak, you won't know her number or have her on social media.
2. Don't rush into sex or relationships with new girls, flirting is fine usually, but give yourself the correct amount of time to heal. If you rush into new relationships, you'll just cause more pain.
3. Keep yourself busy and use this time to better yourself, I recommend reading some self-help books or getting in touch with old hobbies.
4. Remember one thing, she's your PAST, not your FUTURE. There are billions of girls, don't let this girl stop you from meeting others.

Good luck on your sixty days, I know it sure as hell helped me out.

-Jared

 

[Wisconsin144]

Mate you need to snap out of this mindset. I haven't seen one positive post from you.

You need to be positive and see this a good opportunity to move on and find someone better- and in the meantime improve yourself. Unless you can do this you WILL never move on.

If it's depression then you need to see a therapist you trust who will talk it through with you.

Step up and be a Man now. Sorry if that seems Harsh-we are all here for you but you need to be the one who climbs out of this hole.

Seriously, this is something I agree wth 110%. Trust me I was there man, I know the mindset, try reading my old posts. But you need to remember, she's gone. And if you are depressed, see a doctor. I switched medication for depression and now feel like a whole new person. You can do this, but that means YOU have to do it. Or you'll never get better...

 

[Wisconsin144]

Well, I blew it again. Year-long intense love with, yes, the love of my life, who has quite a few Cluster B characteristics. Broke up over Christmas, and it was devastating for us both. It's been almost 7 months since the break-up, and I've emailed her a few times, very short remarks. I haven't had closure, of course. Got into a rebound relationship right away and still haven't really grieved her. I have to fix that...meanwhile, I emailed her, lightly reminding her of how powerful our connection was - she'd admit that - and wondering if time and circumstances had changed her perspective, and inviting her to talk. I haven't had closure yet, and I have a feeling I'm about to. Grrrrr! Day 0.

I never had closure with my ex, but you just have to tell yourself, it's over, she's gone, I'm alive, I survived. Life sucks sometimes, but if it was always perfect why would we cherish those good moments. Stick to NC and who knows, you might meet the REAL love of your life!
-Jared

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Edit

 

[Wisconsin144]

Met a new girl, had a good time with her the other night. Safe to say the ex means nothing to me now. Keep up with the NC guys. Healing takes time but it comes. Don't give in, stay strong.

-Jared

 

[KiddyA]

Dumpee Reporting. DAY 7.

Hello guys! New guy in the group and forum.

I've got dumped by my girlfriend for 9months on 2nd of June. Yep, she dumped me for another guy who I found out is most probably a sociopath. (Yes they got together after knowing each other for a month, and have plans of getting married at 21, HAHA!)

For the month of June I have been uncovering the lies he told her while they were still friends and I was still with my ex(month of may). Might be stupid of me but I placed trust that she would safeguard her feelings for me and let her hang out with him while I was busy at work (shes waiting for her school semester to start in november )

He has been telling her lies such as
1. His father was in debt (lie)
2. He has a nose tumour and has only 30% chance of survival after surgery(lies)
3. Needed 5k to pay for his school fees (lies)
4. Faked a suicide attempt (yes i went down to his house to find him with my ex)

It was hard for me to join in NC rule as I still had strong feelings for her and seeing her with a sociopath further motivated me to reveal his lies and hopefully for her to come back to my side. But she still chooses to trust in his lies and thinks im trying to break them up.

I have realised it is time for me to move on and HERE I AM!
although it pains me to see my ex with a mentally unstable guy, I have to do this for my own sake and I think I have done enough the past month which has been extremely painful for me.

Today is DAY 7 for me.

What I have done up til now(before i started NC) is to inform my ex's parents and friends of the lies so that they can keep an eye on her.
I offered to be a source of help for her if they sense that anything is amiss( dont know if its a good idea)

From time to time, I am still reminiscing our old times together and it hurts so bad, especially when I imagine her with another guy.

I thought NC would be a good idea to not let my presence hinder the sociopath from showing his true colors.

I still have the urges to call/text her to talk to her to make sure everything is okay with her.

Currently im doing a real estate salesperson course while waiting for my University term to start in mid August.

I still have hopes of being together with her when she realizes what a jerk this guy is, and how much I've done for her to pull her out of this mess.

Hope that NC would help me to have a clearer state of mind to face this matter and help me to lead my life normally again.

 

[Wisconsin144]

NCing this other girl. Turned out to be a flake. Not that worried though, good to see I still have some sort of game lol.

-Jared

 

[KiddyA]

Thanks Allin, great to hear that you're out there looking for other girls already!

Would like to ask around if anyone in this forum had the same experience as me? losing their gf to a sociopath?

I was thinking of stepping out of relationships for 6months and see if she would contact me after this jerk shows his true colors and finds some other girl. HAHA, dont know if its healthy for me mentally.

 

[xiomn]

Hi guys, I'm new here. I realize this thread is beyond super old so I'm not sure how active it is. Anyway, I read through the 2 threads posted by the original poster and I feel like I've already failed because I've made pretty much every mistake in the book when it comes to begging, pleading etc.

I'm not sure if I can link to other forums? I don't want to copy and paste it here because well, they're pretty long posts.

Here's a bit about my situation: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/539166-hardest-part-me-wondering-whether-her-reasons-were-genuine-not

& http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/539192-s-only-been-2-weeks-but-i-feel-like-i-have-already-learned-lot

Anyway, I'm technically in my 2nd day of no contact at the moment (I was actually forced into it eventually by my dumper, as opposed to me forcing it on her)

 

[Wisconsin144]

Don't step out in hopes of her returning. In all honesty this is completely counter-productive as you are focusing on her. Rather laugh at her misfortune and get her out of your life, without thinking twice. This means blocking her number/email/Facebook/friends hell, even her family. She's your past, find your future.

-Jared

 

[BeTheChange]

Day 1

Day 1 motherfvckers!

Decided to give things another go with the ex. Just did not work out.

She hasn't changed. We got with other people in the interim.

Thought I'd be ok with that but it was a strain on things from both sides.

Funny thing is I know I can 100% get a better girl than her in a few months but it's still weird to let things go.

Beyond that it's just the loss of a close friend.

I'll be fine. Just sat my final exam so first time in almost 3 years I've had an unadulterated period of freedom.

Can't wait to get stuck in. Perfect time to be single.

 

[RacerEx]

Well, I blew it again. Year-long intense love with, yes, the love of my life, who has quite a few Cluster B characteristics. Broke up over Christmas, and it was devastating for us both. It's been almost 7 months since the break-up, and I've emailed her a few times, very short remarks. I haven't had closure, of course. Got into a rebound relationship right away and still haven't really grieved her. I have to fix that...meanwhile, I emailed her, lightly reminding her of how powerful our connection was - she'd admit that - and wondering if time and circumstances had changed her perspective, and inviting her to talk. I haven't had closure yet, and I have a feeling I'm about to. Grrrrr! Day 0.

Got a polite reply back, she's back with her ex, they were together a long time. Well, that's that! Got some closure! Now, going NC is on. Day 0, but brighter skies ahead. At least I got acquainted with how insidious Borderline Personality Disorder can be. Beware of that stuff!