The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Cejay]

Fafo,

Block her on phone, social media, etc. You can unblock in a few months.

CJ

Days are getting slower in the summer while working with no incoming vacation .

Maybe my bad(for not acting faster) but found out the girl that was showing interest in me is having a bf which is a red light for me(don't want to do anything that I don't want to be done to me) and also embarrassed from how much of a AFC I am still

Today my ex texted me with a funny photo of our mutual friend's dog(inside joke)
and I have my doubts should I respond to it.

She doesn't seem to want anything from me but to completely ignore it seems kinda rude. What do you guys think would be best ? I don't want to be a **** about it but I also don't want to seem AFC.

 

[Cejay]

Day 38

Its a holiday today in the US but I didn't have much to do so opted to work it and take it another time.

She continues to fade and get easier to ignore when she does pop into my mind. The way I feel today vs say Day 28 is so far apart.

I'm happy not to be dating right now.

Going to the gym has been a huge help and I should be able to resume martial arts next month which will be another big help.

Fridays are a little harder for me than any other day, as we had a fun, Friday morning tradition that I really looked forward to. (She was off and would come over and make us breakfast, then hang out while I worked.) I miss that a lot.

I think I miss her friendship and companionship more than anything, and thats why I'm concentrating on making new friends. Its hard when you work from home and travel for work, but it'll happen. So I try to make the most of my time with productive efforts. I'm still healing but I feel very good, now its just loneliness.

Stay strong guys, it does get better.

CJ

 

[Wisconsin144]

Its a holiday today in the US but I didn't have much to do so opted to work it and take it another time.

She continues to fade and get easier to ignore when she does pop into my mind. The way I feel today vs say Day 28 is so far apart.

I'm happy not to be dating right now.

Going to the gym has been a huge help and I should be able to resume martial arts next month which will be another big help.

Fridays are a little harder for me than any other day, as we had a fun, Friday morning tradition that I really looked forward to. (She was off and would come over and make us breakfast, then hang out while I worked.) I miss that a lot.

I think I miss her friendship and companionship more than anything, and thats why I'm concentrating on making new friends. Its hard when you work from home and travel for work, but it'll happen. So I try to make the most of my time with productive efforts. I'm still healing but I feel very good, now its just loneliness.

Stay strong guys, it does get better.

CJ

Being lonely in my opinion was the worst part. But eventually you'll realize that it does get better and sometimes will enjoy the time you have all to yourself! Keep up all of the hard work and message me if you just need someone to talk to!

-Jared

 

[Lozboss]

Its a holiday today in the US but I didn't have much to do so opted to work it and take it another time.

She continues to fade and get easier to ignore when she does pop into my mind. The way I feel today vs say Day 28 is so far apart.

I'm happy not to be dating right now.

Going to the gym has been a huge help and I should be able to resume martial arts next month which will be another big help.

Fridays are a little harder for me than any other day, as we had a fun, Friday morning tradition that I really looked forward to. (She was off and would come over and make us breakfast, then hang out while I worked.) I miss that a lot.

I think I miss her friendship and companionship more than anything, and thats why I'm concentrating on making new friends. Its hard when you work from home and travel for work, but it'll happen. So I try to make the most of my time with productive efforts. I'm still healing but I feel very good, now its just loneliness.

Stay strong guys, it does get better.

CJ

Good man, Keep busy.

Yeah the bit I miss the most is the companionship. It's just an empty feeling and feeling of loss.

Hoping for a good weekend and a good week next week.

 

[BeTheChange]

Lozboss,

I think part of the problem for me was not knowing many people so she played the role of GF and BFF which fvcks with my frame and made the loss considerably bigger.


CJ.

If you learn one lesson from this experience its this.

One of the reasons I believe a lot of guys here struggle moving on is for the reason above.

A lot of SSers aren't naturally social people.

So what happens?

Their girlfriends become their primary (or in some cases only) source of socializing.

So when you break up you not only lose your girlfriend but also your only confidant, best friend, social hub and access to sex.

One of the reasons this breakup is so much easier than my previous ones is because I learnt how important it is to not give your gf that kind of power.

 

[Cejay]

BeTheChange,

I agree completely with your post.

CJ.

 

[Cejay]

Day 40

I'm holding steady at current "thinking about her" level which is quite reasonable. Especially since I've begun to really dig into what I want to do from here. (life-wise)

I'm making great progress on my goals. I've been getting to they gym regularly and am feeling good.

I met some new men who have good "friend" potential.

Somehow I ended up with 4 current and old plates texting me last night, after an hour I set my phone to DND and went back to my book and then sleep.

The book has lead me to a couple insights about myself and I'm really enjoying it. Especially the part about it being important to have several, close male friends and "guy" time.
I'm a build it and they will come kind of guy, I'll lead if nobody else is so I am considering starting a men's social club on a local social media site.

The forum has been quiet this weekend, I hope everyone out there is doing well.

CJ.

 

[Insidout]

Day4, 5,6 and 7 pretty much sucked..

I don't think I'm healing, is it too soon?

Nothing special, everything I do is a matter of routine.. I'm trying to keep myself from thinking about her, easier said than done.

I'm currently staying with a friend which helps me a little.

With each passing day, I'm getting more and more convinced that staying away and breaking up with that girl was the right decision, but God won't her memories leave me alone? it's 7 days already and I'm not feeling good..

It's my own damn fault, I let myself get TOO attached as if she's the only woman ever existed.. and now I feel empty inside and find no meaning in anything I do..

I hope you guys are doing well,..

 

[Cejay]

InsideOut,

I felt like crap at 7 days. LozBoss posted similarly, recently. I felt like crap into the 25 day range. This is normal, you are doing better.

I suggest you read back through some of the posts on this forum to see what some of the others experienced and set your expectations.

Remember, life is not fair or and not always easy. There will be ups and downs.

All the best.

CJ.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Day4, 5,6 and 7 pretty much sucked..

I don't think I'm healing, is it too soon?

Nothing special, everything I do is a matter of routine.. I'm trying to keep myself from thinking about her, easier said than done.

I'm currently staying with a friend which helps me a little.

With each passing day, I'm getting more and more convinced that staying away and breaking up with that girl was the right decision, but God won't her memories leave me alone? it's 7 days already and I'm not feeling good..

It's my own damn fault, I let myself get TOO attached as if she's the only woman ever existed.. and now I feel empty inside and find no meaning in anything I do..

I hope you guys are doing well,..

7 days isn't enough to fully heal. Don't beat yourself up so much. I'm currently on day 53 and am gettin so much better. If you go back and read my posts I was a mess until around day 40. Don't expect it to come suddenly and be instantly over her, it's a time process. Just be patient and keep bettering yourself. I was in a worse place then I ever thought, and if I can do it, you can too.

-Jared

 

[Insidout]

Day8

I found that she's making comments on some guy's instagram profile. he was interested in her when we were together, I know this shouldn't bother me or matter to me, but it does.. on a scale of 1-10, it bothers me a 7..
I keep thinking, is she over me? I know she wasn't attracted to that guy, could she be making those comments on purpose because she knows how much I hated him?

I can't control those thoughts although I try to push them away as hard as I can, and I know it's not hard enough!

I'm not stalking her btw, I just found a photo of him by accident and her comments on it (made few hours ago).. hurts doesn't it?

CJ
I did read a lot of posts and I understand what I'm getting into, this isn't my first breakup btw, but breakups never hurt me so bad since no other girl meant so much to me before..

Allin
congratulations on your 30 days, I wish I can speed things up and reach that stage when I'm finally able to ignore her text..
your reply wasn't dumb and to me it seems your NC is solid,

To be honest, I wish that my girl breaks NC,.. the last time I stated NC (lasted 7 days) she wouldn't leave me alone for a day! what the hell happened? why isn't she trying anymore? I know this is the worst thing for me to think right now and I know this shouldn't matter to me at all, but I think it's normal that I'm thinking this way.. isn't it? honestly, it does bother me that she's not trying and not breaking NC..

Jared
I hope you're doing well.. keep it up!

 

[Lozboss]

Reached the 2 week mark.

Not going to lie today is really tough. Still sad about ending it in bad blood but I guess that's that. Surprised she hasn't reached out (deleted her number so I don't).

Worst part is the lack of closure.

I know it's for the best but I'm struggling. Got a wedding this weekend and will now be going Solo.

Still staying about from plate spinning and dating for the moment until I get my head right. Going to focus on getting back in shape and starting my MBA in September.

On a plus point- Holiday to Sunny Beach Bulgaria in 2 weeks- CAN'T WAIT! Hopefully smash a few broads and enjoy some partying with the lads.

 

[Cejay]

Lozboss,

Its funny, eh? I don't know about your relationship but my Ex couldn't leave me alone. Texts, and calls galore. Then, next thing you know, they turn it off completely and you're blocked on FB.
I thought mine would reach out too. Every time my phone goes off I check expecting to see a "Hey" but nope.

Think about it. Its really a mixed blessing if she does. In one way you want to hear she's as torn up as you are, but if you think about it, hearing from her is not going to make your life easier, its going to tear you up.

I know it sucks but sounds like you're doing pretty good all in all. A holiday with some mates is probably going to be a great help.

CJ.

Reached the 2 week mark.

Not going to lie today is really tough. Still sad about ending it in bad blood but I guess that's that. Surprised she hasn't reached out (deleted her number so I don't).

Worst part is the lack of closure.

I know it's for the best but I'm struggling. Got a wedding this weekend and will now be going Solo.

Still staying about from plate spinning and dating for the moment until I get my head right. Going to focus on getting back in shape and starting my MBA in September.

On a plus point- Holiday to Sunny Beach Bulgaria in 2 weeks- CAN'T WAIT! Hopefully smash a few broads and enjoy some partying with the lads.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Day8

I found that she's making comments on some guy's instagram profile. he was interested in her when we were together, I know this shouldn't bother me or matter to me, but it does.. on a scale of 1-10, it bothers me a 7..
I keep thinking, is she over me? I know she wasn't attracted to that guy, could she be making those comments on purpose because she knows how much I hated him?

I can't control those thoughts although I try to push them away as hard as I can, and I know it's not hard enough!

I'm not stalking her btw, I just found a photo of him by accident and her comments on it (made few hours ago).. hurts doesn't it?

CJ
I did read a lot of posts and I understand what I'm getting into, this isn't my first breakup btw, but breakups never hurt me so bad since no other girl meant so much to me before..

Allin
congratulations on your 30 days, I wish I can speed things up and reach that stage when I'm finally able to ignore her text..
your reply wasn't dumb and to me it seems your NC is solid,

To be honest, I wish that my girl breaks NC,.. the last time I stated NC (lasted 7 days) she wouldn't leave me alone for a day! what the hell happened? why isn't she trying anymore? I know this is the worst thing for me to think right now and I know this shouldn't matter to me at all, but I think it's normal that I'm thinking this way.. isn't it? honestly, it does bother me that she's not trying and not breaking NC..

Jared
I hope you're doing well.. keep it up!

Thank you I really appreciate the kind words. And as far as her flirting with some guy, I'll tell you one thing for sure. 99% of rebound relationships don't work. She might date that guy, but who cares. Guaranteed they won't last and by then you won't even care. Just give yourself plenty of time and don't dwell on her. Try doing something that list occupy your mind during your spare time, always helps me!

-Jared

 

[Cejay]

Day 41

I'm leaving in a next weekend for a few weeks, business and pleasure combined. That trip will occupy a lot of my time. The only sh1tty part is that the ex was supposed to join me part way through.

I'm pretty sure she won't go it on her own, but I moved my seats on the plane just in case. It'd suck to be stuck next to her. Sadly I won't know until the flight home, will try not to think too much about it.

I'm sure that I'll be hit with a few "wouldn't it be nice if she was here" moments but I've changed up the trip and made plans to meet different friends while I'm away.

Her memory continues to fade and I'm fine with that.

I'm doing pretty well against my goals. I'm not actively dating but am sort of spinning plates... they almost seam to spin themselves. Its not taking much time, though.

CJ.

 

[robottoe]

Day 35++

Cant remember how many days past since she ignored my reply after she's the one initiated contact asking if i'm online.

Broke up about 40+ days ago after she suddenly turn a cold shoulder on me after chatting with one of her colleagues about our relationship ( Mind you, her colleague is some 30+ year old divorcee leeching off thousands from her ex-husband ) We've been together for only 7 months and everything was our first. The only problem we have in our relationship was just her. She recently works 10am- 10pm everyday and kept complaining that she really wants to spend time with me but couldn't so. Told her to quit her job which she hates but she say she just couldn't......

Well, she can quit on me but can't quit on her job so that tells me something. + I bet that divorcee coworker gave the idea of break up and the saddest thing is that she only knew the coworker for only a mere 2 months. Though in the first week of breakup, she told a mutual friend of ours and me that somehow both of us still have some hope but well I say its just her emotions running all over the place.

Glad I didnt beg when she ask for break up. I still remember her words of reason for break up.
" I've got no choice, I really don't have time for you anymore.......you don't get it, out of sight out of mind "

First 3 weeks was hell hard, but here I am now feeling better and having a positive mindset. Been saving up a lot to go solo travelling to either U.K or Japan ( Im from Asia ). Took up part time studies while working full time. And been hanging out with friends which surely HELP a LOTTT. Time sure does wonders.

 

[Lozboss]

I'm leaving in a next weekend for a few weeks, business and pleasure combined. That trip will occupy a lot of my time. The only sh1tty part is that the ex was supposed to join me part way through.

I'm pretty sure she won't go it on her own, but I moved my seats on the plane just in case. It'd suck to be stuck next to her. Sadly I won't know until the flight home, will try not to think too much about it.

I'm sure that I'll be hit with a few "wouldn't it be nice if she was here" moments but I've changed up the trip and made plans to meet different friends while I'm away.

Her memory continues to fade and I'm fine with that.

I'm doing pretty well against my goals. I'm not actively dating but am sort of spinning plates... they almost seam to spin themselves. Its not taking much time, though.

CJ.

Have a good time mate- focus on having a fun time an use it for positive reflection.

thanks for your support over the last few days.

 

[Insidout]

Day9

Although I spent all day with some friends, but I couldn't enjoy it as I kept thinking about the girl the whole time,..

Anyway, in the evening she texted me!
To be honest, I couldn't be more thrilled because this means one thing, she misses me and she hasn't moved on.. but I didn't reply!

4 hours later. she texted me again..
half an hour later, she sent another message..
in the next 30 minutes, she sent about 10 messages, I didn't reply to any of them.. obviously she was anxious and miserable.. I felt really bad I don't want to see my girl in this condition..
then she called, but I didn't answer..
after that, I sent her a message and told her to stop contacting me because I want to forget her..
she left without saying a word.. but I can tell she got upset and maybe hurt..

My conscious is torturing me.. I feel terrible and awful..
maybe it's just a game she's playing to make me feel guilty..
I don't know.. I hate myself.

Blocking her won't work, I tried it before,..

 

[Lozboss]

Day9
I felt really bad I don't want to see my girl in this condition..

Blocking her won't work, I tried it before,..

How will blocking her NOT work?

You did the right thing here- although would have been better to just ignore her. You caved in there.

"My girl"? She isn't your girl any more! You need to realign your mindset. It's tough and that may sound harsh but until you do you're never going to move on.

I know how tough it is buddy to know someone you care about is Hurting. But it's for the best - don't let her use you to dampen her pain while increasing yours!

 

[Wisconsin144]

Lozz is definitely right here, you two broke up, she's not "Your girl". She's just a girl now. Don't keep your mind on this girl who won't waste her mind on you once you show her attention again. No contact is the way to go my friend. I'm sitting here on day 54 not giving a damn what she's doing, up to, feeling. Can't believe I'm so close to finishing my 60 days already, went so fast. First half was terrible, now it's like she doesn't even exist. You need to block her, it does work, don't even send her a text if she tries contacting you. I deleted my ex's number (luckily I had not memorized it). And that made it so much easier knowing I literally could not contact her even if I wanted to. I highly suggest you do the same!
-Jared