The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Cejay]

Insidout,

I agree with the others. I sat down and made a list of faults, future problems, bad times, etc and I refer to it from time to time.

I didn't think the list would be very long but once started, I saw a lot.

If you keep her on a pedestal you'll always miss her and regret.

As the others said you cannot think this way.

Wanting to sleep 24x7 could be considered a sign of depression. I suggest you get some exercise it should help pick you up.

Get a new phone if you have to.

All the best.

CJ

 

[Wisconsin144]

Day 45

With what was posted above, I'm pretty sure I'm just suffering from depression now. She was a pretty big thing for a while but now I'm thinking it has nothing to do with her anymore. Like all people who suffer from depression the love was literally numbing out your depression from before. So instead of letting myself wallow, I'm starting a new workout plan tomorrow and am going to make myself better. Still no urges to contact her, found out she downgraded to a guy I used to hangout with. (No future, quite a loser). This makes me laugh a bit to see. I've been keeping busy with working on cars, but now I need to fix my sleep schedule and try to make myself exhausted by the time I get in bed so I have no free time to my thoughts. Wish me luck guys, I'm moving on to really trying to heal

-Jared

 

[Wisconsin144]

Insideout - you really have to stick to this NC thing now. I know you had a good reason to break it last time. Make it permanent this time, it will help you heal and become more of the person you're destined to be!

-Jared

 

[Cejay]

Lozboss - Thanks man. I had a really good day today, great motorcycle ride and gym time.

I am taking your advice. I shut down my OLD profiles, got rid of Tinder and Facebook. I really hate Facebook.

I'm going ghost on my plates, except for the attached one, I'll have to actually dump her, she deserves the courtesy of communication. Not looking forward to the conversation itself, but I'm actually excited about being alone.

Oh and I read this: http://therationalmale.com/2011/09/12/the-myth-of-the-lonely-old-man/

I realized I'd been a serial LTR guy all along and women (even now) are sapping all my time which could be better invested in gym, hobbies and courses.
I'm setting some ambitious goals that will really help my career.

CJ.

CJ and Jared thanks for your kind words.

CJ- I'd join the cold turkey club- leave women alone for a few months. Focus on you and get your head straight. While you're healing you don't need the complications of new women.

Don't beat yourself up- you're doing well. We all have low days and the weekend is the hardest as you have time on your hands.

Insidout:

I know it's tough mate but NC helps that. You soon put things in perspective.

"She was the best gf anyone can ever have" -NO!!!!!

Get out of this mindset now!

 

[Insidout]

Cejay, Wisconsin144, Lozboss and Allin.. Thank you all guys, you're the best..

Day1 (over 7)..
It felt much better I don't exactly know why.. I was able for the first time to think about something else and focus on myself, I kept myself busy doing what I like to do in an attempt to forget her.. well I think it's too soon for me to forget her yet, but at least I think I'm doing well.. I'm not tempted to contact her now.

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Cejay - I hate facebook, I deactivated mine and I'm not planning on reacitvating it anytime soon,.. and since she blocked you I would definitely say she's having a hard time or trying to convey and idea that she's fine without you, but you see, the blocking itself says the exact opposite, if she has moved on she wouldn't have to block you..
I finally got that nice guy book cuz I feel like I need it the most, let us know how it helps you..

Wisconsin144 - you're doing great bro, keep it up!
Since you don't feel the urge to contact her now, it makes it a lot easier for you and they say it gets easier from here, good luck!

Allin - You did a great thing by resisting the temptation to contact and congratulate her, I'm just glad my girl's birthday is 11 months away.. it's hard not to contact on such occasions.
as for me, I deactivated my facebook altogether, but I don't think I can block her from other apps just yet, my imagination will torture me, at least now I know she isn't texting and that's enough for me not to initiate anything with her.

 

[Lozboss]

Hey ive always just butchered post breakups. so im hear today after being dumped then she wanted to try again and 2 weeks later dumped again to try a different tactic. So 6/28/2015 im starting the NC challenge and this is going to be a challenge and a half for me.

Good man. Welcome and good luck- remember NC is cold turkey- IT HURTs but it's the only way to rid yourself of the addiction.

Just remember - Harder in the short term but MUCH less pain in the long term.

Use it to improve yourself.

Jared- keep it up mate- get into new good habits and use them to better yourself.

 

[Jfm1988]

Advice

So it's been 3 months after being with her for 6 years... It was a pretty insane relationship where we would break up once or 2x a year and either I would beg or she would beg and we would end up back together. It seemed that we were perfect for each other but then I would find her texting someone else or she would cheat.. Not to say I didn't do the same. Them for the next 6 months she would play the I love you so much and do her best to prove how much she loved me.. Including her getting a tattoo of my initials above her genitals ( which were covered 2 years after) and we stayed together for 3 years after. So she started to get distant about 4 months back and I didn't think anything of it and then she hit me with it saying it's over. She went 0-100 and demanded everything from my house and she was coming with her dad to get it all. I didn't allow it and sent it to her that week. She blocked me from all contact as I begged for her back but none of it worked. I contacted her from time to time and she told me she was so much happier and she's dating multiple guys. So I gave up and stopped contacting her. About a month after she unblocked me from social media but no contact.. Just a message from a mutual friend telling me that I should enjoy life and how we should hang out and get drinks which I'm hesitant about. I tend to look at her social media and see her hanging out with all the girls I introduced her to through my friends and it really irks me to see her having a blast. I think about contacting her all the time but I pretty much know the outcome of her telling me to move on.. I do want her back or to at least hear from her.. Any advice?

 

[Lozboss]

So it's been 3 months after being with her for 6 years... It was a pretty insane relationship where we would break up once or 2x a year and either I would beg or she would beg and we would end up back together. It seemed that we were perfect for each other but then I would find her texting someone else or she would cheat.. Not to say I didn't do the same. Them for the next 6 months she would play the I love you so much and do her best to prove how much she loved me.. Including her getting a tattoo of my initials above her genitals ( which were covered 2 years after) and we stayed together for 3 years after. So she started to get distant about 4 months back and I didn't think anything of it and then she hit me with it saying it's over. She went 0-100 and demanded everything from my house and she was coming with her dad to get it all. I didn't allow it and sent it to her that week. She blocked me from all contact as I begged for her back but none of it worked. I contacted her from time to time and she told me she was so much happier and she's dating multiple guys. So I gave up and stopped contacting her. About a month after she unblocked me from social media but no contact.. Just a message from a mutual friend telling me that I should enjoy life and how we should hang out and get drinks which I'm hesitant about. I tend to look at her social media and see her hanging out with all the girls I introduced her to through my friends and it really irks me to see her having a blast. I think about contacting her all the time but I pretty much know the outcome of her telling me to move on.. I do want her back or to at least hear from her.. Any advice?

You need to move on. She's toxic.

It's NOT going to work a second time around- sorry. The above story told me that.

You two aren't going to work.

STOP concentrating on what she is doing and focus on you. I understand if you dislike someone it hurts you to see them having fun but she is doing what you need to be doing- having fun.

Get on with your life- find someone new who is BETTER and who deserves you. Your ex does not.

 

[Cejay]

Insidout

Thanks, its great to have you guys confirming what I am thinking. It may be selfish but it feels better to think that she's also having a hard time. I don't wish her misery or anything but its nice to think I meant a lot to her as she did to me.

Good for you on finishing up Day 1. I wouldn't worry too much about forgetting her, just work on not thinking about her on a regular bases. She's part of your past, thats all.

I was married for 11 years and it ended with her cheating, I loved her but I'm not trying to forget her either. That was part of my life and who I am today but its over and never going to "be" again, and thats ok. You dig?

Hope Day 2 goes well for you. Staying busy really helps me.

CJ

Cejay, Wisconsin144, Lozboss and Allin.. Thank you all guys, you're the best..

Day1 (over 7)..
It felt much better I don't exactly know why.. I was able for the first time to think about something else and focus on myself, I kept myself busy doing what I like to do in an attempt to forget her.. well I think it's too soon for me to forget her yet, but at least I think I'm doing well.. I'm not tempted to contact her now.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Cejay - I hate facebook, I deactivated mine and I'm not planning on reacitvating it anytime soon,.. and since she blocked you I would definitely say she's having a hard time or trying to convey and idea that she's fine without you, but you see, the blocking itself says the exact opposite, if she has moved on she wouldn't have to block you..
I finally got that nice guy book cuz I feel like I need it the most, let us know how it helps you..

 

[Cejay]

Day 34

Well I just let the clingy plate go. 3 dates and we only communicated via text so I felt justified in ending via text. Many would go ghost but that didn't feel right, we hadn't had sex yet so I went with the text.

I told her the truth, that something personal had come up and I'd decided to stop dating while I deal with it. She understood.

Maybe that makes me an a$$ but I'm done with the nice guy thing. I'm not going to be caliced with her feelings but I am going to be more selfish.

I did that for me. She smothered me with texts. I couldn't take it. I fell a little bad but like a 3/10. I also feel relief. It was way too early to start dating. I'm looking forward to some serious monk mode time sculpting a new CJ.

Anyways, I have a few more plates or primed plates who aren't as clingy. I'm just going to go ghost them. I really have lost interest in women. I know it will come back but right now my focus is CJ.

Yesterday was a good day and today is going to be, too. I started to address some personal problems and I feel good, hopeful.

For me its like climbing a long hill that you don't see the crest of, but then it just kind of crests and you feel way better.

I hope y'all are doing well today. Its a tough row to hoe as they say but it does get better.

CJ.

 

[Lozboss]

Well done CJ- Good choice. I think plate spinning can be damaging during NC. Especially when you're emotionally fragile (rejections hit harder etc)

Best of Lucky doing you. I want you to share your goals if you will with us? It's important you write them down anyway and follow them. We will support you and push you to achieve them.


My Goal is to lose a Stone. I've wanted to do it for ages to get back to 10% Bodyfat and feel better.

Allin - stick in there buddy, get that issue sorted then don't speak to her for good.


I'm feeling a bit sh*tty today- depressed and a tough day at work. First day of the diet too I guess so that doesn't help. Tomorrow is a new day.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Let's do that. My goals :
1) to find a job that I actually like.
This is the most important thing for me and 50% of why I'm not happy with myself. Had two interviews recently, things are looking good.
2) to resume my training program for my upcoming 21k run in September.
I stopped after my breakup due to the fact that I lost so much weigh after it that it actually was dangerous for me to run too much.
3) eat a sh*it load of proteins and lift weighs regularly.
I'm skinny and just before breaking up, ex said that I have to work out and not only run. Well, it's time. I subscribed to a gym and started doing bodylifting at home

Good luck buddy, I'm starting my working out and bettering myself now too. I'm done moping and being upset over something so petty. Let's become the men we were all destined to be! We will all support each other and be happier in the long run.

-Jared

 

[Wisconsin144]

Goodbye Facebook

Deactivated Facebook. Something I never saw myself doing, I actually feel better than usual from this!

 

[MoMoney96]

Well going on 2 weeks now of no contacting the cute girl in my class. Damn it's killing me, but the afc must die. I've maintained my reality just being cordial with the usual hello, but that's it. I did say a Happy belated Birthday since I overheard her birthday was on sunday.

Tried to focus my mind on my goals so that women such as her are no longer the priority, but a leftover thought:

1. Finish planning for fall recruitment.
2. Finish reading Book of Pook and the Seduction manual and begin the DJ Bootcamp.
3. Continue working on my identity starting with fashion and attitude.

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who is going through this agonizing crap!

 

[Lozboss]

Allin: Good Luck in your goals- remember goals are achieved by a step each day- NOT overnight.
I'm currently waiting to hand my notice in (2.5 weeks till i do!) and I start a Full time MBA in September- CAN'T WAIT!

Jared- Good work man. Focus on you now. Women will be there in 4/5 months time. Far better to spend the time working on discovering you again.


My Update:

Diet progressing well. Doing my training and focussed on finally getting back in shape.

Otherwise it's been a tough start to the week- feeling quite low and although it no doubt helps not hearing from the ex I kind of expected to. I guess it just hurts that it doesn't mean enough for her to pick up her phone and send a message.

I'm confident the decision to give women a break is key to achieving my goals. Never before have I realized how much they take from you without giving.

 

[Wisconsin144]

My biggest problem right now is people keep bringing up the drama going on in her life to me. I get she's having a ****ty life but I honestly don't want to hear about it lol. How do I tell these people nicely to stop bringing it up?

 

[Cejay]

Jared,

This happened to me with my ex wife. You don't need to be "nice" about it, I'd go with polite but firm. Be selfish. Be Alpha. DOn't let your AFC buds make you a failed white knight.

You weren't married, your role as BF (not that you are) is not to fix her problems, women actually hate that. You are not even her BF or her friend at this stage.

Some responses that come to mind:

"I'm well aware of [ex]'s problems. She has made it clear that we are not together so as such, please do not give me further updates. It's none of my business."

If you don't want to be too cold you can add: "She has parents, friends, and family to support her through xxxxx and I'm confident she'll be fine"


Another response:

You: "Didn't you hear?"
Them: "No?"
You "We broke up. "

Let it get a bit silent/awkward and move on. If they come back with a "So?"

You: "So its none of my concern, or yours" (last part optional)

That's probably the more alpha response. Sometimes less is more.

CJ.

My biggest problem right now is people keep bringing up the drama going on in her life to me. I get she's having a ****ty life but I honestly don't want to hear about it lol. How do I tell these people nicely to stop bringing it up?

 

[Cejay]

I feel great not having it. I had deactivated it for ~6 mo, reactivated for a bit during this (for Tinder) and just hated it. So happy its gone from my life.

CJ.

Deactivated Facebook. Something I never saw myself doing, I actually feel better than usual from this!

 

[Cejay]

Day 35

Something has defintley changed in the past few days. I really don't think of her too much all of a sudden.

I'm happy, like really happy.

The ex crept into my mind a bit last night but we're talking like 10% of usual and pushing her away was easy. She drives a really common vehicle here and my new thing is pushing out looking in each one as I drive by them. Stupid I know but its working and reduced.


I was going through my hard drive on another computer and found some pics of us from one of our early dates. We were smiling and happy looking at a professional party. I looked at her and thought "Man, what did I see in you? " and moved the pics. I didn't feel sad, and I didn't feel attracted to her at all. Before that would have thrown me into a mental tailspin for hours.

Dropping the clingy plate didn't phase me after the first hour. I felt massive relief more than anything.

I'm ghost on the last few, 2 of which sent 1 non actionable stupid "update" texts. They got one word answers in response so they'll get it. Otherwise I'll let them know I'm off the market for a while.

I'm actually really happily single right now. I feel great. I'm getting to the gym and focusing on my goals. I have no intentions of dating for several months.


The Nice Guy book is helping but I listened to this podcast and had a massive breakthrough of personal discovery regarding my past relationship problems over multiple relationships. Go to "The New Man" podcast on itunes and find episode 163 with Liam Casey. It really spoke to me. Liam has a Ted talk devoted to the subject and I'm going to check it out.


My goals for the next 90 days:

Gym 5 of 7 days /wk (Shooting for 7)
90 days without alcohol
Lose 25 lbs
1 professional blog post per wk
Finish a certification I've been working on.
Track and possibly reduce time on online forums if impeding goals
Asert myself, not fearing rejection or conflict
Put me first in all decisions

CJ.

 

[fafo]

Hi guys !
Just an update.
Its been over a month now and I feel great. :yawn:

Cejay - Im happy to hear that you are getting stronger

Some strange things are happening but I try to stay cool for the most part
The ex of my ex's new guy(dont know if you catch that) is showing interest in me. Started at my birthday with a wish but the convo continued. Got out with her on a date playin some pool but I realise Im still a complete AFC and dont know how to escalate or show that Im interested in her Will work on that and maybe get her on another date instead of FB chatting. I dont know if Im interested in her, she is cool and hot(HB7) but I feel kinda strange about that situation

Another stupid thing. A friend of my ex wanted to tell me how great she is with the new guy(I was feeling confident so I stood to listen). How they say they will always love eachother and this is the best love they had so far(showed chat), how he says to her he loves her(month together),she is the only star in his life and he will always be there for her (I know ) and she is typing the same **** seeming to love it as she wanted to make me feel bad maybe but I laughed about it and said its not normal and they will crash and burn if they dont stop with the teenager love. She was in shock about my reaction
Dunno but I've never felt so much love and **** at a month together with a girl and this kind of behaviour seems illogical to me. What do you guys think ? :wave: