The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Wisconsin144]

This chick is crazy. The other day, I received papers in the mail for a child support order. I call the head office about it to check into it, they said she had called THAT very morning to cancel it. So then today, at pickup, two weeks after the whole fiasco, I've truly bricked myself off to her and any of her bs. I sent our daughter out the door when I saw her come into the driveway. A few moments later, my daughter comes back in the house with a fathers day card that her mom had obviously bought and all of that. So, I thanked my daughter, walked her back out to her moms car, she had one her friends with her, I was very pleasant to her, said hello and all of that, and then handed the card back to her mother and said "Your gratitude is not required." told my daughter I love her and walked back into the house. Who the f**k does that? Anyways...Im just over the ****!

Once again, trying to weasel her way back into your life. Good job handling it maturely. Especially in front of your daughter. Remember, your child is your life, and she's going to be part of this forever, don't make it hard on her. Be nice, be polite, and don't give a **** about your ex. Here if you need it brother, I can see your progress

-Jared

 

[Wisconsin144]

DAY 1..

I've just found out about this site and topic, I'm glad I did because you know..

It's been a tough week, we had lots of arguments and fights, yesterday she said she's sick of it, she's not mad at me or anything, she just wants some space, and by that she means that she wants to put an end to our relationship but she still wants us to be friends because she still cares about me, we both still like each other, but there are some obstacles that prevent our relationship from proceeding, and I agree..
I took it really hard, but didn't express my pain, at the beginning I tried to fix things because this happened b4, my girl likes it when I fight for our relationship.. sometimes when she tells me to leave her alone or to stay away, she finds it extremely romantic when I don't and hold onto our relationship..
anyway, I tried that technique but this time it's more serious, when she asked to be friends, I refused and told her that I don't want that, but didn't make it clear that we won't be contacting each other, so she doesn't know about the NC yet..
I feel down and sick of everything, I miss her like crazy, but I know if contacted her things will be worse, so I'm committing to this NC thing..

The first days are the worst buddy. I was absolutely a train wreck until around day 15 or 20. But once you make it, you are slowly climbing out of that dark abyss that was your previous relationship. Welcome to sosuave and if you need anything, feel free to ask away. I'm also only a pm away.

-Jared

 

[drake33]

Once again, trying to weasel her way back into your life. Good job handling it maturely. Especially in front of your daughter. Remember, your child is your life, and she's going to be part of this forever, don't make it hard on her. Be nice, be polite, and don't give a **** about your ex. Here if you need it brother, I can see your progress

-Jared

Thanks bro. I must say, after that **** yesterday, I feel damn good. I know I handled it well, and I can see what she's trying to do. Seems like maybe reality is beginning to hit her. Thats why she cancelled the cs order, and thats why she tried to give me a card. What woman asks for child support and THEN tries to give the father a Fathers Day card...isnt that kind of contradictory? You're a deadbeat and you're not doing your part in our childs life, but heres a Fathers Day card? I think Im doing a really good job at keeping it business in front of our daughter. Keeping it cordial. She's just lost her mind. Seriously.

 

[Lozboss]

DAY 1..

I've just found out about this site and topic, I'm glad I did because you know..

It's been a tough week, we had lots of arguments and fights, yesterday she said she's sick of it, she's not mad at me or anything, she just wants some space, and by that she means that she wants to put an end to our relationship but she still wants us to be friends because she still cares about me, we both still like each other, but there are some obstacles that prevent our relationship from proceeding, and I agree..
I took it really hard, but didn't express my pain, at the beginning I tried to fix things because this happened b4, my girl likes it when I fight for our relationship.. sometimes when she tells me to leave her alone or to stay away, she finds it extremely romantic when I don't and hold onto our relationship..
anyway, I tried that technique but this time it's more serious, when she asked to be friends, I refused and told her that I don't want that, but didn't make it clear that we won't be contacting each other, so she doesn't know about the NC yet..
I feel down and sick of everything, I miss her like crazy, but I know if contacted her things will be worse, so I'm committing to this NC thing..

Delete her number, her social media everything.

Out of sight is best. She DOESN'T exist anymore.

Good luck- we are here for you if you need us- stay busy!

 

[drake33]

http://youtu.be/GU6dDqlETFw

I think "I" made a song about this..

 

[Cejay]

Been there...

Lots of good reading on this thread to help you out.

Get really busy and try to find some fun things to do. Work on improving yourself.

CJ

DAY 1..

I've just found out about this site and topic, I'm glad I did because you know..

It's been a tough week, we had lots of arguments and fights, yesterday she said she's sick of it, she's not mad at me or anything, she just wants some space, and by that she means that she wants to put an end to our relationship but she still wants us to be friends because she still cares about me, we both still like each other, but there are some obstacles that prevent our relationship from proceeding, and I agree..
I took it really hard, but didn't express my pain, at the beginning I tried to fix things because this happened b4, my girl likes it when I fight for our relationship.. sometimes when she tells me to leave her alone or to stay away, she finds it extremely romantic when I don't and hold onto our relationship..
anyway, I tried that technique but this time it's more serious, when she asked to be friends, I refused and told her that I don't want that, but didn't make it clear that we won't be contacting each other, so she doesn't know about the NC yet..
I feel down and sick of everything, I miss her like crazy, but I know if contacted her things will be worse, so I'm committing to this NC thing..

 

[Cejay]

The last half of day 26 was pretty tough. I had a lot of time on my hands after flying home to an empty house. I was really tired.

Its like all the thoughts of her from the previous week, that I didn't have time for, hit me all at once. I drank some beer to relax and ended up reactivating facebook, I discovered that I still have one of her friends to remove.

I ended up seeing the Ex's smiling new profile pic, changed just days after we broke up.
That really hurt and of course my mind went to, "ah ha, there IS someone else." There may be, and there may not be. It really doesn't matter. I caught myself and got out of FB. FB is evil. There is no context. There could be a thousand good reasons not related to me/us for that pic. (and none of them matter either, she is gone.)

Wiping out your ex and their friends on social media is critical.


Day 27 I had one of the women I'm dating over for most of the day, things escalated physically and it was a nice/good day. I'm not nearly as interested in her as she is me so I'm going to have to start to "cool her" off. Tips on this welcome.


Here we are at Day 28. I took the day off to read and go to the gym and maybe get a few chores around the house done.

Thoughts of the ex come and go, its worse if I'm drinking so I've continued to swear off booze and learn from my mistakes. The thoughts are less frequent and aren't as strong as they were.

I am trying to accept now that we weren't a great match and that this IS for the best. I miss her, though.

Stay tough fellas. You can do this.

CJ

 

[fafo]

Wisconsin144 and Cejay Thank you for the opinions guys I really appreciate it!

Im rethinking my friendship with those guys because they became cold to me when we broke up(they work with my ex daily).

Caring less and less about her and what is she doing because I know just how ****ed up she is and Im even kinda sad for they guy because he will give ALL for her and she seems to enjoy it but I dont know if it will last.

Interesting thing is that the new guy's ex has contacted me for my birthday and we've been chatting occasionally :woo: dunno if she wants info from me or to make her ex jealous. She is hot and I've heard she is kinda crazy but hey my ex isnt the best either

Cejay I know those feelings man but trust me it will get better with time. I was thinking also that this is the woman I would marry but now that I see clearly Im glad that I didnt do it.
This taught me to see thing more clearly and to watch what women do instead of whet they say.

 

[Alpheta]

Hey guys.

Okay im on day 11.

We agreed to NC for a couple of weeks while she decides lol. I made a rule before doing NC though.If she decides against it then dont bother contacting ever. If shes for it then contact me.

Dont expect to hear from her though.If i do, ill give it a week until i respond.

 

[Insidout]

DAY 2..

I'm a total mess, I'm thinking A LOT and over analyzing everything that happened, what makes things worse is that I currently live alone, there's no one to take my mind of it..

To be honest, I think of contacting her every single minute, literally everything around reminds me of her, but I know I won't contact her, she still hadn't noticed the NC yet, I mean it's only been 2 days and people get busy, she doesn't know that I'm not contacting her on purpose, I think she expects me to.. idk

On Wednesday, I'll receive a certificate for achieving something, she knows that, she had planned for a celebration before we broke up, I know we won't be celebrating anything, I just hope that she'll contact me to congratulate me, I just want to hear her voice on the other end of the line, I wish that we fight, fighting is good.. it's still easier than this unbearable detachment, fights give hope and indicate that one still cares..

The first days are the worst buddy. I was absolutely a train wreck until around day 15 or 20. But once you make it, you are slowly climbing out of that dark abyss that was your previous relationship. Welcome to sosuave and if you need anything, feel free to ask away. I'm also only a pm away.

-Jared

Delete her number, her social media everything.
Out of sight is best. She DOESN'T exist anymore.
Good luck- we are here for you if you need us- stay busy!

Been there...
Lots of good reading on this thread to help you out.
Get really busy and try to find some fun things to do. Work on improving yourself.
CJ

Thank you very much guys.. you are the best!..
it really means something when I know there are friends like you here..

 

[Insidout]

The last half of day 26 was pretty tough. I had a lot of time on my hands after flying home to an empty house. I was really tired.

Its like all the thoughts of her from the previous week, that I didn't have time for, hit me all at once. I drank some beer to relax and ended up reactivating facebook, I discovered that I still have one of her friends to remove.

I ended up seeing the Ex's smiling new profile pic, changed just days after we broke up.
That really hurt and of course my mind went to, "ah ha, there IS someone else." There may be, and there may not be. It really doesn't matter. I caught myself and got out of FB. FB is evil. There is no context. There could be a thousand good reasons not related to me/us for that pic. (and none of them matter either, she is gone.)

Here we are at Day 28. I took the day off to read and go to the gym and maybe get a few chores around the house done.

Thoughts of the ex come and go, its worse if I'm drinking so I've continued to swear off booze and learn from my mistakes. The thoughts are less frequent and aren't as strong as they were.

I am trying to accept now that we weren't a great match and that this IS for the best. I miss her, though.

Stay tough fellas. You can do this.

CJ

They say women always act normal after a breakup, my girl started socializing, posting photos and making comments on instagram not 3 hours after our breakup, no one can heal so fast! it's just an act.. maybe they try to convince themselves that things are fine and they're doing great.. maybe your woman is doing so by changing her FB pic.. but like you said, it doesn't matter..

I'm happy for you that things are getting better, but honestly, after 28 days and the thoughts of your ex still come and go?! not a great news for the rest of us.. if you don't mind me asking, how long did your relationship last before your breakup?

 

[Cejay]

InsideOut,

I was thinking about that, too. Most of us project a lot more "happiness" on FB than we truly feel.
This prompted FB to do studies on how information was displayed because it was causing depression in the rest of "us users."

Regardless, I've let it go.

You've made an interesting observation. We were together ~8 months. We thought we were going to get married. There are a lot of reasons in my case that hopefully won't affect most of you.
I met her at a lonely time, I'm divorced, just moved to another country, don't know many people, etc.

Edit 1: Today is also a significant day in relation to my former marriage that has been on my mind so I can't help but wonder if this has made me a little more sensitive.

Edit 2: The other part I suppose is the why it ended, which is due to my non-beliefs in her religion. For some reason I find that hard to swallow.


You're right on the amount of time, too. Its no where near as frequent as it was, some context is lost on here. But still, I shouldn't be feeling this way and will work harder at pushing the thoughts out/taking my own advice.

Thanks for your comments.

CJ.

They say women always act normal after a breakup, my girl started socializing, posting photos and making comments on instagram not 3 hours after our breakup, no one can heal so fast! it's just an act.. maybe they try to convince themselves that things are fine and they're doing great.. maybe your woman is doing so by changing her FB pic.. but like you said, it doesn't matter..

I'm happy for you that things are getting better, but honestly, after 28 days and the thoughts of your ex still come and go?! not a great news for the rest of us.. if you don't mind me asking, how long did your relationship last before your breakup?

 

[Alpheta]

women feel the pain months later of course they're happier in the short run especially when they're the ones that calculating we ended the relationship after a significant period of withdrawal emotionally

not sure how true thAT is

 

[HeWhoDoesI]

It's been a couple weeks since ending it, but I've been having a difficult time lately and remembered reading about the No Contact Challenge a while back, and well, here I am.

Forgive me for this rant. I haven't had the chance to get this out.

For 5 years I've been emotionally unavailable, afraid of getting hurt again after my last relationship. After climbing out of a dark place, keeping myself busy, recreating myself, I let myself take another chance. Like a magnet, I was instantly attracted to her. The first few weeks with her were full of passion, and as time passed it slowly faded, with moments of high highs, and low lows. Eventually, she found someone better (who happened to be someone I looked up to), and kept me on the side.

I've learned a lot about myself during this experience, and the shame and guilt I feel is overwhelming. 

I'm guilty of caring about her too much, giving her too much, without letting myself receive.

I'm guilty of prioritizing her over my own needs, setting them aside when she wanted something.

I'm guilty of not standing up for myself when we fought because I didn't want to hurt her, accepting the blame and guilt whether or not I deserved it because I was afraid of letting her go. 

I'm guilty of sacrificing myself, becoming someone who I took pride in to someone I don't want to be, simply because of my desire to love and to be loved and I'm ashamed for letting myself get to this place again, even when I knew better - I have no one to blame but myself, and her, because she's a toxic, manipulative *****.

Anyway. /Rant

After breaking it off with her I didn't contact her for a few weeks. Mainly getting my **** together, getting out of depression, creating goals. Started to work out more again, hung out with friends, read books, hobbies, etc.

Few weeks after she contacted me, saying she wanted to visit and be friends. Basically told her I didn't want to do that anymore, but eventually caved in and said maybe, thinking I'd be able to restart it but with clear and strong boundaries. And as soon as I started to enforce them, she pretty much stopped talking to me after realizing she couldn't get what she wanted without giving me anything in return. Funny.

Anyway, summer session just started. Working hard in school, picking up a few at home projects to do over the summer, and thinking about taking up martial arts for additional mental discipline.

Should be fun.

Oh, I guess this is roughly Day 20

 

[Wisconsin144]

NC : almost one month..

Today was tough day. Thought about ex a lot. I've never been religious except when times are terrible and right now being a little bit spiritual is helping me.

CJ: we have the same problem. I'm dating a girl, but I'm not super interested in her. Will have to talk to her too.

Insidout: if I understand your post, you are living alone for the first time of your life, due to your breakup. I'm 32 and when she left, I kept the apartment and realized that I was going to be living 100% alone (no roommate) for the first time. That not easy. For the first 2 weeks, DO NOT STAY ALONE. invite friends every day. This is crucial. Do not stay alone. And do not contact her. I did a lot of that in the month following my breakup. All it will do is reset NC.

To everyone : I have a stupid question related to social media. I unfriended her on Facebook but we have 41 friends in common. What it does is that I keep seeing her profile pic on friend's profiles. Wtf am I suppose to do with that ? Right now, she still have the same pic but I really don't want to see her next one.

Extremely easy fix. Block her, resist the urge to creep on her because believe me, it makes it so much worse when you see her pictures and posts. She is missing out on you, not the other way around, forget her ass and love your life and be happy. Easier said than done, we know.

-Jared

 

[Insidout]

NC : almost one month..

Today was tough day. Thought about ex a lot. I've never been religious except when times are terrible and right now being a little bit spiritual is helping me.

CJ: we have the same problem. I'm dating a girl, but I'm not super interested in her. Will have to talk to her too.

Insidout: if I understand your post, you are living alone for the first time of your life, due to your breakup. I'm 32 and when she left, I kept the apartment and realized that I was going to be living 100% alone (no roommate) for the first time. That not easy. For the first 2 weeks, DO NOT STAY ALONE. invite friends every day. This is crucial. Do not stay alone. And do not contact her. I did a lot of that in the month following my breakup. All it will do is reset NC.

To everyone : I have a stupid question related to social media. I unfriended her on Facebook but we have 41 friends in common. What it does is that I keep seeing her profile pic on friend's profiles. Wtf am I suppose to do with that ? Right now, she still have the same pic but I really don't want to see her next one.

I'm living alone but it's been 3 years now, I have friends over from time to time to spend few days or to hang out, but I basically live alone,..
and you're absolutely right, staying alone only contributes to my pain..
and yes, contacting her wouldn't be a good thing to do, only she actually did contact me! please refer to the next reply for more details.

they say if you want to heal fast, you have to delete her mutual friends, sometimes this can be hard as they might be your friends too.. the point is to avoid anything that reminds your of her, I would suggest you deactivate your FB account, believe me it's all for the best.

 

[Lozboss]

Insidout- you need to stay NC- BLOCK and Delete- get her from your life. She doesn't exist anymore.

It hurts- it's horrible but it's time to start healing. It's her loss and while the pain is more in the short term it's more damaging to stay than go.

If you don't have friends over then you need to go and make new ones- easier said than done right?

Use this breakup as a catalyst to improve yourself.

 

[Insidout]

The second half of DAY 2 was almost unbearable, I tried to cheer myself up and go out but everything reminded me of her, I ended up more depressed and more lonely..

On my way home, SHE TEXTED ME! she wanted to see how am I doing..
you might be wondering what kinda breakup is that! the reason as I mentioned before, is that we both still like each other, I miss her alot and I know she does too. but there are some reasons and obstacles that made the breakup happen..

Anyway, she asked how am I doing. when I got home an hour later, I replied: "I'm fine thanks".. she tried to initiate a dialogue by asking about stuff but I had to make it short which annoyed her, I felt bad and explained to her that I'm doing that and avoiding the contact on purpose, because I want to heal and forget, and that I don't want us to be friends at all, and these small conversations won't help anyone.. I made my point that I don't want the breakup to happen, but it did, and now I have to move on.. to my surprise she said she doesn't want it to happen either!.. I want her back and she wants me back too,.. both of us said it loud and clear!
I guess me staying away for the past 2 days made her realize that I'm serious about this, and made her think again about her decision.

We spent the next two hours arguing about the reasons that made us breakup, I tried to fix things, we had a small fight.. but we ended the conversation without actually deciding what to do now.. as I mentioned above we both said that we want things to get back to normal, but didn't set rules or made points to re establish the relationship..

And now I feel even worse, I know she wants me and I want her, but the reasons behind our breakup remain the same.. I don't know what to do...
- Do I avoid contacting her again? wouldn't that ruin my chances after we said we want things to get back to normal?
- Do I contact her and try to re establish the relationship? but she's the one who chose to breakup in the first place, I'm confused..

 

[Insidout]

Insidout- you need to stay NC- BLOCK and Delete- get her from your life. She doesn't exist anymore.

It hurts- it's horrible but it's time to start healing. It's her loss and while the pain is more in the short term it's more damaging to stay than go.

If you don't have friends over then you need to go and make new ones- easier said than done right?

Use this breakup as a catalyst to improve yourself.

You're absolutely right, but I'm afraid it's a little more complicated than that as we both still like each other and none of us actually wanted that to happen.. it's just happened due to some obstacles and circumstances.. please refer to my previous reply for more details.

 

[Cejay]

Tough call.

I decided that if my ex contacted me and wanted to get back together that I'd insist on a cooling off period - 2-6 weeks seemed reasonable.

You're only on the first few days, you've admitted you're a bit of a mess. Why not go/stay NC for a period, say 2-4 weeks? and see where you guys are.

CJ.

The second half of DAY 2 was almost unbearable, I tried to cheer myself up and go out but everything reminded me of her, I ended up more depressed and more lonely..

On my way home, SHE TEXTED ME! she wanted to see how am I doing..
you might be wondering what kinda breakup is that! the reason as I mentioned before, is that we both still like each other, I miss her alot and I know she does too. but there are some reasons and obstacles that made the breakup happen..

Anyway, she asked how am I doing. when I got home an hour later, I replied: "I'm fine thanks".. she tried to initiate a dialogue by asking about stuff but I had to make it short which annoyed her, I felt bad and explained to her that I'm doing that and avoiding the contact on purpose, because I want to heal and forget, and that I don't want us to be friends at all, and these small conversations won't help anyone.. I made my point that I don't want the breakup to happen, but it did, and now I have to move on.. to my surprise she said she doesn't want it to happen either!.. I want her back and she wants me back too,.. both of us said it loud and clear!
I guess me staying away for the past 2 days made her realize that I'm serious about this, and made her think again about her decision.

We spent the next two hours arguing about the reasons that made us breakup, I tried to fix things, we had a small fight.. but we ended the conversation without actually deciding what to do now.. as I mentioned above we both said that we want things to get back to normal, but didn't set rules or made points to re establish the relationship..

And now I feel even worse, I know she wants me and I want her, but the reasons behind our breakup remain the same.. I don't know what to do...
- Do I avoid contacting her again? wouldn't that ruin my chances after we said we want things to get back to normal?
- Do I contact her and try to re establish the relationship? but she's the one who chose to breakup in the first place, I'm confused..