The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Evolvedchode]

Heya,
I made a post on the forum several days ago about a girl who couldn't make up her mind about me. Have been in love for a while, and decided to get some clarity yesterday. Technically this wasn't a break-up, but a rejection. However we've been extremely close for over 6 months, we've had a short relationship and there's still a lot of mutual feelings and desires intact, so I think this challenge could definitely help me.

She's a girl from my work, so going 100% No contact is sadly impossible. However I'll definitely try to reduce contact to only the absolute necessary. I just broke it off without saying anything. We were chatting today about bondage, exchanging underwear as a reminder and all that. I figured stopping when having a positive interaction would help me feel confident, while also making it more noticable for her that I've stopped talking.
Main goals:
Get myself emotionally out of this.
Get my life a bit more structured and back on track.
Make her a non-factor.
Side goals:
Make her feel what she's lost.
Watch and enjoy seeing her having trouble losing me, hopefully.
ONLY IF I manage to get myself emotionally completely out of this "fling", and she decides to keep crawling in my direction, maybe get some sexual satisfaction out of this.
Establish new relationships of any kind with women.

This is day 1 for me.
I've removed her contact details. Still have her on facebook but I turned off the notifications and chat (due to work, removing her is not really a good option. Could send a message, but I think right now she'd still manage to break me by contacting me about it at work). Also told everyone I talk to about this that I'm gonna stop doing so. I don't want them to bring it up, and if I do that they'll tell me to post about it and to cut it out and move on.
It's been an hour and I already feel that this could work for me. Not replying to her last messages means I don't have to worry about her possible reply to my messages. Not seeing her name on my screen and on facebook also means I won't dream away as easily. LET'S GO

 

[[email protected]]

Heya,
I made a post on the forum several days ago about a girl who couldn't make up her mind about me. Have been in love for a while, and decided to get some clarity yesterday. Technically this wasn't a break-up, but a rejection. However we've been extremely close for over 6 months, we've had a short relationship and there's still a lot of mutual feelings and desires intact, so I think this challenge could definitely help me.

She's a girl from my work, so going 100% No contact is sadly impossible. However I'll definitely try to reduce contact to only the absolute necessary. I just broke it off without saying anything. We were chatting today about bondage, exchanging underwear as a reminder and all that. I figured stopping when having a positive interaction would help me feel confident, while also making it more noticable for her that I've stopped talking.
Main goals:
Get myself emotionally out of this.
Get my life a bit more structured and back on track.
Make her a non-factor.
Side goals:
Make her feel what she's lost.
Watch and enjoy seeing her having trouble losing me, hopefully.
ONLY IF I manage to get myself emotionally completely out of this "fling", and she decides to keep crawling in my direction, maybe get some sexual satisfaction out of this.
Establish new relationships of any kind with women.

This is day 1 for me.
I've removed her contact details. Still have her on facebook but I turned off the notifications and chat (due to work, removing her is not really a good option. Could send a message, but I think right now she'd still manage to break me by contacting me about it at work). Also told everyone I talk to about this that I'm gonna stop doing so. I don't want them to bring it up, and if I do that they'll tell me to post about it and to cut it out and move on.
It's been an hour and I already feel that this could work for me. Not replying to her last messages means I don't have to worry about her possible reply to my messages. Not seeing her name on my screen and on facebook also means I won't dream away as easily. LET'S GO

I know it's hard man, because I do the same thing, but you need to concentrate more on using this time to detach yourself rather than focusing on how she reacts. Banking on her to react the way you want her to isn't a safe bet, and it can result in you getting hurt worse down the line. I know you can't help it right now, but the emotional detachment should be your ONLY focus. I've been in this situation, and let myself suffer way too long because I let what she was doing/thinking effect how I lived my life. Focus on where you are going, with or without her, and the rest should fall into place. Good luck bro. It hurts, I know. I think most of us that participate in this thread are hurting, or else why would we be here? At least you know you're not alone.

 

[[email protected]]

Day 14 for me. I'm in a pretty sound frame of mind today, but I've had good days before and I'm not stupid enough to think there aren't more bad days ahead. I just try to remember that the pain is temporary and the good days will start coming more and more, with less bad days.

I've really stepped up my workouts, and I'm learning to use the pain and anger for focus. I try to remind myself that a real man survives, perseveres, and betters himself with every struggle. I'm going to come out of this better than I was before. Pain is a certainty, suffering is optional.

Someone please remind me I said this when I have my next bad day. Lol

 

[Wisconsin144]

Day 13 - feeling much better, been focusing more on my schooling and doing things that I try enjoy. She still pops into my head once in a while, but I'm able to force her out easily now. I found that saying "No, i won't think about her." Out loud helped me. I hope I can stay this strong for the rest of this challenge! 47 more days to go!

 

[Evolvedchode]

I know it's hard man, because I do the same thing, but you need to concentrate more on using this time to detach yourself rather than focusing on how she reacts. Banking on her to react the way you want her to isn't a safe bet, and it can result in you getting hurt worse down the line. I know you can't help it right now, but the emotional detachment should be your ONLY focus. I've been in this situation, and let myself suffer way too long because I let what she was doing/thinking effect how I lived my life. Focus on where you are going, with or without her, and the rest should fall into place. Good luck bro. It hurts, I know. I think most of us that participate in this thread are hurting, or else why would we be here? At least you know you're not alone.

You're completely right man. Deep inside I still want to have that added bonus of seeing her struggle to help me get through this. I sent her a text telling her that I wanted NC and I was in agony, too scared to even read her reply. She's also a girl who will always try to keep her act up, so even if she's hurting, she'll never tell me straight up.
Her reaction was harsh, I was shocked for a couple minutes, but I ended up deleting the messages. I could conclude that the fact that she reacted rude displays that she was not happy, but I have to learn that that's not the point of this.
First day is down, I've been wanting to tell her that she is just too judgemental, and that the fact that she's never accepted me the way I am is ridiculous. I refrained from doing so, her outrageous standards do not make me a bad person. I need to get that into my head, and to accept that it's really her loss and not mine.
I can't bank on her ever telling me that, or showing me that she has thought about it in any way. I hate that I have to keep seeing her at work tomorrow with lots of people around. Being my calm and collected self around her in this particular time period could be tough for me.
PS: She's probably gonna act overly cheerful around others to convince me how awesome of a time she has without me, when I'm in the area. She always used to do this whenever the two of us had an argument or a fight. She'll flirt all over the place and act like everyone is extremely funny. I know it's probably an act but it still affects me. Any tips on how to deal with this?

 

[Evolvedchode]

Friend showed me a picture of my "ex" reacting "hahahahaha" to a picture on facebook which basically said "If a door closes in your life, you better make god damn sure it stays shut". Told him to never do that again. Seeing her face causes an emotional response. Trying not to overthink it, it should pass. But it still sucks for now.

 

[[email protected]]

You're completely right man. Deep inside I still want to have that added bonus of seeing her struggle to help me get through this. I sent her a text telling her that I wanted NC and I was in agony, too scared to even read her reply. She's also a girl who will always try to keep her act up, so even if she's hurting, she'll never tell me straight up.
Her reaction was harsh, I was shocked for a couple minutes, but I ended up deleting the messages. I could conclude that the fact that she reacted rude displays that she was not happy, but I have to learn that that's not the point of this.
First day is down, I've been wanting to tell her that she is just too judgemental, and that the fact that she's never accepted me the way I am is ridiculous. I refrained from doing so, her outrageous standards do not make me a bad person. I need to get that into my head, and to accept that it's really her loss and not mine.
I can't bank on her ever telling me that, or showing me that she has thought about it in any way. I hate that I have to keep seeing her at work tomorrow with lots of people around. Being my calm and collected self around her in this particular time period could be tough for me.
PS: She's probably gonna act overly cheerful around others to convince me how awesome of a time she has without me, when I'm in the area. She always used to do this whenever the two of us had an argument or a fight. She'll flirt all over the place and act like everyone is extremely funny. I know it's probably an act but it still affects me. Any tips on how to deal with this?

Well, it could always be worse. I work in the same building as her AND him, and everyone knows that she dropped me for him. Right now I just stay away from places at work that I might run into them. The occasional sighting is inevitable though. It's tough. I hate going into work now. I hate the rumors that always somehow find me no matter how hard I try to stay away from them. It's a living nightmare, but I figure there has to come a time when I just don't give a **** anymore.

On the bright side, I'm pretty well liked at work, so everyone pretty much just thinks she's a ***** and they don't really think any less of me. Haha

 

[drake33]

My daughter bought a new Lego set this weekend while she was with me. So the ex texts today and says out daughter would like her Lego set, could she get it? I said okay, I'll run it to her at daycare. Ex says she's not at daycare so I said, swing by on my lunch break and she can run in here and get it...no response? Wtf!? It's seriously like she's trying to NC me? I'm being cordial in matters of our daughter, even trivial ones like this...

 

[Lozboss]

My daughter bought a new Lego set this weekend while she was with me. So the ex texts today and says out daughter would like her Lego set, could she get it? I said okay, I'll run it to her at daycare. Ex says she's not at daycare so I said, swing by on my lunch break and she can run in here and get it...no response? Wtf!? It's seriously like she's trying to NC me? I'm being cordial in matters of our daughter, even trivial ones like this...

Mate you need to let go of small things.

I know it bugs you but you can't change it.

It's so hard- I know this, to just forget it and not let it bug you. But the alternative is to have it ruin your day- she isn't worth that.

 

[ryan28]

No Contact Day 7

No Contract Day 7. Slowly getting the B**** out of my system.

 

[Evolvedchode]

You didn't even date this girl? Like you weren't even a couple for one day - am I correct?

We were a couple for a week. I was as happy as I could be. She dumped me, we tried again and then she rejected me. Call me weak, maybe I'm overreacting, but the first two days were hard for me.
Day 3-4:
On day 3 I was doing well. Had my first driving lesson and I applied for a job at a sports centre. In the evening I had to spend a couple hours around her with some co-workers. Took the train to Amsterdam, had a convention and went back. Total of about 8 hours. I was doing very well (Had no real issue having her around at all), but at the end when I was about to get my bike home she said "So you blocked me on whatsapp?". This ended up being an hour long chat. I didn't run, I was honest about needing time to heal and requiring some distance to repair.

Small backstory: Unlike me, she's quite unprofessional at separating work and personal affairs. she's been a ***** to me before just because we had an argument. At one point she even lied about her aunt dying to not have to go to a work meeting because we had a fight that day (I sent her mom my sincere condolences, she didn't know what the hell I was talking about which kinda proved to me that it was a lie).

She threatened to talk to my manager and get me in trouble for deciding to block her, because she would be "unable to treat me in a normal way" because of it. She ended up walking away saying that she'll give me my keys back another time, so I can give them to "insert name" or "insert name" who she believes I will have sex with in the next week. I decided not to reply and went home.
I woke up, I've been thinking about it a lot more than I did. However, I'm not feeling bad. I'm definitely getting some distance and the fact that she replied so heavily to my choice kinda helps in me not wanting to get close to her ever again. It still sucks, because I don't hate her as a person, but I just hope it doesn't get to a point where we actually have to talk this over in front of a manager. She doesn't really have an argument (Because I treat her normal at work), but she's manipulative. She'll do anything to make herself look like a "proper lady" and me like a scumbag. We're both in a good position at work, so I just don't know how that would play out.

TL;DR: Saw her, definitely less bothered with it. Moving on quite well, gonna keep doing NC and honestly, I think I'll be done way before the 60 days are over (Granted, we've only been going for 6-7 months in the first place).

 

[[email protected]]

Day 18

Woke up early this morning to see that she had sent me a text last night. It said "You would be so proud of me. I finally have my own place and it feels so good." Wtf? Lol. I would be PROUD of her? Why the fvck would I even care? Smh. Delete.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Day 18

Woke up early this morning to see that she had sent me a text last night. It said "You would be so proud of me. I finally have my own place and it feels so good." Wtf? Lol. I would be PROUD of her? Why the fvck would I even care? Smh. Delete.

She's trying to 1) Make you speak to her, while 2) making herself look better to you/impress you. You're 18 days in, delete and keep it up!

 

[Evolvedchode]

Day 5:
She still has my keys, but blocked my texts so i called her to tell her I want them back. No reply, sent her a text (Different device) saying I want them back. I don't like contacting her, but I prefer that over her having the keys to my apartment. Also, if I lose my own I need to be able to get a hold of them, and I can't when they're with her. Not too bothered with her not replying, but I don't intend to text or call her again, even though she has my keys.

 

[ZTIME]

Day 5:
She still has my keys, but blocked my texts so i called her to tell her I want them back. No reply, sent her a text (Different device) saying I want them back. I don't like contacting her, but I prefer that over her having the keys to my apartment. Also, if I lose my own I need to be able to get a hold of them, and I can't when they're with her. Not too bothered with her not replying, but I don't intend to text or call her again, even though she has my keys.

Why call or text at all? You're 5 days in and these are crucial times for you to get your head clear and walk away. Why not just change the locks and be done with it. $50 may be the best investment you ever made just to be able to walk away and sever all ties with this one.

 

[Wisconsin144]

Day 15 (BAD)

I woke up this morning and something weird happened that I didn't even notice. She was not my first thought, in fact I hadn't even thought about her. I took two exams and finished up high school today (College in the fall). I decided to quick check facebook to see if anyone was around town doing nothing. And instantly I see a status with her and her friend, and I don't know why, but it killed my mood. Now I can't stop thinking about her. Any suggestions about how to deal with this? ((Still not even THINKING about making contact, just want the pain and feelings to subside)).

Thanks Everyone -Jared

 

[Evolvedchode]

I woke up this morning and something weird happened that I didn't even notice. She was not my first thought, in fact I hadn't even thought about her. I took two exams and finished up high school today (College in the fall). I decided to quick check facebook to see if anyone was around town doing nothing. And instantly I see a status with her and her friend, and I don't know why, but it killed my mood. Now I can't stop thinking about her. Any suggestions about how to deal with this? ((Still not even THINKING about making contact, just want the pain and feelings to subside)).

Thanks Everyone -Jared

Know your pain. Try deleting her from Facebook. If you don't want to, you can change your settings so you don't see any notifications from her and disable chat with her. Don't look at her page of course and just give it time. This feeling will pass as long as you keep your goal in mind: Detachment. It's just a girl, a year from now this will not even matter anymore, probably sooner. So, make sure that you don't get any notifications whatsoever because they cause an emotional response.

 

[Wisconsin144]

You should block her on FB but if not, at least "unfollow" her so her status updates dont show on your feed.

Waking up without thinking of her is a big step, congrats.

She's already been blocked since day one. But she has a lot of mutual friends
So it's hard, I basically unfollowed about fifteen people that hang out with her. And thank you for the help everyone! I feel my progress. 15/60 days done. Can't wait for my emotions for her to leave.

 

[zorg198]

Simple:

Send one of your friend to do that for you.

What's the problem?

 

[Wisconsin144]

I agree, have someone come over and help her, you shouldn't need to see her when you're still healing.