The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[drake33]

Day 21.

I have to admit the text from her last night bothered me and I had to make an effort not to just text back to be polite. Been there before though and I know her strategy will be to try and friendzone me or else start stringing me along again.

"Miss you" is such a load of crap. It's her fault I left. I gave her many chances, too many.

Keeping to the no contact

Breadcrumbs. Way to go sir!

 

[Supersubie]

You're still friends on Facebook? That's not nc!

I know, I really don't use it much tbh. I use instagram a lot and I've deleted her off of that etc. I have left her on fb but promised myself if I look at her profile she is gone! So far I have had no interest in looking haha! I honestly wonder if we will ever speak again... I'm not going to initiate contact abs she is was to stubborn to either. So might have dodged a bullet there! Honestly don't need to be dealing with her reaching out and dragging up old feelings!

 

[drake33]

I know, I really don't use it much tbh. I use instagram a lot and I've deleted her off of that etc. I have left her on fb but promised myself if I look at her profile she is gone! So far I have had no interest in looking haha! I honestly wonder if we will ever speak again... I'm not going to initiate contact abs she is was to stubborn to either. So might have dodged a bullet there! Honestly don't need to be dealing with her reaching out and dragging up old feelings!

Remove her from all forms of social media. Go ghost on her. Also remove her friends and family. You don't exist!

 

[drake33]

Where's Mauser been? I really would like his input on my situation. That guys input is f'n genius!

 

[Aesthetix29]

Okay I've got a similar situation, my gf (now ex) sent me this text on Monday (1 week tomorrow)

Hi sorry left my phone at home to think, i dont think i can carry this on i dont want you to think its anything youve done cos it isnt i really need the time to concentrate i tried to convince myself i could do it while i was off work but im not as ready as i thought i would be for a full on relationship x

I didnt even reply as I don't think I needed too.... Once she sent the message 2 hours later she removed our relationship status off facbook etc... I've now blocked her and gone completely NC... There was no signs of this happening no arguing no nothing everything was fine then all this happened in the space of 24hrs, so in my eyes she's either cheated, interested in someone else or an ex has stepped up. I'm just going too maintain my frame and stick at NC! Before I blocked her looks like she's been going out with the girls a fair bit and posting lots of pics etc.... Not exactly sure if I'll hear off her again, but I will keep you all updated. 1 week of NC so far and I feel much better. Personally I think it's disrespectful to finish a relationship via text message... Guilty conscience springs to mind!

 

[christoff522]

Day 365+

It's not exactly no contact, we have limited contact. Anyway she called me up a few days ago drunk, said some pretty sexual things which I curbed. She then rang later apologising and we spoke for an hour, basically things with her fiance were going badly and it turns out he's insane (lol), anyway, she's utterly obsessed and I decided to listen and talk about it with her. She even said she regretted things had gone badly with us, she asked me why I kissed her in Sept etc anyway..

Get to today and we're having a little chat via text, she was gonna visit me at work but didn't but eventually she asks if she can ring, I agree, then she starts talking about her bf, she asks me some stuff about what she should do and my reply is "you're with him though, obviously you must love it (the drama)". I quickly wrap the conversation up, and then a few minutes later I ask her not to contact me about her boyfriend/fiance, she apologises and agrees and thats that.

Things are not as emotionally tormenting as they were, A lot has changed for me mentally since things were bad, I can 'deal' with them, a lot of this is due to the wonderful advice here, along with a few external additions to my psychology. I'm more confident and I'm not about to become some girl's counsellor. She means a lot to me and always will, but she's very immature. If she wants to meet me or be with me I'm open to it, but whilst she's in a relationship with this lad, I'm not going to become an emotional tampon, when she was drunk and sounded insanely distraught It was okay, but not every conversation we have, its disrespectful towards me.

Just wanted to put it into words. thanks if you read.

 

[way2smart]

Today my ex contacted me, accusing me of posting her nude pictures online.
I don't even remember she sent me those pictures. WTF

 

[drake33]

Today my ex contacted me, accusing me of posting her nude pictures online.
I don't even remember she sent me those pictures. WTF

Probably just a way to spark convo...ignore! You fight fire with water!

 

[way2smart]

Probably just a way to spark convo...ignore! You fight fire with water!

Yes, but her pictures do appear to be posted online. She sent the link.

 

[drake33]

Yes, but her pictures do appear to be posted online. She sent the link.

If you had nothing to do with it..she must have been sending them out. Sloots gonna sloot

 

[SayWhat]

Guess it's day 20

Horrible horrible day. Yesterday in the evening she came to the bar, she didn't even entered, just stayed outside to have a smoke and then arrived her new guy. They both went for a 'walk' in the woods.

I know they have something, but it still hurts to see it happen. Thoughts like 'they texted through the day to made that appointment', then she drove to there to see him go through my head constantly because these things she did with me as well, but it hurts so much that it isn't happening anymore with me.

I use little bits to pull myself up, like I know there was no future with her, that she was 'mad' that I didn't text her thanks on her birthday wishes and that yesterday when I passed her at work, I looked at her and nodded to say hi, she didn't do anything besides looking at me. I know she just want attention, but still...

Contacted a psychologist, I think I have borderline as well as her because of issues in my childhood where my father died. I guess if this doesn't get fixed, I'll never get a normal relationship.

 

[SayWhat]

My thoughts in bold

Does not thinking about it really helps? Today I exercised a lot and it kept my mind of off it and I felt okay overall. But is this not postponing the problem to later? Or will this later then be a moment I really don't care anymore because so much time has passed?

 

[Lozboss]

So Folks.

After my ex f*cking me around when we are meant to be dating again I'm finally done.

I gave her another chance and it's clear shes wants me as an emotional support but isn't emotionally invested and doesn't have any intention of being intimate. Like Twist she was Hot/Cold when it suited her and wasn't interested in prioritizing me.

I just couldn't stand being unhappy or worrying about where it was going. Better to cut my losses.

Feel the lowest i've been in a while, feel lonely, feel pathetic for having even tried with her. Feel used.

Tomorrow will be NC day 1, letting the healing begin. Her Loss.

Tough times ahead no doubt but just focused on trying to rediscover the confident, happy me before this bullsh*t.

 

[drake33]

So Folks.

After my ex f*cking me around when we are meant to be dating again I'm finally done.

I gave her another chance and it's clear shes wants me as an emotional support but isn't emotionally invested and doesn't have any intention of being intimate. Like Twist she was Hot/Cold when it suited her and wasn't interested in prioritizing me.

I just couldn't stand being unhappy or worrying about where it was going. Better to cut my losses.

Feel the lowest i've been in a while, feel lonely, feel pathetic for having even tried with her. Feel used.

Tomorrow will be NC day 1, letting the healing begin. Her Loss.

Tough times ahead no doubt but just focused on trying to rediscover the confident, happy me before this bullsh*t.

Damn, sorry Loz. Did she give breadcrumbs? What happened? How did you get sucked back in? I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Don't be anything for her but her man. No support, no nothing. Pull the rug out from under that bish! If you're done, be done, but don't let her jerk you around. You're above that.

 

[Twist of Cain]

@ Loz..

yeah brother. it'll be 4 weeks this saturday..

you will feel like **** - however, you are not confined to any base or barracks like i am.

go out in public - i can't.

 

[Lozboss]

Damn, sorry Loz. Did she give breadcrumbs? What happened? How did you get sucked back in? I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Don't be anything for her but her man. No support, no nothing. Pull the rug out from under that bish! If you're done, be done, but don't let her jerk you around. You're above that.

Thanks both.

Drake- she engages when she wants something (usually emotional support). No intimacy or refuses to be with bull**** excuses about taking it slow etc.

She will suffer without me as she doesn't have anyone else. But I'm done being in a relationship where she isn't emotionally or romantically invested. I'm getting nothing but my heart broken and being used.

 

[drake33]

Thanks both.

Drake- she engages when she wants something (usually emotional support). No intimacy or refuses to be with bull**** excuses about taking it slow etc.

She will suffer without me as she doesn't have anyone else. But I'm done being in a relationship where she isn't emotionally or romantically invested. I'm getting nothing but my heart broken and being used.

Did you state your purpose and your intentions clearly and concisely? You want to be with her, nothing else! Not friends. State that and walk away. Don't respond to anything else. You're lucky you don't have kids with this woman. You have no reason to contact her and she has no reason to contact you unless she's willing to play by your rules.

 

[Lozboss]

Did you state your purpose and your intentions clearly and concisely? You want to be with her, nothing else! Not friends. State that and walk away. Don't respond to anything else. You're lucky you don't have kids with this woman. You have no reason to contact her and she has no reason to contact you unless she's willing to play by your rules.

I did this and this led to us dating again. But it's now clear she's pretending we are dating because she needs me emotionally to support her (she turned up at 4am on Sunday morning crying about a few things etc). However, there is no intimacy and she is just using me. She says she's not seeing anyone else but I somehow doubt it.
She never makes time for me and is more interested in doing what she wants to do.

I'm debating whether to say i'm walking away and why or just do it (tempted for the latter as she deserves some pain for what she's done). Thoughts on that?

 

[Infern0]

Day 22 BPD ex

She texted me again, asking a nonsensical and pointless question.

Again I have to restate, I clearly explained we were finished and I was moving on because she was not communicating with me. I told her it was best if we have no contact.

At day 19 and 22 she attempts to break no contact with trivial small talk.

No thanks

 

[drake33]

I did this and this led to us dating again. But it's now clear she's pretending we are dating because she needs me emotionally to support her (she turned up at 4am on Sunday morning crying about a few things etc). However, there is no intimacy and she is just using me. She says she's not seeing anyone else but I somehow doubt it.
She never makes time for me and is more interested in doing what she wants to do.

I'm debating whether to say i'm walking away and why or just do it (tempted for the latter as she deserves some pain for what she's done). Thoughts on that?

It sounds like you need to walk away. Don't give her a warning. Just do it. Block her number, delete her from Facebook, everything and anything. Burn all bridges of communication. If she really wants to get ahold of you for the right reasons, she'll work her ass off to build her own bridge to you. But you've got to walk away for your own sanity.