The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[drake33]

Felt pretty good today, found out that a cute girl is keen on me so going to approach on Saturday and try set something up. I think I'm ready to get back in the game and a sane girl would be a start.

I'm not angry at my borderline ex, I've come to realize I have to take responsibility for allowing her to treat me the way she did. She can blame her behavior on a mental illness and child abuse, what's my excuse for not being a man?

Time to change all of that, become a new me and I'm looking forward to it. I do miss the good times with her, but the bad so outweighed the good which was why I had to walk away from her. One thing I have to thank her for was not making it hard, as a borderline that can't have been easy for her to hold it together and be civil about it.

Anyway, onwards and upwards.

There you go! That's the attitude. Don't dig yourself in too deep with someone new, it's not fair to them. You're clearly still into your ex or you wouldn't be posting in this forum. If you feel it getting serious, politely step back. She may get mad but tell her you're just coming out of a relationship and you're not ready for that commitment. You'll be doing you both a favor.

 

[SayWhat]

Today was not as good as the others. My mind is constantly thinking stuff which makes her look better. Like that she really loved me, but for some reason it couldn't be, she just has another one to fill the void,...

Still have mood swings, one minute I feel good, the next I feel completely down.

Haven't heard from her since tuesday and haven't seen her since saturday. I'm afraid of what I will feel when I see her again.

 

[Infern0]

Wow when reading this I had to think about my ex, she told me once she was sexually abused as a child. Perhaps that's the reason why she has a husband, has an affair with me, dumps me and immediately has a new affair. Also explains why she needs constant attention from everyone around her, especially guys. And also explains why during our affair, every month she had this episode "I can't do this to my husband" and the next day said she wants to continue with me and acted like nothing happened.

O my god the signs... If any of you guys saw it, you would have shouted "run away".

Still am gonna ignore her, I'll leave her feel good about herself and thinking I'm not over her. In a way I am not, I still miss the good times, but I would have never seen a decent relationship out of this.

Typical bpd behavior, sounds like you copped one there.

Wouldn't have been a bad situation if you could have stayed emotionally detached and just used her for sex (which I bet was great) but it's almost impossible with them. I feel bad for the husband being married to that disaster.

 

[drake33]

Oh boy! Well meeting went well... DRAKE-1....EX-0! I went in there, business like and she was there with my daughter. They were eating. I pulled my agenda out, we spoke a little about things. Anyways, I said were no longer friends, were business partners, I pointed at our daughter and said she just happens to be our business. She started to cry! She said I was fine until I saw you. I said that Im not interested in being your friend. I stated what I wanted, you chose to walk out of my life and I respect that and wish you well. I didnt console her. I said Im sorry you're crying. She said if I would have just known a little sooner...I said...it doesnt matter. My daughter had asked for a pair of shoes at my house, I said okay...they came over, and as my daughter ran in to get them, I told her mom Im sorry it has to be this way and I wish it were different. Im not interested in being your friend...I wanted to be your man, your lover. Maybe things change in the future, but this is our relationship now because of your choice. I did get kind of soft at the end. I feel really good overall though. Now, I go back NC...hopefully I havent done damage. I hope I said the right things. I just got a compliment on my fat loss...been dieting for a few weeks now! It's CFTS season...so Im looking good and feeling good...Im sure that played in her mind...!! Not putting the cart ahead of the horse, however...I feel good.

 

[SayWhat]

Very nice job Drake! Keep at it.

 

[Lozboss]

Oh boy! Well meeting went well... DRAKE-1....EX-0! I went in there, business like and she was there with my daughter. They were eating. I pulled my agenda out, we spoke a little about things. Anyways, I said were no longer friends, were business partners, I pointed at our daughter and said she just happens to be our business. She started to cry! She said I was fine until I saw you. I said that Im not interested in being your friend. I stated what I wanted, you chose to walk out of my life and I respect that and wish you well. I didnt console her. I said Im sorry you're crying. She said if I would have just known a little sooner...I said...it doesnt matter. My daughter had asked for a pair of shoes at my house, I said okay...they came over, and as my daughter ran in to get them, I told her mom Im sorry it has to be this way and I wish it were different. Im not interested in being your friend...I wanted to be your man, your lover. Maybe things change in the future, but this is our relationship now because of your choice. I did get kind of soft at the end. I feel really good overall though. Now, I go back NC...hopefully I havent done damage. I hope I said the right things. I just got a compliment on my fat loss...been dieting for a few weeks now! It's CFTS season...so Im looking good and feeling good...Im sure that played in her mind...!! Not putting the cart ahead of the horse, however...I feel good.

Top man stay strong! Well played. And congrats on the fat loss- you're in such a better place than when I read your first post on here. Keep at the NC and see your mental health, mood and progress soar.

You have just started your climb to the summit, you don't need her as a ball and chain to pull you back down to the bottom

It's one of the hardest things in life as a morally sound man to see a woman cry and not be softened by it. But sometimes you have to put a brave face on and act like the tears don't affect you.

 

[Lozboss]

Oh boy! Well meeting went well... DRAKE-1....EX-0! I went in there, business like and she was there with my daughter. They were eating. I pulled my agenda out, we spoke a little about things. Anyways, I said were no longer friends, were business partners, I pointed at our daughter and said she just happens to be our business. She started to cry! She said I was fine until I saw you. I said that Im not interested in being your friend. I stated what I wanted, you chose to walk out of my life and I respect that and wish you well. I didnt console her. I said Im sorry you're crying. She said if I would have just known a little sooner...I said...it doesnt matter. My daughter had asked for a pair of shoes at my house, I said okay...they came over, and as my daughter ran in to get them, I told her mom Im sorry it has to be this way and I wish it were different. Im not interested in being your friend...I wanted to be your man, your lover. Maybe things change in the future, but this is our relationship now because of your choice. I did get kind of soft at the end. I feel really good overall though. Now, I go back NC...hopefully I havent done damage. I hope I said the right things. I just got a compliment on my fat loss...been dieting for a few weeks now! It's CFTS season...so Im looking good and feeling good...Im sure that played in her mind...!! Not putting the cart ahead of the horse, however...I feel good.

Top man stay strong! Well played. And congrats on the fat loss- you're in such a better place than when I read your first post on here. Keep at the NC and see your mental health, mood and progress soar.

You have just started your climb to the summit, you don't need her as a ball and chain to pull you back down to the bottom

It's one of the hardest things in life as a morally sound man to see a woman cry and not be softened by it. But sometimes you have to put a brave face on and act like the tears don't affect you.

 

[drake33]

Top man stay strong! Well played. And congrats on the fat loss- you're in such a better place than when I read your first post on here. Keep at the NC and see your mental health, mood and progress soar.

You have just started your climb to the summit, you don't need her as a ball and chain to pull you back down to the bottom

It's one of the hardest things in life as a morally sound man to see a woman cry and not be softened by it. But sometimes you have to put a brave face on and act like the tears don't affect you.

Thanks man. It was a difficult night, I was slightly shaking I was so nervous. She didnt notice though. Seeing her made me realize that I still love her and care. I still want to be with her, but she chose to walk out of my life. Im a good man and I know it. I want my family back. I want to give my daughter that foundation. It's out of my control and she has to want that too. Its a two way street. I'm content walking away now. Like Corey Wayne says..."The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and MEAN IT" and thats exactly what I'm doing. If things work out, it will be HER reaching out to ME. Ive done my part. We got a few things ironed out for our daughter for the near future. So I shouldnt have to have any kind of contact with her other than schedule things. She did say that "You ignoring me is pissing me off." I simply said Im not going to reply to anything that doesn't warrant a response. Not ignoring you. I think she's rattled, the tears show it. Thanks for everyone's support. I am in such a better place mentally. It feels good. NC is definitely the way to go. It's not a head game, its definitely a way of healing and gaining your self respect back. In fact, I believe, its the only way. What happens from here forward, I dont know. I am not going to lie, I miss her...but ****...she chose this. I did what I could. She looked into my eyes pretty much the whole entire time we were there. I felt the attraction in her eye. Maybe shes with this other POS, but I have piece of mind knowing that when she got back to him, while he kissed her, she was thinking of me. :box: Im going to keep moving and see what happens! Stay strong bruhs!

 

[drake33]

I still have her sending me messages telling me how good we were together, telling me she made mistakes but we both did and that we can put this behind us, blah, blah, blah.

She's very good with knowing what sounds nice and Disneyeque but when it comes to it her actions don't support what comes out of her mouth.

She phoned me from another number so I picked up. We spoke briefly and I half agreed to meet her at her place. She wanted to reconcile and "get closure" so I was willing to hear what she had to say. She told me she'd be back for 9:30.

I went to the gym and told her I'd be there around for 10:15. She told me that was too late. For me this was the straw that broke the camel's back. I told her I would not be interested in meeting her regardless of what she had to say and that I would not give her the "happy ending" and "closure" that she wanted nor would I be open to seeing her again before she flies back to Germany.

I've realised that what sucks most about this breakup is that it has exposed how reliant I was on her for a lot of things. I have a pretty good support system in terms of family and a few close friends, as well as this site but in terms of life in general not so much.

For example I don't feel the need to be that social except for an association with a few close friends. I realised that 70% of the time I conversed on a day to day basis was probably with her. Sometimes even more. To go from that to nothing is a pretty big loss. No-one to tell about your day, your future, dreams and passions, etc. You're losing your best friend, your closest social companion, your access to regular sex and your primary emotional outlet all in one go. And on top of this you're left with the burden of freedom and the massive anxiety that comes with not knowing what to do with all this spare time. Of course it's going to be tough.

I've acknowledged that I allowed her to become way to big a part of my life so in future I need to build a life and a social circle such that the next gf is one of MANY good things going for me.

I'm going set social, fitness and DJ goals.

To go out sarging at least twice a week, to meet a friend for coffee or drinks at least once a week, to join atleast 2 classes a week (salsa, yoga), play my guitar at least 3 times a week and hit the gym 5 times a week.

I'm 100% concious of the fact the main reason I still see her as so precious is subtle oneitis based on the idea that she has all these "unique" qualities and that I can't get an emotional connection with other women.

To remedy this I'm going to try my hardest to GFTOW (go fvck ten other women) because I need to show myself that all these special "unique" qualities I thought she had are not in fact that unique at all. For me the key thing is to make sure I can build some sort of emotional connection with some of these women because I don't think one night stands are great for getting over a breakup. If I can look at another girl as just as good as my ex then I'll KNOW this reason for still wanting her is just in my head.

Wait, are you wanting to reconcile or no? There is no such thing as "closure". Let that bish fly back to Germany and dont even look back. You have nothing anchoring you to her..

 

[SayWhat]

I know one day my boss is gonna ask why I basically don't talk to her anymore or don't want to be together in the kitchen with my ex. My response would be "I have no respect for sluts". This of course is a wrong answer, even though I mean it.

What should I answer?

 

[drake33]

I know one day my boss is gonna ask why I basically don't talk to her anymore or don't want to be together in the kitchen with my ex. My response would be "I have no respect for sluts". This of course is a wrong answer, even though I mean it.

What should I answer?

Smooth and professional..."I have no problem with her I just prefer to keep my interactions with her to a minimum."

 

[drake33]

**** idk why but I am wondering if I truly handled that properly...I want her back...I'm moving forward but yeah...what's my next move? Just stay ghost? Hope she sees the light?

 

[drake33]

Do I just let the **** marinate? Ugh I'm kind of spazzing...someone please eslap me! Also, forgot to mention...no ring..I also asked if there was anything I needed to know about and she said no. Help! Agh!

 

[Pogba]

A little advice as I have been reading on your updates.
Get in line with what YOU want and this ride will start feeling smoother. Don't try to force yourself to get over her if you want her back - just admit that you but at the same time you can't take her back after sleeping with another man; focus in your self and let life play its course.

 

[drake33]

It's tough as fvck I know man but let it go. Move on. This women is with another man.

Imagine your scenario except that you could have her back at the click of your fingers if you wanted to. That's where I am.

So if I can stay strong then so can you.

I'm actually weirded out by how much I care.

Thought I was doing ok considering it's Day 5 but had to leave the office just now because I was getting teary-eyed.

I feel so lonely at the moment, not going to lie. Just have to know that it WILL pass.

You made the right decision. Stick with it. It won't be easy for the first few days/weeks but in a month or two or six (it really depends on the individual) you will be SO happy you had the mental fortitude and conviction to extract this women from your life.

You're right. It's not easy. I will continue making steps forward. No contact. If she reaches out to me, maybe. But I'm not worrying about it. Last night kind of brought those feelings to the surface. Now I just return to ghost mode.

 

[drake33]

Honestly I'm not going to lie.

I want her.

I just don't feel I would ever be 100% comfortable with the decision to take her back.

And for something this big you need to be sure.

You can slowly take your time and see what she is really about. But if you want her, you're going to have to accept the past.

 

[drake33]

A little advice as I have been reading on your updates.
Get in line with what YOU want and this ride will start feeling smoother. Don't try to force yourself to get over her if you want her back - just admit that you but at the same time you can't take her back after sleeping with another man; focus in your self and let life play its course.

I want her back also...I've banged out plenty of women while we have been apart, so what gives me the right to judge?

 

[Twist of Cain]

3 weeks tomorrow since the last time ex and i spoke.

she initiated twice in three days before i left for the academy, an hour away from her place..

think about that - twice in three days. then nothing. in a prison type environment. don't ever let that happen to you.

how did i allow this to happen to me?

the very last thing she told me after we kissed was "text me". i looked her in the eye, and
said "no, ____. you text me.. you text me"

bad fuking move.

 

[Jmurphy55]

Been 5 weeks NC now, it's still very hard.
Initially after the break up I had some good fortune in that I got an offer through for a university in London which I'm buzzing for, and had an unexpected invitation to a friends wedding in Thailand, that coupled with a ONS temporarily took my mind off her, but it's starting to come back now. I think I'm at that missing her phase, I mean I was gutted to broke up at first, but you never truly miss the person until some time elapses?

Now all I can think about is her, I am constantly replaying scenarios in my head regarding how it ended, should I have given her more of a chance to explain everything? (She initially wanted to meet but I said there's no point, if we're breaking up then the phone is fine," and then I go to the other end of the spectrum and assume she may be with someone else, it's driving me ****ing mad. I know either could be true or neither and either way it doesn't affect me as she isn't in my life, but it's very hard to just think about something else.

Additionally I'm on a diet cut currently currently, reducing alcohol a lot and working out, maybe the calorie deficit and lack of alcohol is manifesting itself like this.

Ahhhhhh it's driving me mad, she hasn't attempted to contact me at all in the 5 weeks either which probably hasn't helped.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Ahhhhhh it's driving me mad, she hasn't attempted to contact me at all in the 5 weeks either which probably hasn't helped.

Be glad. If she feeds you breadcrumbs, she thinks there's a chance you might be foolish enough to fall into her web of orbiters. You think you want that elusive text from her, but trust me, really, you don't, especially given your present state of mind.

Stop thinking in "what could have been"s and focus on the "what can be"s and what will be"s.