The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[SayWhat]

Another day

Overall a good one, still drink a lot but it seems less. Even after the event of yesterday I'm surprised. When we have to work together I get my downs, I see her texting and laughing and having a good time with everyone, this I still can't handle and am overall more silent then.

I still hope she asks me why I act this way, the answer would be I have no respect for her anymore. But yeah, I feel this will not happen. Ugh some woman.

The hardest part is that I honestly don't know where I will find the next girl. I work at a bar, but young woman don't come here...

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I see her texting and laughing and having a good time with everyone, this I still can't handle and am overall more silent then.

She's walking, living proof that what we're suggesting you do - move on with your life unaffected - works. Look at how it's eating you up. You don't have to put on a bonafide player drowning in women sort of facade in some attempt to get back at her, but continuously play the part that you're doing just fine and getting on with your life until your actions convince your mind. There's no timetable for when this 'click' takes place - it can be a week, a month, a year, it varies from person to person. Always bear in mind that you're doing this for you.

I still hope she asks me why I act this way, the answer would be I have no respect for her anymore. But yeah, I feel this will not happen. Ugh some woman.

Think of your mind as being infested with these sorts of rodents, your job consisting of tracking them down and exterminating them by asking "why do I still care what she thinks? What she does? I won't care any more, because I don't." It's a lot easier to achieve this by focusing on stuff that you do care about, interests, different pursuits, and if you don't have any, go get some.

The hardest part is that I honestly don't know where I will find the next girl. I work at a bar, but young woman don't come here...

And how do you suppose you'll handle a breakup from "the next girl" if you continue to nurture this burning need to get one to begin with? I suggest you learn how to be single for a nice little stretch of time. Getting another girl won't solve much if you're not very 'attractive' to begin with - that is, you dread walking away.

 

[Lozboss]

I think it has been extremely helpful...its like a cast...Idk..maybe you're right. She's telling people Im mad at her and that I won't talk to her about anything. She told our babysitter that I wont talk to her about anything. I have communicated clearly and concisely about our daughter and nothing else. I admit that some things may make me seem weak...but I think until Im stronger...Im doing what I need to do to move forward. Like I've cut communication...Ive changed her name in my phone to "Daughter's Mom", Im just trying to protect myself.

Just be careful- 60 days is a challenge but it may take longer. Using days a s measure isn't the way- it helps you track progress but you gotta focus on the progress- not the logistics.

Chin up brother- you'll be ok, you've got the right stuff and sooner or later you'll find someone far better.

Look on the bright side- the fact she's talking about your NC with her means she's rattled, living proof it works.

 

[SayWhat]

Thanks man, but it's so hard. You think about what we would do at the moment when we were still together and the fact that it isn't happening at the moment...

Edit:

My ex and this new guy left at the same time. I closed the bar half an hour later and they just came back from god knows where. No drawing needed what happened.

I want to say to her tomorrow that she should not say to this new guy that me and my ex had something. I want to do this to of course get a reaction from her. But also for my own ego, because if he knows, he would feel better than me.

I also lost all respect now, I don't even want to say hi anymore because of this. But I guess this would make her feel better about herself?

What to do?

 

[Pogba]

Man up and master your emotions or switch shifts / job.
Don't wake up every day thinking about what she is doing with HER life but rather focus on YOURS.
Remove her azz from that pedestal BECAUSE she removed you from hers.

 

[SayWhat]

Is professional help gonna help me to be happy on my own? Or perhaps figure out why am so emotional unstable? I feel I can't do this on my own, I slept half an hour this night and have to work again today with her.

 

[sowhat]

Im pretty much over my ex now. I still think about her but my mood isnt affected anymore im not sad n down. However, one thing that bugs me is the guy she ****ed me off for is ugly as **** and playing step daddy like i did. Im guessing im sore at this because she rebounded n seems happy n well i suffered for a while. Im guessing its because i havent found anyone is why im a bit bitter?

Stay strong lads.

haha, same thing, i still had bad days, some nightmares also, but the guy is freaking ugly, i can't believe it lol..

 

[Lozboss]

So I'm in a mental conundrum. Seeing my Ex for a first Date next weekend.

Now she's in my life again I feel it hard to not think and worry about it. I've got NC and let her initiate (just to make sure I don't come on too strong).

Some advice from the DJs please- how do i stop thinking about her/ stop getting apprehensive about it? Obviously it's difficult as it isn't NC period anymore but the start of reconciliation.

 

[drake33]

So I'm in a mental conundrum. Seeing my Ex for a first Date next weekend.

Now she's in my life again I feel it hard to not think and worry about it. I've got NC and let her initiate (just to make sure I don't come on too strong).

Some advice from the DJs please- how do i stop thinking about her/ stop getting apprehensive about it? Obviously it's difficult as it isn't NC period anymore but the start of reconciliation.

How long have you been nc? Well done, sir! Hope next weekend goes well!

 

[SayWhat]

What a horrible day. Nothing serious happened, but the world seems very bleek right now. It's a very sunny day here, which I normally love, but I can't stand the happiness of every one. My head feels like it can explode.

When will this end...

 

[Twist of Cain]

had my ex initiate 2 hook ups in 3 days before i left for police academy, which is an hour away from her place. when we parted she told me to text her - i said no ____, you text me.

that was april 3. nothing from her.

not sure how to go about this - my gut says shes waiting for me to text her to "even the playing fields" with her last 2 invitations.. but that may be my ego saying that.

it keeps me up at night.

 

[zorg198]

Its been i don't know exactly... 4-5 months since i started NC. there are good days there are bad days. i try to improve , iv'e dated a girl recently but i was numb , every time my ex was getting into my head the new girl won't erase her. i try to understand what to do , she keeps pop into my head .

I don't know what to do, i changed everything in my life , home , work , my look and inside of me i improve every day to be a better man. but i keep thinking about her . i am strong and i won't contact her but i need help.

Joe.

 

[drake33]

Got a text last night..."What do you think abou putting our daughter in summer school?" I replied a little later..."I think it would be beneficial for her" She called and I didn't answer...then got the "I didn't mean to call" text. She called again a little later...wtf!? I think the **** is really bothering her. Meanwhile, I had an awese night with one of my lovelys..got some suga wallz and watched the wedding ringer...awesome night! Not counting the days anymore. Screw that. She walked away from ME. I'm going to do my thing and if she wants it back, SHE has to EARN IT! Like "The Weeknd" stay strong gentlemen!

 

[zorg198]

Mauser,

Please see what i wrote i need to understand what's going on.

Joe.

 

[SayWhat]

And therein lies your problem. TOO much emphasis on finding the next girl.......women are a part of life, they are not ALL of life.

I know but it's so hard. The thought of them having sex or why she chooses him over me while I'm better on so many levels, why it happened so fast after the break up,... These thoughts really **** my mood.

Ok I knew our relationship would not last forever, but going from so much fun to nothing anymore, horrible feeling. I can't understand how she got over it so fast and basically rubs it in my face....

Does not thinking about it actually helps? I mean, does thinking about it not heal? You think and think and see what went wrong etc, but if you don't think about it, you can't put in place?

 

[Twist of Cain]

@SayWhat

pm'd you bro

 

[SayWhat]

She send me a text, saying she wants to act normal to me because it's hard working like this and that she misses it.

I'm typing an answer, but am not gonna send it. It's just a relief to say everything I want so it's a bit of my chest.

Thanks for all the advice guys, if I'm completely over her, I'll give back by posting advice to others.

 

[Lozboss]

Hi Guys,

Would still welcome some advice from the DJs now Ex and I have agreed to start dating again. First date is this week (date tbc).

She wants to take it slow, be private and says that due to alot of stuff going on in the her (this is true) that she just wants to take it slow.

Should I be worried? Do I go NC unless she initiates? I think pressuring will drive her away and it's taken a while to get to this.

I figure I just play it cool and let her come round to me.

I've never redated an ex- some advice as to how to proceed/act is most welcome! Especially on the date.

 

[SayWhat]

I agree with the fact that just after the break up you get masked with the advice form this forum and the support from others. For me the the hardest part (let's hope that was the hardest part) came around day 10, it was also because I found out she had someone else.

You have to go through this, I believe it's the only way to get over it, you can keep busy to not think about it, but in the end you have to put it all in place.

NC is a good way though, if I think back on what I would have said to her or texted her just after the break up (you know revisiting old memories, hoping for a reconciliation in the future,... the overall nice guy stuff) I would be in a much worse place right now, I know that.

 

[drake33]

No contact is definitely the only way. I'm not a veteran yet, but I'm 30+ days of NC. I will say it truly is like stitching yourself up after a breakup...the longer the relationship or the uglier the break up, the deeper the cut...and everytime you contact them, you reopen that cut. Never allowing yourself time to heal. No matter if your goal is to reconcile or not, your number one focus should be on you. Do not do this as a means of manipulation! It will NOT work. Rather let that be a SIDE-EFFECT of NC. If you desire to reconcile, do NOT initiate any conversation. If she wants you, she will come to you. Naturally and organically. I'll also put this tip in...DO NOT listen to women about advice on women! I have a good female friend who knows my ex and the situation and she encourages me to reach out blah blah! F that! She chose to walk out of my life. She has to chose to try to walk back in...I have to decide weather or not to let her back in. Stay strong brahs! I will say Mauser is the man! Read everything he posts!