The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Noyou]

She wants to talk about the relationship.. I am sure the problems we have might never disappear.. She sent a text saying she wants to talk.. I am okay with talking.. Not too sure..

Key things:

1. Did she contact you?
2. Was she the dumper?
3. Did she say at the breakup "I need space/time/etc?"
4. How Long was the breakup?

I'd wait for several responses on here before engaging.
My honest opinion is to ignore. If it was important, she would call you.

Had my ex contact me asking how I was doing and such, only to realize that the person she started to date wasn't working out.

 

[arjunck]

1. Did she contact you?YES
2. Was she the dumper?YES
3. Did she say at the breakup "I need space/time/etc?"YES
4. How Long was the breakup?ABOUT 3 WEEKS

I'd wait for several responses on here before engaging.
My honest opinion is to ignore. If it was important, she would call you.SHE HAS KEPT CALLING CONSISTENTLY.. I SAID A MONTH'S BREAK AT LEAST IS NEEDED TO RE EVALUATE THE LAST TIME I SPOKE WITH HER WHICH WAS A WEEK AGO.. DID NOT ACT NEEDY OR ANYTHING.. BUT NOW SHE WANTS TO MEET ME THIS FRIDAY.. IT IS GETTING CLOSE AND I AM FREAKING OUT.. I LOVE HER.. BUT SHE DUMPED ME..

 

[bateman72]

im back

It's been a year since the breakup. I'm alive, but I still think about her every day, and it still hurts, sometimes a little, sometimes too much.

I though I would have so much to write about it, but there isn't much to say, besides...

...Brace Yourselfs. It is a LONG RUN!

PS: A year since the initial break up, unfortunatelly, I was not able to handle my own sh!t, and I begged her back, we got back, I found out she was cheating, I've dumped her sk@nky ass, but then again I've reinitiated contact, blablabla, and I've only went NC on October. So it is still 7 months NC mark...

Bottomline, GO NC AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, otherwise, you will only extend the pain. Guaranteed!

Lotus


Its been a few months since I even looked at the forum. I log on today and see your post.

I went back to my ex and it has been a fvck8ng life changing disaster.

Im gonna make a longer post later about what has been going on with me, just wanted to say I wish I would have taken your advice.

Newbies to this forum...go read this dudes posts. Save yourself!.

 

[Blackmesa]

Blackmesa Day 18:

I barely miss her now, I pass long of moments of my day without any thought of her occurring to me. The want to get back to her is dead in the water.

I thought it would take me maybe the whole 60 days to get over it. But I think I will make it with 30 or less.

Her mom called me these days. She is sad with the end of the LTR, her mom liked me a lot. She said she hopes me and her daughter could get back together someday. She also told me my ex is not eating anything. She lost 20 pounds in about 45 days.

Well... I lost about 6... But that's because I am working out and eating healthier!! Life is possible without her, better than imagined. Now I don't want her back anymore! I am a better man!

Regards,

Blackmesa

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

I thought the same thing about 5 months ago, and I met her family, her friends and whatnot.

Bottom line, they knew HER before YOU and even if YOU were the victim and you did everything right, they will ultimately take HER side, even if she is wrong.

In my situation, I had a smart old friend (he is elderly) that me and the ex knew, but COMPLETELY took my side and he's known the ex for 20 years and me only 3 years. Even he told me to stay away from all of them and the ex, and that when he saw us together "I was excellent for her, but she wasn't good for me" and that he thought of me "as a son he never had." Luckily this man knew all what was up and told me the right things, and not what I wanted to hear.

Now if you knew them before your ex did, then you can keep them BUT WATCH WHAT YOU SAY AROUND THEM. They might prove to tell her about you and what you're doing, knowing this about you, she can have her cake and eat it to.

Trust me. You REALLY want to heal? All balls or none, stay friends with them, you will just prolong your healing. I went through it. Things got better when you let everything go, AND if they are your true friends, they would understand. If not, they weren't your friends were they?

If there is a "that's not a mature thing to do" arguement, then lets say this:

Was it mature that your ex dumped you, and selfishly thought of his/her own needs, while you worried about his/hers?
Was it mature that you (More than likely) were labeled as the person who made the relationship not work, even if you know that is not true and you gave your all?
Was it mature that your ex LIED/CHEATED on you?

HE/SHE DESERVES NOTHING FROM YOU
HE/SHE DECIDED TO LEAVE TO SEEK GREENER GRASS
YOU SHOULD BE PISSED!

Move on, then when he/she comes back, AND HE/SHE WILL, you can handle it like an adult.
From what I've seen a majority of the time, when you finally move on, they decide to come back, the reason they come back is what you have to look out for, but more than likely you should say no, because they will do it again.

Don't date a child, date an adult folks

While your advice is solid, I have to correct you at some places. I'm not sure if you're mixing me up with someone else, but;

1. My ex did not dump me, I dumped her (sort of, I just went NC without saying anything). She was too scared to actually dump me and instead was rambling on about "I need space" and "maybe we should take a temporary break from our relationship" (with emphasis on 'temporary', like what the f*ck does she expect, that I'd just wait for her while she's using her sweet time to figure out what the f*ck she wants?). Not once did she say "lets break up".

2. I am indeed labeled as the person who made the relationship not work, by her, but not by our mutual friends. Most of them are either indifferent about who started what, and some of them actually chose my side because they realize I'm not the bad guy here. That being said, I did make some major mistakes with this chick. I'm not gonna lie; I acted super beta and needy at the end of our relationship when things where falling apart. I was desperate, I had serious one-itis and I was seriously frustrated how she and I had one fight after another.

3. My ex never lied to me as far as I know, nor did she cheat on me.

4. I definitely was pissed and still kinda am. But my anger is slowly fading away and I'm getting to the point of indifference. However, sometimes I can't help but ask myself; "Why did things go the way the did? Why did it have to be like this? If I did things differently, would she and I still be together now?"
I know those thoughts are like poisonous water flooding my mind, and so I do my very best to ban those thoughts from my mind. Focusing on my study, pimping my new pad and casually dating other women definitely helps with that. Exercising helps as well, but I'm having a serious cold for the past week or so, so I haven't been able to do any workouts the past week, which pisses me off.


Anyway, I decided to write this guide on pimping your pad to kill some time and get my mind off of her:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=216734

You guys have been amazing in your support. Hopefully my little guide can prove useful to some of you. See it as my way of saying thank you.

 

[Noyou]

While your advice is solid, I have to correct you at some places. I'm not sure if you're mixing me up with someone else, but;

1. My ex did not dump me, I dumped her (sort of, I just went NC without saying anything). She was too scared to actually dump me and instead was rambling on about "I need space" and "maybe we should take a temporary break from our relationship" (with emphasis on 'temporary', like what the f*ck does she expect, that I'd just wait for her while she's using her sweet time to figure out what the f*ck she wants?). Not once did she say "lets break up".

2. I am indeed labeled as the person who made the relationship not work, by her, but not by our mutual friends. Most of them are either indifferent about who started what, and some of them actually chose my side because they realize I'm not the bad guy here. That being said, I did make some major mistakes with this chick. I'm not gonna lie; I acted super beta and needy at the end of our relationship when things where falling apart. I was desperate, I had serious one-itis and I was seriously frustrated how she and I had one fight after another.

3. My ex never lied to me as far as I know, nor did she cheat on me.

4. I definitely was pissed and still kinda am. But my anger is slowly fading away and I'm getting to the point of indifference. However, sometimes I can't help but ask myself; "Why did things go the way the did? Why did it have to be like this? If I did things differently, would she and I still be together now?"
I know those thoughts are like poisonous water flooding my mind, and so I do my very best to ban those thoughts from my mind. Focusing on my study, pimping my new pad and casually dating other women definitely helps with that. Exercising helps as well, but I'm having a serious cold for the past week or so, so I haven't been able to do any workouts the past week, which pisses me off.


Anyway, I decided to write this guide on pimping your pad to kill some time and get my mind off of her:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=216734

You guys have been amazing in your support. Hopefully my little guide can prove useful to some of you. See it as my way of saying thank you.

1. She did dump you, and you are right, she was too scared or afraid to hurt your feelings (an excuse). She more than likely wanted a break because she wanted to test out other men. She strung you along for her own gains.

2. Probably acted beta because you feared something was wrong correct? You had fights over stuff she did or acted correct? Trust me, her friends that you know have been already told you are the bad guy in this.

3. She prob did lie and cheat and used the "break" as an excuse to do so. If you were in a LTR with this chick and she said stuff like "I don't know what I want / you're too good for me / it's not you it's me / I don't know if your the right guy" more than likely she's trying to find a way out but keep you in her sights.

4. Colds, ew. Ah the what if stage, I was here for 2 months. Don't dwell on things, it will only waste your time. I spent and wasted 2 months thinking these things you are prob thinking of.

Im just replying to this because my relationship ended ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME WAY, I did the same things as you did, but I caught her lying and basically cheating during our "break" to "get some space"

Sounds like you were dating a borderline female.

 

[Noyou]

1. Did she contact you?YES
2. Was she the dumper?YES
3. Did she say at the breakup "I need space/time/etc?"YES
4. How Long was the breakup?ABOUT 3 WEEKS

I'd wait for several responses on here before engaging.
My honest opinion is to ignore. If it was important, she would call you.SHE HAS KEPT CALLING CONSISTENTLY.. I SAID A MONTH'S BREAK AT LEAST IS NEEDED TO RE EVALUATE THE LAST TIME I SPOKE WITH HER WHICH WAS A WEEK AGO.. DID NOT ACT NEEDY OR ANYTHING.. BUT NOW SHE WANTS TO MEET ME THIS FRIDAY.. IT IS GETTING CLOSE AND I AM FREAKING OUT.. I LOVE HER.. BUT SHE DUMPED ME..

Since you put down a boundary, stick to it. She's testing your resolve. Let her blow up the phone.

 

[Colette]

It's been a year since the breakup. I'm alive, but I still think about her every day, and it still hurts, sometimes a little, sometimes too much.

I though I would have so much to write about it, but there isn't much to say, besides...

...Brace Yourselfs. It is a LONG RUN!

PS: A year since the initial break up, unfortunatelly, I was not able to handle my own sh!t, and I begged her back, we got back, I found out she was cheating, I've dumped her sk@nky ass, but then again I've reinitiated contact, blablabla, and I've only went NC on October. So it is still 7 months NC mark...

Bottomline, GO NC AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, otherwise, you will only extend the pain. Guaranteed!

Seeing you after 1 year break up and 7 months of NC , still thinking about your ex everyday!!! . Honestly it is disappointing to me. I hate to accept that I am going to think about my ex after a year ! it is depressing , I hope this nightmare of ex go away from my life. I can`t handle to even imagine my ex stay within my thoughts after 365 days.

 

[Colette]

1. Did she contact you?YES
2. Was she the dumper?YES
3. Did she say at the breakup "I need space/time/etc?"YES
4. How Long was the breakup?ABOUT 3 WEEKS

I'd wait for several responses on here before engaging.
My honest opinion is to ignore. If it was important, she would call you.SHE HAS KEPT CALLING CONSISTENTLY.. I SAID A MONTH'S BREAK AT LEAST IS NEEDED TO RE EVALUATE THE LAST TIME I SPOKE WITH HER WHICH WAS A WEEK AGO.. DID NOT ACT NEEDY OR ANYTHING.. BUT NOW SHE WANTS TO MEET ME THIS FRIDAY.. IT IS GETTING CLOSE AND I AM FREAKING OUT.. I LOVE HER.. BUT SHE DUMPED ME..

You can meet her . But, don't get your hopes up. you will either get what you want or will be utterly disappointed. if you can handle possible disappointment then go for it.
She obviously is swallowing her pride and wants to see you . So, you have the upper hand.

 

[petitefri]

Day 12:
Woke up with thoughts of him at the top of my mind. Sucks a little but somehow I don't longer think about why he left me. More of my thoughts is centred on how I got so much Uni work to cover, my work and my party on Friday
Some seconds are covered with thoughts of us planning ahead and how I have to resell the stuffs I got him for our "upcoming " 6 months anniversary.
Generally, less thoughts of him and more about me compared to when we just broke up.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Day 30
Slowly returning to myself.
It's kind of odd she hasn't contacted me yet, I guess she lost interest in me a while before the final breakup, I just ignored the writing on the wall..
I try to avoid thinking and talking about her, although I really only smile when old memories pass through mind.

Ahh...x...you foolish little girl.

 

[Noyou]

Day 30
Slowly returning to myself.
It's kind of odd she hasn't contacted me yet, I guess she lost interest in me a while before the final breakup, I just ignored the writing on the wall..
I try to avoid thinking and talking about her, although I really only smile when old memories pass through mind.

Ahh...x...you foolish little girl.

She's not going to contact you right now because a number of variables. Don't dwell on why she hasn't called you yet. Stop blaming yourself, you prob did everything correct. Please read this article. http://gettinbetter.com/waif.html might be some insight to a lot of people

 

[Rave18]

Revenge

A soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying,

"I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."

 

[Lotus Effect]

Seeing you after 1 year break up and 7 months of NC , still thinking about your ex everyday!!! . Honestly it is disappointing to me. I hate to accept that I am going to think about my ex after a year ! it is depressing , I hope this nightmare of ex go away from my life. I can`t handle to even imagine my ex stay within my thoughts after 365 days.

Hey Colette, sorry to break it down for you!

It may be disappointing, it maybe hateful, it maybe depressing...

But it is how it is. No one said this was the easy road, but I can assure you of one thing.
It is the only road you can choose. It is the right decision.

You will gain absolutely nothing by trying to reengage contact but more pain. The soonner you cut all ties, the faster you will begin your healing process. Picture myself for example. It took me 5 months, a huge amount of my dignity, and most certainly a lifetime of despise from that particular girl for me to bail.

Had I gone ghost may 26th, the day she asked for a break, who knows what could have happened. She would probably reached out to me by now... Or No... I don't know, but what I do know is that giving up 5 months after that, October the 9th, I've not only destroyed whatever image of a man I've created to that woman during the relationship, but also extended the pain exponentially, adding to the sum of the breakup lots of days and loads of bullsh*t I regret doing!

In the aftermath, I think it was good for me like this. I've needed to grow up and start acting like a man, and this was the sort of thing that I was in need.

I know believe that the hard way is the way to go. Even though I advise you, and anyone for that matter, to go ghost ASAP, in fact I do believe that a heartbrake is a healthy process that every man should go through, doing all possible mistakes.

After all, you can only learn from your mistakes, and not some advice a random dude is giving you online!

Welcome, and good luck on your journey! It is going to be a long one!

Peace!

 

[Colette]

Hey Colette, sorry to break it down for you!

It may be disappointing, it maybe hateful, it maybe depressing...

But it is how it is. No one said this was the easy road, but I can assure you of one thing.
It is the only road you can choose. It is the right decision.

You will gain absolutely nothing by trying to reengage contact but more pain. The soonner you cut all ties, the faster you will begin your healing process. Picture myself for example. It took me 5 months, a huge amount of my dignity, and most certainly a lifetime of despise from that particular girl for me to bail.

Had I gone ghost may 26th, the day she asked for a break, who knows what could have happened. She would probably reached out to me by now... Or No... I don't know, but what I do know is that giving up 5 months after that, October the 9th, I've not only destroyed whatever image of a man I've created to that woman during the relationship, but also extended the pain exponentially, adding to the sum of the breakup lots of days and loads of bullsh*t I regret doing!

In the aftermath, I think it was good for me like this. I've needed to grow up and start acting like a man, and this was the sort of thing that I was in need.

I know believe that the hard way is the way to go. Even though I advise you, and anyone for that matter, to go ghost ASAP, in fact I do believe that a heartbrake is a healthy process that every man should go through, doing all possible mistakes.

After all, you can only learn from your mistakes, and not some advice a random dude is giving you online!

Welcome, and good luck on your journey! It is going to be a long one!

Peace!

are you saying that you regret to get back with her for awhile , and also kept in touch? maybe you could heal much faster if you wouldn't try to initiate contact after original break up.
However , I can understand why you did it. getting back with ex and having all those old feeling back sounds tempting . So, we all fall for it just to feel the happiness again. Even though, it can be just for short time and all problem may appear again .
Exactly same with a drug addict.

 

[Induced Drag]

I don't know why but I checked my ex's FB tonight. It's been 6 1/2 months since she broke up with me. I have been doing really well and don't think about her every day anymore. We're not friends on FB but I see she changed her public profile on there. She's giving some guy in his 50s a big hug and they're both smiling. She just posted this on the 20th. I know it's not her brother and her father has passed. I can't help but think this is her new guy. All of the old feelings came flooding back to me. I don't know why I fell so hard for her. That's just the way it is. There's nothing exceptional about her but that can be said for most women. My only failure with her is that I was too available.

I'm a strong person. I've had to be with everything I've gone through in my life. I've never had a problem getting over anyone before, only her. I sleep with random women I don't care about probably because I'm on the rebound and still think about her. Every area of my life is good except this area. Of all the women I've dated the one I actually go for dumps me and for a much older guy. If this is indeed this person. It's an older pic from this last winter by the look of the clothes and lack of leaves on the trees. She did dump me last November. However, it must be relevant because she just posted the picture. My self esteem is shot right now and I'm gutted. I got dumped for this guy?!! I know the response is going to be man up. Forget about her, etc. Thing is it's been 6 1/2 months and I'm doing everything I can to forget about her including NC, not looking at her social media and spinning plates.
In my despair I wrote her an email telling her how I feel which I know is frowned on heavily here. I haven't sent it. Guys, I just don't know what to do. Right now I feel like a ship without a rudder.

 

[Mr. Kalikoat]

Day 27:

Today I logged in on an online videogame which I used to play with my ex. I haven't played the game for quite a while now so I didn't block and delete my ex from my friends list yet. I was about to do that, only to discover she already blocked and deleted me.
I had no hope or intention to get back with her and I actually have a date today, so this shouldn't bother me, but it did. I feel hurt even. Why goddamnit? Why?

 

[Dtsm3]

Its now day 11.

I thought it was time for an update. I've kept myself busy over the last 11 days by not dwelling on things, but taking part in activities. I've been Kayaking, joined a dance class, joined a running club, been to the gym, been on a date. All these things have acheived two things for me.....they have kept me busy and thus my mind off things, and secondly they have helped me to realise that I do not need anyone in my life in order for me to be happy and enjoy life, I only need me to achieve this.

If I want someone in my life, it will be because I want someone and not because I need them, and it will be on my terms.

The first girl I was seeing after I left my long term relationship made me feel needy and obsessive, I may have acted badly as many others have after the relationship ended.

The second girl I have seen since (and ended) I came to realise my mistakes, and also what I want from a relationship. and I have acted alot better.

The reason I explain this is to try and help anyone who is struggling realise, yes we all make mistakes and act bad at times, but as long as we learn from our mistakes and grow as a person then it is not wasted time.

Enjoy your lives, and never accept less from the people you want to be with then you deserve.

 

[nemz]

Day 27:

Today I logged in on an online videogame which I used to play with my ex. I haven't played the game for quite a while now so I didn't block and delete my ex from my friends list yet. I was about to do that, only to discover she already blocked and deleted me.
I had no hope or intention to get back with her and I actually have a date today, so this shouldn't bother me, but it did. I feel hurt even. Why goddamnit? Why?

Women will do anything to avoid awkward scenarios, including bumping into you online - don't think anything of it, chin up dude!

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Day 31

Man I miss that feeling of home. I miss that feeling of being TOTALLY comfortable with a person, knowing their family and being treated almost as a family member...
I start getting the feeling that I miss the way she made me feel a lot more than the amount that I miss her.
I mean, after a month of NC she doesn't even look that pretty and seducing in my mind anymore, she looks...normal.