The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
Formerlyrossitheking
Don Juan
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- Nov 20, 2013
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Checking her fb is on a par with stalking her house. Same actions. Same results.
orbion2013
Don Juan
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- Dec 5, 2013
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hey man thanx for the support...MichiganMan1111 said:
you know, i wanted the relationship to end... i was sick of the minds games she was playing, the constant drama, manipulative tactics etc etc
in some ways we both ended it... as i just went ghost on her after an argument... changed my number & vanished... her response was to send me an email nearly a week later saying it was over... i just ignored her & continued ghost... till this day
she is a good looking woman, so i am certain she would have had some dude, waiting in the background to branch swing to.
it bothers me... but i have no use for her... she brings nothing positive to my life...only drama, stress, insecureties
i cannot imagine her making a good wife, us living together, marriage, kids etc etc
so why waste anymore of my life & time with her!
i guess it's just the anger & betrayel that is consuming me right now.. I TRULEY DO NOT FEEL LIKE I LOST A GOOD WOMAN... FAR FROM IT
lets hope the sense of relief kicks in soon
Johnny Alias
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2013
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- 219
- Reaction score
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Day 38
Banged my rebound last night. Awesome. She might be 45 but she looks like a fricking barbie model. Better body than the ex easily. Already had a threesome with her and a HOT chick from AZ. That's good. She's been a great go to. Still she's been seeing dudes... none physically but i think she realizes the writing is on the wall and we'll have to part ways eventually.
To that end I've got a date set up for tomorrow. The girl is smoking hot and slipped her number to me without a word spoken... hostess at a restaurant... young. Great cans.
I've got another that's been bugging me for a date, but on reflection i should have asked out her sister who doesn't drink and is great LTR material. This one is hotter but a big drinker... just like my ex. I've already kind of screwed this up so I'm going out with the hottie for a laugh, but am proud of myself for at LEAST recognizing what I really want in the long run. Up to this point ive just followed my d1ck.
Still, its hard. Mine was a Cluster B so its a serious mindfvck. Had dreams of us growing old together. I'm in therapy now and finally confronting how screwed up my family dynamic was growing up. Alcoholic narcissist for a dad, histrionic for a mom, schizophrenic brother... its no wonder i seek out abuse and drama on a subconcious level. It's all I've ever really known. Suffering at the hands of women like this is actually COMFORTING on some dysfunctional level. I'm trying very hard to achieve a paradigm shift in my thinking... but its really hard work.
I still miss her. Dammit.
I broke up with her 5 months ago... and she moved in with a new dude immediately meaning she was cheating at LEAST emotionally. I'm trying to prepare myself mentally for an announcement that they're engaged or she's somehow miraculously pregnant at 43. God.
Banged my rebound last night. Awesome. She might be 45 but she looks like a fricking barbie model. Better body than the ex easily. Already had a threesome with her and a HOT chick from AZ. That's good. She's been a great go to. Still she's been seeing dudes... none physically but i think she realizes the writing is on the wall and we'll have to part ways eventually.
To that end I've got a date set up for tomorrow. The girl is smoking hot and slipped her number to me without a word spoken... hostess at a restaurant... young. Great cans.
I've got another that's been bugging me for a date, but on reflection i should have asked out her sister who doesn't drink and is great LTR material. This one is hotter but a big drinker... just like my ex. I've already kind of screwed this up so I'm going out with the hottie for a laugh, but am proud of myself for at LEAST recognizing what I really want in the long run. Up to this point ive just followed my d1ck.
Still, its hard. Mine was a Cluster B so its a serious mindfvck. Had dreams of us growing old together. I'm in therapy now and finally confronting how screwed up my family dynamic was growing up. Alcoholic narcissist for a dad, histrionic for a mom, schizophrenic brother... its no wonder i seek out abuse and drama on a subconcious level. It's all I've ever really known. Suffering at the hands of women like this is actually COMFORTING on some dysfunctional level. I'm trying very hard to achieve a paradigm shift in my thinking... but its really hard work.
I still miss her. Dammit.
I broke up with her 5 months ago... and she moved in with a new dude immediately meaning she was cheating at LEAST emotionally. I'm trying to prepare myself mentally for an announcement that they're engaged or she's somehow miraculously pregnant at 43. God.
Hi lads. Hope you've all enjoyed your holliday. 
Just thought I'd pop in and just write down my thoughts at the moment, as much has happened (unfortunately) between me and my ex over the last couple of weeks.
So to make it short, we were on/off for a long time, she did some terrible things to me and broke it off for the last time in september/october-ish.
Around the 21th of december, this happened:
And it hasn't been any quieter in the weeks that has passed since that meeting. She has been texting me and begging me to take her back.
During that time I have been doing a lot of thinking, but no matter what I always came to the same conclusion: Don't go back! And though that has been my main attitude during my two months of NC, it's something different when you're actually in the situation where she wants you back.
So last night I went to her house to talk to her over a cup of coffee just to be done with it.
I have to mention that she is actually moving to another part of the country for six months starting today, but still wants me to take her back - right before she moves.
We sat down, and told her the reality of things: "I understand that you regret the things you have done to me, but you have to understand: You have broken up with me four times, you've treated me like ****. And to tell you the truth, I can't trust you anymore. That's one thing. But you're also moving away for six months. How am I going to have a long distance relationship with a girl I don't trust?"
So that's it. She obviously was very disappointed, but got the message.
Thing is, today I've actually been feeling like crap. Though there should be no doubt in my head that I made the right decision, there's always that doubt that just surrounds you. "What if I'll miss her?" "What if I regret it a couple of weeks/months?" "What if I never find someone else?"
It's all in my head, I know that, but these thoughts really scare me at this point.
Just thought I'd pop in and just write down my thoughts at the moment, as much has happened (unfortunately) between me and my ex over the last couple of weeks.
So to make it short, we were on/off for a long time, she did some terrible things to me and broke it off for the last time in september/october-ish.
Around the 21th of december, this happened:
mkj1990 said:
And it hasn't been any quieter in the weeks that has passed since that meeting. She has been texting me and begging me to take her back.
During that time I have been doing a lot of thinking, but no matter what I always came to the same conclusion: Don't go back! And though that has been my main attitude during my two months of NC, it's something different when you're actually in the situation where she wants you back.
So last night I went to her house to talk to her over a cup of coffee just to be done with it.
I have to mention that she is actually moving to another part of the country for six months starting today, but still wants me to take her back - right before she moves.
We sat down, and told her the reality of things: "I understand that you regret the things you have done to me, but you have to understand: You have broken up with me four times, you've treated me like ****. And to tell you the truth, I can't trust you anymore. That's one thing. But you're also moving away for six months. How am I going to have a long distance relationship with a girl I don't trust?"
So that's it. She obviously was very disappointed, but got the message.
Thing is, today I've actually been feeling like crap. Though there should be no doubt in my head that I made the right decision, there's always that doubt that just surrounds you. "What if I'll miss her?" "What if I regret it a couple of weeks/months?" "What if I never find someone else?"
It's all in my head, I know that, but these thoughts really scare me at this point.
yellowfever
Don Juan
Day 10
I had a wonderful therapeutic conversation last night with another forum member who is also doing NC. For the whole conversation, I felt free and wonderful. I felt like I can beat this problem. I'm sure I will be able to sleep well tonight - this ex is going to be behind me soon. I've got a plan!
Damn, reality hits hard and fast. I can't sleep. I toss and turn. No, she's still in my mind. Her ghost is beside me. It's so difficult. Why? Why? Why?
I think I slept about 2 hours this night. I have to work now, so many things to complete. I've been lazy and unable to focus for so long. It's really hurting my performance. I'm so happy to have this forum to vent and share my experiences.
I'm not eating well. I don't know how to take care of myself. To stay healthy, I need to take care of myself. I don't know how to cook. it seems easier not to eat, less mess to clean up but this is an illusion - I need to eat.
Memo to self, you must eat. Drink more water. Try to get rest. Go outside get some fresh air, go for a walk. Exercise. Focus on work. Concentrate. Improve myself. Don't worry about girls. I live in a country (China) that has probably more women than any other on this planet. I'm going to Vietnam in 2 days and I love the taste of Vietnamese women. There will be too many girls identical to her that are available. I can replace her! It's just sad to lose those 8 months of history. I put all my energy into her and that was my problem. Don't try too hard to make a relationship work - the relationship must work naturally.
If I am good, they will find me and I will have to choose which ones I want. I should not have to chase women, they should chase me.
I'm still incredulous at how quickly we broke-up. I should learn to keep my mouth shut when what I say is not necessary. But walking on eggshells in a relationship is not healthy too. If I live in a relationship where I am have to fear everything I say, it's probably not a good relationship to remain in. I did not feel this way in my relationship, I felt strong and confident but even my simple words were enough for her to decide to leave. I tried my best. Words can hurt, take care in what you say.
I need to man up and take control of my life. It's been on autopilot for far too long. She lost respect for me, not I need to make myself better so that this never happens to me again. I will love again, love with all my heart but I won't be stupid again.
I'm sure it gets better. It just takes time. I've got time. Please let me sleep in peace tonight. ALL the problems are in my mind. I miss her but she is gone- it was her decision. She was not my prisoner, she chose to leave. I tried to keep her, nothing more I could have done.
I must deal with it and move on. One day she will find me again and regret that she left me. I'm smarter now but my mind still has the capability to control me.
I had a wonderful therapeutic conversation last night with another forum member who is also doing NC. For the whole conversation, I felt free and wonderful. I felt like I can beat this problem. I'm sure I will be able to sleep well tonight - this ex is going to be behind me soon. I've got a plan!
Damn, reality hits hard and fast. I can't sleep. I toss and turn. No, she's still in my mind. Her ghost is beside me. It's so difficult. Why? Why? Why?
I think I slept about 2 hours this night. I have to work now, so many things to complete. I've been lazy and unable to focus for so long. It's really hurting my performance. I'm so happy to have this forum to vent and share my experiences.
I'm not eating well. I don't know how to take care of myself. To stay healthy, I need to take care of myself. I don't know how to cook. it seems easier not to eat, less mess to clean up but this is an illusion - I need to eat.
Memo to self, you must eat. Drink more water. Try to get rest. Go outside get some fresh air, go for a walk. Exercise. Focus on work. Concentrate. Improve myself. Don't worry about girls. I live in a country (China) that has probably more women than any other on this planet. I'm going to Vietnam in 2 days and I love the taste of Vietnamese women. There will be too many girls identical to her that are available. I can replace her! It's just sad to lose those 8 months of history. I put all my energy into her and that was my problem. Don't try too hard to make a relationship work - the relationship must work naturally.
If I am good, they will find me and I will have to choose which ones I want. I should not have to chase women, they should chase me.
I'm still incredulous at how quickly we broke-up. I should learn to keep my mouth shut when what I say is not necessary. But walking on eggshells in a relationship is not healthy too. If I live in a relationship where I am have to fear everything I say, it's probably not a good relationship to remain in. I did not feel this way in my relationship, I felt strong and confident but even my simple words were enough for her to decide to leave. I tried my best. Words can hurt, take care in what you say.
I need to man up and take control of my life. It's been on autopilot for far too long. She lost respect for me, not I need to make myself better so that this never happens to me again. I will love again, love with all my heart but I won't be stupid again.
I'm sure it gets better. It just takes time. I've got time. Please let me sleep in peace tonight. ALL the problems are in my mind. I miss her but she is gone- it was her decision. She was not my prisoner, she chose to leave. I tried to keep her, nothing more I could have done.
I must deal with it and move on. One day she will find me again and regret that she left me. I'm smarter now but my mind still has the capability to control me.
why the fvck they say he is just a friend is beyond me, dont get caught up in thinking this chick is any good for you.......she wants to be friends with you as a back up plan........
DO NOT GO ALONG WITH THIS AT ALL OTHERWISE SHE WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL , THE PAIN YOU WILL SUFFER WILL BE HORRID.......FVCK THAT .
DO NOT CONTACT HER IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM , IF YOU DO YOU ARE CONFIRMING TO HER THAT YOU STILL LIKE HER , AND SHE WILL PLAY ON THIS LIKE YOU WOULDNT BELIEVE.
IF SHE CONTACTS YOU ....EITHER IGNORE COMPLETLY.......PLAY ALONG WITH HER SHYT.....AND FVCK HER IN THE ASS........OR TELL HER YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND DOESNT LIKE YOU TALKING TO EXES .......THEN WATCH THE SCRIPT FLIP.
MY EX WAS NOOBING ME AROUND TRYING TO KEEP ME AS BACK UP.....I SPOTTED THIS PRETTY SOON TO BE FAIR.....BLASTED HER THEN DROVE OFF WENT NO CONTACT......AND ITS BEEN 4 MONTHS THIS WEEK.
MY SISTER SAW HER LAST WEEK AND SHE WAS ALL OVER MY SISTER BEING NICE AND ASKING HOW SHE WAS THIS THAT AND THE OTHER..........MY SISTER COULDNT BELEIVE IT............I MUST ADMIT I AM WONDERING WHY ....BUT IT DOESNT MATTER I DONT WANT TO BE IN FRIENDZONE .....FVCK THAT ..............
DO NOT BE MESSED AROUND BY ANY WOMEN OTHERWISE YOU WILL WASTE YOUR VALUBLE TIME ON SOMEONE WHO REALLY ONLY CARES ABOUT THEM SELF.
JUST MY THOUGHTS .....ALL THE BEST ANYWAY
DO NOT GO ALONG WITH THIS AT ALL OTHERWISE SHE WILL MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL , THE PAIN YOU WILL SUFFER WILL BE HORRID.......FVCK THAT .
DO NOT CONTACT HER IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM , IF YOU DO YOU ARE CONFIRMING TO HER THAT YOU STILL LIKE HER , AND SHE WILL PLAY ON THIS LIKE YOU WOULDNT BELIEVE.
IF SHE CONTACTS YOU ....EITHER IGNORE COMPLETLY.......PLAY ALONG WITH HER SHYT.....AND FVCK HER IN THE ASS........OR TELL HER YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND DOESNT LIKE YOU TALKING TO EXES .......THEN WATCH THE SCRIPT FLIP.
MY EX WAS NOOBING ME AROUND TRYING TO KEEP ME AS BACK UP.....I SPOTTED THIS PRETTY SOON TO BE FAIR.....BLASTED HER THEN DROVE OFF WENT NO CONTACT......AND ITS BEEN 4 MONTHS THIS WEEK.
MY SISTER SAW HER LAST WEEK AND SHE WAS ALL OVER MY SISTER BEING NICE AND ASKING HOW SHE WAS THIS THAT AND THE OTHER..........MY SISTER COULDNT BELEIVE IT............I MUST ADMIT I AM WONDERING WHY ....BUT IT DOESNT MATTER I DONT WANT TO BE IN FRIENDZONE .....FVCK THAT ..............
DO NOT BE MESSED AROUND BY ANY WOMEN OTHERWISE YOU WILL WASTE YOUR VALUBLE TIME ON SOMEONE WHO REALLY ONLY CARES ABOUT THEM SELF.
JUST MY THOUGHTS .....ALL THE BEST ANYWAY
Tripod I agree with you on that, its the reason I stopped being "Friends" and went to no contact because there was no point in being around. I do still think however if she wanted to give our relationship as lovers another chance, at this point I would think about it but definitely not going to break contact to just be friends.
Today marks 1 week of no contact for me. I have to say my progress is very indifferent. The first two days I felt amazing, next couple I felt down, then amazing, then down. I'm feeling great now as I come to realize that most of our stress, anxiety, depression, etc. really just stems from comparing our lives with the lives of our exes (At least in my case). By letting go of comparison I believe we have the capability to move forward with ourselves and forget about our ex.
I've been having these nice moments of clarity (for the first time in a week I genuinely laughed and smiled today), while also having moments of depression. It fluctuates but I hope with time it stabalizes soon. Hope everyone is staying strong. God Bless.
Today marks 1 week of no contact for me. I have to say my progress is very indifferent. The first two days I felt amazing, next couple I felt down, then amazing, then down. I'm feeling great now as I come to realize that most of our stress, anxiety, depression, etc. really just stems from comparing our lives with the lives of our exes (At least in my case). By letting go of comparison I believe we have the capability to move forward with ourselves and forget about our ex.
I've been having these nice moments of clarity (for the first time in a week I genuinely laughed and smiled today), while also having moments of depression. It fluctuates but I hope with time it stabalizes soon. Hope everyone is staying strong. God Bless.
Was just holding my phone, saw my ex call and she literally hung up a second after calling....what? Probably a pocket dial. But this is the second time so idk if shes playing games. To be honest im feeling great right now, the best I had since the break up. I just hope it lasts!
she could be calling then hanging up so that you call her back....????
i wouldnt fall for that old chestnut at all.......women or your ex will make solid contact if they want you , trust me on this ...........dont spend your time running around after them its not worth the horrid outcome once she gets the validation she is seeking to make herself feel like a godess once again.
what you need to be doing is focusing on any future goals you have in your mind so you can move forward without attachment to any outcome which involves her.
good luck
i wouldnt fall for that old chestnut at all.......women or your ex will make solid contact if they want you , trust me on this ...........dont spend your time running around after them its not worth the horrid outcome once she gets the validation she is seeking to make herself feel like a godess once again.
what you need to be doing is focusing on any future goals you have in your mind so you can move forward without attachment to any outcome which involves her.
good luck
Johnny Alias
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2013
- Messages
- 219
- Reaction score
- 27
Wait... so you answered? How would you know she hung up unless you answered. That's a big no no when it comes to NC.jackson37 said:
Block her number dude. If you're serious about this you need to do it. It's easy to do with IOS7 or any other operating system.
This needs to happen or any progress you make is LOST once you talk to them. Seriously. Especially if they treated you like crap. Gives them all the power back. Dont give up your power man.
I just want to ask you guys.
How many of you have a goal that you're working towards right now? What is that goal?
Or has winning back your ex taken over your ambitions and priorities in life?
You see, one thing that will help you get over this break up pain more than anything is to have a goal to aim for and to work on. You can use the break up for inspiration, in fact, I recommend it. One of the best thing to come out of my break ups is the motivation I gain to push myself into becoming a better person.
Last time we broke up, I decided to focus on setting up a business and I got myself into such a positive state of mind when we met up to say our goodbyes, she could see I was buzzing with motivation and inspired for life. She was really impressed by this.
This time, I've put most of my focus on the gym, getting back to my best shape, and to building stronger confidence and more seduction skills, this is paying off big time.
The most important thing about setting these goals is that it gives you a distraction and a purpose to get up every day. When you break up, it feels like nothing matters and the future looks very dark and pointless, but when you fix your mind on a goal, then you know that each day is bringing you closer and closer to a better time. Every day I look in the mirror, I see more ab definition, bigger shoulders, chest and biceps. I feel more energetic, more confident by the day, getting more looks and getting hit on by more women and each day is better than the last.
I just thought I'd take this opportunity to share 2 potentially life changing video clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62DqsD2s5V8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1v3Sv7KsJsI
This is your chance to become better than ever!
How many of you have a goal that you're working towards right now? What is that goal?
Or has winning back your ex taken over your ambitions and priorities in life?
You see, one thing that will help you get over this break up pain more than anything is to have a goal to aim for and to work on. You can use the break up for inspiration, in fact, I recommend it. One of the best thing to come out of my break ups is the motivation I gain to push myself into becoming a better person.
Last time we broke up, I decided to focus on setting up a business and I got myself into such a positive state of mind when we met up to say our goodbyes, she could see I was buzzing with motivation and inspired for life. She was really impressed by this.
This time, I've put most of my focus on the gym, getting back to my best shape, and to building stronger confidence and more seduction skills, this is paying off big time.
The most important thing about setting these goals is that it gives you a distraction and a purpose to get up every day. When you break up, it feels like nothing matters and the future looks very dark and pointless, but when you fix your mind on a goal, then you know that each day is bringing you closer and closer to a better time. Every day I look in the mirror, I see more ab definition, bigger shoulders, chest and biceps. I feel more energetic, more confident by the day, getting more looks and getting hit on by more women and each day is better than the last.
I just thought I'd take this opportunity to share 2 potentially life changing video clips:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62DqsD2s5V8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1v3Sv7KsJsI
This is your chance to become better than ever!
drakeramore
Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2011
- Messages
- 54
- Reaction score
- 2
Hi guys,
I must admit I have hit a bit of a rut these past days.
Ever since my ex girl left the country I have been spinning a bit out of control, going down and feeling quite low. Funny thing is that I realize it is not THAT bad. I have a few things going for myself. Workouts are going fine, I am looking in the mirror and am liking the results.
Even so, I do not feel worthy of being happy, it is as if I am not living up to my own expectations. I don't believe in myself and what I am capable of. Sure, I get inspired every now and then but fall back again at some point.
This depression and feeling that I am doomed and will not be able to make it in life is hitting me hard. I have been living in some sort of depression for the past decade or so.
And I think to myself - if I were a girl, would I want to be with myself? I am not sure the answer would be yes. There are good days but eventually I always start getting down and feel like it is pointless to strive for anything in life - it is all this big uphill fight and for what in the end?
Today I saw a girl on the bus to work - she was pretty, tried to get the eye-contact, she did not comply and went and sat at the other end of the bus.
I felt bad and like - yeah, what result did you expect? Of course she does not want to be with you. And it is not my looks, I think I am OK in that department. It is my mindset and lack of enthusiasm for life that is causing me to lose hope. Why bother trying to make it with girls and with life - it seems like this never-ending struggle and in the end you are never happy - there is always something that will prevent you from being happy with yourself. I see it everywhere around me - in people with HBs around their hands, in successful people, in poor and lonely people. It is always the same - same dejected and desperate faces around me out there. Like all is vanity and pretense.
I hope I finally find a way to break through this. I have always been kind of a loner, not so many friends, do not like being around people, they tend to bore and frustrate me.
I know there are cool and interesting people out there but I somehow never get to meet them. I am self-conscious, always observe and judge myself when with people, try not to get ridiculed, worry too much about what this or that guy will say. I am conditioned to care deeply about that and to slip into intense thoughts of regret/depression/self-loathing when I somehow mess up and not act as is accepted in society. I am different and know it. I used to not give a fvck but lately this inability to relate to others is hurting me and I feel like I will live this unhappy life forever, never being bold, never taking a risk and never actually start believing in myself for a change.
Deep down I know I am worthy, it is just that I am somehow afraid to embrace it and to state my claim in life - happiness, my demand for respect from others and, most importantly - from myself.
I feel like my pining over my ex girl is in fact not so much about missing her that much although I do love her and she has still part of my heart - but it is more this deeply-rooted fear that I will never be able to connect with someone else as deeply as I did with her.
When I compare with other people out there - I am in no way something less than them and have been doing OK in life. But still, my last 10 years of life were marked by constant health issues that caused me to get myself isolated. I learnt and got used to being alone and not caring about the world. Now I want to be with someone, to open up but find it very hard. It is like I have missed the bus and will never be able to catch up with everyone else. I am 28, soon to be 29 and feel like I have no purpose and like I have lost my best years to these health sh!tty issues. Like all the best is behind me.
My ex girl managed to pull me out of this mindset for a little bit, now she is gone I need to take care of it myself. I will try but am a little overwhelmed at times.
I am scared to go on a date for fear that I will crash and burn and this will only prove to me that I am no good in these things.
As you think, so shall you become. This is so true. All my years of thinking like that about myself now manifests in my conviction that I will not be successful no matter what.
Just like that scene in Friday Night Lights - like I have been cursed and know I will lose in the end even when things are going well.
Thank you for reading this. I needed to say it. I sometimes re-read my posts and thus get an objective perspective in a way about how I feel these days.
It is not pretty but I am not giving up. Each day that goes by I feel like I am getting close to going out of my comfort zone and trying new things - things that I know I will most likely fail at. I must fail in order to progress. Otherwise remaining in one place means sure death and stagnation.
Never give up, guys. Believe in yourselves and work on yourselves. I see more and more that the problem with me is not my ex girl leaving me, it is just me being me. And me needs to be changed.
I must admit I have hit a bit of a rut these past days.
Ever since my ex girl left the country I have been spinning a bit out of control, going down and feeling quite low. Funny thing is that I realize it is not THAT bad. I have a few things going for myself. Workouts are going fine, I am looking in the mirror and am liking the results.
Even so, I do not feel worthy of being happy, it is as if I am not living up to my own expectations. I don't believe in myself and what I am capable of. Sure, I get inspired every now and then but fall back again at some point.
This depression and feeling that I am doomed and will not be able to make it in life is hitting me hard. I have been living in some sort of depression for the past decade or so.
And I think to myself - if I were a girl, would I want to be with myself? I am not sure the answer would be yes. There are good days but eventually I always start getting down and feel like it is pointless to strive for anything in life - it is all this big uphill fight and for what in the end?
Today I saw a girl on the bus to work - she was pretty, tried to get the eye-contact, she did not comply
and went and sat at the other end of the bus.I felt bad and like - yeah, what result did you expect? Of course she does not want to be with you. And it is not my looks, I think I am OK in that department. It is my mindset and lack of enthusiasm for life that is causing me to lose hope. Why bother trying to make it with girls and with life - it seems like this never-ending struggle and in the end you are never happy - there is always something that will prevent you from being happy with yourself. I see it everywhere around me - in people with HBs around their hands, in successful people, in poor and lonely people. It is always the same - same dejected and desperate faces around me out there. Like all is vanity and pretense.
I hope I finally find a way to break through this. I have always been kind of a loner, not so many friends, do not like being around people, they tend to bore and frustrate me.
I know there are cool and interesting people out there but I somehow never get to meet them. I am self-conscious, always observe and judge myself when with people, try not to get ridiculed, worry too much about what this or that guy will say. I am conditioned to care deeply about that and to slip into intense thoughts of regret/depression/self-loathing when I somehow mess up and not act as is accepted in society. I am different and know it. I used to not give a fvck but lately this inability to relate to others is hurting me and I feel like I will live this unhappy life forever, never being bold, never taking a risk and never actually start believing in myself for a change.
Deep down I know I am worthy, it is just that I am somehow afraid to embrace it and to state my claim in life - happiness, my demand for respect from others and, most importantly - from myself.
I feel like my pining over my ex girl is in fact not so much about missing her that much although I do love her and she has still part of my heart - but it is more this deeply-rooted fear that I will never be able to connect with someone else as deeply as I did with her.
When I compare with other people out there - I am in no way something less than them and have been doing OK in life. But still, my last 10 years of life were marked by constant health issues that caused me to get myself isolated. I learnt and got used to being alone and not caring about the world. Now I want to be with someone, to open up but find it very hard. It is like I have missed the bus and will never be able to catch up with everyone else. I am 28, soon to be 29 and feel like I have no purpose and like I have lost my best years to these health sh!tty issues. Like all the best is behind me.
My ex girl managed to pull me out of this mindset for a little bit, now she is gone I need to take care of it myself. I will try but am a little overwhelmed at times.
I am scared to go on a date for fear that I will crash and burn and this will only prove to me that I am no good in these things.
As you think, so shall you become. This is so true. All my years of thinking like that about myself now manifests in my conviction that I will not be successful no matter what.
Just like that scene in Friday Night Lights - like I have been cursed and know I will lose in the end even when things are going well.
Thank you for reading this. I needed to say it. I sometimes re-read my posts and thus get an objective perspective in a way about how I feel these days.
It is not pretty but I am not giving up. Each day that goes by I feel like I am getting close to going out of my comfort zone and trying new things - things that I know I will most likely fail at. I must fail in order to progress. Otherwise remaining in one place means sure death and stagnation.
Never give up, guys. Believe in yourselves and work on yourselves. I see more and more that the problem with me is not my ex girl leaving me, it is just me being me. And me needs to be changed.
Oh noo I didnt answer! To clarify it showed up "Ex is calling" for a couple seconds then went away on its on so she closed it right after calling herself. Shes blocked now. Its the second time it happened, first time a flurry of emotions came rushing back this time nothing really effected me so progress I guess! Every little victory counts.Johnny Alias said:
I'll definetly watch those two youtube clips when i get a chance, I like a lot of the material you've been recommending. Been doing that 20min meditation to detach my thoughts (I did it outside today). Anyone who isnt at least trying meditation is missing out.Jariel said:
I agree that we all need goals and here are some common ones I've applied that maybe others can use or relate to:
--Exercise and Fitness: Sign up for a gym, workout, run around your neighborhood, hell even do pushups and sit ups every morning is better than nothing!
--Diet and Nutrition: A healthy body has a healthy mind. Ingest lot of fruits and vegetables, avoid junky food, etc. Drink LOTS of water!
--Recreation: Find something your passionate about and follow it or pick up a new hobby
--Walk in Nature: Go for a walk or simply enjoy nature, it has nice health benefits on the brain. Meditating outside is wonderful if you're down for that as well.
--Increase your Social ciricle: Strengthen your friendships, talk to people about it, meet new people whether it online dating sites or just talking to your dentist or the lady at the front desk at the gym. Humans thrive on social relationships and just a simple interaction can boost dopamine and leave you feeling good
--Religious/Spiritual: Dont want to get religion involved but if you are religious try praying every night just about what's on your mind. If not religious keep a journal instead! Track your progress!
I've been NC since last Friday when, my ex texted me she thought of us on New Years, such a joke, yeah wasn't enough to text me at midnight or ask to see me. I'm not going to be her validation anymore, I have good days and so-so days but overall when I don't see her callin or texting it helps to free my mind to better things in life.
Time heals all but a focused mind heals fully, it's getting better for myself and now I'm looking back on the relationship thinking about all the afc crap I did and how she probably lost her interest some time before the breakup. My acceptance of this has helped out. Not knowing my weaknesses and strengths will doom me once I start a new LTR, which would take a level-headed hb9 and even then I'd have to think about it.
New school semester started looking forward to all the new girls on campus. Earl nightengale vid I've listened to several times before thanks for sharing jariel everyone should listen to it.
Spinning plates I'm trying to, still a process and hopefully I can get 3 plates by March. My goal. Good luck guys.
Time heals all but a focused mind heals fully, it's getting better for myself and now I'm looking back on the relationship thinking about all the afc crap I did and how she probably lost her interest some time before the breakup. My acceptance of this has helped out. Not knowing my weaknesses and strengths will doom me once I start a new LTR, which would take a level-headed hb9 and even then I'd have to think about it.
New school semester started looking forward to all the new girls on campus. Earl nightengale vid I've listened to several times before thanks for sharing jariel everyone should listen to it.
Spinning plates I'm trying to, still a process and hopefully I can get 3 plates by March. My goal. Good luck guys.
I have found that particular meditation the most effective I've tried. It allows me to notice and let go of those thoughts that bring on the negative emotions and keep me down.jackson37 said:
I also started making a little journal, listing the thoughts I notice the most. As to be expected, my ex, her kids and our time together are still among the most frequent. And of course, these being my dominant thoughts, my emotions tend to be negative a lot of the time. So by becoming more aware, letting go of these thoughts or even just changing them for new ones, I can alter my emotional state, self perception and confidence at will.
This is the great thing about meditation. It helps you to work on yourself from the inside.
Keep it up mate! It sounds like you've got a lot to keep you occupied and plenty to aim for. My goals are very similar at the moment and I find when I'm fully engaged, I feel amazing!
I had a lot of business come in towards Christmas. Too much to get through in fact. At first I was so busy wallowing in self pity, I didn't want to do any of it, but I had an obligation and my reputation was on the line so I forced myself. I soon found myself fully engaged in my work, really enjoying it and thinking of my ex a lot less. I also felt damn good about myself and the fact that I was making money from my business and seeing a dream I had work towards all year finally paying off.
Even though I have been an atheist for most of my life, I have found a lot of enjoyment and fulfillment seeking out spiritual knowledge and theory of late too and totally agree with you on this point. I've started to research into a universal intelligence and the higher powers of the mind, and I'm finding a lot of comfort in believing in a guiding force. I wouldn't say I pray as such, at least not in a traditional sense, but I have started to focus on a higher frequence of thinking and finding a lot of guidance within.
At the risk of getting all metaphysical or sounding insane, I have started to find that there is an intelligence, or even a voice within that will guide you in the right direction if you can just let go of your ego and quiet your mind for a moment. Many would call this guidance "logic" or "common sense" but it gets drowned out when your mind is in chaos. This is especially useful when you're trying to keep no contact and avoid taking destructive actions.
Groverz
Don Juan
Jariel said:
Good way to do it, and spin plates, helps take your mind off her, gets you confidence, if you do not get discouraged by being turned down, it will happen.
Most important thing for me is to remember how I am now and who I want to be and stay this awesome and not fall back into an AFC when I do get together with a girl.
Wavering on no contact today and thinking about IM'ing her on Facebook. Reasoning is that she was the last one to text me on new years and I never answered. She leaves for school tomorrow and I badly want to see her before she goes. I'm 9 days in. Ughhhh.
Not gonna do it though.
Not gonna do it though.
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