The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[adam225]

Thanks guys. That has picked me back again.

 

[fuko2007]

so i just got a text..it came in thru my car since my cell was hooked up to the navi. it says i can think of a number of things u have said to me that hurt my feelings u never explained well. We react. I wish the very best for u. u are good at heart and deserve good things. i hope we both find peace and happiness in life. i hope we find a place down the road where we can be friends and be a part of each others lives. would never want to be enemies. i hope your day treats you well.

Now keep in mind this is after she did a fvcked up job of explaining things to me. i just wanted to be fb's like we were but then she chimed in and said you dont have a house or a bed i can just get up and walk away from. that was the death blow. i dont know what to do.

 

[fuko2007]

Almost gave in and texted her how bad that hurt me and to never contact me again. Thank god i saw this coming and started to talk to other girls right away so i would have something in the works. still hurt though. pretty bad. What do yall think a girl would say if you said yeh your right no need in senseless fighting. lets just be friends.

 

[mbgeezle]

Day 25

Feeling stronger by the day. It's taken a hell of a lot of self control not to attempt contact. Especially after she tried to initiate a week or so ago. This is the longest in 6 years we have gone without talking so it's been tough! I no what I want from life and if she doesn't want to be part of it it's her loss not mine! I'll get where I want to be without her! No women around at the moment, this was my first real relationship so I've never been in the 'dating' scene, but I feel full of confidence to go out there and flirt till my hearts content just to help me that little bit more on moving on. Good luck to all!

 

[fuko2007]

You keep going back for more. You must LIKE being mind-fvcked.

Don't respond, and move on with your life.

i didnt go back for more. i stoped talking to her and we bumped into eachother at a bar. I figured things were cool between us but guess not. Anyway she really dealt the death blow with what she said. ive never had someone say anything like that to me and think they can put it in a nice contex and get mad when it upsets you. But have i talked to her since then no. do i have anything over there..no. i deleted all pictures emails texts etc. even took everything she ever gave me and put it in storage so as to not see it. I do have a line ...and it got crossed in a big way. Really dont care to ever see her again. But i do need some support because that really hurt me. I hate even writing about it. But i have not intention of contcting her or even going out around here for fear of bumping into her.

 

[RedScorpion]

Well, time to write what's going on. Better than to leak it out some other way. It's been 3 months NC. No tries by me or her. Guess it's starting to hit me that the last time I'll most probably see my ex is coming up. Couple weeks from now, graduation, where I may end up talking with her or not. Presumably not. I already have an idea what to do - don't approach her, but if she comes over to talk, be polite and concise. More than likely, nothing will come of it and that's it. She moves a week after that. Seems a bit sad, but it's pretty much the only best way it can go. Maybe after she moves, I can fully accept it being done and over. I know it's over, but still find myself clinging. Stupidness. I want it to be done with. No more thoughts about her.

I think I'm a bit more bummed out lately because things didn't really click with the roommate. Seems like she's interested, but I'm just not feeling it with her. I am physically attracted, sure, but otherwise, it's a bit of a wash. I want a connection, but it's not happening. Oh well.

Logically, I can tell the best answer is I need to find a woman I click with, and can enjoy being with. Just emotionally, I find myself drawing back to my past relationship. I can tell it's normal, but sometimes I could kick myself for it .

 

[nfot33]

I NEED SOME ADVICE

A bit back I had talked with the boyfriend that my ex dated before me. He told me how he hooked up with her while she was breaking up with me and also saw my ex with another guy before she broke up with me as well. (I know this was a mistake to even talk) And anyway he told me some things about my ex that I didn't know to be true. She told me she wasn't really that physical with him during their relationship but he said they used to have sex all the time. I said how that was weird because of what she had told me about not being that way with him.

Now my ex contacted me for the first time in about a 1 1/2 months. She called me and I didn't answer. She left me a message saying how she hears I've been spreading rumors about her being a liar and stuff. She called a few more times then text me saying how I don't even have the nerve to talk to her and can't even be a man.

Do I reply to try to clear my name and say I haven't been spreading rumors?? Or do I keep NC and not let it get to me. I know I made a mistake by talking to that guy but I feel I did no wrong. She cheated on me, she left me and told me to never talk to her again. Now she says I'm not a man for talking about her behind her back...

What do I do? I want to clear my name but don't know if it will do any good

 

[adam225]

I f*cked up. I spoke to my ex a few times on Friday. The thing is though I gave her a bit of a shock - she was expecting me to be down and sad and I wasn't. Instead I was laughy and jokey about the whole thing and she didn't quite understand why. She ended up in tears and we had a deep conversation about our whole relationship and where we went wrong. She thought that me being with her made me sad and that now I'm not I've become happy.

This sh!t is sooo complicated it's unreal. The thing I don't understand is that she was saying she never had feelings for me but was crying her eyes out at the same time. Why on earth would she cry if she never had feeling for me ? I honestly don't know what to do with myself. The thing is, if we changed our attitudes towards each other and were more open it would probably work well. I dunno though. She wanted to leave it a few weeks and contact me to see how she was feeling. How long does it normally take for the full reality of a break-up to hit a women ? With me, it hit me straight away; but with her it seems to not of. Is this normally the case with men vs women ?

 

[fuko2007]

Fuko2007, You know me. I wasn't trying to be rude, but I WAS sincere. The best thing with her is NC. Heal. Move on. Let her hamster spin away, but don't be sucked into her vortex of sorrow and mind-games.

you'll be proud mauser...just got done bangin another chick ...second one this weekend....abt to order a pizza and finish my wine hahaha. NC all the way. day 5.

 

[adam225]

Thanks. For some reason I feel the need to bang her one last time and try and find out for definite if she was cheating on me.

I hate women. They are come from hell .

 

[adam225]

you'll be proud mauser...just got done bangin another chick ...second one this weekend....abt to order a pizza and finish my wine hahaha. NC all the way. day 5.

lol, good sh!t..

 

[mbgeezle]

Day 28. Amazing how NC does make you come back to reality. Ended up drunk on the weekend and talking to a friend who I've not seen for a long time about the whole situation. He knew my ex well also. Shouldn't of spoke about her full stop really but in a way, it's helped even more. Just cemented the fact that I need to move on and NOT look back. I still love her, and to be honest I think I always will. She's done enough to me to make me hate her and I do want to, but I just can't. I just need to get on with my life, without her in it. It's tough as I had all the plans for our future together, the ring, the holiday I booked. But f**k it. Life goes on. I'll be the winner long term out of all of this. I'm sure she'll pop up out the woodwork at some point and I'll be strong enough to say NO.

 

[corrector]

DShouldn't of spoke about her full stop really but in a way, it's helped even more. Just cemented the fact that I need to move on and NOT look back. I still love her, and to be honest I think I always will. It's tough as I had all the plans for our future together, the ring, the holiday I booked. But f**k it. Life goes on. I'll be the winner long term out of all of this. I'm sure she'll pop up out the woodwork at some point and I'll be strong enough to say NO.

How did it cement the fact you need to move on? I have been in NC with my ex for well over six months and going into the seventh month but she's plagued my thought-life since the break-up. A couple of weeks ago I even spoke with a pastor and some of her mutual friends about her, although I have no intention of ever talking to her again and am 100% sure my ex will not pop out of any woodwork. I made a deal with God not to talk with her again and am also avoiding areas where she may be around since the break-up. However, indirect talk, thinking, or bringing her up hasn't died down enough yet and it's like she still has a virtual presence after all this time which is sad. I'm excusing myself as it's the first relationship I had like this.

However, since it's so friggen difficult to find another girl to really replace her and moving-on with me is going back to the "single and happy" life before I met her which did not include women, it's sort of difficult to extinguish her completely from my mind. It's almost like a historical monument to show it's possible a girl can love me and I also love her, without any conditions of changing me, rather than some one-sided relationship.

I'm sort of forced at times to look back, when I see how hard it is to connect with another girl as a prospect, since this was my first "love" relationship. I'm getting older and my dad is starting to worry if I'll ever find someone to get married with. However, none of my parents liked that "ex" for me anyway, which is the saving grace of this and I still dumped her by doing the research about her past and going NC rather than being assertive about her social behaviour within the relationship itself (which I felt undermined the relationship if it was at a stage we were planning to get married as it showed faults in her "love" for me).

However, I'm not in a hurry to met anyone new because my own personal goals have been fulfilled by that relationship and it's not necessary to find someone to met these goals I had at this time.

Sometimes I use this past as validation to show in my mind, there once was a time that I actually loved someone and she loved me too and we were almost 100% compatible and our families loved each other, even if it was a passing time.

This has kept me away from using any hookers to lose my virginity having a hope that there could be someone else down the road who could also love me and believing this past ex-relationship would have ultimately ended in divorce and I'd be back here anyway probably more devastated rather than having some life disappointment with a historical monument.

 

[adam225]

Does anyone understand (in depth) the psychological side of break-ups ? I mean, why on earth do we feel so bad about something that can't physically touch us ? I know it's all in the mind, but geeez, it's a killer.

 

[fuko2007]

Day 6.

Got laid twice this weekend. it was nice. I still find myself pondering where she is etc but i can function now and not be in total mealtdown mode. Guess im getting back to my old dj self of nexting girls or being told im an ahole and to fvuck off haha..but it still sucks. i live in a small town and everyday i hope i dont pass her driving ...maybe ill do a pit manuver on her haha.. anyway adam225 thats a question all of us will spend a lifetime trying to solve. And one that never will be. All we can do is find ways to ease the pain untill we are over it. Go out and do things with your friends and focus on yourself thats what im doing. it seems to help. But best of luck buddy. Im going to go grab a beer by myself ...flying solo is good sometimes...helps get you over of not having the b*tch on your wing. And you game up some girls haha. ill drink a cold one for ya man.

 

[adam225]

Thanks lol. I'll join you with that beer. Women.... you can't live with them, and you sure can't live without them. I keep thinking to myself that SHE must be going through the same pain. For some reason I keep doubting it though. We did a lot together...

 

[fuko2007]

Thanks lol. I'll join you with that beer. Women.... you can't live with them, and you sure can't live without them. I keep thinking to myself that SHE must be going through the same pain. For some reason I keep doubting it though. We did a lot together...

well take it from me. They do but are really really good at not showing it. For a while i couldnt even eat. And one of my goodfriends works for her at a big company and he would always be like saw her out lastnight. but i know she is feeling the pain. wont be long until she is asking him what ive been doing haha. Keep it up and stay strong my friend ..DAY 7 for me.

 

[adam225]

It looks like us two will be able to keep each others spirits up though this. It's day 4 for me. Don't get me wrong I feel much better now compared to what I did at first. I can't believe how much of a shock to the system it actually is. O well, I'm off out Saturday night, hopefully I pull haha.

 

[fuko2007]

It looks like us two will be able to keep each others spirits up though this. It's day 4 for me. Don't get me wrong I feel much better now compared to what I did at first. I can't believe how much of a shock to the system it actually is. O well, I'm off out Saturday night, hopefully I pull haha.

yeh man ill keep your spirits up. try this on for size. im boerd at work. My family owns a oil company so to speak. so i found a wasp nest and tried an experiment..i sparyed a whole can of killer into a pressuer washer tank and proceeded to spray them. needless to say i didnt get the ratio of wasp killer to water right. They were pi**ed. haha. but anyway time will make that pain your feeling or we are feeling fade. I went to the beach last weekend and was like look at how much poon is out there. but i still had relapses and thought the old **itch. Its going to happen. Listen to gold dust by flux pavilion and turn your speakers up in your car an roll it. that always amps me up and makes me feel like a BA. haha

 

[Backwardsman]

I love this thread

Well my NC started yesterday, i was seeing a girl for 3 months, she initiated everything (texts, calls, meeting up etc) but the issue was that she was still living with her ex.

Even on her girl nights out she would text me all night, always wanted to see me at work (we work together but in separate buildings). We were sexual, intimate kissing, fingering etc, but no sex (she cant have children and was going to the hospital a lot so i put it down to that).

It was no secret we was seeing each other apart from her ex, so felt things would sort themselves out...

Saturday just gone, i went shopping with my mates and for something to eat. she constanly sent me pics and texts and called me twice whilst i was out, then said i was being ignorant as i didnt answer her calls, just text her a couple of times - I told i had been busy etc and she replied with "k".

Totally ignored her message and went out that night. She text me the next day asking if i had a good night, i replied and she called me twice that night (sunday).

Over time i became less interested, especially last week, where i actually thought about it and decided to end it..

I asked for direction on monday where we were heading and she wouldnt give me a straight answer so i basically said that i am walking and not to talk anymore...

NC from both of us since and it feels good

Anyways, what i would like to advise is that if there is a possibility that you know that the end of the relationship is coming, YOU BE THE ONE TO END IT.

How many times do you see a guy end a relationship, not very many i bet. Its hard but puts you in control.

I do think most of relationship breakups are a fear of loss, a drug that you cant do without, the drug being your partner, and not actual love.

I am a smoker, put me in a room with cigarettes and i will be happy, take them all away and i will want them more as they are now gone - Like a drug, relationships are addictive and you become addicted to the other person.

Anyways, enough rambling, all of you doing this NC can easily do it, be strong and get your power back