The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[r1971]

All honesty: I'm bummed. It's Saturday and it was supposed to be our first time together without the kids in weeks. I'd be untruthful to myself if I didn't face up to the fact that I am bummed over it.

 

[LuisGarcia10]

The girl id been dating showed signs of using Facebook to provoke jealousy, only early stages so I deleted her.
Her friend had tagged her in some post saying "out on the prowl" which she commented on "a little too much "
This like a day after she dumped me, at best it's thoughtless, but I do t think she's stupid enough to think I wouldnt have seen it. Best just to delete her and vanish like a ghost. It's all quite pathetic really, this kind f behaviour would e understandable if I'd dumped her, but I did nothing, when she ended it I took it well, no kicking off, no begging for her back, just said I'm disappointed, told her she was welcome to have a little time to think about it, and just left it. No need I be provoking **** over Facebook is there?
I'm sure there are girls around who are a little more grown up

 

[trulycrushed]

At the end of the day if we act with love and kindness in the face of such immature, hurtful behavior you will have truly given yourself and her a gift. Sometimes the best action is no action. Luis, sounds like your ex and mine are cut from a similar cloth. Let's just be the better men!

 

[LuisGarcia10]

It's like talking to a brick ****ing wall.

I politely explained that I didn't think hanging out as friends would be sensible, best we have some space, but her reasons for dumping me were because she "wasn't in a position to do this properly, but she does like me" so I left it on the note of "have a think, there's no rush, up to you but whatever's stopping this from going further, maybe we could find a way around it."

Left it at at that, no contact since and j get another message asking if I want to hang out as friends, "ill even watch the football with you"

Just going to ignore her now because any further dialogue and I'll lose my cool and highlight how badly she handled everything, Ive avoided that previously because I don't think losing my head and arguing is going to help anything.

I guess soon she'll realise I've deleted her and get the hint.

 

[superman2012]

DAY 13 NC!!

I've been on a road trip in the last week and it did wonders for my mind!!

Ex wrote me a letter in the first week of NC and dropped it off at my friend's for me. I just read it today. He also emailed me last week about changing the internet account into my name, nothing emotional but he's been ending his messages with "x". I read the letter. It's a load of crap. So while NC is working in that he is contacting me, it's not enough. I'm sticking to NC. My housemate also told me he dropped by my house yesterday, I wasn't home. He asked to see me. He said he came by to collect his mails. He told her to tell me that he misses me. The letter he wrote me pretty much says that, "I miss you" Not much substance to it. I feel it's just something to make him feel better rather than to make me feel better. Anyway, so what if he misses me, doesn't change anything. Clearly he doesn't miss me enough to want to be with me.

 

[superman2012]

So to continue with the letter. It's a 3 page long letter. "I didn't think I would miss you this much when you're gone, I didn't realise how hard it would be to let go." I was so close to breaking contact tonight. I was so close to calling him and tell him to shove his olive branch up his ass. But I stepped back and still sticking to NC. He misses me after 1 week of moving out, I don't think it's genuine and means anything in the long run. Though he says he misses me, and at the end he says "if you ever need me for anything, you know where and how to find me, and I will come running, or call me" it's like I'm the one that dumped him. And then he says to keep the gifts he gave to me safe because "you never know one day you might be wearing them again with me"

Why do you men do this?? It's crap!! It doesn't mean anything because you're not doing anything about it!! I'm not falling for crumbs!!

 

[Reptile]

So to continue with the letter. It's a 3 page long letter. "I didn't think I would miss you this much when you're gone, I didn't realise how hard it would be to let go." I was so close to breaking contact tonight. I was so close to calling him and tell him to shove his olive branch up his ass. But I stepped back and still sticking to NC. He misses me after 1 week of moving out, I don't think it's genuine and means anything in the long run. Though he says he misses me, and at the end he says "if you ever need me for anything, you know where and how to find me, and I will come running, or call me" it's like I'm the one that dumped him. And then he says to keep the gifts he gave to me safe because "you never know one day you might be wearing them again with me"

Why do you men do this?? It's crap!! It doesn't mean anything because you're not doing anything about it!! I'm not falling for crumbs!!

It is crap, and he doesn't really want you back, actions speak more than words.
It's hes manly ego talking, he wants you to contact him wich means that if you do, he know he got the power.
When he wants to meet you up and being on hes knees to get you back, THEN he really wants you.


Can you explain something about this behaviour from a woman?

She dumped me but wanted to be best friends, she didn't treated me like that so I went NC. Explained that I have to move on and become myself again.
She then was mad at me according to mutual friends. I went NC about 45 days ago.
I saw her two days ago and I said "Hello ", she just looked at me and didn't say anything.

Why is she like that??

 

[r1971]

Help !!!

HELP !!!

Now I'm bummed AND confused.
My current contract job I got through my girl's headhunter company she works for.
We've been NC since last Sunday night, aside from a mail she sent to me Monday which I ignored.
I know my contract is ending, but out of the blue I JUST got this text from her:
"Hey.. sorry to hear your out work again.. hope all is well with u and ryan.."
(Note - Ryan is my son).

How do I even answer that?????

 

[a gruesome time]

People only make changes when they experience something life changing - this is usually in the form of a whole lot of pain and emotion fallout, which is most intense when they lose love. This is when they lose the ego for a while, go introspective, reflect and rebuild during a very arduous and trying time. The pain is like a chrysalis and inside they are in turmoil, an ugly lavae type thing, slowly going through metamorphosis but changing into something that is often very different and far more beautiful.

I think your ex has truly changed for the better, to turn up looking gorgeous, out of the blue with flowers and pizza must have been is just about the best testament to you after all that time as is possible. It means she's not stopped thinking about you, she's realised losing you the worse thing ever and realised she was in the wrong.

NC is about oneself, but sometimes it does affect the person we NC more.

My advice, take it steady and get to know the new yous again, date and most of all COMMUNICATE, the pain, why you did what you did and everything else. Personally? I think you have a bright future together....

Thanks for the encouraging comment! We've been really communicating a lot lately, and it seems we've both done a lot of growing up and I never stopped loving her and she never stopped loving me. She really seems to be doing truly great, and she's so much more thoughtful and much happier than I can ever remember her being. Like real independent happiness - the best kind. Looking forward to where we're headed.

 

[trulycrushed]

Have made it a week. Mood waxes and wanes, but realize this is the best thing I've done for myself in a long time. Surrounding myself with supportive, positive people, as well as venting here is truly helping. Hope the days get easier and I'm able to continue to remove her from my heart and mind a little each day! I pray for all of us who have been heartbroken that we all find happiness and a great person to share it with!

 

[r1971]

WELL...QUICKER THAN EXPECTED:

A few hours after blocking her on FB, she texted me:
"I see you blocked me off Facebook today..."

I gave it a few minutes and used the reply put together earlier just in case she did, and I then replied:
"Since you're doubting a future with me, I felt it's healthy to have distance on Facebook so we can heal."


Her next one came a few minutes later:
"U cant promise me stability..with u in and out of work again..its just not normal.. but i do miss u..im far from jealous.. but..what i see on your page makes me neausous..especially will the salsa witch..Your the one who said lets not talk for a month and see how it goes.. but these fb book games r ridiculous.."


I was thinking of sending this:
"If you cannot accept me as I accept you, we need this break. I really believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over"


I am stumped on this. I really am.

 

[r1971]

Thanks!!
By not replying, though, isn't that like agreeing that I cannot promise her stability?

I was thinking of sending ONE (1) of these:

1. If you truly feel that you cannot accept me as I accept you, we need this break. I really believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over

2. If you truly feel that you cannot accept me and stand by me, we really need this break. I believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over

3. If that is how you feel, and you cannot accept me in return, then I really believe this break is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over

4. If this is how you feel, then I really believe this break is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over

5. I understand how you feel about stability. I really believe this break is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over

Which is best, if any?

I am stumped on this. I really am.

 

[drellum]

Thanks!!
By not replying, though, isn't that like agreeing that I cannot promise her stability?

I was thinking of sending ONE (1) of these:

1. If you truly feel that you cannot accept me as I accept you, we need this break. I really believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over

2. If you truly feel that you cannot accept me and stand by me, we really need this break. I believe it is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over

3. If that is how you feel, and you cannot accept me in return, then I really believe this break is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over

4. If this is how you feel, then I really believe this break is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over

5. I understand how you feel about stability. I really believe this break is the best thing for both of us right now. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over

Which is best, if any?

I am stumped on this. I really am.

Don't send anything.

 

[trulycrushed]

Well she texted me tonight to let me Breading Bad was on ( we watched together). Asked how I was doing andsaid well anthat I missed her. Not sure why she is texting me now?
Any thoughts?

 

[SoSuave666]

r1971 and trulycrushed are both insane. Get off the NC thread if you're going to keep breaking it. You wonder why you both hurt so much? It's because neither one of you is capable of moving on with your life.

These chicks have a SERIOUS hold on both of you. I get it, I've been there before. It's just disgusting to see this type of supplication and doormat behavior. They dumped you, they do not deserve you, and yet you feed their egos by playing facebook games and having text wars. These women have no business in your life. If you want to feel better stop talking to these birds and find a fvckin friend to hang out with. It's really not that hard to move on. All it takes is a little dedication--like anything else in life.

 

[r1971]

So I never wrote her back.

NOW....since she works for the headhunter that got me my job which is now ending, the recruiter there told me to update my resume. I did and attached a photo to it.

So, I guess the recruiter (her coworker) showed her, and she just texted me:
"FYI i know u don't care, whta i think, but that's the last picture i would of put on the resume.. i would seriously rethink it over.. u have a lot of other pics that"

Do I ignore it again? It looks like she's taking every opportunity to talk with me...

 

[\O/]

So I never wrote her back.

NOW....since she works for the headhunter that got me my job which is now ending, the recruiter there told me to update my resume. I did and attached a photo to it.

So, I guess the recruiter (her coworker) showed her, and she just texted me:
"FYI i know u don't care, whta i think, but that's the last picture i would of put on the resume.. i would seriously rethink it over.. u have a lot of other pics that"

Do I ignore it again? It looks like she's taking every opportunity to talk with me...

To be honest you are really just hurting yourself and overthinking everything. Stop being a girl. NO CONTACT. Ofcourse you ignore it again. You ignore HER. ALL HER TEXTS AND MAILS.

You know why she is taking every opportunity to talk to you? Because you just started to distance yourself by initiating no contact. And she could feel a loss and that something was slipping away from her. So she contacts you to find out if she still has power over you. And I can tell you...she has all the power. You are digging yourself deeper and with all these games and texts you have to start all over again each time.

I know it's difficult. I'm in NC myself after a breakup after 4 years. But you just have to do it. Stop being a little bytch weighing your every word to send the "perfect" reply. The perfect reply is no reply.

Even if she came back she would walk again, because you have the wrong mindset and attitude.

Life's a bytch, but you don't have to be one. Stay NC. :woo:

 

[\O/]

So I never wrote her back.

NOW....since she works for the headhunter that got me my job which is now ending, the recruiter there told me to update my resume. I did and attached a photo to it.

Oh, and why are you attaching photos to your resume? Are you looking into a modeling career? No need for photos. Keep it simple.

 

[r1971]

Let me ask this:
If my last text to her was:
"I only have the best intentions for you and our boys. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over"

AND AN HOUR LATER, SHE TEXTED ME:

"No worries..i was just trying to help u..and the picture on the resume could kill a deal.. i want u to be happy with yourlife.."

I WANT to be with her...
Do you really think NC is the key here?
It sounded final..."your life", not "our life"...was it just her defense mechanism reply to my original text above?

 

[Atom Smasher]

I think as moderator I'm going to have to change the name of this thread to the *I Won't Stop Contacting Her* Challenge.