The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[luckystory]

also if she calls how can u just ignore? what if something was wrong? dont you think its best to answer and ask if everything ok and if its a yes then have small chat and cut off??

 

[Weezy]

How's it going Weezy,
It's better than getting close to a 6 year mark. I am still NC. Things are looking better now for me. I started dating. At least I waited more than 2 months before I got out there again.

Remember the b-day challenge? I pulled through, who knows what effect it had on her, but for me it was like something I had to endure to keep moving. I spent money updating my exhaust system and it was cheaper than paying for a present if we were still together.

I know she had a branch she grabbed before letting this one go. But for me, I am doing alot better now, at least I met someone that has already cooked me dinner. My ex, never did, she was just good with a microwave. LOL.

Whatup man?

I was wondering what you've been up 2.

That's awesome about the new chick. Congratz!

For me, I still haven't broken it. I think I'm on day 57. I'm way better off then I was before. I still think about her a lot, and still have fantasies of breaking NC and telling her I'm ready for marriage, but I still haven't given in. I figure if she already has a new branch (not sure, still haven't given in to checking facebook or anything) then I would just set myself up to start back at day 1.

I have been shagging a chick that I met on a previous break with the EX. It's an LD thing though so nothing to serious. Been having some success going out, but haven't met anyone that is worth an LTR, which is fine by me.

Biz has also been good. Lots of positives all in all.

 

[Weezy]

also if she calls how can u just ignore? what if something was wrong? dont you think its best to answer and ask if everything ok and if its a yes then have small chat and cut off??

So here is the deal.

You've done everything you possibly could. You will not, and I repeat, will not get her back by calling her. All you will do is make it easier for her to move on.

Going NC isn't easy, it's fn hard, but it's the best thing you can possible do for yourself.

She has to miss you if there is any chance of you getting her back. I've been down this road more than 1x and calling doesn't do anything.

When that urge is burning a hole in your head to call her, call someone else, talk about it till you can't talk anymore. Think about why you couldn't commit.

I'm in the same boat, my chick was telling me she wants to do my laundry and take care of me / get married and a month later I get "I can't waste anymore time in this relationship, you didn't make me your life, you talk about your family but I should be your family now" It's hard man, but every day you don't call you win.

 

[V2Logger]

What's up again Weezy,
I have been laying low, going out meeting up with old friends. I have been shagging this new girl. She's cool, and different in good ways.

I have to admit it was eating at my mind when I first started up with her. But at least I waited after the break sometime before seeing anyone. Unlike her, probably right after. I heard the guy is a big time player, hopefully it works out for her, I don't know all the news but enough to know not to get burned by contacting her.

NC is still hard sometimes. I know I am not going to contact her, but sometimes I get flashbacks (bad acid?). It comes and goes, but I am feeling more secure about it all. I just know it would not have worked out no matter what.

We were on a path to self destruction and there was no way out. The NC helped me realize all this, but it does't seal it so easily. I remember that I did feel like I could save it or try to in the beginning of NC, but now, its like the walls were caving in and no matter what, they were going to either way. I am glad I survived the B-day challenge of NC, that was a mental obstacle.

Good luck to you and your NC. Stay cool and lay low.

 

[Jean Valjean]

Guys,
the more you think about No Contact the more you thing about CONTACT Read the law of attraction, if you try to think of no ghost that is exactly what you think about, GHOSTS.

That is why I say give up all this NC bullshiit and do what your gut tells you , MAN UP and take the blows. Then just say ahh she' not worth bothering with, think about making contact with new loves and MOVE ON.

NC is good conceptually but overthinking it is just causing you to dwell on HER. I broke NC and feel fine now, wished her well said I'll be your friend for life and just don't bother with her anymore unless she contacts me. You will stand real tall better to her and yourself then copping out and playing NC while you think about her all day into years
yeesh. If its about PRIDE remember Pride goeth before the fall, meaning its your downfall, MANUP and do the right thing in your heart and not the cliche.

Already today she sent 4 generic emails (news, pictures etc,) to all her friends (i'm now on her list). I think she wants me to email her in response to her generic emails but I can't be bothered. Don't need NC anymore to move my interests elsewhere.

 

[Weezy]

Guys,
the more you think about No Contact the more you thing about CONTACT Read the law of attraction, if you try to think of no ghost that is exactly what you think about, GHOSTS.

Already today she sent 4 generic emails (news, pictures etc,) to all her friends (i'm now on her list). I think she wants me to email her in response to her generic emails but I can't be bothered. Don't need NC anymore to move my interests elsewhere.

So your saying that you *think* she wants you to email her a response based on generic emails, for real?. But you're talking about how not breaking NC makes you *think* about them?

Be honest, when you first saw that email come through, you thought *maybe* she's had a change of heart didn't ya? Then you saw some cool street paintings and were let down a bit.

The longer I go NC the more I'm thinking...

If I stay NC till the die I motherfvckin die. I will get stronger every mother fvckin day. Get my game tighter every mother fvckin day. I don't have to worry about ever losing my pride and her laughing about how in the end I wasn't the strong guy she thought I was, and if I bump into her, we are on equal ground. If she calls, she'll have to wonder if I give a sh1t about her.

I won't waste any time thinking about her and what some generic email means and if she sent it while sitting on her BF's d1ck.

 

[Igetit!]

So your saying that you *think* she wants you to email her a response based on generic emails, for real?. But you're talking about how not breaking NC makes you *think* about them?

Be honest, when you first saw that email come through, you thought *maybe* she's had a change of heart didn't ya? Then you saw some cool street paintings and were let down a bit.

The longer I go NC the more I'm thinking...

If I stay NC till the die I motherfvckin die. I will get stronger every mother fvckin day. Get my game tighter every mother fvckin day. I don't have to worry about ever losing my pride and her laughing about how in the end I wasn't the strong guy she thought I was, and if I bump into her, we are on equal ground. If she calls, she'll have to wonder if I give a sh1t about her.

I won't waste any time thinking about her and what some generic email means and if she sent it while sitting on her BF's d1ck.

THANK YOU!!


THANK YOU!!!!


THANK YOU!!!!!!




THANK YOU WEEZY.


Boy,I'm glad you and V2Logger have enough pride and common sense to move on and stop re-hashing the past.



Breakups are painful. They hurt...but the hurt's not supposed to last forever.



If a woman tells you she no longer wants you to be a part of her life,then move on and find someone who'll treat you with dignity and respect.




There's no way in the "HAIL" I'd continue bugging a woman if she told me to leave her alone. All you're doing by continuing to hound her is lowering yourself and degrading yourself in her eyes.




She might want to see you or have some sort of interest towards you if you have enough RESPECT for yourself to just move on,but to continue to fawn over her and to say you'll settle for being her "friend" when both you AND HER already know that in reality,you want her back,all that does is make her LOATHE YOU....sexually speaking.






If after all the time that's passed,you still appear as hung up as you were on the day the breakup happened,all you accomplish by contacting her is making her look down on you even more.





You just turn her off even more. She's probably thinking,"Sheesh,dude,get a life". You may even scare her. She might start thinking you're nuts,or some kind of stalker.



I like that spirit Weezy. You said...

If I stay NC till the die I motherfvckin die.

I LIKE that dude. I know that if I broke up with a girl,I wouldn't want her calling me or texting me or telling me she wants to be my friend.




I want her to go her way and live her life in peace,and I want to do the same for myself.







What I don't understand about Jean's last post is when he said for you guys to "MAN UP and take the blows". In other words,break the NC,call the girl,and if she says anything painful,then take the blows.






Here's my question....



Why? Why continue to take hurtful "blows"?



What for? The relationship is over,isn't it. When the girl says she didn't want to be with you anymore,THAT should be the LAST BLOW.






It's one thing to get hurt in a relationship,and it's another to get hurt when the relationship ends,both of which are understandable,but to continue getting hurt and taking "blows" AFTER it's over with?






Just how long is the pain supposed to last?




What,the breakup itself wasn't painful enough,you want to drag this thing on out?




Why should we continue "taking blows" two or three months AFTER the relationship has ended,WHILE the girl has MOVED ON and is HAPPY dating someone else?


Flat out ridiculous,but to each his own.




I like your style Weezy.



+1 rep.

 

[luckystory]

i lasted 6 hours and that was because i was asleep. start again day 1 is now

 

[Weezy]

i lasted 6 hours and that was because i was asleep. start again day 1 is now

Dude it's fn hard. Check my posts in this thread the further back you go the more hurt and broken I sound, I can see just by reading em how I get stronger every single day tho.

I know you cannot see it, your in constant pain, **** seems like it will never end, but man, it does, and if you can make it 60 days, you will see clearer. But if you contact her, you are just going to hate yourself down the road.

Here's a story for ya: 9 years ago I had "The One" this chick was 5'9" super skinny, nice boobs, hot face, olive skin, and every single person who met her would come up to me and ask how I got her, how did you find such a cool one, and if she had any friends. I thought this was it for me, no questions in my head I was gonna marry this chick.

The problem was I was a senior in college living it up, she was and hour LD, and I was just living my life, partying it up, and I started to get lazy when I was around her, started to not give her affection, yelling at her for stupid ****. until one day it was just too late. I came back from Europe after graduation and it was breakup time.

SO WHAT DID I DO? I called her up and told her I'd change, I asked her if she would still call me, told her I'd make her my life, you know what I ended up with? 7 months of PAIN.

She'd call me up, say how she wanted to see me, I'd get all excited, jump the gun, get all everything planned then she'd flake to watch a movie with her mom on her mom's couch.

1 time she did agree to hang out, and I made this totally romantic picnic, planned it out for days. She stayed for like 30 minutes and gave me a hug goodbye. She'd come back every couple of month or just to fvck with me, try and make plans then once she knew she had me, just flake. This was the sweetest nicest girl I'd ever dated, but ya know what? They are what they are, and if they have all the power, they will use and abuse you.

Do you know how much money I would give to go back in time and have looked her in the eye when she broke it off and said this is a mistake, and walked away forever?

YOU GOT DUMPED. DUMPED. THROWN OUT LIKE A PIECE OF TRASH. YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE THAT.

Now I'm not apposed to saying you'll change, saying your sorry, and even bargaining when they breakup is going down. But the minute you leave them, the minute you say your goodbye, that is the last time you can ever ever contact them again.

 

[Jean Valjean]

Now I'm not apposed to saying you'll change, saying your sorry, and even bargaining when they breakup is going down. But the minute you leave them, the minute you say your goodbye, that is the last time you can ever ever contact them again.

Dude chill you're too bitter. Sure it turned out that way the first time but life is about changes and bending when the time is ripe. An ancient Chinese proverb says the water is stronger then stone because a stone does not bend and is broken but water the staff of life bends to fit the new contours.

While I agree that NC is a good policy it is not etched in stone. Read the DJ bible sometimes your gut is the best thing you have to deal with a situation.
No book of rules can ever replace your intuition and assessment of a given situation. I chose to break NC and am far happier, incidentally I do not plan to contact her again.

I don't hate anyone, and see no reason to not part as friends. Don't see the world as just black and white, get out there and you will discover that there are many ways to deal with things.

If both of you stay stobborn and never break contact then you will never know how it would have turned out. Thats just stupid I would rather deal with a little pain then have regrets one day down the road for what might have been.

Learn to be flexible to the uniqueness of each situation and not follow any iron clad rule. Life is all about change.

 

[Weezy]

Dude chill you're too bitter. Sure it turned out that way the first time but life is about changes and bending when the time is ripe. An ancient Chinese proverb says the water is stronger then stone because a stone does not bend and is broken but water the staff of life bends to fit the new contours.

While I agree that NC is a good policy it is not etched in stone. Read the DJ bible sometimes your gut is the best thing you have to deal with a situation.
No book of rules can ever replace your intuition and assessment of a given situation. I chose to break NC and am far happier, incidentally I do not plan to contact her again.

I don't hate anyone, and see no reason to not part as friends. Don't see the world as just black and white, get out there and you will discover that there are many ways to deal with things.

If both of you stay stobborn and never break contact then you will never know how it would have turned out. Thats just stupid I would rather deal with a little pain then have regrets one day down the road for what might have been.

Learn to be flexible to the uniqueness of each situation and not follow any iron clad rule. Life is all about change.

If only it worked that way. Man I know what your saying and I hear it loud and clear, but it's pixie dust fairy land. Show me any evidence that breaking NC actually works? The fact is women, men, humans have certain attraction and detraction elements built into our heads.

Your own personal story gives 0 validation to breaking NC. You just said in your last post your back to NC. So what does that mean, what did you gain by breaking it?

I'm not preaching hate, I'm just saying look at the facts. If a person can one month, tell you how much they love, you, how they think about you all the time, how they want to get married and take care of you, and then the next month strait up nix you from their life forever, why do I owe them the satisfaction of breaking NC? What have they done for me other then cause me a month of no sleep, a month of ****ty production at work, hours of time on the phone talking to my buddies about the pain I'm going through?

Down the road when you've healed and moved on, you can be friends all you want, you can send all the email forwards you want. But strait outta the gate, this chick just stuck a knife in your heart, she just caused you more pain then you knew was humanly possible to endure, and to cap it off, most of the time they were setting up the breakup for 3 weeks or even longer before it went down, did they let us in on that little secret? Where they looking out for us, and our feelings while swinging from branch to branch?.

Why the fvck should you make it easier on them and harder on yourself by breaking NC? It just strait up doesn't make any sense.

 

[Jean Valjean]

If only it worked that way. Man I know what your saying and I hear it loud and clear, but it's pixie dust fairy land. Show me any evidence that breaking NC actually works? The fact is women, men, humans have certain attraction and detraction elements built into our heads.

Your own personal story gives 0 validation to breaking NC. You just said in your last post your back to NC. So what does that mean, what did you gain by breaking it?

I'm not preaching hate, I'm just saying look at the facts. If a person can one month, tell you how much they love, you, how they think about you all the time, how they want to get married and take care of you, and then the next month strait up nix you from their life forever, why do I owe them the satisfaction of breaking NC? What have they done for me other then cause me a month of no sleep, a month of ****ty production at work, hours of time on the phone talking to my buddies about the pain I'm going through?

Down the road when you've healed and moved on, you can be friends all you want, you can send all the email forwards you want. But strait outta the gate, this chick just stuck a knife in your heart, she just caused you more pain then you knew was humanly possible to endure, and to cap it off, most of the time they were setting up the breakup for 3 weeks or even longer before it went down, did they let us in on that little secret? Where they looking out for us, and our feelings while swinging from branch to branch?.

Why the fvck should you make it easier on them and harder on yourself by breaking NC? It just strait up doesn't make any sense.

I hear you man and can sure feel the pain. I know what it feels like. Whne I was going through the pain it was no wonder to me why some just want to end it all after a bad breakup.

I agree NC is generally the best policy just think that it needs to be tempered with judgment and your own intuition.
For me ending NC put me in a much better spot because I could finally call it quits and be the better person.
Actually I look better to her because I am strong enough to say hello again and show that I am ok and do not need her anymore. I told her the new man sounds like a good guy and said I'm glad that she is happy and hope it works out for her. I gave her my blessings and stayed unaffected by her new relationship. I do care for her and hope she can find happiness. Sometimes by giving we gain and stop focusing on ourselves.

Now she is blowing up my email with generic junk emails, some that she sent months ago are being recycled. I have no intention to contact her again unless some weeks or months down the road I feel like a quick hello.

Different strokes I guess so hang in there with what works for you, if it doesn't try something else.

 

[Weezy]

Day 60, Check.

Well, I completed the 60 day challenge.

60 Days ago today, I was told that she couldn't waste anymore time in this 3 year relationship, and gave me a list of reasons why, all centered around me not making her a priority / my life and not wanting to "Make her my life" and how she should "Be My Family Now" She had been hinting at marriage for months.

So here's my thoughts on the 60 day challenge.

1. Sh1t is not easy. For anyone who says NC is the easy way out, try it, it's hard a fvck. Props to myself for making it through without ever begging, whining or showing any weakness.
2. You do heal, when I started I wasn't eating or sleeping. Now I am doing both, although I do still think about her a lot when I'm sleeping.
3. You don't stop thinking about her. You do think about them less.
4. It's a very cold feeling when you both go NC, the fact that she's done it for 60 days validated my suspicion that she swung to another branch before she let me go. This chick was so into me I cannot describe it. I could say jump and she would say how high for all but the last couple of weeks or our 3 year relationship.
5. The mood swings are rough. Some days I'm like fvck that b1tch, she had x y and z wrong with her that made it impossible for me to commit long term. Then I go back to, damn she did everything for me, she could be a b1tch at times, but I realize what a d1ck I was to her in a lot of ways and I can't really blame her for wanting to hang out with someone who was really into her, gave her the affection she craved. Someone who made time for her rather than someone who hung out only when it fit into his hectic schedule.
6. Healing It's not a linear graph, It's more like an earth quake being graphed. It has ups and downs, but it starts off at a 9.0 and movedsdown to a 4.0 after 60 days.

So now what, I'm done with 60 days? I need a new challenge cause I ain't over this chick yet.

 

[V2Logger]

Well put Weezy. I think the first 60 is a challenge in itself. But the challenge doesn't stop there. It can be a daily challenge after the 60 day mark either way. Look at me and the B-day challenge for example.

I agree on how the time passed and how she has not contacted me in regards to branches. Yes, you do stop thinking of them as much and it is less when you do. During the time I found so many things that were wrong now that I didn't during the first stages of the break up. Love is blind to the red flags sometimes, we just look the other way.

Good luck to you in the next challenge you face with this. It really is like how I read, it was like a drug and we had to kick the habit. But thanks to this forum and it's members I was able to overcome the 60 day and the birthday challenge. It was very hard but hey, I made it through.

 

[Weezy]

Thanks Buddy,

Still fn struggling with this ALOT. Fridays seem to be bad. Fvck this ****.

 

[Natural Sammy]

any progress?

 

[Weezy]

any progress?

Still struggling, still haven't broken NC...

 

[KarmaZsmile]

Taking The No Contact Challenge

I can honestly say that the heart ache I have experienced from the break up of my 4 yr relationship has been the worst I have ever felt.

It wasnt the best relationship..we both made mistakes. I chose to end it
after a vicious cycle of going no where and pointing the blame.

I miss her a lot and even more after I found out that she moved on
only a couple of months after our break up and is now living with her new love.

I shouldnt be too surprised because she has cheated a couple times.

But anyways...I tried the whole, lets be friends and maybe I could win her back but I only ended up getting hurt in the end when she chose her new love over me, saying she over it.

So I have officially BEGAN MY 60 DAY CHALLENGE on November 13, 2009.

I have been going strong since then.

I miss her like crazy and not a day goes by that I dont think of her and just tonight, i cried again. I hadnt cried in a week.

But I have remained strong. She had texted me a simple HI this past Monday in the middle of the night, but I woke up and deleted it. I am choosing to stay strong.

I believe that I would rather cry over missing her and being strong than to cry over her being here and causing me pain.

I will keep you updated every day or few days as to how this is going.

It isnt easy but I just think of the consequences if I do contact her. I will be starting at square one again and I refuse to go backwards now.

Well Tomorrow starts a new week and we will add on to these 9 days of no contact so far. Wish me luck cause its harder to be strong than to give in and be weak.

Each night u go to sleep, give ursef a pat on the back for being so strong today and getting through another day without falling back. Thats one step closer to being over it.

Until Next Time

 

[Cherokee]

Well I've been in no contact for almost 2 months now and I feel amazing. I've had my down days when I think about her, she ended things after 4 years and moved on a week later, possibly a rebound who knows? She tried to contact me a few times into the no contact, but a month ago I deleted her completely, numbers, emails, facebook the lot. It feels good to detatch yourself.

But perhaps what I have realised most, is that I don't want her anymore and more importantly I don't need her, all I want is fun, no more relationships; at least not for the nest 5-10 years, no more bs effort, no more stress, no more worrying, no more emotional rollercoasters, just fun, adventures and the freedom to do whatever the f*ck I want when I want.

Basically a relationship is glamourised sex, you buy the girl stuff, you treat her well, you bust your balls making sure shes happy all for good nookie and respect in return. When really the best sex comes from not caring at all and just enjoying your own life. The very moment you care, it's all over. It's a harsh reality but "feelings" are just a state of mind, a chemical reaction produced by the brain to keep the human race alive.

Time to break free.

Peace.

 

[Cherokee]

Well I've been in no contact for almost 2 months now and I feel amazing. I've had my down days when I think about her, she ended things after 4 years and moved on a week later, possibly a rebound who knows? She tried to contact me a few times into the no contact, but a month ago I deleted her completely, numbers, emails, facebook the lot. It feels good to detatch yourself.

But perhaps what I have realised most, is that I don't want her anymore and more importantly I don't need her, all I want is fun, no more relationships; at least not for the nest 5-10 years, no more bs effort, no more stress, no more worrying, no more emotional rollercoasters, just fun, adventures and the freedom to do whatever the f*ck I want when I want.

Basically a relationship is glamourised sex, you buy the girl stuff, you treat her well, you bust your balls making sure shes happy all for good nookie and respect in return. When really the best sex comes from not caring at all and just enjoying your own life. The very moment you care, it's all over. It's a harsh reality but "feelings" are just a state of mind, a chemical reaction produced by the brain to keep the human race alive.

Time to break free.

Peace.