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The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

Jean Valjean

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Weezy said:
Need ta get some **** out. feel free to ignore this rant.

My mind just won't let go of this Chick. I know she's just a Chick, I know that I've got her on a pedestal. I know that I can pull quality tail. I've never gone more than 1 year with a GF since I was 15

I didn't give her enough of my time, and I know that. She mentioned it multiple times.

She wanted to get married, wanted me to be with her always. Always hinted, friends asked.

I didn't think she was marriage material though, yet I couldn't let her go. WTF? She spent 3 years with me, she broke it off 1x after two years, and gave me another chance cause I said I would change.

I'm regretting just walking away when she broke it off.. Chick was setting something up though before she broke it off. I just feel it, haven't looked at a FB or anything though to confirm.

She always had guy friends pop up in her life, and I would get mad at her cause they would cause issues. Is it messed up that I get pissed at her for making guy friends? I know what guy friends are all about with girls and it pisses me off. But when you only hang out 3 nights a week and don't make time for her during her days off, wtf else is she supposed to do, sit home and not do anything?

In the end though, our relationship was rocky. She kept telling me she wanted to take care of me. But the ho slapped me. during a heated argument WTF?, how can you be with someone who will slap you in a heated argument?

Why do I keep thinking that I have another card to play because I was so tough during the breakup? is the 38 days of NC effecting her, or is she just getting boned by her "friend" and could give a **** less?

I turned into an AFC the last week or our relationship, I started to call her instead of the other way around, and was more affectionate then I normally was cause I could sense that something was up. would it have mattered if I didn't? Nah, she knew after our the slapping thing that I was thinking of ending it too. Why didn't I check her phone when my gut told me to? at least then I coulda dropped her first and walked away knowing she was a cheater. Now I have no proof.

Why do I obsess about this if I didn't feel like she was the one when I was with her?

Is she ever gonna fn call? This **** sucks.
withdrawal pains I'm feeling it too
 

V2Logger

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You're gonna go through this. Eventhough it has 60+ days for me, I get hit with a mental slap here and there. What you need to do is either call a friend who cares about you or post here. I can sleep better now. I have just been hitting the gym harder and driving my ride more. You know your situation sounds so similiar to mine Weezy, except no real slap for me. I came out of a rocky one too. I seem to have realized that it would have reached the end either way. She was insecure, impatient, materialistic,jealous and selfish. I was blind, and these things were always there.When we are in it, we look past these things maybe because we do put them on pedestals.But when we are sent back to the minor leagues, we have to better ourselves and rebuild from the ruins. Don't get me wrong, we did have nice times, but the nice times were out weighed by negative things too. We seem to remember the happy times out of human nature. Hang in there, remember "they would let us know". I still feal with rationalizing thoughts, but I keep saying it's over, and if it is not good enough, I have friends who remind me why it ended and why I am better off. Stay cool, lay low, be with your friends, don't stay home alone. It's those alone times that will eat away at your mind. Post here when in doubt, that what this thread is for. I read tons of threads dealing with breaks, they have helped. Hang in there.
 

Weezy

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Thanks Fellas...

I'm doing all I can to stay NC. Day 35ish.
 

Weezy

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V2Logger said:
Just lay low. Look, in my case it has been 60 days + a few now. I left off in my last text Aug. 19, "we should talk, maybe in Sept.", she responded, "I'll have to think abut it". Have I called her? No. Has she called me? No. Well, obviously she has moved on, and like they have said in previous threads, actions speak louder than words. Her birthday is next week, had it been within the first 15 or 30 days, I might have sent a text to tell her happy B-day. But will I? No. I have no place doing so anymore, I am not her b-friend, and thinking on how cold she has been from the break at the end of July, it wouldn't be politically correct. I haven't broke NC. Everyday gets easier with the time that passes. Just lay low and stay busy.
Did this chick every talk about wanting to get married?
 

thecurtainfalls

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V2Logger... I really like your posts, it sounds like we have a very similar mindset. No contact is definitely the way to go. Last time I talked to my ex was Aug. 21 and both of our b-days have since passed... no contact from either side. Movin' on.

I sleep much better now too. Last night I had my first real success with this new girl I'm gaming. It felt weird after a 3 year relationship to once again feel that precise moment where you realize you could fvck this new girl... when you realize omg it's on... it's like my primal predatory instincts are emerging from hibernation, lol
 

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V2Logger

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Weezy said:
Did this chick every talk about wanting to get married?
thanks "thecurtainfalls". WEEZY,to answer the question, yes she did. I was not so serious in the beginning, but then believed it although there were many obstacles in our relationship, I looked beyond them. After the 3rd year,I followed her lead on marriage and started aiming for that. Then when everything went down, I was like "she's the one who made me believe in getting married and now look at all this". This whole past year, I had been saving to buy a home, I saw it as another step before the real challenge of getting married. I think once the reality struck, she couldn't completely follow through, maybe felt her freedom was at stake (she's some type of socialite now). I am close to being in escrow, I followed through with my plan with or without her. Today, the 25th of Oct. is the 3 month marker of the break up. It feels better than the 1st & 2nd months. I did have an odd dream on Friday with her sister in it. In the dream I was asking her sister more questions of what had happened. I slept through the night, but as you can see my mind is somehow still thinking of things that it should not be thinking of. You can't control those dreams. I tend to wake up and remember them right away before I go back to sleep looking for hidden meanings. I used to have more of them right after the break. I feel better nowadays compared to a month ago. I call my friends less. Lately, I find them calling me to see how I am doing, which is another sign that it seems like the storm is over or at least breaking up. I'll feel better once I don't have a random thought pop up on the scene. Time heals.
 

Weezy

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V2Logger said:
thanks "thecurtainfalls". WEEZY,to answer the question, yes she did. I was not so serious in the beginning, but then believed it although there were many obstacles in our relationship, I looked beyond them. After the 3rd year,I followed her lead on marriage and started aiming for that. Then when everything went down, I was like "she's the one who made me believe in getting married and now look at all this". This whole past year, I had been saving to buy a home, I saw it as another step before the real challenge of getting married. I think once the reality struck, she couldn't completely follow through, maybe felt her freedom was at stake (she's some type of socialite now). I am close to being in escrow, I followed through with my plan with or without her. Today, the 25th of Oct. is the 3 month marker of the break up. It feels better than the 1st & 2nd months. I did have an odd dream on Friday with her sister in it. In the dream I was asking her sister more questions of what had happened. I slept through the night, but as you can see my mind is somehow still thinking of things that it should not be thinking of. You can't control those dreams. I tend to wake up and remember them right away before I go back to sleep looking for hidden meanings. I used to have more of them right after the break. I feel better nowadays compared to a month ago. I call my friends less. Lately, I find them calling me to see how I am doing, which is another sign that it seems like the storm is over or at least breaking up. I'll feel better once I don't have a random thought pop up on the scene. Time heals.
Good post,

I'm still battling, the weekends are easier, but I run my own company and it's tough to deal with all the stress of that without her during the week.

The fact that your GF talked about marriage is huge to me. I've found myself still dreaming that if I told her I would commit forever, that it would magically bring her back since she hinted about it so much.

The more I think about it though it just seems like a desperate far-fetched shot in the dark. Think I'm around 40 days now, went out this weekend and got some phone numbers, it's amazing how just hanging out with chicks make you realize that we will get through this. Sleeping better now too.

Keep on posting V2Logger. You help me out a ton.
 

Weezy

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thecurtainfalls said:
V2Logger... I really like your posts, it sounds like we have a very similar mindset. No contact is definitely the way to go. Last time I talked to my ex was Aug. 21 and both of our b-days have since passed... no contact from either side. Movin' on.

I sleep much better now too. Last night I had my first real success with this new girl I'm gaming. It felt weird after a 3 year relationship to once again feel that precise moment where you realize you could fvck this new girl... when you realize omg it's on... it's like my primal predatory instincts are emerging from hibernation, lol
How long between the break and the NC?
 

V2Logger

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Weezy said:
How long between the break and the NC?
It was 24 days total. The day after the break, I text and emailed that day. The following week, I sent out a text to her sister to put in a good word for me, she said she had and will. I sent out another text just saying hello. My only phone call to her was to call her out on the guy I found out about before the break of which she did not expect and nervously, she admitted it was true but that they only had talked. I told her I didn't believe her because that was coming from someone that lied alot. I then had one last IM session with her and knew where I stood. When someone comes up with easy answers that are totally negative and outragious along with no real thought behind them, it puts things into perspective. I did say in the IM, "We should talk sometime in Sept.", she said"I have alot to say, but I'll have think about it". I never did call in Sept. I left it at that, that was Aug.19. I feel like I should not have done all that contact except the phone call at this point where I am at. I just wanted to let her know that wool over my eyes wasn't thick enough.
Go out like you didn't before. I know I was too busy saving for a pad this whole year so I didn't go out plus I was with her.A friend of mine called up last night and said meet him at a costume party. I went out and I am glad I went. I talked to more women than I thought I was (practicing)and I got a very good eyeful because of the costumes all those women were wearing. It was a sign of progression for me. I remember I went to see a freind's band play like two weeks after the break and I felt out of place. Now it's easy to be out there and not feel that way.
It's like we wrecked and have to recover now. Just take it easy, don't think too hard about the past. It helps me to post here and I know it must help us all. I have just been laying low. Some people tell me she will call one day. But I lost that hope nor do I want that call. I think it would be odd. I don't anticipate it. I am just trying to move forward now.
I've just been interested in fun new things, being with friends, and at least talking to new women. No definite prospects, I am just enjoying the added freedom that comes with the break. Although we don't see it like that at first, it is freedom. I know I won't get nagged for anything or have to be a human tissue.
Just lay low and try new things, it's like in Top Gun and how they keep saying "get him back up there" right after Goose dies. We have to get ourselves "back up there". I am trying to stay up there, it has gotten easier, but it's not 100% easy. I am glad my friends are there for me helping me on those speed bumps.After 60 days it's easier, but it isn't 100% out in the clear for me, but the wind is changing and a new course is being layed out.
 

Weezy

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Day 42

Feeling better this Monday than I have in a while.

It's been 6 weeks now since I saw the Ex and the break. I feel like things are getting clearer.

My thoughts of talking to her about marriage and what not I'm realizing are just part of me going through the bargaining stage of the grieving process.

If I did go to her and try and talk about marriage, I would be doing the following things:

- Re-acting based on the pain that I'm feeling rather then with a clear head.
- Giving her all of the power, knowing I'm sitting around waiting and she would be able to punk me again.
- Possibly making a HUGE mistake since I never thought of marriage when we were together. If I did want to marry this chick, I would have treated her better than I did, but I felt during the relationship that she wasn't marriage material.
- Going against all the advice that everyone has given me.

All in all I feel like I'm gonna be able to get through this now, and it's gonna make me so much stronger when I do because the next time I'm not feeling a relationship I will be able to get out and know that my feelings of loss are normal, but that I will get through it.
 

V2Logger

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Weezy said:
Day 42
All in all I feel like I'm gonna be able to get through this now, and it's gonna make me so much stronger when I do because the next time I'm not feeling a relationship I will be able to get out and know that my feelings of loss are normal, but that I will get through it.
I agree. It's been more than 60 days for me. My mind is still bouncing that idea of sending a card to her for her B-day. But my other side is telling me no, don't do it. But I know this is part of a challenge that I must overcome.

I also agree that in our next relationships, we should be able to see more red flags instead of just pretending they don't exist and living with them. At that point we should be able to determine if this is right for both people.
 

Weezy

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V2Logger said:
I agree. It's been more than 60 days for me. My mind is still bouncing that idea of sending a card to her for her B-day. But my other side is telling me no, don't do it. But I know this is part of a challenge that I must overcome.

I also agree that in our next relationships, we should be able to see more red flags instead of just pretending they don't exist and living with them. At that point we should be able to determine if this is right for both people.
Aight V2Logger.. You've been kicking my ass, so now it's my turn.

Don't sent the fn card. Here is what will happen:

You will feel a little better when you buy it, it will feel like old times again. You'll think for 30 hours what to write on it. It will be perfect in your eyes. You'll make it not to gushy, but nice enough that she knows you still care.

Then you'll send it, you'll feel really good.

Then she'll get it. You'll start to get nervous once you know it's been 2 days since you mailed it. She'll get a shot of confidence because you're still there for her and you'll validate her thinking in breaking up with you because obviously if you're still hanging around, she knows she was as good as you can get, even though she knows she f'd you over. You might or might not get a 1 line response... Either way, you won't be happy with it.

Then you'll kick yourself and be like WTF did I send her that fn card? Back to day 1 of NC.

Stick to the course son. Remember:

  • Sleeping is better than not sleeping.
  • Thinking about an ex you haven't talked to in over 2 months is better then getting punked by an ex again after 4 months.
  • Having some pride is better than her responding out of feeling sorry for you.

If she missed you, a text message of 'Hi' would be all that she needed to send.
 

V2Logger

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Weezy said:
Aight V2Logger.. You've been kicking my ass, so now it's my turn.

Don't sent the fn card. Here is what will happen:

You will feel a little better when you buy it, it will feel like old times again. You'll think for 30 hours what to write on it. It will be perfect in your eyes. You'll make it not to gushy, but nice enough that she knows you still care.

Then you'll send it, you'll feel really good.

Then she'll get it. You'll start to get nervous once you know it's been 2 days since you mailed it. She'll get a shot of confidence because you're still there for her and you'll validate her thinking in breaking up with you because obviously if you're still hanging around, she knows she was as good as you can get, even though she knows she f'd you over. You might or might not get a 1 line response... Either way, you won't be happy with it.

Then you'll kick yourself and be like WTF did I send her that fn card? Back to day 1 of NC.

Stick to the course son. Remember:

  • Sleeping is better than not sleeping.
  • Thinking about an ex you haven't talked to in over 2 months is better then getting punked by an ex again after 4 months.
  • Having some pride is better than her responding out of feeling sorry for you.

If she missed you, a text message of 'Hi' would be all that she needed to send.
It's so true. But you know, I need to hear it to brand it to my thick skull. This week is a challenge for me. It's odd because I took that day off 9 months ago. I don't mind fridays off, but it's not like a black and white friday. If I stay at work, the computer and all kinds of avenues are there. My buddy I grew up with knows of my situation and invited me to help him finish moving on that day instead of my brain doing it's thinking. No use of doing that after all this time, it would be a 1000 steps back. Thanks Weezy.
 

Weezy

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V2Logger said:
It's so true. But you know, I need to hear it to brand it to my thick skull. This week is a challenge for me. It's odd because I took that day off 9 months ago. I don't mind fridays off, but it's not like a black and white friday. If I stay at work, the computer and all kinds of avenues are there. My buddy I grew up with knows of my situation and invited me to help him finish moving on that day instead of my brain doing it's thinking. No use of doing that after all this time, it would be a 1000 steps back. Thanks Weezy.
No Problem,

I'll keep hammering it into your brain if you keep hammering it into mine.
 

V2Logger

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Weezy said:
No Problem,

I'll keep hammering it into your brain if you keep hammering it into mine.
Yeah that's what we need. Although it has been more than 60 for me, I still get mental slaps. :trouble: When I make it through this week, I'll be ahead of another obstacle. I have still maintained NC. I don't need the drama. :nono:
 

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Weezy

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V2Logger said:
Yeah that's what we need. Although it has been more than 60 for me, I still get mental slaps. :trouble: When I make it through this week, I'll be ahead of another obstacle. I have still maintained NC. I don't need the drama. :nono:
Day 45 3/4 of the way.

Feeling clearer about ****. Still ups and downs, but I'm not chugging NyQuil to sleep anymore. Starting to see that all my thoughts of wanting her back are borderline retarded. I didn't see a future, it had been 3 years, what would getting back with her do, flip the magic settle switch?

Still have fantasy's about calling her up down the road and making it right. Realizing that me not calling her is making me stronger though.

Starting to feel my game come back. There are a lot of women out there. It's easy to get sucked into the relationship mode where it's just there on a platter, but once you break that cycle, the world is wide open.
 

Crazy_Canuck

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Ok I've officially decided to go no contact.

Basically all you need to know is I used to get blue-balled by HB when I was a loser, eventually grew a set of balls ended up fcking her friend. She lost her ****, we didn't talk for months then she randomly burst back into my life and contacts me kinda regularly wanting to hang out, yet has not really tried to hide the fact that she has a boyfriend who she loves.

The other night her roommate saw me holding hands with a girl at the bar, and HB texted me saying 'Whose this girl your with at the bar?' I texted back and just said "What? Can I deal with this tmrw?" The following day her roommate apologized and I never contacted HB, so I guess that could be counted as the start of no contact.

I realize this girl probably still has feelings for me and I'm sure lots of guys on here are going to suggest going for it because she seems 'down,' but trust me guys she loves messing with / blue-balling me and she messes with my emotions. When we were hooking up she got drunk and made out with other guys on more than one occasion (we weren't dating in anyway) yet when I even talked to girls she'd freak out.

To be honest i care waay too much about this girl considering we have never even had sex. She's not a bad person but I REALLY need to get her out of my life, she causes me far too much stress and pain for a 19 year old.

So as of today October 30th, 2009 I'm going COMPLETELY no contact. I'm going to ignore texts, stay off Facebook and MSN and hopefully not run into her at the bar.

One question, before I go no-contact do I inform her I don't want to speak for a while or do I just do it? It might be kinda hard to just not respond to anything, she might think I died haha.

Cheers to day 1 guys, I'm going to keep this going until I don't think about her at all.
 

V2Logger

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Weezy, her b-day was yesterday. Continuing NC, 72 days now. The mental challenge was a good one. I spent the day with friends and went out last night. I came close to sending something but with the help of friends and printed posts from this forum, I made it. I am not sure how to feel about it all, but at least I didn't break radio silence. It feels weird though, but oh well, it passed. :confused: Late.
 

V2Logger

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Allurre said:
Cutting all communication is the best thing you can do for your own sanity and growth.
Thanks Allure. I just need to hear it more so that I don't have those odd feelings. Thanks, I hope that I will continue to grow more. It was a mental challenge to make it through the day. Yeah, I guess some might have sent a text, card, or email; I forced myself not to. It was something I had to overcome.
 
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