The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Jariel]

Day 8:

Just a quick update. Yesterday was one of the hardest days and I desperately craved her back, couldn't stop thinking about her good qualities and what we had. I had a few breakdowns too and admit I cried.

But today has been much better. I've focused more on moving on today, started weighing up my options and started picturing myself with other women with less issues and baggage, and about the excitement of the first date, first kiss, sex and getting to experience the whole honemoon period again.

When I look at my ex relationship, it was amazing in the first 10 months. This is the part I miss and I want back, but that's not the relationship I left behind. Even if we hadn't broken up, we were losing sight of that initial excitement and settling into more of a routine. That's something I don't miss and the thought of that continuing for the long term doesn't appeal too much.

So basically, I've just been bringing up different mental images and scenarios - offsetting my dull routine relationship I left behind against a fresh, exciting and passionate new relationship with another girl. I've even been writing it down and I highly recommend this exercise to everyone.

 

[MaddXMan]

Last night I had a moment of weakness. I wanted to text her. But I had deleted her number, so I hooked up to itunes and did a restore. Luckily the restore took 1.5 hours and by then I was over the urge to contact.

Now I have her contact # in my phone again, but I changed the contact name from her name to "DO NOT CONTACT A$$HOLE"

That should work.

 

[MaddXMan]

Day 8:

Just a quick update. Yesterday was one of the hardest days and I desperately craved her back, couldn't stop thinking about her good qualities and what we had. I had a few breakdowns too and admit I cried.

But today has been much better. I've focused more on moving on today, started weighing up my options and started picturing myself with other women with less issues and baggage, and about the excitement of the first date, first kiss, sex and getting to experience the whole honemoon period again.

When I look at my ex relationship, it was amazing in the first 10 months. This is the part I miss and I want back, but that's not the relationship I left behind. Even if we hadn't broken up, we were losing sight of that initial excitement and settling into more of a routine. That's something I don't miss and the thought of that continuing for the long term doesn't appeal too much.

So basically, I've just been bringing up different mental images and scenarios - offsetting my dull routine relationship I left behind against a fresh, exciting and passionate new relationship with another girl. I've even been writing it down and I highly recommend this exercise to everyone.

If I remember right from a few years ago, you were looking to get caught up in something deep right? To get swept up into love and a meaningful relationship? Well sounds like you got what you wanted and it was great at the time, be glad you had that, and know you will have it again.

 

[European-DJ]

Last night I had a moment of weakness. I wanted to text her. But I had deleted her number, so I hooked up to itunes and did a restore. Luckily the restore took 1.5 hours and by then I was over the urge to contact.

Now I have her contact # in my phone again, but I changed the contact name from her name to "DO NOT CONTACT A$$HOLE"

That should work.

Delete the number, you had a sign of weakness, and no matter what you renamed her to, you WILL Text her next time you have that moment - så please delete it once again, atleast for your own sake!

 

[countwoofoolah]

NC is probably the best thing anyone can do

A year ago it took me two weeks after my breakup to realise that I needed NC , the longer you keep NC the happier you will be because like a good carpet , the memories might stay but the emotion attached to them fade.

Sometimes your just too close to the painting to see the whole picture - it gets easier with time

Also if youve broken up its a sign that it wouldn't work and there is someone better out there for you

 

[MaddXMan]

Delete the number, you had a sign of weakness, and no matter what you renamed her to, you WILL Text her next time you have that moment - så please delete it once again, atleast for your own sake!

I deleted. I thought about keeping her number as kind of a talisman, that if I kept it should would call some day. Just my mind playing tricks on me.

Anyway I had a meet and greet tonight with a new girl, and we're going on a real date Sunday. I like where this is going.

 

[henrea4]

So, yeah....I'm texting back and forth dirty messages to some PoF chick. She asks me if I'm coming to see her the first Saturday she has off (the 28th) and I say yes. She says she thinks the first thing we should do is just have sex and get it over with. I simply reply with "lol". Then she says we're both consenting adults and it's nothing wrong with having some great hot sex. I haven't been with anyone aside from my ex wife...and the last time we had sex was like 8 months ago. Maybe it's time to go "bawlz deep into a foreign set of sugar walls" (gotta love those Hodgetwins)

 

[Jariel]

Tell me what you think of this...

I don't know if I did the right thing here, but I kinda feel a bit better about doing it.

I got a brief mail on Facebook from a friend of my ex, basically being nosy and trying to find out why we broke up. I didn't go into the details of the break up, but I told her that I hold no hard feelings and it turned out to be a blessing in disguise for me because I've had feelings for someone else last few months and we're now dating.

I know this will get back to my ex, which was my intention. On one hand, I just want to let her think that I've moved on and emphasize that I'm out of her life and she blew her chance with me...just a little extra kick behind the no contact.

I also intend it to have the reverse psychology effect, in showing her I'm unfazed and the break up benefits me.

And finally, I intended it as a little dig at her for what she did, a way of letting her think I'd been having feelings for someone else while I was with her.

Any thoughts on this? On one hand it feels like I've taken a little power back and regained a touch of pride, but then I also think I may have burned my bridges completely now.

I was doing well yesterday, but last night and this morning I'm really missing her. Not just the affection and status of being in a relationship - I'm actually missing her as a person, talking to her and laughing with her and just talking about our days.

 

[Jariel]

I deleted. I thought about keeping her number as kind of a talisman, that if I kept it should would call some day. Just my mind playing tricks on me.

Anyway I had a meet and greet tonight with a new girl, and we're going on a real date Sunday. I like where this is going.

Yes, be careful of those mind tricks. My head is all over the place right now and I'm starting to realise I'm still not seeing this situation with clarity or objectivity. This stresses the need to go no contact and let the emotions settle.

Good luck on Sunday. You're definitely doing the right thing. Even if you feel it's a rebound, it's the first big step to healing.

 

[fuko2007]

Tell me what you think of this...

I don't know if I did the right thing here, but I kinda feel a bit better about doing it.

I got a brief mail on Facebook from a friend of my ex, basically being nosy and trying to find out why we broke up. I didn't go into the details of the break up, but I told her that I hold no hard feelings and it turned out to be a blessing in disguise for me because I've had feelings for someone else last few months and we're now dating.

I know this will get back to my ex, which was my intention. On one hand, I just want to let her think that I've moved on and emphasize that I'm out of her life and she blew her chance with me...just a little extra kick behind the no contact.

I also intend it to have the reverse psychology effect, in showing her I'm unfazed and the break up benefits me.

And finally, I intended it as a little dig at her for what she did, a way of letting her think I'd been having feelings for someone else while I was with her.

Any thoughts on this? On one hand it feels like I've taken a little power back and regained a touch of pride, but then I also think I may have burned my bridges completely now.

I was doing well yesterday, but last night and this morning I'm really missing her. Not just the affection and status of being in a relationship - I'm actually missing her as a person, talking to her and laughing with her and just talking about our days.

That could go both ways my man, i think you gave to much information. Especially to a GIRL, and they are famous for twisting and bending the words that come out of OUR mouths into something ugly. If you are not dateing someone new and she finds out then it will make you look like a joke, but what if she inturns makes sure she snags a guy and taunts you with him as pay back? The best thing to have said i think would have been something along the lines of , Yeh we broke up but it was for the better and no hard feelings between the two of us, nice chatting with ya but got to go!. And thats it.

 

[henrea4]

That could go both ways my man, i think you gave to much information. Especially to a GIRL, and they are famous for twisting and bending the words that come out of OUR mouths into something ugly. If you are not dateing someone new and she finds out then it will make you look like a joke, but what if she inturns makes sure she snags a guy and taunts you with him as pay back? The best thing to have said i think would have been something along the lines of , Yeh we broke up but it was for the better and no hard feelings between the two of us, nice chatting with ya but got to go!. And thats it.

Agreed.

 

[Renegade357]

I got a brief mail on Facebook from a friend of my ex, basically being nosy and trying to find out why we broke up. I didn't go into the details of the break up, but I told her that I hold no hard feelings and it turned out to be a blessing in disguise for me because I've had feelings for someone else last few months and we're now dating.

I tried something like this once. Had a breakup, was about 30 days into NC. Around that time my ex decided to go through her friend to see if I still had a dvd of hers. (i trashed it) It was an obvious attempt of my ex to try to squeeze back into my life. I told the friend I was now seeing someone else (was a short term fling) and didn't have the dvd.

Anyway, I never heard from her again after that. Which is a good thing!

 

[Machtwo]

Tell me what you think of this...

I don't know if I did the right thing here, but I kinda feel a bit better about doing it.

I got a brief mail on Facebook from a friend of my ex, basically being nosy and trying to find out why we broke up. I didn't go into the details of the break up, but I told her that I hold no hard feelings and it turned out to be a blessing in disguise for me because I've had feelings for someone else last few months and we're now dating.

I know this will get back to my ex, which was my intention. On one hand, I just want to let her think that I've moved on and emphasize that I'm out of her life and she blew her chance with me...just a little extra kick behind the no contact.

I also intend it to have the reverse psychology effect, in showing her I'm unfazed and the break up benefits me.

And finally, I intended it as a little dig at her for what she did, a way of letting her think I'd been having feelings for someone else while I was with her.

Any thoughts on this? On one hand it feels like I've taken a little power back and regained a touch of pride, but then I also think I may have burned my bridges completely now.

I was doing well yesterday, but last night and this morning I'm really missing her. Not just the affection and status of being in a relationship - I'm actually missing her as a person, talking to her and laughing with her and just talking about our days.

I can understand the need to try and level or even things out a bit and for a brief period of time it does make you feel slightly better, I've done things along the same line. Ultimately, I believe it achieves nothing and fuko2007 is correct.

Stick to NC, you know too well that any of your actions will be feeding her ego and doing nothing for you.

I'm at day 72 today & I am really missing her as a person & the relationship too, but I haven't felt like this for two weeks or so, but I have to remain strong, contacting her will do me no good, I'll hopefully feel different tomorrow.

Stick with it, stick together in this great community, better, more genuine people lay ahead. :woo:

 

[Jariel]

Thanks for the feedback. I figured it was probably a bad move, although my ex was always jealous of a close (and very hot) friend of mine who had feelings for me and she suspected I had a thing for her too. I am convinced she'll assume we got together. I know that it's going to decrease her chances of coming back, maybe even drive her away more, but it feels like one last snatch at some dignity.

I mean, she left with this impression of me as this accommodating, supplicating nice guy with no balls, whereas this suggests that I had a bit of a jerk side under it all and shows her she's not been the only woman in my life.

As for this girl I talk about. I definitely plan to hook up with her when I'm over this. I did have feelings for her in the past and she's laid her feelings on the line and made it clear she's ready to hook up when I am. So there is actually some truth to this.

But to be honest, my head's all over the place and I really am feeling kinda desperate.

I have a lot of offers on the table right now, but even though many of these women are super hot, nice, engaging people whose company I normally enjoy...they do nothing for me at this time.

 

[Renegade357]

I know that it's going to decrease her chances of coming back, maybe even drive her away more, but it feels like one last snatch at some dignity.

The way I see it is an ex likes to have you within their arms length. They like it when you're still gaga/stuck on them as long as you aren't talking to them lol. They like that feeling that they can just walk up to you and have their way with you at a moments notice.

The only way to really get to them is to leave things a mystery. You get all quiet all of a sudden via no contact and they start wondering. That's when the random friends come up to you seeking info. That's when you are supposed to be as vague as possible. You don't give intelligence to the enemy.

A better response to her friend would have been "I think things just ran their course between her and I. We're both moving on now, no hard feelings and I wish her the best." If that had gotten back to your ex it would have driven her crazy imo.

 

[Jariel]

Day 9:

I'm trying to log my progress, so here's today's entry.

Feeling total despair and grief today. I can't get her out of my mind and no matter how much I try to convince myself I'm better off, it's good to move on etc, I just want her back in my arms and for everything to be like it was.

I can't get my head round how we can be so close one day and feel so sure of our future together, to ending it so sharp and suddenly and not even talking.

I'm so glad I've deleted her number because I've had some desperate moments where I felt like getting in touch and telling her it's all a mistake and we can work through this. You know, the sorta stuff that drives her further away and leaves you feeling like ****.

I felt like I was in control until today.

 

[Jariel]

A better response to her friend would have been "I think things just ran their course between her and I. We're both moving on now, no hard feelings and I wish her the best." If that had gotten back to your ex it would have driven her crazy imo.

Yes, you're right. The mystery and confusion is a lot more powerful than a direct attempt at jealous.

That's actually how I ended my last contact with her, wishing her the best and saying I feel like it's best for both of us.

I'll just ignore anything from friends now. She's not a close friend of my ex, just nosy.

 

[Renegade357]

Day 9:

I'm trying to log my progress, so here's today's entry.

Feeling total despair and grief today. I can't get her out of my mind and no matter how much I try to convince myself I'm better off, it's good to move on etc, I just want her back in my arms and for everything to be like it was.

Your emotions are real raw right now. You're gonna be going through these up/down cycles for a few weeks. After day 30 it gets a lot easier. I think I'm on day 40 or something like that and I'm dating again already. You start realizing that it's stupid to be hung up on a chick that doesn't like you and treated you like crap. When I think about my ex now I only see her negatives and I get kind of mad about it and myself for not ending it way earlier. The sense of loss is gone.

 

[Renegade357]

I'll just ignore anything from friends now. She's not a close friend of my ex, just nosy.

Think about it like you are on witness protection program. No one can find you, no one knows where you are, who you are talking to, what you are doing.

 

[Jariel]

Thanks Renegade, mate, I've had days where I feel like I'm over her and it feels like such a relief. It feels really good and I feel optimistic about meeting someone more suitable and the exciting times we'll share. I just keep alternating between wanting to get over her and wanting her back.

I am completely out of sight of her now. I deleted her and her family and friends from Facebook when we broke up and she followed up by blocking me, so we can't even check each other's FB pages.

I know exactly what I have to do. I have to move forward, throw myself back into life, my ambitions, get back in the gym and improve myself. I just can't find the enthusiasm for it right now.