The meaning of spinning plates

driver55

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I get it now....

I haven't posted in a while and I thought my recent experiences merited a post.

A few days ago I did something VERY unlike myself. Unlike my "former self" I should say. I went on 2 seperate dates with 2 different girls in the same day. It felt quite exhilirating to spend time getting to know one, while knowing I was on a schedule to make the next date happen as well. These were both 1st dates for the record. I ended up spending the night with the second date. She was great.

The next day a 3rd girl I had been in contact with gave me her number and told me to call. She ended up coming over to spend time. Also a 1st timer.

I think the only way to describe what has been happening lately is a lucky streak. Regardless, it is EXCELLENT and has done wonders for my confidence. I now know the meaning of spinning plates, as I keep in contact with these different females who have been showing various levels of interest. The only thing I am worried about now is having enough time to keep my academic, professional, personal, and social life within a tolerable balance!!!

I will admit I have been a bit lazy in continuing my DJ studies and reading posts, but with all the new prospects I have more motivation to continue. Thanks for all the great advice and drive on!!!
 
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drZaius09

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driver55 said:
The only thing I am worried about now is having enough time to keep my academic, professional, personal, and social life within a tolerable balance!!!
This is where the whole "spinning plates" concept troubles me. Shouldn't our "plates" be the things that bring us joy and satisfaction in our lives, not being inclusive ONLY of women? Shouldn't our "plates" be the things that give us the power to take back control of how we prioritize women in our lives? So we can reach contentment without constantly searching for a woman to fill an unquenchable void-- a void imposed solely by ourselves!?!?

:cuss:

I just want to propose that your "plates" can be anything that brings you fulfillment. By all means, BANG as much noo noo as circumstances permit! I sure as hell know I like to do that! wink wink :up: But really, if you've got your sh*t together, and you're havin a good time, it won't matter how many 'vagina plates' you're spinning. Feeling like you always need to have 1 or 3 or 7 b*tches in your stable is counter-productive. The benefit to your game doesn't come from the b*tches, it comes from the confidence that comes from the b*tches. And you can get that anywhere. Once you have it, 'vagina plates' will be sailing at you from every direction, and you won't even have to think about it OR care! YES!!
 

Un-Aru

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swampwiz said:
Spinning plates may be all good and well, but it only makes sense is each plate is of substantially comparable quality, or at least is at a level of quality that you would be happy with. The problem is that you should be trying to attain the highest quality women.

For example, if you are spinning 2 plates and one is better than the other, then the poorer quality plate should be of no interest to you because given a choice, you would not choose her. What you would be doing in essense is having a 1st & 2nd string. Why should you settle on a 2nd string caliber woman?

Now, the only thing I can say that spinning plates fo varying quality can be is that it takes time to get to know the true quality of a woman. It's like if you could determine that a woman could be good enough for you if her personality had certain characteristics, and you could see yourself in the end liking her more than the other plates, then this could be a logically valid plan.

Now, of course, there is always the social proof aspect that spinning plates can bring ("he is with different women all the time, he must high value".) On the flip side, spinning plates could be interpreted as "player" behavior, which could be a negative.
You wouldn't settle on a 2nd string woman, but that's the whole point of spinning plates - you're not actually 'settling' at all, these girls are simply options. A plate may be of lower 'perceived' value but it's still a good idea to keep it spinning... if you can't spin a lower quality plate how well do you think you'd be able to spin a high quality one?

The true benefit in spinning plates isn't the fact that you've got some girls at your disposal, (that's just a nice reward) but in the mentality it provides. It diverts attention from one particular plate (and we always have one that we REALLY want) and thus curbs the neediness that seems to slowly invade our thoughts when we focus our attention too much... this creates the challenge that high quality girls often look for. Perhaps more importantly is that it establishes the 'prize mentality' that RT talks so often about. In simplest terms if you've got several girls on the go, you feel confident, VERY confident and think to yourself "you know, I am a PIMP." And that confident aura will be picked up by both your plates, and perhaps other potential plates, making you all the more attractive to them. That's when you not only think you're the prize, but more importantly are SEEN as the prize, and that's when you know your game is tight.

I recall talking to a random guy in a club who had been with his gf for several years but always took the time to acquire girls' numbers' just to simply throw them away later. As he said "gotta keep my skills sharp, never know when it will be over"
 

MisterAl

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Look at all these plates. Now what?

I'm definitely a believer in plate theory. But now I have all these plates spinning and a big head full of confidence. I've never really been the heartbreaker type but I see it heading there.

I've got five plates spinning, four of them going pretty damn good. But what now? My goal was to get another LTR of high quality. I've become so addicted to spinning the plates and getting my ego fed by the attention of multiple women that I keep seeking it. I keep initiating and leading and escalating just because she's there and willing. It's like I'm subconsciously trying to see what I can get away with.

Everything cascades. I'm so busy that I have no choice but to ignore and postpone. They sense it and seek me out. I worry that I'll create crazies. My weekends are jammed. At what point do we stop? I wish I could just concentrate on the one or two I think are most promising. At the same time I turn around and give plate #4 a good quick spin because I can and she's responding to it. She wouldn't even be there if I hadn't been leading her into it. I'm hooked.
 
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Rollo Tomassi

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Plate Theory is for your benefit, not for women's. That might sound harsh, but it's a method intended to increase your value as a commodity that works on two levels. First, the external - by practicing honest, non-exclusive dating you communicate to your prospective plates that you are in demand. I've gone so far as to tell men to foster this sense by never answering the phone from Friday to Sunday evening, even when they have no other plans. The perception that your attention is sought after increases it's value - it's when men are too eager to get with a woman that their attention becomes worthless and IL declines. Nothing serves a man better than having 3 or 4 women competing for his exclusive attention and fostering in them that feminine competitivie anxiety in as subtle and covert a way as possible. It's a real art that women are all too familiar with. Women are natural plate theorists, they simply use their varying degrees of physical attractiveness to line their plates up.

Secondly, plate theory is for a man's own internal benefit. As I said in my original thread, it's much easier for a man not to give a sh!t if he truly doesn't give a sh!t. It's far easier to deal with women on the basis of indifference when you have a subconscious knowledge that there are at least 3 other women who'll be happy to have your attention if one plays games with you.

You will invariably pass most sh!t tests in this fashion. The reason men fail most sh!t tests is because they convey too much interest in a single woman. Essentially a sh!t test is used by women to determine one, or a combination of these factors:

a.) Confidence - first and foremost
b.) Options - is this guy really into me because I'm 'special' or am I his only option?
c.) Security - is this guy capable of providing me with long term security?

By practicing plate theory, your mental attitude will be such (or should be such) that you will pass most sh!t test based simply on this practice.

MisterAl said:
I'm so busy that I have no choice but to ignore and postpone. They sense it and seek me out. I worry that I'll create crazies. My weekends are jammed. At what point do we stop?
This is the best problem you can have. You've gotten to a point where it becomes instinctive and your plates actively seek out your attention. By default, you're creating value by scarcity. At what point do you stop? How old are you? If you're under 30 stay in the game. If you're over 30, stay in the game, but cool things off occasionally. If you're innundated with women occupying your weekends, consider hooking up with a proven plate on a Thursday evening.

Also, don't be afraid to clear your schedule to hang out with friends or do other things that interest you. Remember, scarcity increases value. Too many guys think that plate spinning is something that needs a constant effort, it doesn't. In fact applying yourself equally across all your active plates only pushes you closer to settling for one or two. Most guys think that they have to continually spin their plates, you don't; if you're doing it correctly they'll spin themselves for you. The anxiety is that if you don't keep applying attention to any one plate she'll lose interest and fall off. Sometimes this is the case and you have to be prepared to accept it, some plates have to break in order to spin more, and that's OK. More often than not however, your scarcity will create value and mystique, thus they will pursue you for their affirmation.

Plate theory of course is a means to an LTR, but bear in mind that it's essential that you practice it long enough and effectively enough to determine what a quality woman is and how to recognize her. As with most DJ skills, the AFC will use them to some degree of success up to the point that he finds his idealized "girl of his dreams" and launch into a self-destructive LTR because his idealization was based on juvenile impressions rather than a mature understanding of what a quality woman's characteristics are. This is all due to a lack of concrete experience.

Spin plates for as long as possible, because once you do commit to an LTR you will lose a considerable degree of the competitive anxiety that made your attentions valuable to any one woman. All your plates fall off AND the girl you're engaged in an LTR with relaxes. This is root of why men find that the woman they had hot sweaty monkey sex with when they were dating becomes more sexually reserved a few months after they're a couple. The competitive anxiety is relieved and therefore sexual frequency and quality is no longer a proving trait for her. That's not to say there aren't methods to stoke this anxiety in an LTR, but, by comparisson to being single, the frame of the relationship doesn't have to be contested when she and you understand that she is your only source of intimacy and sex. In a committed relationship, you simply cannot spin plates.
 

WestCoaster

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Plate theory is essential for men. I really never understood the benefits till I got to this site. Even when I inadvertantly practiced it in the past -- almost by accident -- it was paying huge dividends.

My final year of college (a school with a 3:1 women to men ratio) I realized the real world wasn't going to be like this, i.e., pretty co-eds on every corner and in every class, many wanting to go out with you. So with graduation on the near horizon, I started dating like crazy. My confidence was through the roof, no woman meant more than the other and women smelled it.

In a four-day span, I went out with three different women ... they all asked me out. That was rare for me at the time as I was also still dealing with my stupid AFC issues. I had no clue about the importance of this, all I knew is it was working out.

I'd mention one of the other gals to the gal I was with and suddenly the interest would pick up. Women are competitive in the matters of attraction. Once they discover you're not sitting on your a$$ at home watching Sportscenter (OK, I do that a lot ...) and you're out with women, they try harder. It's a given, 100 percent fact that women are attracted to guys who date other women.

Most importantly, as Rollo stated: It benefits the man. I really like the phrase: A man is only as good as his options. I think about this every day.

When you have a lot of good job offers, you feel good. Why? Because your options are great.

Think of the football play the triple option. If it works right, it's great for the QB: He can hand it to the fullback, or he can keep it and run, or he can pitch it to the halfback. If it's blocked well, the QB is as good as his options!

I also like the analog of shotgun approach vs. machine gun approach. Do you have one shot and you're done? Or are you spraying bullets? OK, that's a violent image, but it works.

Honestly, this is the ONLY place I've ever seen that talks about this approach. We're in an information society, bombarded with books, magazines, TV shows, and websites, and this is the ONLY place that encourages men to spin plates.

I suggest you spin many.
 

Bible_Belt

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Women are competitive in the matters of attraction. Once they discover you're not sitting on your a$$ at home watching Sportscenter (OK, I do that a lot ...) and you're out with women, they try harder. It's a given, 100 percent fact that women are attracted to guys who date other women.

I agree, and am experiencing the same thing.
 

speed dawg

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Yep, chicks are diggin me big time now that I have a hot gf. And that radiates back to her, which she in turn tries harder. :up:

ESPECIALLY sexually....
 

Vulpine

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WestCoaster said:
I also like the analogy of shotgun approach vs. machine gun approach.

I feel that I need to clear something up here:
The shotgun approach and the machine gun approach are the same approach.
The shotgun broadcasts a large amount of shot across a wide area: a spray.
The machine gun broadcasts a large amount of bullets across a wide area: also a spray
A rifle, however, fires one shot at a time: not a spray

The analogy is supposed to be between a shotgun or machine gun (spray) and a rifle or a sniper approach (aim) to meeting women.

The rifle, or sniper, takes a lot of time calculating and waiting to make one perfect shot, at one target. A guy waits for the perfect opportunity to approach one woman, and if he makes the shot, only dates that one woman: this is the AFC approach to meeting/dating women.

The shotgun or machine gun approach fires many rounds at many targets quickly, not necessarily accurately. You get some hits, you get some misses, but you get lots of them. Where a sniper would go to a venue and wait and wait to hit on one woman, the DJ would "spray the venue with bullets" hitting on many women, then after "taking down several targets", dates many women at the same time.

So, where a rifle would take one shot and spin one plate at a time, the shotgun would blast a larger area and hit more targets thus spin more plates.

I hope this is clear for you now.
 
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Latinoman

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A man is only as good as his options. I think about this every day.
I agree. When I was married...I had LOT of options. Crazy!

Now that I'm gone...I have one girlfriend...the problem is, I'm also trying to build back my trust with my daughter (which is a teenager). So, that have taken away from the spinning plates. That and the fact that my girlfriend tends to watch me very closely! LOL.

Sad thing is that prior to (and even during) meeting my girlfriend I had a handful of women ranging from 23 to early 40s interested in me. Several professionals. And I "ignored" (well spin them a little) all of them...until I decided to get involved with my girlfriend in a more committed fashion so I could focus on my daughter and other child more.

Then comes the work issue. Having options at work is also VERY important. I can leave my current job...and I'm considering doing it...but those are life changing decisions that I currently need to think closer (due to daughter). And that TOO is taking away from my plate spinning.

The good thing is that I KNOW I can get women. I won't have a problem doing that. So that is cool. But I miss the plate spinning. ;)
 

SeekerOfTheWay

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Thoughts from a female plate “manager”:

I stumbled across this thread while Googling something about relationships (about my preference to be alone) and this has been eye opening and insightful! Never heard of plate theory before. Great read!

i am a female recently divorced (3 years) after 20 years and i realized i am practicing spinning plates. I think females naturally know how to spin plates. In fact, as i was thinking about this theory i think females don’t so much spin plates as we manage plates. I say this because guys take very, very little to “spin”. I am not being egotistical (i don’t think) but we can have a guy that we spent time with or slept with, not talk to him for a month (or years), and then we send one text and he’s back in rotation with high interest. i have read here that to be considered spinning a plate, for a male, means you are sleeping with the girl ( is that right)? I put forth that females can consider all their men plates because if we called one and said “let’s hang out” they would most likely not turn down sex.

I introduced this theory to a plate i am seeing because at this point i am not looking for a LTR. This plate was seeing a few others as we were forming a friendship (with intent for more). Well once i saw he was dating others, i saw he had more confidence and more importantly (to me) he wasn’t focusing ALL his attention on me. It’s really uncomfortable when a man does this. He puts us on a pedestal and that creates tons of pressure for us. Plus it makes him seem desperate and needy and that’s not attractive. So i keep encouraging this plate to openly date others and i let him know i am as well. i let all my plates know OVERTLY (because i have found men need direct communication) that i am seeing several men and just exploring the dating scene and having fun.

Most of you probably say i have “hit the wall” since i am 39! But I tend to disagree about that theory as well. For one, i am not looking for marriage or kids. I believe both genders can “hit the wall” not by their looks but by how they behave. I love to travel, i have a high paying steady job, my finances are stable and i am fiscally conservative. I have my life together and i am generally a positive, happy and adventurous chick! I don’t think i’ll ever hit a wall.

Regarding looks, i have also had some issues with self esteem. i have to accept my face is a solid 5, maybe 6. This used to get me down but now i focus on doing what i can to raise my self esteem and feel great about myself. my body gets compliments especially my tits and smile and ass, my personality seems acceptable lol, and my life is together. From a male perspective all that combined seems to increase a females “value”.

I am spinning plates for several reasons: to boost my self esteem after it being low in my marriage, to gain some sexual experiences, to learn about how to navigate relationships and lastly because it’s fun! I thought for a while i was practice polyamory but i don’t think that’s accurate as i am activity avoiding a LTR at this point. i may prefer staying single, open to possibilities. I know i’ll never get married again (i have no kids).

anyway, these are just thoughts and i would love to hear some feedback, ideas and insights. Agreement or disagreement.
 
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rando5495

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Thoughts from a female plate “manager”:

I stumbled across this thread while Googling something about relationships (about my preference to be alone) and this has been eye opening and insightful! Never heard of plate theory before. Great read!

i am a female recently divorced (3 years) after 20 years and i realized i am practicing spinning plates. I think females naturally know how to spin plates. In fact, as i was thinking about this theory i think females don’t so much spin plates as we manage plates. I say this because guys take very, very little to “spin”. I am not being egotistical (i don’t think) but we can have a guy that we spent time with or slept with, not talk to him for a month (or years), and then we send one text and he’s back in rotation with high interest. i have read here that to be considered spinning a plate, for a male, means you are sleeping with the girl ( is that right)? I put forth that females can consider all their men plates because if we called one and said “let’s hang out” they would most likely not turn down sex.

I introduced this theory to a plate i am seeing because at this point i am not looking for a LTR. This plate was seeing a few others as we were forming a friendship (with intent for more). Well once i saw he was dating others, i saw he had more confidence and more importantly (to me) he wasn’t focusing ALL his attention on me. It’s really uncomfortable when a man does this. He puts us on a pedestal and that creates tons of pressure for us. Plus it makes him seem desperate and needy and that’s not attractive. So i keep encouraging this plate to openly date others and i let him know i am as well. i let all my plates know OVERTLY (because i have found men need direct communication) that i am seeing several men and just exploring the dating scene and having fun.

Most of you probably say i have “hit the wall” since i am 39! But I tend to disagree about that theory as well. For one, i am not looking for marriage or kids. I believe both genders can “hit the wall” not by their looks but by how they behave. I love to travel, i have a high paying steady job, my finances are stable and i am fiscally conservative. I have my life together and i am generally a positive, happy and adventurous chick! I don’t think i’ll ever hit a wall.

Regarding looks, i have also had some issues with self esteem. i have to accept my face is a solid 5, maybe 6. This used to get me down but now i focus on doing what i can to raise my self esteem and feel great about myself. my body gets compliments especially my tits and smile and ass, my personality seems acceptable lol, and my life is together. From a male perspective all that combined seems to increase a females “value”.

I am spinning plates for several reasons: to boost my self esteem after it being low in my marriage, to gain some sexual experiences, to learn about how to navigate relationships and lastly because it’s fun! I thought for a while i was practice polyamory but i don’t think that’s accurate as i am activity avoiding a LTR at this point. i may prefer staying single, open to possibilities. I know i’ll never get married again (i have no kids).

anyway, these are just thoughts and i would love to hear some feedback, ideas and insights. Agreement or disagreement.
Wtf is this?

Not the same in any way. Female "plate management" is mooching value, while male playe spinning is giving it.

Some of these women are living in bloody cloud cuckoo land man.
 

SeekerOfTheWay

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Wtf is this?

Not the same in any way. Female "plate management" is mooching value, while male playe spinning is giving it.

Some of these women are living in bloody cloud cuckoo land man.
In what way is what i am doing not the same? You may be right. I am curious.
 

Augustus_McCrae

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Thoughts from a female plate “manager”:

I stumbled across this thread while Googling something about relationships (about my preference to be alone) and this has been eye opening and insightful! Never heard of plate theory before. Great read!

i am a female recently divorced (3 years) after 20 years and i realized i am practicing spinning plates. I think females naturally know how to spin plates. In fact, as i was thinking about this theory i think females don’t so much spin plates as we manage plates. I say this because guys take very, very little to “spin”. I am not being egotistical (i don’t think) but we can have a guy that we spent time with or slept with, not talk to him for a month (or years), and then we send one text and he’s back in rotation with high interest. i have read here that to be considered spinning a plate, for a male, means you are sleeping with the girl ( is that right)? I put forth that females can consider all their men plates because if we called one and said “let’s hang out” they would most likely not turn down sex.

I introduced this theory to a plate i am seeing because at this point i am not looking for a LTR. This plate was seeing a few others as we were forming a friendship (with intent for more). Well once i saw he was dating others, i saw he had more confidence and more importantly (to me) he wasn’t focusing ALL his attention on me. It’s really uncomfortable when a man does this. He puts us on a pedestal and that creates tons of pressure for us. Plus it makes him seem desperate and needy and that’s not attractive. So i keep encouraging this plate to openly date others and i let him know i am as well. i let all my plates know OVERTLY (because i have found men need direct communication) that i am seeing several men and just exploring the dating scene and having fun.

Most of you probably say i have “hit the wall” since i am 39! But I tend to disagree about that theory as well. For one, i am not looking for marriage or kids. I believe both genders can “hit the wall” not by their looks but by how they behave. I love to travel, i have a high paying steady job, my finances are stable and i am fiscally conservative. I have my life together and i am generally a positive, happy and adventurous chick! I don’t think i’ll ever hit a wall.

Regarding looks, i have also had some issues with self esteem. i have to accept my face is a solid 5, maybe 6. This used to get me down but now i focus on doing what i can to raise my self esteem and feel great about myself. my body gets compliments especially my tits and smile and ass, my personality seems acceptable lol, and my life is together. From a male perspective all that combined seems to increase a females “value”.

I am spinning plates for several reasons: to boost my self esteem after it being low in my marriage, to gain some sexual experiences, to learn about how to navigate relationships and lastly because it’s fun! I thought for a while i was practice polyamory but i don’t think that’s accurate as i am activity avoiding a LTR at this point. i may prefer staying single, open to possibilities. I know i’ll never get married again (i have no kids).

anyway, these are just thoughts and i would love to hear some feedback, ideas and insights. Agreement or disagreement.
A few questions: who wanted the divorce and why?

How many guys are you currently seeing? And do you envision doing that for years into the future?

What is your total N count? (number of guys you’ve been with)

-Augustus-
 
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SeekerOfTheWay

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A few questions: who wanted the divorce and why?

How many guys are you currently seeing? And do you envision doing that for years into the future?

What is your total N count? (number of guys you’ve been with)

-Augustus-
Thank you for working with me on this! Just trying to learn.

i wanted the divorce for several reasons: he was an abusive alcoholic the first 10 years of the marriage. I (willingly) sacrificed my life to “help him”. I couldn’t. He ended up quitting drinking on his own. Secondly i was too young when i met him at 17, married at 18. He was 44 when i met him. the 26 year age difference became too much for after i worked to resolve my “daddy issues. He couldn’t let go of our previous dynamic and see me as an adult. Lastly and this is hard, he is super unhealthy and won’t change that. Smokes, no exercise, bad diet. i live a healthy life and it was too hard to watch him get sick. We are still close and i will always be in contact with him but not drawn into his issues.

I am currently seeing 3-4 men (one is maybe once or twice a month). I have about 5 more in the “pipeline” but i honestly don’t have the time or inclination to see more than 3. It’s hard for me to predict what ill want in the future. for now, i am not interested (nor capable) of any serious relationships. i am “dating” (spinning plates) because i want the experience of seeing men and dating, working on those skills and building my confidence and discovering what i like and finding myself in that context. but i never ever let them get too attached and i am up front about what i am doing and that i see others and that i am NOT willing to do any deep relationships. they are more FWB i guess but if they cause me drama i drop them (yet they are always willing to come back into rotation). As for the future i am fairly sure i would like to be living alone with this kind of situation but who knows. after living w my hubby for 20 years i just really love my freedom and being on my own.

Been with sexually? Well in the 2.5 years i have been single i have slept with 7 guys, all but two were one time only. My total count is 10 (two right after HS and before marriage). Two currently i have sex with pretty regularly. In my marriage i had one affair. My marriage was my first sexual experience.

I feel like i am spinning plates just like you guys are and i think it’s a helpful strategy. i am not ruthless with my plates but i do let them know my boundaries. I HAVE to as i previously had no boundaries in my marriage and my first year of dating. i allowed way too much that i was not happy with.

thoughts? and thanks again! Also i have no kids (not my path) and had a tubal 2 years ago. I like to travel and have money. my job and life are amazing other than my “dating” because i am really inexperienced. Hence why i am “spinning plates”. i don’t think i could ever be totally monogamous. My main plates is polyamorous and has a primary GF so that takes the pressure off of me. but almost all of my plates start wanting more of a commitment than i can give at this time. i am direct with them. they seem to try and “tie me down”. i am also enjoying different sexual experiences and i found i prefer kinky sex.
 
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Augustus_McCrae

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Thank you for working with me on this! Just trying to learn.

i wanted the divorce for several reasons: he was an abusive alcoholic the first 10 years of the marriage. I (willingly) sacrificed my life to “help him”. I couldn’t. He ended up quitting drinking on his own. Secondly i was too young when i met him at 17, married at 18. He was 44 when i met him. the 26 year age difference became too much for after i worked to resolve my “daddy issues. He couldn’t let go of our previous dynamic and see me as an adult. Lastly and this is hard, he is super unhealthy and won’t change that. Smokes, no exercise, bad diet. i live a healthy life and it was too hard to watch him get sick. We are still close and i will always be in contact with him but not drawn into his issues.

I am currently seeing 3-4 men (one is maybe once or twice a month). I have about 5 more in the “pipeline” but i honestly don’t have the time or inclination to see more than 3. It’s hard for me to predict what ill want in the future. for now, i am not interested (nor capable) of any serious relationships. i am “dating” (spinning plates) because i want the experience of seeing men and dating, working on those skills and building my confidence and discovering what i like and finding myself in that context. but i never ever let them get too attached and i am up front about what i am doing and that i see others and that i am NOT willing to do any deep relationships. they are more FWB i guess but if they cause me drama i drop them (yet they are always willing to come back into rotation). As for the future i am fairly sure i would like to be living alone with this kind of situation but who knows. after living w my hubby for 20 years i just really love my freedom and being on my own.

Been with sexually? Well in the 2.5 years i have been single i have slept with 7 guys, all but two were one time only. My total count is 10 (two right after HS and before marriage). Two currently i have sex with pretty regularly. In my marriage i had one affair. My marriage was my first sexual experience.

I feel like i am spinning plates just like you guys are and i think it’s a helpful strategy. i am not ruthless with my plates but i do let them know my boundaries. I HAVE to as i previously had no boundaries in my marriage and my first year of dating. i allowed way too much that i was not happy with.

thoughts? and thanks again! Also i have no kids (not my path) and had a tubal 2 years ago. I like to travel and have money. my job and life are amazing other than my “dating” because i am really inexperienced. Hence why i am “spinning plates”. i don’t think i could ever be totally monogamous. My main plates is polyamorous and has a primary GF so that takes the pressure off of me. but almost all of my plates start wanting more of a commitment than i can give at this time. i am direct with them. they seem to try and “tie me down”. i am also enjoying different sexual experiences and i found i prefer kinky sex.
You are correct in that it’s much easier for most women to have multiple sex partners than it is for men. The main reason for a man to spin plates is to build confidence and to not be needy when it comes to women, which as you mentioned is a huge turn off.

With regard to your statement that you don’t think you’ll ever hit a wall, just be aware that as you get older, there will probably still be guys who want to bang you, but you may not want to bang them because as you become less attractive physically, you won’t be able to draw the same Caliber of men who are attracted to you now.

You will probably also find as you age, that most of the men who will be interested in you will be quite a bit older.

-Augustus-
 

SeekerOfTheWay

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That makes sense! I generally used to date older men exclusively as a preference (in HS, my marriage and first dating year). My goal now has been to “date” and sleep with guys my age. Two of them are my age at 39 and 41, one is 7 years older and one is 57 (he is to explore kinky sex).

Thanks for the heads up though and i think you’re probably right about the aging. That’s biological for men and I accept that. i think i only need to concern myself with the wall if i do want to find an LTR. Of course i read 27 is the wall but i suppose there’s varying degrees of wall hitting. lol

So probably now *would be the time to find an LTR my age if that’s what i wanted. Somethings for me to consider. I cannot imagine doing this at 50. I find it a bit tiring right now. i am forcing myself to do it.

I don’t get how to keep the men from pressuring me to commit. Should i just drop them when they won’t give up? Is that the guideline?

The “funny” thing is the spinning plate theory has opened my eyes. Men aren’t dumb as i thought (sorry). They are just as purposeful as we are. I see now that one of my plates IS spinning plates and now i see why. He is the 57 year old and apparently has been doing it for over 30 years. i think he’s doing it wrong but that’s not for me to judge.
 
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Augustus_McCrae

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That makes sense! I generally used to date older men exclusively as a preference (in HS, my marriage and first dating year). My goal now has been to “date” and sleep with guys my age. Two of them are my age at 39 and 41, one is 7 years older and one is 57 (he is to explore kinky sex).

Thanks for the heads up though and i think you’re probably right about the aging. That’s biological for men and I accept that. i think i only need to concern myself with the wall if i do want to find an LTR. Of course i read 27 is the wall but i suppose there’s varying degrees of wall hitting. lol

So probably now *would be the time to find an LTR my age if that’s what i wanted. Somethings for me to consider. I cannot imagine doing this at 50. I find it a bit tiring right now. i am forcing myself to do it.

I don’t get how to keep the men from pressuring me to commit. Should i just drop them when they won’t give up? Is that the guideline?

The “funny” thing is the spinning plate theory has opened my eyes. Men aren’t dumb as i thought (sorry). They are just as purposeful as we are. I see now that one of my plates IS spinning plates and now i see why. He is the 57 year old and apparently has been doing it for over 30 years. i think he’s doing it wrong but that’s not for me to judge.
Well, if you’re honest with them, then it’s not on you.

Are you banging multiple guys for the validation, variety, excitement or all of the above?

-Augustus-
 

SeekerOfTheWay

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Well, if you’re honest with them, then it’s not on you.

Are you banging multiple guys for the validation, variety, excitement or all of the above?

-Augustus-
Variety (experience of different sex styles and to observe how men behave emotionally) mostly.

Not validation (anymore) as I tend to get that internally and i generally am well received by others. It did help improve my self image post divorce as i wasn’t sure i had “game” or any romantic social skills.

Not excitement at all. I find it tedious and a chore really but i just want to learn about myself and relationships and sex. I am an introvert so it takes a toll.
 
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