Why "Whatever You Want" Keeps You Single
She says the movie looks dumb; you suddenly agree. She tests you with a little attitude; you apologize for nothing.
You think you're being easy to get along with. She reads something else entirely: a man with no edges. Nothing to hold on to. No friction, no tension, no reason to wonder what he really thinks.
The "22 Rules" taught me to push back — playfully, calmly, without needing her approval. Strange things happened after that.
the loneliness on the road to becoming a true dj.
- Thread starter extravaganza
- Start date
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Man this post is what i needed to read.
I am an independant person, being an only child especially.
But i miss my old friends. I had a good clique but everything fell apart and i only have a couple ok friends that i dont hang with often. Again, i am the lonewolf.
Today i was at home and i wanted to eat so bad i was so hungry. I didnt want to go to a restaurant alone, so i sat at home and starved until my folks came home with grocerys, my mom didnt want to cook so i went out and got some chinese food anyway.
But the fact of the matter is, if you depend on others to do something your just gonna sit and do nothing.
I am an independant person, being an only child especially.
But i miss my old friends. I had a good clique but everything fell apart and i only have a couple ok friends that i dont hang with often. Again, i am the lonewolf.
Today i was at home and i wanted to eat so bad i was so hungry. I didnt want to go to a restaurant alone, so i sat at home and starved until my folks came home with grocerys, my mom didnt want to cook so i went out and got some chinese food anyway.
But the fact of the matter is, if you depend on others to do something your just gonna sit and do nothing.
StockTrader
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2003
- Messages
- 157
- Reaction score
- 2
The road to self improvement is filled with loneliness unfortunately. I've completely transformed myself in the last few years and it seems like the people I use to know are still stuck in the same position they were in.
Tony Robbins has this great saying, "who you spend time with is who you become". It's absolutely true.
If you want to play life at a different level, find other great people to surround yourself with. Toastmasters for example was an excellent group that I joined. Everyone there is really cool and they are playing at a high level.
There are always new people to associate with. Whether it's a sports group, a real estate investing group, Church, a club at school, etc.
It's so easy to get hypnotized by the media and put everyone in a category of "college slacker", "wild partier" or whatever the case may be. And you forget that there are people out there doing something great with their lives.
Tony Robbins has this great saying, "who you spend time with is who you become". It's absolutely true.
If you want to play life at a different level, find other great people to surround yourself with. Toastmasters for example was an excellent group that I joined. Everyone there is really cool and they are playing at a high level.
There are always new people to associate with. Whether it's a sports group, a real estate investing group, Church, a club at school, etc.
It's so easy to get hypnotized by the media and put everyone in a category of "college slacker", "wild partier" or whatever the case may be. And you forget that there are people out there doing something great with their lives.
yep it's all so true!! sob
great post!! i think everyone's been in this stage of their life on time or another. i know i have
my afc buddies are just like that. thats why usually i dont follow them around waiting for them to do something that i wanna do.
like getting my license and gym, i chose to do that for myself and by myself. even tho im doing this for myuself, i let them know i am and ask if they're interested....they always make an excuse for not doing it, like if i had the cash, time etc. i would go do it.
one foolish afc friend joined the gym just cause i told him i was a member, paid 450$ yearly membership....went once w/me after that he didnt go, he said he did but i doubt it. then went back to get his cash yesterday, but probably only got around half back!!
i go, you fool!! wasting moneyl ike that. we usually end up doing the same stuff going to the same places. but i dont hang out w/them that much, only occasionally when i may feel like doing that thing. they're still in their comfort zone apparently, when i ask them to hang out with some friends of mine, they go "nah". they fear rejection, they fear trying new things nad meeting new ppl. i try to help them get out of their afc state, but if thats how they choose to live, then thats their problem.
yea it sucks being lonely sometimes....most of the time when i do something i go on my own, thank god im nothing like them.
great post!! i think everyone's been in this stage of their life on time or another. i know i have
my afc buddies are just like that. thats why usually i dont follow them around waiting for them to do something that i wanna do.
like getting my license and gym, i chose to do that for myself and by myself. even tho im doing this for myuself, i let them know i am and ask if they're interested....they always make an excuse for not doing it, like if i had the cash, time etc. i would go do it.
one foolish afc friend joined the gym just cause i told him i was a member, paid 450$ yearly membership....went once w/me after that he didnt go, he said he did but i doubt it. then went back to get his cash yesterday, but probably only got around half back!!
i go, you fool!! wasting moneyl ike that. we usually end up doing the same stuff going to the same places. but i dont hang out w/them that much, only occasionally when i may feel like doing that thing. they're still in their comfort zone apparently, when i ask them to hang out with some friends of mine, they go "nah". they fear rejection, they fear trying new things nad meeting new ppl. i try to help them get out of their afc state, but if thats how they choose to live, then thats their problem.
yea it sucks being lonely sometimes....most of the time when i do something i go on my own, thank god im nothing like them.
AFK Protector
Master Don Juan
Yea, I was always a lonely kid, hanging out with the geeks. Now I'm just a lonely kid. I still know everyone, its just that I'm more distant from them. I started working out, I lost 30 lbs. Now I'm 150 lbs, 5'9". My friend started this with me. he lost 10 lbs. Next month he gained 15.
I think I need to take this a step further. Being a nice guy, I'm not very assertive with stuff. This time, I need to drop those lazy bags and get on with MY life, with MY interests, with MY goals. Friends are NICE to have, but not REQUIRED to have. I think thinking of your friends as a NECESSITY will set up your path towards failure with women, thinking of them as a NECESSITY. This is why I'm going to focus on school, my health, and getting into an Ivy. Women can wait, friends can be left behind. They can catch up and join me later if they want, but I'm moving on. I'm not waiting anymore. This is that Darwinism sh1t. "Survival of the Fittest." And in the end, I won't ever remember these people, so for now, they're good to have, but not good to base my life on. Thank you extravaganza for opening my squinty asian eyes. My lids were fluttering because the light was too bright. You've gotten me used to the glare. Thanks, thanks, and thanks again.
I think I need to take this a step further. Being a nice guy, I'm not very assertive with stuff. This time, I need to drop those lazy bags and get on with MY life, with MY interests, with MY goals. Friends are NICE to have, but not REQUIRED to have. I think thinking of your friends as a NECESSITY will set up your path towards failure with women, thinking of them as a NECESSITY. This is why I'm going to focus on school, my health, and getting into an Ivy. Women can wait, friends can be left behind. They can catch up and join me later if they want, but I'm moving on. I'm not waiting anymore. This is that Darwinism sh1t. "Survival of the Fittest." And in the end, I won't ever remember these people, so for now, they're good to have, but not good to base my life on. Thank you extravaganza for opening my squinty asian eyes. My lids were fluttering because the light was too bright. You've gotten me used to the glare. Thanks, thanks, and thanks again.
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Hehe. My case goes a bit further then that. My girlfriend of 2 months has proven more worthy then all my friends combined since the dawn of time. She is adventurous and all that crap and I have a ****load of fun with her. I ask my friends to do a tenth of what I do with her and they ***** out.
This leads me to the course of nature: She will replace my friends.
Ofcourse, I can't let that happen ;-p So the solution is to get new friends and off to the real world I go!
Awesome post!
Lik
This leads me to the course of nature: She will replace my friends.
Ofcourse, I can't let that happen ;-p So the solution is to get new friends and off to the real world I go!
Awesome post!
Lik
Abnigh9
Master Don Juan
Not bad. Props to you from an old-timer.
stewartlittle
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2003
- Messages
- 27
- Reaction score
- 0
Your post describes exactly what I notice and feel during the last few years. After discovering this amazing website, I started to change. I wanted to live instead of to exist. I was really amazed and disappointed that my friends did not support my will to change.
Before, I stayed home, watching television or being on the Internet. I always waited for others to call me, but they did not. So every week I heard those stories from others how they picked up girls.
I started to go out and call them to go out to dance events, playing pool etc. and they wanted to go out with me. Now it comes, when they go out, they almost never call me.
So I had to make a decision.
1. staying home and feeling sorry for myself
2. going out alone and try to have a good time
I chose 2. going out alone and try to have a good time. I thougth that people would see me as a looser, who did not have any friends. I was amazed how many people I have met, males en females. More than I ever expected.
This pro-active approach has made my life much more fun. Most of my friends, I do not see them anymore. And I do not miss them anymore.
You must improve yourself, but do not forget the girls.
p.s.
Nice to see another dj from the Netherlands
Before, I stayed home, watching television or being on the Internet. I always waited for others to call me, but they did not. So every week I heard those stories from others how they picked up girls.
I started to go out and call them to go out to dance events, playing pool etc. and they wanted to go out with me. Now it comes, when they go out, they almost never call me.
So I had to make a decision.
1. staying home and feeling sorry for myself
2. going out alone and try to have a good time
I chose 2. going out alone and try to have a good time. I thougth that people would see me as a looser, who did not have any friends. I was amazed how many people I have met, males en females. More than I ever expected.
This pro-active approach has made my life much more fun. Most of my friends, I do not see them anymore. And I do not miss them anymore.
You must improve yourself, but do not forget the girls.
p.s.
Nice to see another dj from the Netherlands
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
captn caveman
Don Juan
Besides your friend's distancing themselves or vica versa,
Another thing will happen, as you see the world through your eyes, and your vision is changing...
Talking about women now,
And as you advance, as you get to know the babes are just women,
You will recognize the look on your friends' faces, when they are grinding with a girl on the dancefloor... A girl, which you probably would never have recognized, - yes, looks are important, no need for political correctness here - and your friend looking like a puppy who just found a whole pack of sausages...
Just yesterday, standing with friends in the bar, conversation went like:
Friend 1: Whoa look at that babe..
Me to myself: No need to approach, waste of time. No desire to lay her.
Friend 2: Look at that sweetie.
Me to myself: No need to approach, waste of time. No desire to lay her.
Tastes differ, I know, but there do exist some standards.
And as your standards grow, you will feel loneliness in you,
When you do not have anybody to joke with, about the babe you just left standing there, and all the guys are looking at you woth WTF look in their face.
No,
Your friends will not get the hint, that they can also evolve... That is uncharted territory, and this creates fear...
my motivation was that uncharted territorial fear, and more importantly the fear of failure... I did not fail, my fears proved wrong,
Friends, will not understand this...
As you rise in your level with women, you will recognize yourself becoming the lone wolf, sometimes returning to the pack for some man-talk, and then hunting by himself,
hunting not for food, no,
but for the feeling of the hunt, for the fun of it....
and that is what the pack cannot do.
Another thing will happen, as you see the world through your eyes, and your vision is changing...
Talking about women now,
And as you advance, as you get to know the babes are just women,
You will recognize the look on your friends' faces, when they are grinding with a girl on the dancefloor... A girl, which you probably would never have recognized, - yes, looks are important, no need for political correctness here - and your friend looking like a puppy who just found a whole pack of sausages...
Just yesterday, standing with friends in the bar, conversation went like:
Friend 1: Whoa look at that babe..
Me to myself: No need to approach, waste of time. No desire to lay her.
Friend 2: Look at that sweetie.
Me to myself: No need to approach, waste of time. No desire to lay her.
Tastes differ, I know, but there do exist some standards.
And as your standards grow, you will feel loneliness in you,
When you do not have anybody to joke with, about the babe you just left standing there, and all the guys are looking at you woth WTF look in their face.
No,
Your friends will not get the hint, that they can also evolve... That is uncharted territory, and this creates fear...
my motivation was that uncharted territorial fear, and more importantly the fear of failure... I did not fail, my fears proved wrong,
Friends, will not understand this...
As you rise in your level with women, you will recognize yourself becoming the lone wolf, sometimes returning to the pack for some man-talk, and then hunting by himself,
hunting not for food, no,
but for the feeling of the hunt, for the fun of it....
and that is what the pack cannot do.
I am in utter awe. That is quite the analogy.
I find that after awhile in the DJ game, on the higher levels when you start making your own rules and disregarding the old you realise that the world is black and white. You stop making ideas for yourself and you see things as they really are.
Everyone else is still trapped in their fantasy worlds, unable to see the truth in situations. I call this BlindSight. They can not see our way because they chose to not see it our way. The truth is so much more painful or so much better, but they prefer their little dream worlds that put them in a world of hurt every time. It's like wandering aimlessly on the battlefield. You are bound to get slaughtered.
They can not see our way because the way we perceive the world is too harsh for them. Rather they fear the truth, be it good for them or bad, because they prefer to just dream. They live in doubt... and can not be happy....
Lik
Who said we see the world for what it really is? Who said our perception is more real?
One of the disadvantages of constantly improving your life is the fvcked up opinion you start to get about people who are not.
Cmon, you know you thought to yourself before "That lazy ass is sitting there and im actually trying to go out and do something".
Well, who is to say that your way is better? What if it makes the person happy to sit on his ass and not get any girls?
The point is, no matter what you do, have positive opinion of people who might not be doing what you feel they should. Be open minded and dont critisize, and you will flow like butter.
One of the disadvantages of constantly improving your life is the fvcked up opinion you start to get about people who are not.
Cmon, you know you thought to yourself before "That lazy ass is sitting there and im actually trying to go out and do something".
Well, who is to say that your way is better? What if it makes the person happy to sit on his ass and not get any girls?
The point is, no matter what you do, have positive opinion of people who might not be doing what you feel they should. Be open minded and dont critisize, and you will flow like butter.
haha i have similar hang out group. Let's not call them friends, cause theyre not really, if i got jumped they'd just walk away.
they always will pick out the HB10's to check out.
if i'd pick out a 9 or 8, they say..."eew or she's ugly"
im starting to think they're retarded.
#1 THEY'VE NEVER HAD A GF OR GOT LAID.
#2 why the **** you gonna raise your standards for, that must be the reason why you guys got no GF's
#3 they're all talk and no action
#4 i havent even once seen them talk to a girl.
#5 what one does the other will follow (acting all big), 2 of them are real close buddies. when im alone with either one of them walking around the city, they act differently all just ***** and AFCish.
#6 wheni suggest something out of the norm to do for fun, they go "nah".
#7 they lack confidence and self esteem, thats why i do my own thing and not follow them.
#8 they're unemployed and gave up searching for work.
#9 sometimes i feel like i just wanna strangle them
#10 they dont like to meet new ppl or make friends, even to pu$$y to meet chicks, cause they fear rejection and base their success on their looks.
#11 that's why i hang iwth them occasionally when i have nothing to do and constantly meet ppl/ make friends at whatever setting i can.
#12 they make excuses for not doing this or that, e.g. going to gym, i've i had teh cash i'd go...if i had the time i'd go...pfft yea right. IN reality they bring it on themselves because they are lazy or unmotivated, and in return destroying a future that could've been sucessfull
they always will pick out the HB10's to check out.
if i'd pick out a 9 or 8, they say..."eew or she's ugly"
im starting to think they're retarded.
#1 THEY'VE NEVER HAD A GF OR GOT LAID.
#2 why the **** you gonna raise your standards for, that must be the reason why you guys got no GF's
#3 they're all talk and no action
#4 i havent even once seen them talk to a girl.
#5 what one does the other will follow (acting all big), 2 of them are real close buddies. when im alone with either one of them walking around the city, they act differently all just ***** and AFCish.
#6 wheni suggest something out of the norm to do for fun, they go "nah".
#7 they lack confidence and self esteem, thats why i do my own thing and not follow them.
#8 they're unemployed and gave up searching for work.
#9 sometimes i feel like i just wanna strangle them
#10 they dont like to meet new ppl or make friends, even to pu$$y to meet chicks, cause they fear rejection and base their success on their looks.
#11 that's why i hang iwth them occasionally when i have nothing to do and constantly meet ppl/ make friends at whatever setting i can.
#12 they make excuses for not doing this or that, e.g. going to gym, i've i had teh cash i'd go...if i had the time i'd go...pfft yea right. IN reality they bring it on themselves because they are lazy or unmotivated, and in return destroying a future that could've been sucessfull
Very nice post.
But the lonely phase can lat a really long time. that what happened to me. I cancelled out my friends due to the same mentioned reasons, but its hard for me to acquire new friends, it can be quite difficult, but as u said, it's worth it if they will share the same mindset.
peace.
But the lonely phase can lat a really long time. that what happened to me. I cancelled out my friends due to the same mentioned reasons, but its hard for me to acquire new friends, it can be quite difficult, but as u said, it's worth it if they will share the same mindset.
peace.
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Abnigh9
Master Don Juan
I know I'm a fool for saying this but...
The fool wants company, the wise solitude.
The fool wants company, the wise solitude.
Thanks for writing this.
Its SOOOO good to know all you guys are going through the same thing.
It hurts to move on, but when you just DON"T LAUGH ANYMORE and you start using drugs to "regain the magic"
its time to move on.
Its all about the good times and laughter.. why settle for less?
Its SOOOO good to know all you guys are going through the same thing.
It hurts to move on, but when you just DON"T LAUGH ANYMORE and you start using drugs to "regain the magic"
its time to move on.
Its all about the good times and laughter.. why settle for less?
Broadband
Don Juan
Lik your 15 so I'm sure your new to all this, but you'll find that most women you start dating seem so much better then all your friends because they put up an act. They want to be with you so their willing to go out of their way to be the type of girl they think you want them to be. Eventually as things become comfortable and she no longer needs to worry about losing you, you'll see things alot differently.
How many of my friends do I know that are flakey and boring but the moment they meet a woman they like their the exact opposite? It's because their putting up a fake front and hiding the negative about them.
Also what are you doing with a girlfriend at 15. You shouldn't be in a relationship until 25.
Abnigh9
Master Don Juan
If you're serious about this, you're pathetic. Very pathetic.
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.