Roober
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 2, 2016
- Messages
- 2,385
- Reaction score
- 2,122
There is an important aspect of growth that many here on SS completely ignore. By ignoring this very simple fact, you run the risk of repeating the exact same mistakes. The fact is, personal growth takes time.
You cannot improve without TIME.
You cannot break bad habits without TIME.
And you cannot form new habits without TIME.
TIME is required to kill the man you were.
TIME is required to develop into the man you should be.
Upon discovering SS and the resources available, I realized I was a major AFC (Another Frustrated Chump). Like all 12 step programs, you have to accept the problem, and the power it has over you. Okay, that’s easy… “Hello, my name is Roober, and I am Another Frustrated Chump. My success with women is nominal because I am powerless to ‘the nice guy’ that intervenes with my relations with women.” Okay, great, step 1 complete. Now I can read The Rational Male and the Book of Pook, and I will be a “awakened”, “enlightened”, and aware of the way the world works. Stop right there cowboy, you are WRONG! You are still an AFC… bigtime!
For a little bit of back story, my methods for getting women allowed me to have girlfriends and get laid pretty regularly. If an experience with a women proved unsuccessful, it would typically end 1 of 2 ways. I could use the classic copout, one which you still see here from veterans, “hey, who cares? She is messed up anyways”. The other option would result in a complete trainwreck for a month or two. I didn’t have a strong motivation to improve because I was achieving a moderate amount of success with women. If my baseline was… have a regular supply of pu$$y, I was in pretty good shape.
If 10 were a Don Juan (eg. maximized LMS, high character male), and 1 were a complete AFC (eg. fat lazy incel), I would probably be at about a 4 upon when I first found SS. I believe many men fall into this 4-6 range on a DJ scale. I could have taken a couple pointers and been on my merry way. Many men who find this site end up taking this easy way out. They then wonder and ask stupid simple questions for years. Why? Because they never actually put in the TIME to improve.
To go up the scale takes TIME! After more than two years, I believe I am somewhere between a 7 and an 8, certainly with room to improve. I gauge this based on the fact that I didn’t consistently lay HB8’s and HB9’s, my looks aren’t maxed, and I have not reached my true income potential. However, I could still easily get new women, my LTR is great, and I’ve tripled my hourly rate in 3 years. But this took TIME.
Here are some gross estimations of the time I have spent over the past couple years…
IMPROVING THE MIND - I started with Corey Wayne’s book, the book of pook, the Rational Male, then The Way of the Superior Man. During this period, I also spent TIME to absorb as much SS material as possible (the hall of excellence, other old quality threads). I still read about one book a month.
IMPROVING THE BODY - more TIME in the gym, more TIME investigating articles on maximizing looks. I would search high and low for articles on looks, clothes, exhibiting confidence, reading books. Each topic takes TIME. For example, I like having facial hair, but felt like mine wasn’t quite right. So I looked up head shape, then trim styles, then how high to shave my cheeks, then where to shave my neckline, then the length of different razors, then the type of razors, then the different lengths for different areas on the face, then how to match my eyebrows, about 50 more searches, and finally what moisturizer to apply afterwards. I probably spent a good 20-30 hours just researching facial hair.
IMPROVING THE CAREER - more time learning how to maximize my hourly rate at work, better communication with leaders, creating systems to reduce inefficiences at work, books on improving communications with peers. I also spend more time learning new skills to add to my career profile.
IMPROVING MY FAMILY - With my increased effectiveness at work, I have more time with my boys. Upon divorce, they would ask “when do we go back to mommy?” Now they ask me, “do we have to go to mommies house?” And this is even with her bashing me, and me only singing her praise to them. Actions speak louder than words.
Changing habits is incredibly difficult. I would also argue that it is incredibly important. The frequency of the behaviors to change habits is completely up to YOU and how much TIME you want to invest.
Now some men are naturals at this, and do it very well. It is very likely due to their upbringing and the TIME they have already spent building confidence in themselves. Keep in mind, they did spend massive amounts of TIME in one way or another, but they started much much earlier than most men. Their TIME was spent in their formative years (eg. youth and adolescence). On the other hand, you (and me) didn’t recognize our AFCness until we became adults; often after a bad breakup, divorce, etc.
There is no answer for the amount of TIME that YOU need to be the man you should be. Here are a small sample of some subjective questions to consider for you and your peers.
-Can you lay any interested woman?
-Do you attract high income, high character women?
-Do people naturally follow you?
-Are you open and conscientious?
-Is your neuroticism under control?
-Are you moderately agreeable?
-Is your hourly rate increasing more than 3% a year?
-Are you pursuing new job interests?
-Have you learned new skills this week? month? year?
-Is everything about your looks maxed?
-Are you at 12% (or less) body fat?
-Do you have good muscle size?
You should be able to answer YES to each of these questions and many more. Remember, this journey is about you. And the journey of YOU takes TIME. If you have read the Book of Pook, remember that Pook said, “it’s not about the women”.
If you blame anyone but yourself for your failures with women, finances, family, or looks, then you have to spend more TIME to break the chains that bind you to the victim inside.
You cannot improve without TIME.
You cannot break bad habits without TIME.
And you cannot form new habits without TIME.
TIME is required to kill the man you were.
TIME is required to develop into the man you should be.
Upon discovering SS and the resources available, I realized I was a major AFC (Another Frustrated Chump). Like all 12 step programs, you have to accept the problem, and the power it has over you. Okay, that’s easy… “Hello, my name is Roober, and I am Another Frustrated Chump. My success with women is nominal because I am powerless to ‘the nice guy’ that intervenes with my relations with women.” Okay, great, step 1 complete. Now I can read The Rational Male and the Book of Pook, and I will be a “awakened”, “enlightened”, and aware of the way the world works. Stop right there cowboy, you are WRONG! You are still an AFC… bigtime!
For a little bit of back story, my methods for getting women allowed me to have girlfriends and get laid pretty regularly. If an experience with a women proved unsuccessful, it would typically end 1 of 2 ways. I could use the classic copout, one which you still see here from veterans, “hey, who cares? She is messed up anyways”. The other option would result in a complete trainwreck for a month or two. I didn’t have a strong motivation to improve because I was achieving a moderate amount of success with women. If my baseline was… have a regular supply of pu$$y, I was in pretty good shape.
If 10 were a Don Juan (eg. maximized LMS, high character male), and 1 were a complete AFC (eg. fat lazy incel), I would probably be at about a 4 upon when I first found SS. I believe many men fall into this 4-6 range on a DJ scale. I could have taken a couple pointers and been on my merry way. Many men who find this site end up taking this easy way out. They then wonder and ask stupid simple questions for years. Why? Because they never actually put in the TIME to improve.
To go up the scale takes TIME! After more than two years, I believe I am somewhere between a 7 and an 8, certainly with room to improve. I gauge this based on the fact that I didn’t consistently lay HB8’s and HB9’s, my looks aren’t maxed, and I have not reached my true income potential. However, I could still easily get new women, my LTR is great, and I’ve tripled my hourly rate in 3 years. But this took TIME.
Here are some gross estimations of the time I have spent over the past couple years…
IMPROVING THE MIND - I started with Corey Wayne’s book, the book of pook, the Rational Male, then The Way of the Superior Man. During this period, I also spent TIME to absorb as much SS material as possible (the hall of excellence, other old quality threads). I still read about one book a month.
IMPROVING THE BODY - more TIME in the gym, more TIME investigating articles on maximizing looks. I would search high and low for articles on looks, clothes, exhibiting confidence, reading books. Each topic takes TIME. For example, I like having facial hair, but felt like mine wasn’t quite right. So I looked up head shape, then trim styles, then how high to shave my cheeks, then where to shave my neckline, then the length of different razors, then the type of razors, then the different lengths for different areas on the face, then how to match my eyebrows, about 50 more searches, and finally what moisturizer to apply afterwards. I probably spent a good 20-30 hours just researching facial hair.
IMPROVING THE CAREER - more time learning how to maximize my hourly rate at work, better communication with leaders, creating systems to reduce inefficiences at work, books on improving communications with peers. I also spend more time learning new skills to add to my career profile.
IMPROVING MY FAMILY - With my increased effectiveness at work, I have more time with my boys. Upon divorce, they would ask “when do we go back to mommy?” Now they ask me, “do we have to go to mommies house?” And this is even with her bashing me, and me only singing her praise to them. Actions speak louder than words.
Changing habits is incredibly difficult. I would also argue that it is incredibly important. The frequency of the behaviors to change habits is completely up to YOU and how much TIME you want to invest.
Now some men are naturals at this, and do it very well. It is very likely due to their upbringing and the TIME they have already spent building confidence in themselves. Keep in mind, they did spend massive amounts of TIME in one way or another, but they started much much earlier than most men. Their TIME was spent in their formative years (eg. youth and adolescence). On the other hand, you (and me) didn’t recognize our AFCness until we became adults; often after a bad breakup, divorce, etc.
There is no answer for the amount of TIME that YOU need to be the man you should be. Here are a small sample of some subjective questions to consider for you and your peers.
-Can you lay any interested woman?
-Do you attract high income, high character women?
-Do people naturally follow you?
-Are you open and conscientious?
-Is your neuroticism under control?
-Are you moderately agreeable?
-Is your hourly rate increasing more than 3% a year?
-Are you pursuing new job interests?
-Have you learned new skills this week? month? year?
-Is everything about your looks maxed?
-Are you at 12% (or less) body fat?
-Do you have good muscle size?
You should be able to answer YES to each of these questions and many more. Remember, this journey is about you. And the journey of YOU takes TIME. If you have read the Book of Pook, remember that Pook said, “it’s not about the women”.
If you blame anyone but yourself for your failures with women, finances, family, or looks, then you have to spend more TIME to break the chains that bind you to the victim inside.