Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

The journey takes TIME

Roober

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There is an important aspect of growth that many here on SS completely ignore. By ignoring this very simple fact, you run the risk of repeating the exact same mistakes. The fact is, personal growth takes time.

You cannot improve without TIME.
You cannot break bad habits without TIME.
And you cannot form new habits without TIME.
TIME is required to kill the man you were.
TIME is required to develop into the man you should be.

Upon discovering SS and the resources available, I realized I was a major AFC (Another Frustrated Chump). Like all 12 step programs, you have to accept the problem, and the power it has over you. Okay, that’s easy… “Hello, my name is Roober, and I am Another Frustrated Chump. My success with women is nominal because I am powerless to ‘the nice guy’ that intervenes with my relations with women.” Okay, great, step 1 complete. Now I can read The Rational Male and the Book of Pook, and I will be a “awakened”, “enlightened”, and aware of the way the world works. Stop right there cowboy, you are WRONG! You are still an AFC… bigtime!

For a little bit of back story, my methods for getting women allowed me to have girlfriends and get laid pretty regularly. If an experience with a women proved unsuccessful, it would typically end 1 of 2 ways. I could use the classic copout, one which you still see here from veterans, “hey, who cares? She is messed up anyways”. The other option would result in a complete trainwreck for a month or two. I didn’t have a strong motivation to improve because I was achieving a moderate amount of success with women. If my baseline was… have a regular supply of pu$$y, I was in pretty good shape.

If 10 were a Don Juan (eg. maximized LMS, high character male), and 1 were a complete AFC (eg. fat lazy incel), I would probably be at about a 4 upon when I first found SS. I believe many men fall into this 4-6 range on a DJ scale. I could have taken a couple pointers and been on my merry way. Many men who find this site end up taking this easy way out. They then wonder and ask stupid simple questions for years. Why? Because they never actually put in the TIME to improve.

To go up the scale takes TIME! After more than two years, I believe I am somewhere between a 7 and an 8, certainly with room to improve. I gauge this based on the fact that I didn’t consistently lay HB8’s and HB9’s, my looks aren’t maxed, and I have not reached my true income potential. However, I could still easily get new women, my LTR is great, and I’ve tripled my hourly rate in 3 years. But this took TIME.


Here are some gross estimations of the time I have spent over the past couple years…

IMPROVING THE MIND - I started with Corey Wayne’s book, the book of pook, the Rational Male, then The Way of the Superior Man. During this period, I also spent TIME to absorb as much SS material as possible (the hall of excellence, other old quality threads). I still read about one book a month.

IMPROVING THE BODY - more TIME in the gym, more TIME investigating articles on maximizing looks. I would search high and low for articles on looks, clothes, exhibiting confidence, reading books. Each topic takes TIME. For example, I like having facial hair, but felt like mine wasn’t quite right. So I looked up head shape, then trim styles, then how high to shave my cheeks, then where to shave my neckline, then the length of different razors, then the type of razors, then the different lengths for different areas on the face, then how to match my eyebrows, about 50 more searches, and finally what moisturizer to apply afterwards. I probably spent a good 20-30 hours just researching facial hair.

IMPROVING THE CAREER - more time learning how to maximize my hourly rate at work, better communication with leaders, creating systems to reduce inefficiences at work, books on improving communications with peers. I also spend more time learning new skills to add to my career profile.

IMPROVING MY FAMILY - With my increased effectiveness at work, I have more time with my boys. Upon divorce, they would ask “when do we go back to mommy?” Now they ask me, “do we have to go to mommies house?” And this is even with her bashing me, and me only singing her praise to them. Actions speak louder than words.


Changing habits is incredibly difficult. I would also argue that it is incredibly important. The frequency of the behaviors to change habits is completely up to YOU and how much TIME you want to invest.

Now some men are naturals at this, and do it very well. It is very likely due to their upbringing and the TIME they have already spent building confidence in themselves. Keep in mind, they did spend massive amounts of TIME in one way or another, but they started much much earlier than most men. Their TIME was spent in their formative years (eg. youth and adolescence). On the other hand, you (and me) didn’t recognize our AFCness until we became adults; often after a bad breakup, divorce, etc.

There is no answer for the amount of TIME that YOU need to be the man you should be. Here are a small sample of some subjective questions to consider for you and your peers.

-Can you lay any interested woman?
-Do you attract high income, high character women?
-Do people naturally follow you?
-Are you open and conscientious?
-Is your neuroticism under control?
-Are you moderately agreeable?
-Is your hourly rate increasing more than 3% a year?
-Are you pursuing new job interests?
-Have you learned new skills this week? month? year?
-Is everything about your looks maxed?
-Are you at 12% (or less) body fat?
-Do you have good muscle size?

You should be able to answer YES to each of these questions and many more. Remember, this journey is about you. And the journey of YOU takes TIME. If you have read the Book of Pook, remember that Pook said, “it’s not about the women”.

If you blame anyone but yourself for your failures with women, finances, family, or looks, then you have to spend more TIME to break the chains that bind you to the victim inside.
 

Glassguy

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I agree that this stuff does take time but most of what I see as far as guys who really struggle with women is laziness.

The amount of time that it takes someone to become better at anything depends on their effort, focus and dedication. When one of those things is lacking it takes more time to learn to do anything better.

When I was in college I played a round of golf with Chipper Jones (former Atlanta Braves All Star). I will save the entire backstory, but I was invited on this golf trip due to playing college baseball at the time and my roommate and college baseball teammate had a cousin that played in the Braves organization and he and Chipper became great friends.

Chipper, who had only been playing golf for a short amount of time, was a really good golfer. Now it helped that he had incredible hand eye coordination but he also found the game of golf very challenging and had made his mind up that he could be a scratch golfer. In a short amount of time he did just that. He practiced hard at the game. He worked at it. He understood that nothing makes up for repetition and repetitive effort.

Women, business, relationships, etc- they all take effort and take more effort in the beginning and as your body and mind begin to do the things that you want them to naturally from all the repetitive practice, it gets easier.

The key component is us as men. We should always be working on ourselves to some degree as complacency should not have an room in our lives.

I feel these men that want the quick fix also struggle mightily with other areas of their life and not just with the ladies.

The right frame of mind makes everything easier and wrong frame of mind makes things impossible. It all starts with us individually.

As the old saying goes: You miss 100% of the shots you dont take.......and........whether you think you can or you cant, you're right.
 

Serenity

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You made this entire post around "time", it's true that it takes time but I'm just missing a bit of focus on effort. I'm sure you've seen the guys who hang around spending way too much time on this, but still get nowhere. Their issue is lack of effort.

Time and effort, you must have both.
 

Glassguy

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You made this entire post around "time", it's true that it takes time but I'm just missing a bit of focus on effort. I'm sure you've seen the guys who hang around spending way too much time on this, but still get nowhere. Their issue is lack of effort.

Time and effort, you must have both.
I just said that in my post above.
 

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Atom Smasher

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This is a great thread. Good work, guys, and especially @Roober

I’m a big believer in the concept of “Kaizen”, which essentially is steady, tiny improvements on a consistent basis. The big picture can look overwhelming, but when we chunk it down to small, consistent steps over time, huge things happen.
 

Roober

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@Grewd and @Glassguy

Good points indeed. I would add that what we see here isnt the real representation of men as a whole. I definitely should have stated that it should be "quality time", and I will add that to my personal notes, but I felt that it presents an opportunity to be subjective. Quality time spent is going to derive from the inherent biases and value system of the individual. What benefits one person may not necessarily benefit another.

And i totally agree that there is certainly an element of laziness. The laziness comes from not wanting to dedicate the time to improve; it's the same reason people pursue lives of mediocrity while living in dreamland through videogames, fantasy, or whatever else their escape may be.

When I coach people, I find that laziness manifests itself in the form of leisure activities, which take away from the time they could be improving themselves.

Good responses!
 

flowtheory

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Great thread.

Biting off manageable pieces is key. Often times I find it can be overwhelming and tiring to change a set of habits. Habits do take time to change mostly because it’s switching a set of beliefs. Without changing paradigms habits won’t chnage too much. Heavy introspection and effective action is required. Effective change happens with accountability and responsibility, which is correlated to self-esteem.

Changing beliefs takes time as Roober said, but it doesn’t happen without effort like Grewd And Glass stated. It’s about creating micro trauma at least every other day. Cultivating and curating that new belief we wish to hold. Beliefs often get changed when bad things happen, but it doesn’t need to be that way. The best people in the game don’t get that way by becoming versed in text or understanding, they become the beat by putting in the effort over a period of time and challenging their own status quo. Vision is paramount
 
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Spaz

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Great thread Roober.

This should be getting the forums attention.

Many would just love to bash women up, being the victim, and remain in that loop for years.

Change or improvements won't happen until people start to accept responsibility.

As with anything else, it requires time.
 
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