The Journal of Mr. Pink: PLEASE READ AND RESPOND, IMPORTANT STUFF

[Mr_Pink]

OK, this is not the typical journal post from me. This is a really serious issue I really want some outside perspective on. But, it requires a lot of backstory, so please be patient when reading it.

OK, so there's this girl who I've known since 8th Grade (we're Seniors now btw). I liked her last year, made a typical crappy AFC move on, and got shot down. However, we stayed friends. Earlier this year, I hooked her up with this one guy she liked, but was too afraid to ask out. He's a huge AFC, and setting them up was a pain in the ass since neither wanted to make a move, despite the fact that they both knew each other liked each other. Well I was doing it, she said somethings along the lines of how she didn't think that they were going anywhere and how she thought she could do better.

Now, this is where things get complicated, and where I need a lot of sorting out and advice. I was talking to her online on Christmas day night, and I was in a really crappy, depressed mood over some things. Then she started to tell me about how over the summer she herself was really depressed and suicidal, and cut herself and now goes to counseling for it. And I'm the first person beyond her older sister and parents that she ever told. Even her bf.

Now, tonite I was talking to her, and for some reason she was all depressed and suicidal again. So, she came to me for help, and ignored her bf who was also online. So, I was running late for a party to begin with, but I stayed and talked to her for a good half hour, talked her out of it, told her I was there for her if she needed someone to talk, and told her I'd leave my cell on and to call me if she needed someone to talk to again.

So... here's the dilemma. Since she told me all this stuff, it's weird, but I somewhat feel a stronger attraction to her knowing that she is like me (I'm not suicidal by any means, I just get in my depressed stages at times), and it also shows a great deal of trust on her part to tell me all of this. There were other things said between us, but she said something about how whenever she talks to me she feels like she's made progress with herself, and how she thinks God put her in my life for a reason.

So, I'm confused as hell right now. I set the girl up with a guy she was unsure about to begin with. Then since we've been talking more often lately, I'm starting to feel a stronger connection with her. On top of that, she's trusting me with extremely personal information about her, that she doesn't tell her bf. She also basically says the exact opposite things about me, that she said about this guy while I was struggling to hook them up.

So I think she doesn't really like this guy at all, but likes the feeling of being in "love" since it fills the void that she obviously has in her life. But is there anyway I can bring that up to her, and tell her how I think we might be a better match than her and this guy?? Because she's obviously not in a very stable mood right now, so I don't want to compound things and make them worse for her.

I could just leave things be, but if he's not helping her and only making things worse (something he said to her was the reason she was upset tonite), that's not doing any good with the situation either. So basically, I'm totally lost about this right now. Any advice at all is greatly appreciated...

-Mr. Pink

 

[California Love]

I was stuck in an extremely similar situation last year.


The reason you both feel a strong bond at the moment is because you can share your pain. Try picturing one of those old movies when two lonely people, stuck in the middle of nowhere, end up with each other, caressing and comforting each other becasue there is no one else.

It isn't a good idea to get stuck in this kind of situation. Why?

-You will become a more depressed individual. I remember being in a very ****ty mood for an entire year. I was happy with the girl, because we connected on this aspect, but life in general was gloomy.

-Sadness, although a strong connection, is not one that you want. Sooner or later, one of you is gonna get outta it and the connection will be instantaneously severed. This kind of relationship is PURELY fueled by this depression.


What you want to do at the moment is to gain a clear head, and then think things over a bit. You can pursue the relationship, and face these possible consequences. Or, you can try to get her into a healthier state of mind, and then consider your options. Whatever you do, do not rush to hasty decisions and ALWAYS consider other women before pursuing this one.


EDIT - you have also known her for quite a while. If you choose to initiate a relationship and it doesnt work out, then you face the possibility of loosing a good friend.

 

[Mr_Pink]

Hmm... good points. But I think it's more than that. We've known each other long enough to the point where we understand each other (another thing we talked about), so we usually help each other out of it when we get in these moods. So I'm not sure if it's sharing the pain, or going to someone who understands the situation, and the person, and can help.

Anyone else??

-Mr. Pink

 

[Sin]

Wake up call please. This girl is using you as an emotional tampon, she's not attracted to you in the way you want. She's dumping all her problems on you while looking for other guys to bang.

Props and much respect to you for helping her with her problems, and I'm glad you can find someone to share your feelings with, but unfortunately the kind of love you two may share is not the kind you may be looking for.

Keep a strong friendship with her but unfocus your gaze on her and look at some other options you have in the dating world.

 

[California Love]

Bro, you gotta understand - pain and sadness is the STRONGEST initializer for the feeling of love and affection. When do you want a girl the most? When you are down and feeling like sh!t. What happens when you take the sadness out of the picture? Unless you have other things to connect to, there will be nothing left.

If you know this girl really well and you share many similarities, then I would say go for it, 100 percent, and dont hold back. However, think about it first. Most likely this isnt gonna be just another girl you pimped and seduced. You have to prepare yourself for something longer and more permanent.

 

[Mr_Pink]

Cali, you obviously haven't read my journals. I'm not the pimping and seducing type of guy. Hell, I'm probably one of the worst "DJs" on this site, but hell, I still try. At least I've cut the AFC crap out and have been making some progress. But you're right, if this stuff is the only thing we have in common, once it's gone, we'd have nothing to fall back on...

But this emotional tampon crap. I never thought about that either. But, it does make sense. That does seem how things have been recently. I do all the work, and he reaps all the benefits. I do all the work to set them up, and he gets the girl. I do all the work to bring her back to a normal state from her depression, and he gets her when she's feeling happy. He f's up, and I fix his mistake since she comes to me with her problems.

But, I'm not gonna write this off immediately. I mean, I have to help her, she's a longtime friend, and I hate to see her like this. If she went ahead with what she was saying she'd do, I'd feel horrible and I don't care if I am an emotional tampon (wow that's something I never thought I'd say), she needs the help regardless. I'm not going to let someone possibly kill themself because of some DJ mantra and because it'd be AFC. She needs the help, and I am that help. But I'm just confused as to what I should do beyond that, if anything...

Bah, this whole situation is confusing as hell. Anyone else want to share their take??


-Mr. Pink

 

[Walden]

Okay what she accidentally did was get emotional intimacy with you. do it to chicks all the time, you get each other to talk about big details or secrets in your life and make it out like you only tell these to special people.
However in your case she genuinely is sharing with you and you genuinely are special (to her, well to us too but we're talking about her).

In this circumstance , for the sake of getting your leg over you risk (a) betraying your friends trust by scheming on his girl ,(b) betraying her trust in sharing this intimacy with you (c) losing both ofntheir friendships and (d) a lot of respect.

Man , there's a lot of top grade clam out there that isn't in your good friends' panties, I'd say suck up your "feelings" for her and be a real friend.
But I think you were going to do that anyway.

Walden (who is still on duty and still hasn't gotten ou to make any play this year !!!)

 

[Kraken]

Pink,

But this emotional tampon crap. I never thought about that either. But, it does make sense. That does seem how things have been recently. I do all the work, and he reaps all the benefits. I do all the work to set them up, and he gets the girl. I do all the work to bring her back to a normal state from her depression, and he gets her when she's feeling happy. He f's up, and I fix his mistake since she comes to me with her problems.

I'm glad you're noticing a trend, maybe you should learn from it.


But maybe you should think about it this way. If you two are supposedly emotionally closer than even her boyfriend at this point, then what else do you want from your longtime friend? What will you gain from a relationship other than simply a physical side and a status of having a girlfriend?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Originally posted by Sin
Wake up call please. This girl is using you as an emotional tampon, she's not attracted to you in the way you want. She's dumping all her problems on you while looking for other guys to bang.

Props and much respect to you for helping her with her problems, and I'm glad you can find someone to share your feelings with, but unfortunately the kind of love you two may share is not the kind you may be looking for.

Keep a strong friendship with her but unfocus your gaze on her and look at some other options you have in the dating world.

Pink:

You know I've been there for you from the start, but Sin is 100% right in this situation. Think about it objectively. You made a move on this chick and she denied you....NEXT!! You decided to stay friends with her, why? I'll tell you why. Because you were thinking in the back of your head that you could somehow convince her that your a great guy and she should go for you. Don't fool yourself bro. Girls & guys cannot be "just friends" when one of them is physically attracted to the other. I'm not trying to be harsh, but obviously we know she's not physically attracted to you, but you are physically attracted to her.

She's sharing this information with you because she knows her b/f doesn't want to hear about all this depressed, sad bull****!! She feels like your her shoulder to lean on. And that's great and all, but its not going to get you any pu$$y bro!! I know you like this chick and all, but I'm seeing a big trend with you. And here's that trend:


You seem to REALLY want a girl in your life. That's mistake #1 in your thinking. You never go out and say, "Ok I want a girlfriend now." No!! Instead you go out in the field and meet many girls, then eventually you'll meet a girl you really connect with. You guys might date for a while and then become exclusive. Do you see the difference?? Your focusing too much on a end result, rather than focusing on the moment!!! I mention this because I remember you said one of your "goals" for the New Year is to have a g/f by your birthday. That's putting an incredible amount of pressure on yourself for no reason. I think that' honestly why each girl you meet you feel like you want her to be your girl.

Learn to relax and have fun. You stress yourself out and that's why you get depressed over nothing. Go out, live life and you'll be surprised how things wil take care of themselves once you acquire TRUE confidence.



PIMP

 

[Mr_Pink]

All good advice. I was thinking about this last nite, and I think trying to make a move is a bad idea. It risks too much, plus I tried once with her and failed. So, trying again is a bad idea, so I won't. And thinking about what Kraken said, I wouldn't gain much to be honest. This girl doesn't put out, so I'd be gaining minimal and risking way, way too much.

And Pimpsicle, you do have a really good point. I've heard that from someone else before how I'm putting myself under too much pressure hence why I'm failing all the time. My problem is twofold thouh. First of all, I never get an opportunity to meet that many new girls. My school is so damn clicky so, I basically see the same girls all the time so when I do actually meet a new one, like at New Years if you read that entry, I go all out with them and fail since I try too hard. I'm also still trying to recapture what I had for about a week with my ex-oneitis, so I'm skipping about 5 steps with these girls and trying to get right there far too quick.

Walden, it's 4 days into 2004. Be a bit patient here...

-Mr. Pink

 

[Mr_Pink]

And it gets more convuluted. Now today she told me she was thinking of dumping this guy because she thinks he's scared of her because of how she's been acting lately. Since I'm not exactly an objective person for her to ask, I just told her to talk to him about it and didn't give her my endorsement or objections. So, I'm waiting to hear back and see if they're still together or what...

Why can't I ever get into easy to understand situations??

Mr. Pink

 

[Mr_Pink]

Wow... I just read through my old journals as I was working on my new sig (you like?) and all I can say is wow have I gotten off track. I used to have lists of girls I was persuing at once and now it's back down to one at a time. I need to shape up. Expect a new journal thread either tonite or sometime tomarrow. I'm gonna update my status with every girl I ever wrote about in these journals to try to get my head back in the game and off all this crap I have been focusing on lately.

But until then, what do you think about her mentioning this potential breakup with this guy??

-Mr. Pink