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The "I have a boyfriend" rejection

Lone Philosopher

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Hey guys, so there's this girl who works and works out at my gym. She's a HB8 and I've caught her looking at me a few times. I introduced myself and got her name the other day while talking to one of my boys who works there too. This morning I was lifting and she came in to do her work out, and again I caught her looking, she also moved to work out near me at one point because she started doing an exercise near me (made more eye contact) that I know she could've been doing in other parts of the gym. So towards the end of my work out I went up and started a conversation, just small talk and it only lasted a few minutes. It started off good but then turned relatively platonic which is my bad because I should've made it man to women and flirty to whole time. Once it died off I went back and finished my workout. I've been working on getting over approach anxiety so I decided to talk to her one more time on my way out and get her number but as you could've guessed by the title I got the "I have a boyfriend" rejection. So I said to her to have a good rest of her workout and left. Now I know she had some interest in me because of all the glances and how receptive she was to me when I started to first conversation with her. So I was wondering everyone's thoughts on the "I have a boyfriend" rejection and how I could've responded to still close and get her number if that's possible. Or least the best way to react to that reject and still come off as high value to her.
 

sangheilios

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Move on. I've done several gym approaches and observed stuff like this with others over the years and years I've been going to the gym. If you continue to press for more you can create a bad reputation for yourself and possibly get into trouble, especially since she works there. A less poor situation would be that you went out of your way to make a situation like this much more increasingly awkward than it needs to be.

If she goes out of her way to approach you I'd be mindful of not getting lead on and having her waste your time. There are tons of attentions ***** in general, especially at the gym, and this is an environment that allows it to potentially get out of hand. Let's say she does have a boyfriend and you get involved, do you really want to bring potential drama like that into your life? There are loads of other hot women out there, as well as some at the gym that you can be talking to instead of devoting any more time or energy into this particular one.

I'm not saying any of this to put you down, just some input from a man who has had experience in this particular setting.
 

Lone Philosopher

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Move on. I've done several gym approaches and observed stuff like this with others over the years and years I've been going to the gym. If you continue to press for more you can create a bad reputation for yourself and possibly get into trouble, especially since she works there. A less poor situation would be that you went out of your way to make a situation like this much more increasingly awkward than it needs to be.

If she goes out of her way to approach you I'd be mindful of not getting lead on and having her waste your time. There are tons of attentions ***** in general, especially at the gym, and this is an environment that allows it to potentially get out of hand. Let's say she does have a boyfriend and you get involved, do you really want to bring potential drama like that into your life? There are loads of other hot women out there, as well as some at the gym that you can be talking to instead of devoting any more time or energy into this particular one.

I'm not saying any of this to put you down, just some input from a man who has had experience in this particular setting.
Fair enough, thanks for the input
 

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firstbornunicorn

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I always ask if they want to upgrade to a man-friend and that there's a special offer going on at the moment that they can't miss out on.
 

CoandaEffect

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Women sometimes say they have a boyfriend as a test. They don’t really have one, or even if they do they will monkey branch for the right guy. I don’t like lines but there is a really good one for this situation. You say “that’s ok I’ll still date you, I’m not the jealous type”. If she’s testing you, you will pass the test. If she is not interested it is a confident way of handling the situation.

Of course it is quite possible that she was not interested in you but just wanted to see if she could get you to ask her. As others have said I would move on and not hit on her again.

BTW, that’s not my line, don’t know where I read it, but I have used it.
 

sangheilios

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@Lone Philosopher

I've shared this on this forum but it's a good story you might gain something from, I have others but this is a good one.

This girl constantly made eye contact with me, would watch me, etc. but I ignored it. The time I decided to approach her was when I held the door for her and she locked eyes with me and smiled, after this she did it one more time when we were both in the yoga room, which was when I approached. We spoke for a few minutes and I decided to ask her out and she said "I have a boyfriend", to which I responded by saying "Nice to meet you" and I walked away.

From here on out this woman took it upon herself to say hi, bye, encourage conversation, etc. This went on for a few months and I decided to ask her out again and she reminded me of this supposed bf, she didn't have one, and rejected it. Naturally I'm thinking at the time "why has this girl been doing all of this just for attention?". After that it was awkward AF, her means of dealing with it was to just blank stare at me and act really weird whenever I was around, mind you she was 25 at the time. This woman, due to attention seeking issues, immaturity, mental illness, etc. took it upon herself to create this whole scenario for no reason and when the obvious result came to reality she dealt with it like a total weirdo. I'm not saying all women at the gym are like this and will interact with you in this way, it's just that this environment is unique in that it allows this type of behavior to continue on beyond a point of it bordering on being inappropriate.

To this day I still can't figure out if that particular woman was just bat **** or so low in social intelligence that she literally had no clue what she was doing or if she was just super manipulative and had some very deep issues that weren't properly resolved. Either way, there's no sense in expending mental energy into women like these and once you learn how to spot them it's easy to remove them from your life. With a situation like the one above, if a woman like that approaches again a brief but polite interaction followed by something like "Didn't you say you had a boyfriend the other day?". Something like that in a calm and to the point tone should cut it off right then and there if she isn't totally messed up in the head.
 

LARaiders85

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I treat it the same way that I treat gym game, its possible but too difficult to bother with.
 

SW15

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Women sometimes say they have a boyfriend as a test. They don’t really have one, or even if they do they will monkey branch for the right guy. I don’t like lines but there is a really good one for this situation. You say “that’s ok I’ll still date you, I’m not the jealous type”. If she’s testing you, you will pass the test. If she is not interested it is a confident way of handling the situation.

Of course it is quite possible that she was not interested in you but just wanted to see if she could get you to ask her. As others have said I would move on and not hit on her again.

BTW, that’s not my line, don’t know where I read it, but I have used it.
Every time you get the "I Have a Boyfriend" line, use a "Boyfriend Destroyer Line". A good portion of the time, the line is fictional. Google "Boyfriend Destroyer Lines". I used to accept the IHABs without question early in life, such as my high school and college years. Then, I decided that I had to push back whenever I got it. I have a few different destroyer lines I deploy depending upon my mood.

As the years have gone on, I've heard less IHABs. I'm 37 now. Since turning 30, I hear way fewer IHABs than I did from 18-29. I haven't heard more "I'm Married" though. I heard that one once and that was so annoying. She didn't even have a ring on. A lot of times, I check for rings.
 

FruitLoops

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I had a sort of similar incident recently. I had a coworker who would stare at me and would smile at me from a distance. I started interacting woth her and got her number. I chatted for once or twice and just went ahead and asked her out. She replied she "kinda have a boyfriend". For me this is usually a deal breaker. I wasn't angry at her or anything. I simply replied, "well thats a bummer.. Hope your 'kinda boyfriend' wouldnt mind this". I ended the chat here. She replied something to it and apologized and thanked me for asking her out and all, but i didnt reply, since there was no point. Like i said for me, "having a boyfriend" is a deal breaker. i dont care if boyfriend actually exists or not. I dont have this much patience to wait and find out.
The reason i stop things at this point is because if a girl has an actual boyfriend and eventually decides to leave him and be with me; would i really want such a girl in my life? And if there is no actual boyfriend; would i want a lying chick in my life? But then again thats just me.
 

r4zorsharp

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There's many angles to look at this from, and I was going to write some of them out but, I realized while reading your situation back that there might have been issues with your approach.

It seems like you walking up to her randomly with small talk was a mistake. Here's why, a woman must always know your motive when coming to talk to her as a stranger. If you didn't make it clear enough, it will come off as very awkward in her mind. Now, you going back to talk to her again, that adds to the cringe cherry at top. That's when the alarm bells ring off in her head and she quickly throws her lucky card: "I have a boyfriend". Which means "shoo danger" or "shoo creep".

Now, a girl that is sexually attracted to you and has a boyfriend, and throws you that card, after many ioi's (indications of interest), she wants to see if you're down for what she's down for. If you are the type to care that she's in a relationship or not. Now, even if u were not bothered by it, you'd have to be burdened with doing the work to "woo" her enough over time to where she's open and comfortable with you and "opens up".
 

Lone Philosopher

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You misread her interest level. She was not interested in you. Nice job on asking though. That’s what is most important. All you can do is ask.
Really? Is that obvious because she didn't give me her number or is there another reason your saying that?
 

EyeBRollin

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Really? Is that obvious because she didn't give me her number or is there another reason your saying that?
Yes. You can only go by her actions. Bottom line is she doesn’t like you. Women don’t reject men that they like. It’s that simple. Whether she actually has a boyfriend or didn’t get enough love as a child or any of the other thousands of reasons are all completely irrelevant.
 

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bat soup

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@Lone Philosopher

I've shared this on this forum but it's a good story you might gain something from, I have others but this is a good one.

This girl constantly made eye contact with me, would watch me, etc. but I ignored it. The time I decided to approach her was when I held the door for her and she locked eyes with me and smiled, after this she did it one more time when we were both in the yoga room, which was when I approached. We spoke for a few minutes and I decided to ask her out and she said "I have a boyfriend", to which I responded by saying "Nice to meet you" and I walked away.

From here on out this woman took it upon herself to say hi, bye, encourage conversation, etc. This went on for a few months and I decided to ask her out again and she reminded me of this supposed bf, she didn't have one, and rejected it. Naturally I'm thinking at the time "why has this girl been doing all of this just for attention?". After that it was awkward AF, her means of dealing with it was to just blank stare at me and act really weird whenever I was around, mind you she was 25 at the time. This woman, due to attention seeking issues, immaturity, mental illness, etc. took it upon herself to create this whole scenario for no reason and when the obvious result came to reality she dealt with it like a total weirdo. I'm not saying all women at the gym are like this and will interact with you in this way, it's just that this environment is unique in that it allows this type of behavior to continue on beyond a point of it bordering on being inappropriate.

To this day I still can't figure out if that particular woman was just bat **** or so low in social intelligence that she literally had no clue what she was doing or if she was just super manipulative and had some very deep issues that weren't properly resolved. Either way, there's no sense in expending mental energy into women like these and once you learn how to spot them it's easy to remove them from your life. With a situation like the one above, if a woman like that approaches again a brief but polite interaction followed by something like "Didn't you say you had a boyfriend the other day?". Something like that in a calm and to the point tone should cut it off right then and there if she isn't totally messed up in the head.
It doesn't really matter what she wants. She's not being cooperative, so forget her and move on.
 

nismo-4

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Really? Is that obvious because she didn't give me her number or is there another reason your saying that?
Do you think she would tell that to Dwayne Johnson, Lebron James, or Elon Musk? Of course not.

She's just not interested. Move on unless you enjoy feeding her free attention.

2021, we're not feeding attention wh0res.

Case closed.
 
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