B
BlueAlpha1
Guest
Is eliminate/let go of the toxic people in your life.
The reason for this is explained better than I ever could by a post on the now defunct blog "Solve my girl problems" about the "savior schema."
http://www.scribd.com/doc/268137688/Savior-Relationships-NEVER-Work#scribd
It's because as men, we have an instinctual desire to be a hero - to help others be it a friend, stranger, or damsel in distress. Chivalry pre-dates all of us, and we ALL ended up on this blog because we were born AND bred to be "nice guys" until we viciously got burned and turned to the internet in our bewildered state. Unfortunately, these habits are VERY hard to unlearn because as I stated, part of it is just nature.
We intrinsically know deep down that we only have one life - and we want to be remembered as a man who did a service to the world and made others' lives better. Nihilism means no legacy, and all of us have envisioned what our funerals will look like.
This problem is amplified within relationships and breakups with BPD women, who are expertly fine tuned to exploit this weakness in men with ruthless aggression.
Oddly, one year ago I was speaking to a good friend on my lunch break about how the two people I loved the most were by far the two people bringing the most stress to my life. One was my BPD ex, who I am now 60+ days NC with, and the other was my father.
At the time, intuition told me that I HAD to stick it out and try to help these people as long as I could even at my own expense, and at the same time I KNEW neither situation was sustainable and both would be gone sooner than later or else I would be destroyed along with them.
My ex finally disappeared seemingly permanently a few months ago and my father passed 10 months ago. As it stands today, neither one of these two people are a part of my life anymore. And I've never been more free. My ex was a cancer that had to go, and while I love, revere, and miss my father terribly, I don't sugarcoat the fact that it wasn't an easy ride before we lost him.
Freedom from toxic people is both liberating and scary. I am finally able to truly "work on myself", but the fact that I couldn't help the ones I loved out of the darkness will be regrets that stay with me for the rest of my life. And anyone who tells you there are "no regrets" in life is fooling themselves quite frankly. The wisest among us are full of regrets.
For those of you stuck in a savior schema mentality, understand staying and leaving both suck, but life is far less stressful once you let go. Take that for what its worth.
The reason for this is explained better than I ever could by a post on the now defunct blog "Solve my girl problems" about the "savior schema."
http://www.scribd.com/doc/268137688/Savior-Relationships-NEVER-Work#scribd
It's because as men, we have an instinctual desire to be a hero - to help others be it a friend, stranger, or damsel in distress. Chivalry pre-dates all of us, and we ALL ended up on this blog because we were born AND bred to be "nice guys" until we viciously got burned and turned to the internet in our bewildered state. Unfortunately, these habits are VERY hard to unlearn because as I stated, part of it is just nature.
We intrinsically know deep down that we only have one life - and we want to be remembered as a man who did a service to the world and made others' lives better. Nihilism means no legacy, and all of us have envisioned what our funerals will look like.
This problem is amplified within relationships and breakups with BPD women, who are expertly fine tuned to exploit this weakness in men with ruthless aggression.
Oddly, one year ago I was speaking to a good friend on my lunch break about how the two people I loved the most were by far the two people bringing the most stress to my life. One was my BPD ex, who I am now 60+ days NC with, and the other was my father.
At the time, intuition told me that I HAD to stick it out and try to help these people as long as I could even at my own expense, and at the same time I KNEW neither situation was sustainable and both would be gone sooner than later or else I would be destroyed along with them.
My ex finally disappeared seemingly permanently a few months ago and my father passed 10 months ago. As it stands today, neither one of these two people are a part of my life anymore. And I've never been more free. My ex was a cancer that had to go, and while I love, revere, and miss my father terribly, I don't sugarcoat the fact that it wasn't an easy ride before we lost him.
Freedom from toxic people is both liberating and scary. I am finally able to truly "work on myself", but the fact that I couldn't help the ones I loved out of the darkness will be regrets that stay with me for the rest of my life. And anyone who tells you there are "no regrets" in life is fooling themselves quite frankly. The wisest among us are full of regrets.
For those of you stuck in a savior schema mentality, understand staying and leaving both suck, but life is far less stressful once you let go. Take that for what its worth.
