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The Elusive IOIs

halfguard

Don Juan
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The more I read blogs, books, forums, and field reports...the more I think something is off for me when it comes to receiving IOIs.

Short version: I don't get them. Or it's super rare.

Longer version: whether its day game or night game or just being present anywhere I'm not receiving IOIs like you hear and read about. All I read is "strong IOIs from the girl in Nordstroms" or "at the bar and the girl across from me gave me a bunch of IOIs" etc etc.

I hold eye contact always. Rarely do I get a second look. Now before an assumption is made that I'm just one ugly bastard...I'm not. Been told time and time again I'm handsome. Feedback over the years has me somewhere in the 7 to 8 category in looks. I also dress right. Fitted clothes always. Hair neat and style. Still have a head of hair. Very fit. 5'11. Good posture and all that confidence stuff without looking like a try hard.

I'm 47 and tested the IOI thing on all ages in all venues. If anything I'll get the occasional genuine IOI from younger girls surprisingly but nothing like what everyone else is experiencing.

If I do get eye contact it's usually once. No second look. No smile. Or if during the day usually a "friendly smile" and never a look again. No hair tugging. Nothing.

I even dropped my targets to 4s to 6s and fattys for IOIs just to gauge if I was over reaching and I'm not getting any from them either. So this tells me something is off.

I'd also say it's an age thing. But I don't get them from 22 year olds up to 55 year olds.

I do have resting miserable face. I have a thug italian mobster look. So sometimes I think I may come across unapproachable. At the same time I have a big smile that can light up a room. I've been told this since I was 5 years old. My smile in the past has sealed deals for me. Problem is i can't walk around looking the like joker all day and night its weird. Smile has to be genuine.

Since I'm still new to approaching and still have approach anxiety I'm trying to learn and expose myself to as much as I can. And IOIs throw me for a loop. I know I could just cold approach everyone but I have to admit no IOIs is getting in my head and raising my approach anxiety. It's making me doubt myself.

Anyone have experience with this?
 

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MrWood

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If I do get eye contact it's usually once. No second look. No smile.
are you staring?
are you smiling?

Im no stud and not handsome but I get random smiles and hellos very often.

try this: walk around with a Cheshire cat grin... like you just ate the mouse. See if it helps.
 

halfguard

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are you staring?
are you smiling?

Im no stud and not handsome but I get random smiles and hellos very often.

try this: walk around with a Cheshire cat grin... like you just ate the mouse. See if it helps.
I don't think I'm staring. I'm pretty good timing the eye contact so I don't look like an axe murderer.

The smiling for no reason I never understood. If I'm smiling for no reason for an abnormal amount of time isn't that just as bad as staring. It will look like I should be in a mental institution...no?
 

MrWood

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If I'm smiling for no reason for an abnormal amount of time isn't that just as bad as staring. It will look like I should be in a mental institution...no?
it will if you go around like MrBean
1581309914017.png
 

Serenity

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IOI's are almost a myth, they may happen, but it's very unreliable. I think the idea was invented to soothe guys who lack confidence. Looking for small signs to make sure a woman likes you before you have the balls to try escalating is what pvssies do. The real IOI's are when she hasn't left yet, says yes to go out/come home with you or making out with you passionately like she wants to eat you.

Counting seconds of eye contact, twirling her and all of crap is bullsh!t. Quit looking for safety, just dive in.
 
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Men receiving IOI's, especially consistently, is relatively rare. If you're not now at a point where you get clear cut IOI's, you'll have to make some drastic changes/upgrades in your appearance to start to get them now.

Most men will have to move forward without them. Try social circles and/or online dating if you are unwilling to cold approach.
 

Atom Smasher

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The only really reliable IOIs are smiling and taking 2nd and third looks.

I’m convinced that many men get them but are completely oblivious to them.

I think your problem probably is the resting serious face. I don’t recommend walking around smiling. Instead, give out occasional “token smiles” as I call them. These are controlled, reserved smiles, not wide grins. This will serve to loosen you up a little while at the same time conveying friendliness with strength. Just a small, token situational half-smile can be leveraged for big results.
 

LARaiders85

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IOI hunting is a mistake. Most guys rarely get them. You're much better off going after what you want.
 

stringpuller

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I get them everytime i go out. From women and men.
They are real. Keep working on it.
However try to be in the moment when out. Its not a switch but takes practice just like at the gym.
My guess is you lack expressiveness. Be expressive when your talking. Get into what you are saying when you say it.

My favorite guitar player said once. Play it like you mean it and its no longer a bad note
 
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You're 47 years old. You've had 3 decades plus adolescence to get a gauge of how attractive you are to women.

Are you attractive or not? This doesn't require the input of the forum. You already know, don't need to ask the forum and don't need to rely on IOI's for that answer.
 

MrWood

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You're 47 years old. You've had 3 decades plus adolescence to get a gauge of how attractive you are to women.
its like..
either you KNOW you are a good lover, or you DONT know
if you have to question it.. you are NOT
 

Amante Silvestre

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You’ll start to see them more once you become more sociable.

Bottom line is that your look intimidates women when it’s not neutralized with a smile. The simple act of being friendly and sociable in your approach, ideally coming off as having no agenda when you do it, will have the very same neutralizing effect as a smile does.
 

Spaz

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Women are biologically made to subconsciously give out IOI's.

They can't help it.

If she despises you, it will show.

If she likes you, it will also show.

If a girl is into you, she'll do a number of things, like getting close, laughing at stupid jokes, some cute wrist movements, touching her neck, hair flipping (if it's long), gleam in her eyes, etc etc.

Many men miss those ques because they have little experiences/exposure communicating with women.

It also doesn't mean that they need to show IOI's prior to talking (when they're neutral abt you), it could appear towards the mid or end of a date/meet up or even the next time you meet.
 

Kotaix

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I do have resting miserable face. I have a thug italian mobster look. So sometimes I think I may come across unapproachable. At the same time I have a big smile that can light up a room. I've been told this since I was 5 years old. My smile in the past has sealed deals for me. Problem is i can't walk around looking the like joker all day and night its weird. Smile has to be genuine.

Since I'm still new to approaching and still have approach anxiety I'm trying to learn and expose myself to as much as I can. And IOIs throw me for a loop. I know I could just cold approach everyone but I have to admit no IOIs is getting in my head and raising my approach anxiety. It's making me doubt myself.

Anyone have experience with this?
You already know what you need to know, you just need to do it. Don't think, don't plan, just take action when you feel the urge. And of course use social intelligence while you're at it.

The key is to not be emotionally attached to the outcome of your actions. Win or lose, you gave a woman a sincere compliment with your sincere smile. If she didn't like it, well that's her problem, not yours. You can't control her, only yourself, so don't get doubtful about it.
 
Read the 22 Rules for Massive Success with Women. Everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. And it's free!

stringpuller

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Women are biologically made to subconsciously give out IOI's.

They can't help it.
Finally.
You are in control of the interaction far more then the ladies are. Trust it.
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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The more I read blogs, books, forums, and field reports...the more I think something is off for me when it comes to receiving IOIs.

Short version: I don't get them. Or it's super rare.

Longer version: whether its day game or night game or just being present anywhere I'm not receiving IOIs like you hear and read about. All I read is "strong IOIs from the girl in Nordstroms" or "at the bar and the girl across from me gave me a bunch of IOIs" etc etc.

I hold eye contact always. Rarely do I get a second look. Now before an assumption is made that I'm just one ugly bastard...I'm not. Been told time and time again I'm handsome. Feedback over the years has me somewhere in the 7 to 8 category in looks. I also dress right. Fitted clothes always. Hair neat and style. Still have a head of hair. Very fit. 5'11. Good posture and all that confidence stuff without looking like a try hard.

I'm 47 and tested the IOI thing on all ages in all venues. If anything I'll get the occasional genuine IOI from younger girls surprisingly but nothing like what everyone else is experiencing.

If I do get eye contact it's usually once. No second look. No smile. Or if during the day usually a "friendly smile" and never a look again. No hair tugging. Nothing.

I even dropped my targets to 4s to 6s and fattys for IOIs just to gauge if I was over reaching and I'm not getting any from them either. So this tells me something is off.

I'd also say it's an age thing. But I don't get them from 22 year olds up to 55 year olds.

I do have resting miserable face. I have a thug italian mobster look. So sometimes I think I may come across unapproachable. At the same time I have a big smile that can light up a room. I've been told this since I was 5 years old. My smile in the past has sealed deals for me. Problem is i can't walk around looking the like joker all day and night its weird. Smile has to be genuine.

Since I'm still new to approaching and still have approach anxiety I'm trying to learn and expose myself to as much as I can. And IOIs throw me for a loop. I know I could just cold approach everyone but I have to admit no IOIs is getting in my head and raising my approach anxiety. It's making me doubt myself.

Anyone have experience with this?
I am a naturally attractive man. strong enough brag is strong.

naturally, I get approach invitations.

can be direct or indirect.

baaaaee eye ****ing, smiling, blatantly checking you out etc.

indirectly, hanging around by proxy, playing with her hair, neck, any disclosure of body parts positioning of which aimed at you etc.

this 8s generic. it's Monday. my point is any indication of interest + tell tale approach invitations or AMS choosing signals.

mymy point: if I SEARCH FOR IOIS or APPROACH INVITATIONS, it drys up or disappears.


advice - take it but made moves. make your play. take what comes but make moves.
 

Medina

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Eye contact is overrated. There is a better way, less awkward and can actually FORCE the girl to give you an IOI

Say a woman is walking towards you, instead of "eye contact" I look at her legs and then slowly work my way up her entire body... hips, torso, chest etc (almost like you're undressing her) and then finally your eyes meet at the top. You will get a reaction. Good or bad. Blatantly checking a woman out is a dying art and surprisingly better than a creepy staring contest
 

behimo

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I don't think I'm staring. I'm pretty good timing the eye contact so I don't look like an axe murderer.

The smiling for no reason I never understood. If I'm smiling for no reason for an abnormal amount of time isn't that just as bad as staring. It will look like I should be in a mental institution...no?
have a slight smile on your face, not as a reaction to what you see but how you feel. you're having a good day, you're enjoying life, you're enjoying a thought in your head.. when a person sees that they will more often than not smile back or notice you more.

making eye contact with a resting ***** face is neutral to uninviting.
 
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