Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
The word "congruence" comes from the Latin "congruo", which means "to meet together" or "to agree". When we observe a person whom we deem to be self-actualized, smooth and confident, we are observing that their behavior agrees with (is congruent with) their belief system and self-evaluation.
Where does that leave the man just starting to work to eliminate his AFC tendencies? It leaves him in an extremely difficult, but not impossible place. For his entire life, perhaps for 18, 40, or 60 years, every waking hour, neural pathways (thought habits) have been created and then strengthened, just like rainwater running down a mound of dirt as various grooves and ruts form. This is the easiest path for the water to flow, and once the rut starts it just gets deeper and more defined until you can see those winding tributaries running all the way down to the bottom of the hill. It is going to take a significant ouside force to change those paths. The dirt is going to have to be dug up in order to change the flow.
In like manner, our thought habits and beliefs are so deeply entrenched that it can seem impossible to change them. We know deep down inside that the pile of dirt is going to have to be bull-dozed in order to create new neural pathways, and we instinctively know this razing is going to hurt big-time. And we usually have no idea just how to aquire that bulldozer.
Therefore we opt for a gradual change. This is where the very real problem if incongruence comes in. We learn that we must carry ourselves and speak like James Bond. So we go out and try to effect that personna. As we do, internal tension builds to an almost unbearable level as we sense the incongruence between the personna we're projecting and the "nice guy" that we really are. We feel awkward and we project awkwardness. Females pick up on this and the result is: You are "creepy".
So what is the solution to this conundrum? Is there a way to avoid being incongruent and projecting creepiness as we learn? Is there a place where we can buy a bulldozer, raze that pile of dirt and create new neural pathways?
The bad news is that we can't. The psychological bulldozer would eliminate the pathways that do not serve us, but it would also disintegrate us. The fact is that most PUA material that is sold on the web is sold as that bulldozer. That material has its place and can help us to gain perspective, but rarely does it live up to its hype.
For most of us, we need to take the gradual approach and go through a period of serious incongruence. We must be willing to chat up women and seemingly, on the surface, "fail" and be rejected. When a woman (or man, for that matter) senses that a person is projecting something other than that which they internally believe, they feel tense and uncomfortable. They do not enjoy the interaction and generally want to get away.
Are you, Mr. Recovering AFC, willing to work through a period of incongruence in order to reap a later reward? Are you willing to accept that for a while (perhaps a long while) you will be rejected and will creep out many women, on your way to congruence?
Are you aware that after a while, you will start to see yourself changing from a very deep place within, a place so deep that you can only sense it but can't define it? That place is known as the "Core of Congruence". It will only hint at its existence at first, but it will grow as you bulldoze your way through the necessary uncomfortable experiences as you work on a daily basis to calibrate yourself socially.
Be willing to fail. Be willing to come off as a "creep". You know deep inside that you are simply paying the price for future mastery and internal and external congruence, where your beliefs about yourself will be in agreement with your projected personna.
The Core of Congruence is an internal place that produces ease and confidence as you move through the world. People are attracted to this like moths to a flame, and they willingly submit to the natural authority that is produced from this core. The journey to that place is fraught with challenge, frustration, rejection and heartache. But once a critical mass is reached, one can sense the changes that are occuring and that of course serves to inspire one to continue the journey to Mastery.
A man's lot in life is to embark on difficult journeys, to act in the absence of guaranteed returns. His lot is to set sail into unknown waters knowing that he very well might fall off the edge of the earth. It is his lot to take the hammer to himself and to forge a congruent man with many painful blows. And on his deathbed he is at peace, knowing that he wielded the hammer not to destroy others but rather to create that which was not.
Where does that leave the man just starting to work to eliminate his AFC tendencies? It leaves him in an extremely difficult, but not impossible place. For his entire life, perhaps for 18, 40, or 60 years, every waking hour, neural pathways (thought habits) have been created and then strengthened, just like rainwater running down a mound of dirt as various grooves and ruts form. This is the easiest path for the water to flow, and once the rut starts it just gets deeper and more defined until you can see those winding tributaries running all the way down to the bottom of the hill. It is going to take a significant ouside force to change those paths. The dirt is going to have to be dug up in order to change the flow.
In like manner, our thought habits and beliefs are so deeply entrenched that it can seem impossible to change them. We know deep down inside that the pile of dirt is going to have to be bull-dozed in order to create new neural pathways, and we instinctively know this razing is going to hurt big-time. And we usually have no idea just how to aquire that bulldozer.
Therefore we opt for a gradual change. This is where the very real problem if incongruence comes in. We learn that we must carry ourselves and speak like James Bond. So we go out and try to effect that personna. As we do, internal tension builds to an almost unbearable level as we sense the incongruence between the personna we're projecting and the "nice guy" that we really are. We feel awkward and we project awkwardness. Females pick up on this and the result is: You are "creepy".
So what is the solution to this conundrum? Is there a way to avoid being incongruent and projecting creepiness as we learn? Is there a place where we can buy a bulldozer, raze that pile of dirt and create new neural pathways?
The bad news is that we can't. The psychological bulldozer would eliminate the pathways that do not serve us, but it would also disintegrate us. The fact is that most PUA material that is sold on the web is sold as that bulldozer. That material has its place and can help us to gain perspective, but rarely does it live up to its hype.
For most of us, we need to take the gradual approach and go through a period of serious incongruence. We must be willing to chat up women and seemingly, on the surface, "fail" and be rejected. When a woman (or man, for that matter) senses that a person is projecting something other than that which they internally believe, they feel tense and uncomfortable. They do not enjoy the interaction and generally want to get away.
Are you, Mr. Recovering AFC, willing to work through a period of incongruence in order to reap a later reward? Are you willing to accept that for a while (perhaps a long while) you will be rejected and will creep out many women, on your way to congruence?
Are you aware that after a while, you will start to see yourself changing from a very deep place within, a place so deep that you can only sense it but can't define it? That place is known as the "Core of Congruence". It will only hint at its existence at first, but it will grow as you bulldoze your way through the necessary uncomfortable experiences as you work on a daily basis to calibrate yourself socially.
Be willing to fail. Be willing to come off as a "creep". You know deep inside that you are simply paying the price for future mastery and internal and external congruence, where your beliefs about yourself will be in agreement with your projected personna.
The Core of Congruence is an internal place that produces ease and confidence as you move through the world. People are attracted to this like moths to a flame, and they willingly submit to the natural authority that is produced from this core. The journey to that place is fraught with challenge, frustration, rejection and heartache. But once a critical mass is reached, one can sense the changes that are occuring and that of course serves to inspire one to continue the journey to Mastery.
A man's lot in life is to embark on difficult journeys, to act in the absence of guaranteed returns. His lot is to set sail into unknown waters knowing that he very well might fall off the edge of the earth. It is his lot to take the hammer to himself and to forge a congruent man with many painful blows. And on his deathbed he is at peace, knowing that he wielded the hammer not to destroy others but rather to create that which was not.
