//The Chronicles of BPH\\

[BPH]

That asian is CUTE.

Did you guys see her on my profile pic on FB?

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Did you guys see her on my profile pic on FB?

Some pictures she posted I believe.

 

[BPH]

5/7/12

Don't remember much about today. I believe it was quite uneventful. We had a game against Salesianum that we lost, but otherwise I don't think there's anything worth mentioning today.

5/8/12

Not much worth mentioning today either.

Had a volleyball game against Glen Mills which we won. The starting middle wasn't here so I got much more playtime. My stats were alright and I played a technically excellent game but it wasn't all that. My parents thought I did really well though.

Got my hair cut as well, looks alright but I always hate cutting my hair. Debating a buzzcut.

Delivering a scholarship tomorrow and got senior week money from Kevin. Still haven't told HB Esther that I would hook up with other girls, give me advice on that if you would.

That's about it, peace.

 

[LearningSlowly]

Get a buzz.

About Esther, I've told you this directly but not over the forum. Just joke about her hooking up with guys over senior week, and the assumption is that you two are not in anything exclusive.

Either way, you've gotta tell her soon, or she shouldn't come.

 

[Nick1886]

I kept doing that fingering trick on redtube and had her top off the entire time.

Enlighten me fam

 

[BPH]

Enlighten me fam

PMing

 

[BPH]

I've got an interesting predicament on my hands here...I would really appreciate it if you guys would check back here between 6:30AM and 9:00AM EST (about 8 hours from now).

I'll update this journal tomorrow morning and have a decision to make.

 

[LearningSlowly]

lol youre requesting that we sign on right then? Ill see if I can.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

I don't know what you did exactly to get suspended, or why, but t sounds like you were a ****. The way I see it girls are far weaker, smaller, slower and less coordinated then us. They also have less control over there emotions. Since I'm actually a man and not just a **** with a body I can put up with getting hit a couple of times by a girl without having to retaliate at all. Defending yourself, proving a point and being a petty douche are three different things and very often you seem to confuse the first two with the third.

I don't mean to make you all defensive, I'm stating a simple fact. Hitting a girl is like hitting a 12 year old. I'm no saint, maybe in the heat of the moment if a girl hit my eyes/testicles I would hit back without thinking. But if I had 0.1 seconds to register it was a girl in front of me I'd pull it back and do something else. One of the million other options. A bear hug. A tackle. Tripping. Running off. Throwing my shirt at her.

This is another thing that happens: If a girl wrongs my friends, I have no excuse to hit her. I do however have the explicit right to yell at her. A lot.

You should learn this lesson man. When a girl is in front of you, or in your arms, think about how much weaker then you she is. Most likely a girl will never be a viable threat to you, if she somehow becomes one (a weapon, martial arts training) then sure, defend yourself. I would too. but otherwise think, back to yourself 5-6 years ago, think about you now versus you then in a fight. If you can seriously justify that I'm going to stop reading your journal.

 

[BPH]

I don't know what you did exactly to get suspended, or why, but t sounds like you were a ****. The way I see it girls are far weaker, smaller, slower and less coordinated then us. They also have less control over there emotions. Since I'm actually a man and not just a **** with a body I can put up with getting hit a couple of times by a girl without having to retaliate at all. Defending yourself, proving a point and being a petty douche are three different things and very often you seem to confuse the first two with the third.

I don't mean to make you all defensive, I'm stating a simple fact. Hitting a girl is like hitting a 12 year old. I'm no saint, maybe in the heat of the moment if a girl hit my eyes/testicles I would hit back without thinking. But if I had 0.1 seconds to register it was a girl in front of me I'd pull it back and do something else. One of the million other options. A bear hug. A tackle. Tripping. Running off. Throwing my shirt at her.

This is another thing that happens: If a girl wrongs my friends, I have no excuse to hit her. I do however have the explicit right to yell at her. A lot.

You should learn this lesson man. When a girl is in front of you, or in your arms, think about how much weaker then you she is. Most likely a girl will never be a viable threat to you, if she somehow becomes one (a weapon, martial arts training) then sure, defend yourself. I would too. but otherwise think, back to yourself 5-6 years ago, think about you now versus you then in a fight. If you can seriously justify that I'm going to stop reading your journal.

As much as I appreciate your opinion I will risk it to justify this...she claws me, kicks me, punches me, among other things. I have no problem with that. I thought that meant that I could mess with her a little bit as well. The "kick" I administered her was one of the weakest hits I'd ever dealt anyone. Adding to my reasoning was the fact that she was wearing a backpack filled with books on her chest, which was the place I chose to kick her. On camera my kick didn't push her back AT ALL and she walked away with no signs of an injury. She was being a baby and a snitch. I think you're confusing "hitting a girl" with "beating a girl" and if that's your perception, fine. But that is the furthest thing from the truth. And no I didn't "kick" her because she hit my friend, I didn't even know she hit my friend. I was just surprised that she didn't get punished for hitting somebody on camera much harder than I had hit her on camera.

So I hope you can at least understand my rationale here...I thought it was something playful between friends. I "hit" other of my girl friends with the same amount of force and the response is usual a laugh, playful retaliation, or something else along those lines. I value you opinion and I hope you can still offer it, but I won't look like a d*** for something so petty. I think you deserve to understand what happened here.

Moving on...

5/9/12

Alright so let's skip through today and get to my predicament, because my day was overall quite a regular one.

Remember HB Kaitlin? The flakey one? Well remember how she wants to be my prom date but didn't hang out with me the way I wanted so I could trust that she would come?

Well she assures me that she would come no matter what, even taking work off. Tells me she won't stand me up because that would be a major b**** move. So I'm not worried that she would flake on prom.

What I am worried about is the fact that HB Esther asked me to prom about a month or two earlier and I told her I would go with her if I ended up going. Truthfully I didn't want to go with her (or the other two girls that asked me) so I decided that I wouldn't go to prom and told her this, so she doesn't think she would go either.

But now that HB Kaitlin is still here asking to go, I'm really considering it. I would rather f*** her than HB Esther, and I think I hold a special place for her just because she was my first and I'd want to revisit her and have a little more fun that we did our first time.

But if I go with HB Kaitlin, HB Esther would almost surely find out. Now when we had sex we both understood that we weren't in relationships with each other and could mess around with other people. But if she finds out that I took another girl to prom when I told her what I said above, her degree of being pissed off could be very high...

This in turn could mess up senior week, which she may not even go to if this happens.

HB Kaitlin needs to know today if I would go to prom, because it's in about a week and she would need to prepare.

One of my natural friends tells me I should not go to prom and just try to hang out with HB Kaitlin that next weekend. That's a good idea, I'm just concerned that she wouldn't miss work like she would for prom, and would instead flake.

So tell me how to handle that.

Also had a long FB conversation with HB Cassidy, I'll update this later if I feel like mentioning that. Gotta go to school soon, looking forward to replies.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

I'd take Esther.
Actually, no. When I thought now of having the choice between whoever Im taking now, or lets say, dancer, vs the girl I lost it to, it's a clear winner of the latter.
Do your thing man, but keep in mind that it'll be less hassle to take Esther, more safe, and no flakes.

 

[LearningSlowly]

I thought it was something playful between friends. I "hit" other of my girl friends with the same amount of force and the response is usual a laugh, playful retaliation, or something else along those lines.

Yeah that sucks.

One of my natural friends tells me I should not go to prom and just try to hang out with HB Kaitlin that next weekend. That's a good idea, I'm just concerned that she wouldn't miss work like she would for prom, and would instead flake.

Is it me? o.0

That's exactly the advice I gave you and I stand by it.

 

[DanZy]

I still think you need some new girls in here. It would help matters massively.

 

[BPH]

Yeah that sucks.


Is it me? o.0

That's exactly the advice I gave you and I stand by it.

Actually no, that would be my friend Nick, never practiced pickup or anything. But yes you both had the same opinion.

And it seems I will be going with that choice. But Norwegian can you explain your reply? I'm confused by it.

 

[BPH]

5/10/12

Alright well today was ok. The conversation HB Cassidy and I had the day before was mostly about relationships, sex, and why I was being a "douche" by not giving her what she asked for (in this case it was homework). It was an excessively long conversation that gave me some respect for her and probably put me in a better light in her eyes. Because today she was a little more engaging.

The rest of the day was pretty simple. Regular school stuff followed by a volleyball game. It was here that I felt I reached a breaking point and something needs to change...

I was not played the first set...I was not played the second set...I was played in the final set with 5 points left before we won, and with an 8-point lead. And during this short time I made 2 perfect blocks - blocks which coach told me to work on, and I did, and still didn't get the spot I deserved. I stopped cheering for my team altogether by the third set...trying to motion to my family that I wouldn't be playing so they should just go home.

Come to think of it...back during senior night he told me that "because my parents were here, he would let me start the first set". He seems to only believe in my ability to play when we're surely going to win the game or when we have a comfortable lead and can't screw up.

Now I don't want to quit, but I have to do something today. I figure that I go to practice, but not go to Monday's game. It's about an hour away and if I'm not even going to play, there's no damn way I'm spending that time on the bench. I was going to just do it, but now my parents at least want me to talk to the coach about my frustration. Either way this has become a waste of my time, and if I'm not guaranteed playing time, I'm not going.

Championships are coming up too, and we will likely come in 2nd behind Salesianum, but he probably wouldn't play me in these games either. So maybe I should just go to practice to keep myself in shape while working out instead of attending these last few games? I don't know, I'm just really pissed.

Aside from that I made my decision regarding prom:

Me: Ok so im not going to prom, but id still love to hang with you the same day. i like chilling with you...we have fun
HB Kaitlin almost instantly: Ok sounds fun
Me: Youre free that day?

No reply after that. I feel like it's going to be a flake anyway, but hopefully I'm wrong.

College stuff and finances to worry about. Not sure how I'm going to pay out-of-state tuition, but I really want to get out of Delaware...

On a side note, Wilmington, DE was listed as the third highest p0rn-consuming city in the nation, behind Orlanda, FL and Las Vegas, NV.

That's it, leave your thoughts. Peace.

 

[LearningSlowly]

TALK TO YOUR COACH. Why do you insist on acting like the victim all the time? If you understood what he was thinking, you wouldn't feel like a victim. The problem is you don't understand, because you can't TALK TO HIM OPENLY.

Tell him you feel like a bench warmer but you think your play deserves more.

Why didn't you just give Cassidy the homework like I said and not make it tense all the time?

(And don't try to hang out with Kaitlin that day. She's gonna flake. Try again soon.)

 

[BPH]

TALK TO YOUR COACH. Why do you insist on acting like the victim all the time? If you understood what he was thinking, you wouldn't feel like a victim. The problem is you don't understand, because you can't TALK TO HIM OPENLY.

Tell him you feel like a bench warmer but you think your play deserves more.

Why didn't you just give Cassidy the homework like I said and not make it tense all the time?

(And don't try to hang out with Kaitlin that day. She's gonna flake. Try again soon.)

You told me that after I had already started IMing her. I wanted to have a conversation about her not asking me for my sh** all the time.

I am going to talk to my coach today. The reason I don't do so more often is because I know what he's going to tell me. He's going to try to appease me by offering SOME playtime if I have a spectacular practice or something. Then he will bring up my 2 missed practices cause of birthday and suspension. Then he will try to rationalize playing a kid over me that I had performed better than during the whole week of practice and at the game on Tuesday.

I don't think I'll be satisfied but I will confirm this later.

 

[Nick1886]

To be honest you sound like you're playing for the wrong reasons. Unless you're doing it as a favour to someone remember that your coach isn't biased and if you were better than the starters you'd get played instead. Practice is probably the answer and thinking that you won't bother turning up if you dont get played is the totally wrong attitude and unless you know you're 100% committed dont turn up again. It's a team sport, not an individual one.

 

[BPH]

To be honest you sound like you're playing for the wrong reasons. Unless you're doing it as a favour to someone remember that your coach isn't biased and if you were better than the starters you'd get played instead. Practice is probably the answer and thinking that you won't bother turning up if you dont get played is the totally wrong attitude and unless you know you're 100% committed dont turn up again. It's a team sport, not an individual one.

I know it's a team sport, but I'm pissed because I don't feel like part of the team. These guys are my friends and I appreciate that, but right now I am a bench warmer for whatever reason.

I watch my competition, and I outperform him, so I really don't know why he plays over me. Coach tells me it's because my blocking is bad. My blocking isn't perfect, but I'm watching this guy on the sidelines and he's jumping late and having balls get shanked out of bounds - something I don't do. And I feel like coach perceives me negatively because of two bad games early in the season.

I had a talk with him today, and I'll post that later. But I'm not afraid to walk away from this, and have done it before. I did not come out to volleyball to spectate, I came to play. If I'm really that bad, which I'm not, he should have cut me from the team. But no, he throws me a bone by calling me "versatile" and citing that I played in most of my games...when in reality I would only be in these games for about 5 minutes...or at the tail end when we're about to win.

My dad even told me a story, if you don't believe in biases...my dad tried out for soccer when he went to this school and was not good enough. So he trained really hard until next year. When he came out for the team he was so good that he was able to beat out of the star player on the team. Yet the coach consistently played his favorites and my dad sat on the bench. Eventually this annoyed him and he quit.

 

[Nick1886]

Fair enough but if your team's winning games, the coach has the upper hand on what you might perceive as bias because he might not want to change a winning formula. I wouldn't let it get you down though most of what I read in your journal tells me you've got a lot going for you and volleyball is pretty insignificant at the end of the day.