The Chasm

[bigneil]

Has anyone noticed how dating advice falls into two main categories:

1) How to get the girl
2) How to get your ex back

There is very little in between about how to maintain a woman once you have her.

We need a version of no contact for what is in between, which is more like minimal contact. Not every conflict means she is your ex. Not every bump means you should next her. You're not always broken up just because there is resistance (which the Art of Seduction says is a given in any seduction, and which we should embrace).

 

[WitnessGR]

Very few people have the inability to perform when everything's going good, when the girl is interested and everything is running smoothly. Most questions are derived out of "She acted/did (Insert unordinary behaviour here) What do I do now?"

I would agree that this forum does not have a lot of content of general maintenance; but imo it is what I would expect from a forum that's main focus is to attract and game multiple women. In a woman's eyes, generally speaking what they want, spinning plates, side action and narcissistic tendencies, is usually not a strategy for the long game.

 

[wifehunter]

Has anyone noticed how dating advice falls into two main categories:

1) How to get the girl
2) How to get your ex back

There is very little in between about how to maintain a woman once you have her.

We need a version of no contact for what is in between, which is more like minimal contact. Not every conflict means she is your ex. Not every bump means you should next her. You're not always broken up just because there is resistance (which the Art of Seduction says is a given in any seduction, and which we should embrace).

The perspective is wrong. She should be trying to get you! Once she has you, what is she going to do? The chasm is the space, you create, for that to happen.

 

[bigneil]

By chasm I meant in between getting her and breaking up.

My main point is, the vast majority of a relationship is in between picking her up and breaking up. Most of the problems that occur happen during this time. Unless these in between problems are solved, breakup is imminent (especially today where it genuinely seems like one strike and you're out). By solving 2 or 3 of these problems, by prolonging the breakup, you turn a one night stand into a long term relationship.

 

[bigneil]

This is interesting: this shows Robert Greene's 24 keys to Seduction - ranked in order of usage by both men and women! Note the different strategies women use in the right list (sorted by usage). What do they do that men don't? Send Mixed Signals.

http://www.humanthermodynamics.com/RP/Seduction.html

 

[Roober]

You will usually find it in marriage therapy kind of things. It is really about just not getting complacent, don't cfhange who you are just because you ahve been with someone a while. For example...

1. If you were in great shape when you met, that should be maintained
2. If you were firm on decisions, you shouldn't change
3. Go out and continue to have fun
4. If you had friends you spent time with, keep doing that

Alot of guys (many actually), fall into complacency with the everyday crap that comes up. You need to keep it exciting for her, and always maintain control. Very hard to do in an extensive LTR...

Long story short... Those who play together, stay together!

 

[sazc]

what you are essentially saying is that arguments and disagreements are normal and should not be considered a sign that the relationship is over. What you are essentially asking is - what is a good strategy for we get into an argument?

My response is raise your standards and find a female that can actually have mature conversations when she is upset so you can both discuss the issue like adults and decide what to do about it.

What I see them men on these boards deal with are emotional females who escalate issues into dramatics. These men are angry because they feel that there is no loyalty for the longevity of the relationship and time they have put in to it. They feel backed into a corner when females get angry - fearing losing the female, but also not understanding why things are so explosive. They feel like, if they dont cave, she will walk. I wish they would raise their standards. Relationships that work involve two people who communicate in an effort to solve problems. The female who naturally communicats is the one who is pre-wired to be loyal and value her relationship. She recognizes that her man, and her relationship, is worthy of calm, constructive discussion. She is not afraid to compromise with her man in order to show he's about "them". Any chick that brings drama shold be told immediately you wont tolerate anything less than calm communication in order to problem solve. If after this, she continues to bring the drama, she is sub standard to you and needs to be dismissed.

 

[Roober]

what you are essentially saying is that arguments and disagreements are normal and should not be considered a sign that the relationship is over. What you are essentially asking is - what is a good strategy for we get into an argument?

My response is raise your standards and find a female that can actually have mature conversations when she is upset so you can both discuss the issue like adults and decide what to do about it.

What I see them men on these boards deal with are emotional females who escalate issues into dramatics. These men are angry because they feel that there is no loyalty for the longevity of the relationship and time they have put in to it. They feel backed into a corner when females get angry - fearing losing the female, but also not understanding why things are so explosive. They feel like, if they dont cave, she will walk. I wish they would raise their standards. Relationships that work involve two people who communicate in an effort to solve problems. The female who naturally communicats is the one who is pre-wired to be loyal and value her relationship. She recognizes that her man, and her relationship, is worthy of calm, constructive discussion. She is not afraid to compromise with her man in order to show he's about "them". Any chick that brings drama shold be told immediately you wont tolerate anything less than calm communication in order to problem solve. If after this, she continues to bring the drama, she is sub standard to you and needs to be dismissed.

Word! And instead of dismissing them, men stick around to get their hearts broken...

 

[wifehunter]

If she's chasing, there is no breakup. (only if you initiate it.)

Also, if she's chasing, you will naturally not give a fuk.

Her chasing = no problems, unless you don't like her.

 

[Eros25]

what you are essentially saying is that arguments and disagreements are normal and should not be considered a sign that the relationship is over. What you are essentially asking is - what is a good strategy for we get into an argument?

My response is raise your standards and find a female that can actually have mature conversations when she is upset so you can both discuss the issue like adults and decide what to do about it.

What I see them men on these boards deal with are emotional females who escalate issues into dramatics. These men are angry because they feel that there is no loyalty for the longevity of the relationship and time they have put in to it. They feel backed into a corner when females get angry - fearing losing the female, but also not understanding why things are so explosive. They feel like, if they dont cave, she will walk. I wish they would raise their standards. Relationships that work involve two people who communicate in an effort to solve problems. The female who naturally communicats is the one who is pre-wired to be loyal and value her relationship. She recognizes that her man, and her relationship, is worthy of calm, constructive discussion. She is not afraid to compromise with her man in order to show he's about "them". Any chick that brings drama shold be told immediately you wont tolerate anything less than calm communication in order to problem solve. If after this, she continues to bring the drama, she is sub standard to you and needs to be dismissed.

Very well said. I completely agree.