Tell me how change my frame /attitude /whatever

[GeeMale]

This is frustrating the f*** out of me questioning if I'm even desirable. I'm 26, looking to get my first software engineer position with 6 months, work out concistenly, generally transparent or at least try to be, and have no major bad habits(not even porn/masturbation/social media)

I have no problem having attractive and / or high status women say yes to meeting at a schedule day place and time. HOWEVER I keep getting no contact the day of. This happened to like 4 chicks the last month or so and many times in the past and will probably keep happening again. Pharmacy/med students, or chicks who are 7+/10 and seem polite up front are the type these are. I don't get the slightest hint at first. Until I notice that their words and actions don't match. Yet the next time when you text them wtf they are happy to text Smiley's etc and set up a second time to meet only to pull the same s***

One thing to note is these aren't chicks from clubs/bars/etc I don't do those.

I swear man. This is how people are? This isn't normal this is weird as hell. It's frustrating cause for the first time in my life I'm feeling accomplished and proud like in about something and I'm staring to feel like I totally deserve to have women throwing themselves at me right now compared to all these social media weirdos who slide into dm's and Jack off to porn, and left wing social justice warriors, etc.

I wish there was a buzzer that goes off when I want to approach a chick and right before it'll say hold up bro she's going to cancel on your a** don't waste your time and energy.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This is frustrating the f*** out of me questioning if I'm even desirable. I'm 26, looking to get my first software engineer position with 6 months, work out concistenly, generally transparent or at least try to be, and have no major bad habits(not even porn/masturbation/social media)

I have no problem having attractive and / or high status women say yes to meeting at a schedule day place and time. HOWEVER I keep getting no contact the day of. This happened to like 4 chicks the last month or so and many times in the past and will probably keep happening again. Pharmacy/med students, or chicks who are 7+/10 and seem polite up front are the type these are. I don't get the slightest hint at first. Until I notice that their words and actions don't match. Yet the next time when you text them wtf they are happy to text Smiley's etc and set up a second time to meet only to pull the same s***

One thing to note is these aren't chicks from clubs/bars/etc I don't do those.

I swear man. This is how people are? This isn't normal this is weird as hell. It's frustrating cause for the first time in my life I'm feeling accomplished and proud like in about something and I'm staring to feel like I totally deserve to have women throwing themselves at me right now compared to all these social media weirdos who slide into dm's and Jack off to porn, and left wing social justice warriors, etc.

I wish there was a buzzer that goes off when I want to approach a chick and right before it'll say hold up bro she's going to cancel on your a** don't waste your time and energy.

Your job is not "cool". If you was a personal trainer, bouncer or bar tender youd likely have slain. Dont reveal your technology job.

 

[GeeMale]

Your job is not "cool". If you was a personal trainer, bouncer or bar tender youd likely have slain. Dont reveal your technology job.

I don't know depends on how you define cool or how chicks perceive it Software development is trendy these days and will be the next decade or so. If you check out what we do I think we have a somewhat important position.

I can see from a different perspective of what you mean though. Women are really still on that level tho? Like in high school jock etc type of cool? Lol that's funny I know doctors and business owners who are good looking lift etc and get laid. Are they not cool?

.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I don't know depends on how you define cool or how chicks perceive it Software development is trendy these days and will be the next decade or so. If you check out what we do I think we have a somewhat important position.

I can see from a different perspective of what you mean though. Women are really still on that level tho? Like in high school jock etc type of cool? Lol that's funny I know doctors and business owners who are good looking lift etc and get laid. Are they not cool?

.

Its still high school across ALL professions other than technology. To make it cool just say you cant talk about your job.

 

[GeeMale]

This funny I'm actually laughing right now lol. You know what's funny? We're Indian American and live in Houston, TX( your profile says TX so I'm randomly mention this). Today my dad said a guy my age with a master's in computers science asked for my little sis(to possible set up date - arranged marriage type of thing) who is 22 pretty and double business major about to graduate and interning at motiva making $25/hour.
He doesn't look her type in the photo. She won't meet up I can tell cause she doesn't meet up with guys in this time in her life when they ask for 'serious' possible relationships up front. But this makes me wonder if it's cause they way he looks and / or his profession
What I wonder if what if he is good looking or something and a trainwr and doing okay financially? Would she still be interested?! Lol

Anyways yeah I'm gonna Void mentioninv the software thing .... I got into the habit cause I'm a bum right now and thep past few years working warehouse and odd jobs so I guess I'm over compensating but whatevs

 

[Spaz]

Your job is not "cool". If you was a personal trainer, bouncer or bar tender youd likely have slain. Dont reveal your technology job.

This is not true.

It's not the job.

It's the guy behind the job.

 

[GeeMale]

This is not true.

It's not the job.

It's the guy behind the job.

If I don't figure out exactly what it is for them to come and meet and not have so many no shows consistently I'm gonna go mad and turn into a b*** And probably only approach like once a month when I get into a block .
I mean I honestly can't think of something legit I said or intial conversation or via text that would have them do this.

 

[Spaz]

If I don't figure out exactly what it is for them to come and meet and not have so many no shows consistently I'm gonna go mad and turn into a b*** And probably only approach like once a month when I get into a block .
I mean I honestly can't think of something legit I said or intial conversation or via text that would have them do this.

Only very few possibilities exist for women dismissing you after a 1st date.

1. U r extremely boring. (bring her on exciting dates like fun fairs)

2. U talk too much about yourself, ur job, maybe even ur future plans on marrying etc trying to impress. (Encourage her to talk by asking follow up questions, all women enjoy talking abt themselves)

3. U whine too much like a girl and no true girl needs another girl on a date, they expect different. (don't fvcking do that)

4. U r too easy, too hungry and that kills attraction. (be a challenge for her to use her seduction skills, women enjoy seducing men).

Those listed above is my general personality when interacting with people and I regularly get invited or at the very least a strong hint for a 2nd meet.

 

[GeeMale]

I was talking about before a first date. I don't think any of those 4 applied really during our intial interaction + texts(which was just meeting up and her agreeing). The only is during the initial interaction I sat by her after setting up bowling date by mistake as I never tried that before. I did lose a bit of mystery by us sharing info but it was equal sharing and she was laughing , mirroring me, I called her a friend which annoyed her, and she asked to meet close to me when I couldn't gogole a place to meet close to her for bowling to get close to her as she lives on opposite side of town.

There was a time (but not this one) I messed up by canceling a meet up just cause I though she send a text i saw as sarcastic leading to a possible flake/no contact. Than her texting 4 x than me changing my mind apologizing and rearranging than she goes no contact lol

 

[Spaz]

I was talking about before a first date. I don't think any of those 4 applied really during our intial interaction + texts(which was just meeting up and her agreeing). The only is during the initial interaction I sat by her after setting up bowling date by mistake as I never tried that before. I did lose a bit of mystery by us sharing info but it was equal sharing and she was laughing , mirroring me, I called her a friend which annoyed her, and she asked to meet close to me when I couldn't gogole a place to meet close to her for bowling to get close to her as she lives on opposite side of town.

There was a time (but not this one) I messed up by canceling a meet up just cause I though she send a text i saw as sarcastic leading to a possible flake/no contact. Than her texting 4 x than me changing my mind apologizing and rearranging than she goes no contact lol

How many times do you get invited out per week?

 

[GeeMale]

Women ? Never
Everyone else? Once or twice

I don't have groups of friends. I have a couple close real friends i keep in contact with. I do everything my own however I don't have social anxiety/autism/drug problem or anything hindering me ...

Why?

Women don't invite me, I invite them and they agree. If that's what you're saying.

 

[Spaz]

Women ? Never
Women don't invite me

What do you think is ur problem?

I don't have groups of friends.

You mentioned you get invited out once or twice weekly.

Seems like a contradiction.

It's okay for someone to enjoy spending alone time away from the crowds but it's not okay to be alone most of the time, a man's mind tends to wander off.

 

[GeeMale]

You are not dominant enough. You know this.

You gave me.advice based in a club settings while you were drink I don't really know if that's lol

 

[GeeMale]

What do you think is ur problem?



You mentioned you get invited out once or twice weekly.

Seems like a contradiction.

It's okay for someone to enjoy spending alone time away from the crowds but it's not okay to be alone most of the time, a man's mind tends to wander off.

This is why I go to coffee shops and do work there and acceot most invites

 

[Spaz]

This is why I go to coffee shops and do work there and acceot most invites

Of those times when I do approach a female stranger to talk it's not with the intent to seduce her, it's more towards something intriguing she did, something special that caught my attention and my curiosity just got the better of me.

I'll simply ask "how/why did you do that...... ?"

By then, its not so much how I can seduce her but rather how she impressed me that leads me to want to know her further, hence a date is set up, of course initiated by me.

I'm guessing that women could sense all of the above since I'm almost always never rejected.

And once on a date, if she's really impressive, I'll do my seduction (provided she's not taken) and it'll come naturally without me even thinking about it.

To me, the world around is filled with sexy beautiful women and since there's so many, I might as well find one that could amuse me.

Perhaps you could try it my way or rather my style in doing approach where the failure rate is perhaps less then 5% (an assumption).

 

[GeeMale]

You must get curious a lot I rarely do enough to go up to a woman for something like that. Usually I ask for something I really do need like rubber bands for my index cards, how much their MacBook Costs as I really do need one,than go on to ask what they do here etc and it leads to a receptive conversation. It ends when we don't actually meet up. A lot of them do amuse me though. Funny thing is there was a chick who was using these words 'thats so interesting, amusing, why do you do that '? She had a bf who came later. I think I missed but she may have been showing me how to talk to women strangers lol

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This is not true.

It's not the job.

It's the guy behind the job.

In the USA they are negging certain professions. I just warned him that IT doesnt come across as sexy or powerful or masculine.

 

[GeeMale]

Of those times when I do approach a female stranger to talk it's not with the intent to seduce her, it's more towards something intriguing she did, something special that caught my attention and my curiosity just got the better of me.

I'll simply ask "how/why did you do that...... ?"

By then, its not so much how I can seduce her but rather how she impressed me that leads me to want to know her further, hence a date is set up, of course initiated by me.

I'm guessing that women could sense all of the above since I'm almost always never rejected.

And once on a date, if she's really impressive, I'll do my seduction (provided she's not taken) and it'll come naturally without me even thinking about it.

To me, the world around is filled with sexy beautiful women and since there's so many, I might as well find one that could amuse me.

Perhaps you could try it my way or rather my style in doing approach where the failure rate is perhaps less then 5% (an assumption).

I read on this site today a post from 2014 how I can prevent flakes much less by just changing the way I set it up.... Apparently women get anxious and feel pressured when a meet up feel like it was scheduled to feel like a "date" or even worse a 5 days out interview..thinking back this is actually how chicks asked me out lol.

Basically the way I currently ask is:

"Hey let's go bowling at blank on blank at blank o clock"

She'd agree than either NC or cancel that day ...this has happened the last 5+ chicks

I'm gonna try what this post says I'm which I copy and pasted forgot who it's from:

Me: Hey, I'm going to x place tommorow, You down?
(Notice how I'm "allowing" her to come rather than asking her for a date)

Her: I'm sorry babe, I'm scheduled to work tommorow :/

Me: That sucks, no fun for you. Know when you'll be free?

Her: Maybe Wednesday, next week.

Me: Hmm, okay, I'll think of something I might wanna do, I'll hit you up then if anything comes to mind

*Next week Wednesday comes and she initiates*

Her: Hey.
(I know what she wants, she thinks I may have forgotten as I haven't brought up anything, so don't waste time)

Me: Meet me at the park in a hour.

*She usually shows her ass up in a hour*

There's 2 important things here that I believe contribute to my lessened flakes-

1)Assertiveness, notice I say "something I wanna do" rather than ask her suggestions like some guys tend to do. I believe when you ask for dates, its essentially asking for her company. The more it seems as if your allowing her your company, the better.

2)Attempting to schedule meetups in a timely fashion. Dates should be scheduled as conviently and quickly as possible, pressure should always be taken off the date as well. In the example, I schedule for tommorow, she has to work, but is free Wednesday next week. Instead of committing to something 5 days away, I essentially tell her I'll keep in mind that she's free Wednesday. This shows I'm not overly eager to meetup and relieves pressure and tension that would've been present had I said, "So, let's goto the park Wednesday."

I found in the past when I was making plates commit to something in advance it created unnecessary pressure and anxiety and ultimately leaded to a flake.

The type of pressure associated with, "You have an interview in 5 days", which essentially is what a date is.

Ease the pressure, schedule dates close in advance, don't make them seem like dates, and allow for dates to be scheduled rather than requested.

"You said you'd be free to day? Wanna go out to Denny's?" X
BAD

"We're at Denny's tonight, at 6. Wear something sexy so we can get free food ;p" √
GOOD

Just my 2¢ though.

 

[GeeMale]

Women rarely answer my phone calls and if they do I'll say something stupid like are you busy if theirs background noise...shell say I'll call you back in couple hours and never does so I start the text

 

[Spaz]

Women rarely answer my phone calls and if they do I'll say something stupid like are you busy if theirs background noise...shell say I'll call you back in couple hours and never does so I start the text

Most of the men's problems here stems from their supplicating traits.

And that includes you.

How would you frame the phone call the next time?

This time think on what I've said then post it here on how you should do it.