"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Talking to girl over BBM

green69

Senior Don Juan
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BBM = BlackBerry Messenger for those who don't know.

Anyways this girl who I have 2 classes in I talk to occasionally asked for my BBM pin. So we've been talking over BBM recently and done some flirting to which she reciprocated. We're both busy with school right now but I said we'll hang out after exams are done and she definitely sounded down for that. My question is, since I don't see her that often in school in person...I'm not quite sure how to maintain contact...or should I? I don't want to become her online BBM buddy if you know what I mean, but at the same time I want to keep things going until we meet up.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Kailex

Master Don Juan
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Are you so busy with school that you simply can't take 2 hours in a week... and go and have some coffee???

I hate to say this, but the longer you wait to actually call and make a move, the frostier the situation is going to get.

When do exams end? Because if you say in a month, you might as well forget her. She probably only sounded "down" for that idea because you probably worded it that way and she was just "agreeing" with you.

Call her up, get coffee. It doesn't take too much time to at least do that.
I bet that if you add up all the time it takes you to keep convos going on BBM, you probably could have had two dates.

Ditch the phone, grab a coffee.
 

SmoothTalker

Master Don Juan
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I hate and love BBM.

That delivered/read message status thing is a double edged sword.
 

Yachtie

Don Juan
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I love and hate BBM too. The "D" and "R" can be killers. Sorry to steal your topic, but I have a weird BBM relationship story too:

Three months ago this girl approached me on the dance floor at a bar that I rarely visit. I can't remember what she said at first (it was loud and I had beer-muffs on). We exchanged business cards (like adults, except that I slipped it into the back pocket of her very tight jeans with a brief gentle touch). She smiled and was taken aback by that approach but seemed to like it. I'm a bit hazy on what we talked about or how it got to that, but it apparently went over well.

The lights came on about 10 minutes later and we all spilled out onto the street. We rendezvoused outside when she was standing there with four of her guy friends. I introduced myself to all of them with a firm handshake and eye contact. Somehow she went home with me and slept over. No penetration; she even left her jeans on. I drove her to her friend's place the next morning.

About a day or two later she texted me. We linked up on BBM and facebook and chatted by BBM and gchat a bit. We hung out a few times with other mutual friends, but didn't sleep together the second time. She invited me to come visit her city (1.5 hrs away) for dinner. I showed up with no gift/flower/wine; I know, rookie move but maybe it's ok in hindsight. After dinner we went back to her place for wine and 420 (both at her suggestion). Slept over, digital penetration on her.

She visits me the next time (sleep over, no sex, brown-out) and forgets her phone charger. I mail it to her, but include a note: "you know this defeats the purpose of a leave-behind, right?" She BBMs me to say how cute it was, and says we can hang out again minus leave-behinds.

Next time, back in her town, I bring 3 flowers + small bottle of wine. After dinner, she offers to split the check and explains she doesn't expect the guy to pay all the time, but I said she could pay for the next one -- with a wink/smile. Back at her place, she talks about what we can do together during the forthcoming winter. Yada yada yada, I sleep over again, mostly kissing/me massaging her/digital pen.

The ISSUE: I haven't been able to get her to talk with me on the phone, and I've done most of the initial chatting. Only BBM and gchat. I asked her (via BBM) if she knew that her blackberry can make calls. She laughed and said she was going to think about it. Still no phone chats. What is this all about?

In person, the last time we hungout, I mentioned something about it. She said "I dunno, you live kinda far, this might not work out" and then smiled/laughed (we don't live that far apart) and we made out (for the rest of the night).

Side ISSUE: the self restraint against BBM'ing, gchatting, or calling her is INCREDIBLY challenging. I'm going to try to give it a couple days, including a weekend. How do you guys handle the pressure? I'm cursed with being feverously jealous and "emotionally needy." I don't want to screw this one up (she's smoking hot and very nice), so I'm reading the $hit out of this site.

Is this the age we live in? Does everyone really only want to talk when we're apart via electronics?

PPS: she hasn't touched my junk with her hands/mouth yet. should i keep taking this as a good sign that she's not a slut? previous BFs for her were 2, 2, and 5 yrs each and she lived with the last two respectively.
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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