Taking things slow

[Mazeman11]

If you've been out with a girl on a few dates, a bit intimate, making out, kissing...but no sex. When things get a bit heated up she says she wants to take things slow. Interpretation?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Iron Rule of Tomassi #3

Any woman who makes you wait for sex, or by her actions implies she is making you wait for sex; the sex is NEVER worth the wait.

When a woman makes you wait for sex you are not her highest priority. Sexuality is spontaneous chemical reaction between two parties, not a process of negotiation. It's sex first, then relationship, not the other way around. A woman who wants to ƒuck you will fly across the country, crawl under barbwire, climb in through your second story bedroom window, ƒuck the sh!t out of you and wait patiently inside your closet if your wife comes home early from work - women who want to ƒuck will find a way to ƒuck. The girl who tells you she wants to take it slow, or needs time to be comfortable with you is the same girl who ƒucked the hot guy in the foam cannon party in Cancun on spring break half an hour after meeting him.

If a girl is that into you she'll ƒuck regardless of ASD or having her friends in the room videotaping it at a frat party. All women can be sluts, you just have to be the right guy to bring it out in them, and this happens before you go back to her place. If you have to plead your case cuddling and spooning on the bed or getting the occasional peck on the cheek, you need to go back to square one and start fresh.

 

[Latinoman]

I totally agree with Rollo.

 

[Jitterbug]

I used to believe their BS until I experience two things:

1: After all that waiting & blue balls, I finally got ze sex (yay!), and went "I waited all that time for this?" So not worth it.

2: I know some girls who would make certain guys they date wait for any intimacy, while fvcking some other guy on the side - because girls with plenty of options can only go for so long without getting some.

 

[Warrior74]

My buddy is getting drawn in by a nice 'church girl' who says she is saving herself for marriage. She obviously wants him as a boyfriend, (he's a known player), and he's slowly falling for it. She's basically asserting her dominace over him at a glaciers pace.

"Going slow" is code for "I want a relationship where I can be in control" in my opinion.

 

[joekerr31]

the SEX might not be worth the wait, but the relationship might.

how about following an even simplier rule. are you enjoying yourself with her? does she treat you right? do you guys 'click'?

if everything is good, then give it some time and see what happens.

 

[lordson]

^ i completely agree with joekerr31

she may want to make sure tgat shes making the right decision, and she wants a relationship. not a quick lust fvck

 

[Mr.Positive]

When a woman withholds sex, the best thing to do is withhold attention.

If things aren't progressing the way you want them to be, start focusing on some other women. This is exactly why we spin plates.

By all means, take things slow with her. You can still move fast with some other gals.

Sex really is a "relationship tryout" with a girl who takes things slow. Having patience can be a good thing!

 

[Latinoman]

the SEX might not be worth the wait, but the relationship might.

how about following an even simplier rule. are you enjoying yourself with her? does she treat you right? do you guys 'click'?

if everything is good, then give it some time and see what happens.

I don't disagree with that either. After all, I don't blame women for wanting to wait as there are a LOT of losers (males) out there.

But...I would say that after 3 weeks...or even 4 weeks...that's more than time enough to make her mind. She either has sex or becomes "friends". But dragging the "relationship" (and dates) without sex is pretty bad and expensive.

 

[Latinoman]

When a woman withholds sex, the best thing to do is withhold attention.

If things aren't progressing the way you want them to be, start focusing on some other women. This is exactly why we spin plates.

By all means, take things slow with her. You can still move fast with some other gals.

Sex really is a "relationship tryout" with a girl who takes things slow. Having patience can be a good thing!

Best advice by far.

 

[joekerr31]

I don't disagree with that either. After all, I don't blame women for wanting to wait as there are a LOT of losers (males) out there.

But...I would say that after 3 weeks...or even 4 weeks...that's more than time enough to make her mind. She either has sex or becomes "friends". But dragging the "relationship" (and dates) without sex is pretty bad and expensive.

ya, if you've been seeing each other regularly, clicking, having a good time, and after 3-4 weeks she still won't have sex with you then something is definitely wrong.

most of the time it will turn out that she has a penis

 

[guru1000]

It depends on what your goal is.

If you are looking for marriage material, I would say to definitely hold on.

95% of women will give it up between date 1-3. For a girl to make you wait, does not AUTOMATICALLY mean she has low IL. She may have grew up very traditional with alot of respect for herself and wants to make sure you are going to stick around. She may have had only 1 partner before as well. This COULD be a QUALITY girl.

Listen to no one but yourself on this one. I would PERSONALLY consider it an honor for a girl to make me wait. I would definitely respect her resistance.

 

[iqqi]

the SEX might not be worth the wait, but the relationship might.

how about following an even simplier rule. are you enjoying yourself with her? does she treat you right? do you guys 'click'?

if everything is good, then give it some time and see what happens.

Yup. Listen to Joekerr.

 

[reset]

Wow this is really different from the majority of what I've read here, and heard from friends. Maybe scarcity mentality. That, if you don't fvck her right away (or a couple dates), she will lose interest and see you as a girlfriend. That women sleep with men they like instantly, and the ones they don't, they make wait. That if they make you wait, they see you as a provider and not a lover. "Window of opportunity".

Interesting discussion though. I guess you have to follow your own internal compass on these things.

 

[Magma]

Of the small handfuls of times that I have encountered this dilemma, the cause was either one of two things:

1) Emotional/Psychological baggage
2) Just a good, wholesome girl

Regarding 1, the girls always seemed to be less than quality women (back in my AFC days when I would settle for less). There would always be some issue/hangup that prevented them from maintaining a healthy relationship, thus resulting in numerous failed short-term relationships. It was as if witholding sex was somehow a device used to try and connect with me on a "deeper level before giving it up. Perhaps, in their eyes, if they were connected to me more emotionally, that I would be more liable to stick around. At least that's my analysis, FWIW.

The other type of women that I mentioned were simply women who were wholesome girls and mostly wanted a LTR, and didn't want to casually date and bone. Quality women, but for me, it didn't work.

Witholding sex is a common tool that somem women use. WHY they use it is another matter.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

"Taking things slow" is covert communication for "I have other irons in the fire, and you're not the first best option."

This is the law of diminishing returns; at what point is the yield out-valued by the effort needed to produce it? If you allow yourself to be put into a holding pattern with a "take it slow" woman you will ALWAYS expend more effort than the reward yield if for no other reason than that you are ignoring other, potentially better, opportunities in exchange for your attention.

The "take it slow" methodology capitalizes on a guy's insecurity in that it automatically places him into a constant position of qualifying himself to the woman at the risk of his reputation. In other words, if he doesn't take it slow (i.e forces the issue, pleads his case too emphatically) OR he ejects altogether, he risks becoming who she "fears he really is", a Playah only interested in getting in her panties. However the converse of this is that he wastes his own resources (time, opportunity, attention, money) indefinitely while trying to negotiate desire. Ultimately, assuming there is one, the reward (sex) will never out-value the investment.

In most instances, a guy getting this response is one of multiple options she's entertaining at the time and will conveniently be dismissed if a higher value guy becomes viable for her (i.e. the hot guy in Cancun). In a way this "take it slow" contrivance is a similar, but more manipulative version of the LJBF rejection. In the TIS method there is an implied presumption that a guy "may" qualify for her intimacy IF he can prove himself to be patient and match her set of prerequisites. There is no presumption in an LJBF and the guy simply takes it upon himself that he can qualify if he can only plead his case well enough.

the SEX might not be worth the wait, but the relationship might.

Beware of this rationale, sex is the glue that holds an LTR together. Sex is an integral part of an LTR and if it is established from the outset that a woman's sexuality is conditional and a reward for desired behavior from a man rather than a mutual experience based on mutual desire, this LTR becomes fundamentally compromised.

 

[guru1000]

"Taking things slow" is covert communication for "I have other irons in the fire, and you're not the first best option."

This is the law of diminishing returns; at what point is the yield out-valued by the effort needed to produce it? If you allow yourself to be put into a holding pattern with a "take it slow" woman you will ALWAYS expend more effort than the reward yield if for no other reason than that you are ignoring other, potentially better, opportunities in exchange for your attention.

The "take it slow" methodology capitalizes on a guy's insecurity in that it automatically places him into a constant position of qualifying himself to the woman at the risk of his reputation. In other words, if he doesn't take it slow (i.e forces the issue, pleads his case too emphatically) OR he ejects altogether, he risks becoming who she "fears he really is", a Playah only interested in getting in her panties. However the converse of this is that he wastes his own resources (time, opportunity, attention, money) indefinitely while trying to negotiate desire. Ultimately, assuming there is one, the reward (sex) will never out-value the investment.

In most instances, a guy getting this response is one of multiple options she's entertaining at the time and will conveniently be dismissed if a higher value guy becomes viable for her (i.e. the hot guy in Cancun). In a way this "take it slow" contrivance is a similar, but more manipulative version of the LJBF rejection. In the TIS method there is an implied presumption that a guy "may" qualify for her intimacy IF he can prove himself to be patient and match her set of prerequisites. There is no presumption in an LJBF and the guy simply takes it upon himself that he can qualify if he can only plead his case well enough.



Beware of this rationale, sex is the glue that holds an LTR together. Sex is an integral part of an LTR and if it is established from the outset that a woman's sexuality is conditional and a reward for desired behavior from a man rather than a mutual experience based on mutual desire, this LTR becomes fundamentally compromised.

I agree with this in a general sense. But again, nothing is clearly black or white. There are exceptions to every generalization. The OP assuming he is not naive should KNOW if this girl is one of low IL or very traditional.

In one of my previous LTR's, the girl made me wait 5 weeks. She was very traditional with a very LIMITED past. This was a rarity being I seldom need to wait past 1-2 dates. She was also QUALITY, not in the sense of resistance, but in values.