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Subtle ways of showing interest

bat soup

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I've been experimenting with ways of showing interest in women that I have to interact with in public, such as waitresses and shop workers etc. I think in America "small talk" with these kinds of people happens naturally and people are generally quite chatty and think nothing of it, but for me it doesn't come naturally. I find I run out of things to say apart from maybe asking questions or remarking on something I noticed about her.

So I thought I'd ask the experts - what's a good thing to say to hot waitress to show interest without getting kicked out of the cafe or making things so awkward that you can never go back there? Along the same lines, what's a good test or whether or not she's interested or just being friendly as part of her job?
 

Lookatu

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Depends on the establishment and vibe(restaurant, tavern, bar, etc).

Just the other day, I commented to a waitress on her colorful watch and how it paired well with her hair. Find things that seem somewhat unique, cool, interesting on her to comment on and based on the response, you can go from there.

If you think you had good IOI's, you could always give her a nice tip and write your phone number and a comment on the receipt.
 

bat soup

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Depends on the establishment and vibe(restaurant, tavern, bar, etc).

Just the other day, I commented to a waitress on her colorful watch and how it paired well with her hair. Find things that seem somewhat unique, cool, interesting on her to comment on and based on the response, you can go from there.

If you think you had good IOI's, you could always give her a nice tip and write your phone number and a comment on the receipt.
I thought of that. Today a girl I like was wearing makeup and I commented that I almost didn't recognise her, but that she looked nice. Then she smiled and told me her name and I told her mine, but then I ordered my coffee and left, so I think I missed a chance to keep it going because at that moment I couldn't think of what else to say.

As for leaving my number on the receipt, I've tried that before but there are various ways that can go wrong. Unlike in the USA, here the waiters/waitresses aren't assigned specific tables and they seem to float around all over the place. One person comes to take your order, but someone else brings it to you and someone else again brings the bill. So if you leave your number, maybe a guy will pick it up. And sometimes girls can act stupid by saying "what's this" and showing waving it around in front of all of the other waiting staff. I'd rather avoid that, especially as this is a nice place that I'd like to come back to regardless. I actually work from home so I have a few different places I like to sit and work at - not everywhere is suitable. That's why I'm more cautious than usual - I don't want to create a bad atmosphere for myself.

Ideally, what I want to do is find out whether or not there is interest (beyond just curiosity or professional friendliness) without creating any awkwardness or drama.
 

Lookatu

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Then she smiled and told me her name and I told her mine, but then I ordered my coffee and left, so I think I missed a chance to keep it going because at that moment I couldn't think of what else to say.

Ideally, what I want to do is find out whether or not there is interest (beyond just curiosity or professional friendliness) without creating any awkwardness or drama.
Yes I think you could've chatted up her more if she responded favorably.

It's kind of tough in that situation as you said where it could just be professional courtesy due to her job. If it's a place you frequent, you may be better to play the long game and feed her little bread crumbs here and there each time until you establish a comfort level or an opportunity in conversation to suggest a meetup.

Just keep an eye out on how favorably she responds each time and how many convo's/questions SHE brings up. The more she starts these things, the better position you'll be in.
 

stringpuller

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I've been experimenting with ways of showing interest in women that I have to interact with in public, such as waitresses and shop workers etc. I think in America "small talk" with these kinds of people happens naturally and people are generally quite chatty and think nothing of it, but for me it doesn't come naturally. I find I run out of things to say apart from maybe asking questions or remarking on something I noticed about her.

So I thought I'd ask the experts - what's a good thing to say to hot waitress to show interest without getting kicked out of the cafe or making things so awkward that you can never go back there? Along the same lines, what's a good test or whether or not she's interested or just being friendly as part of her job?
These are low percentage oppertunities as a patron.
These women in the food/service industry are the toughest. They literally get it their whole shift.
If you do anything banter on how many times they get hit on in their shift. Or make fun of a screw up or her service in a fun way...
DO NOT compliment these types you will throw yourself right on the "the rest of the crowd plate" and will turn her stomach.
If she mentions after work she is going to to do such and such then MAYBE she might be opening the door but still not likely.
 

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bat soup

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These are low percentage oppertunities as a patron.
These women in the food/service industry are the toughest. They literally get it their whole shift.
If you do anything banter on how many times they get hit on in their shift. Or make fun of a screw up or her service in a fun way...
DO NOT compliment these types you will throw yourself right on the "the rest of the crowd plate" and will turn her stomach.
If she mentions after work she is going to to do such and such then MAYBE she might be opening the door but still not likely.
Yes, I imagine they do get hit on a lot since they're a lot more accessible than the average woman. This girl is quite friendly though - always smiling and so on, so I thought I'd give it a try if I get the chance. It's a place I go often to work anyway, so I'm sure I'll see her again.
 

Lookatu

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Yes, I imagine they do get hit on a lot since they're a lot more accessible than the average woman. This girl is quite friendly though - always smiling and so on, so I thought I'd give it a try if I get the chance. It's a place I go often to work anyway, so I'm sure I'll see her again.
What do you got to lose? Life is too short. Live it without regrets, especially the easy opportunities that require minimal investment.
 

bat soup

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Yes I think you could've chatted up her more if she responded favorably.

It's kind of tough in that situation as you said where it could just be professional courtesy due to her job. If it's a place you frequent, you may be better to play the long game and feed her little bread crumbs here and there each time until you establish a comfort level or an opportunity in conversation to suggest a meetup.

Just keep an eye out on how favorably she responds each time and how many convo's/questions SHE brings up. The more she starts these things, the better position you'll be in.
Yeah, I think i made a mistake by ordering, I just defaulted to that out of habit. I would have been better to ask her some questions about herself after she gave me her name and see if she reciprocated. You're right, though, it's hard to really know in these situations if someone's just being friendly and doing their job or if there is genuine interest.

I did feel like there was maybe some interest on her side, because she was that little bit more friendly than usual. At least today I broke the ice and next time we might get the chance to talk a bit more. I'll try asking her some stuff about herself and I'll see if she reciprocates, like you said, by asking me questions. From there, maybe I can find a pretext to give her my number and suggest doing something together.

Sometimes the subject of language can be useful for this, because some girls will try to talk to me in English and if they do this I can ask them where they learnt, are they students etc and they often ask me some questions back. Then I can say maybe we can practice together as I'm trying to learn their language...
 

stringpuller

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Yes, I imagine they do get hit on a lot since they're a lot more accessible than the average woman. This girl is quite friendly though - always smiling and so on, so I thought I'd give it a try if I get the chance. It's a place I go often to work anyway, so I'm sure I'll see her again.
Tease her mixed in with listening to what info she gives you. Good luck
 

bat soup

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What do you got to lose? Life is too short. Live it without regrets, especially the easy opportunities that require minimal investment.
Agreed. I feel like it would be a shame to miss the opportunity, even though I know it's a long shot. I'd rather get shot down than regret it later and wonder what if. Plus, even the fails are still a learning opportunity and a chance to practice.
 

RangerMIke

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You really have to have a lot of experience to know when a waitress is really flirting with you. Being nice is how they make money. But the only way you get this is to practice, if your gut tells you she is interested ask for her phone number then ask her out later if she doesn't just let your message go unanswered. Then you will know.... and every time you do this you will get a little better.

The only real way to show a woman you are interested in her is if you ask for her number... do that, and she knows you are interested. Truth is I really do not know how to be subtle... never really tried that. Get to the point quick. The only advice I would offer is wait until you are leaving and she knows you are leaving... If she says no, not a problem... leave her a bigger tip than you normally would, no hard feelings grateful that you are not going to waste any time with her.
 

BeExcellent

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Advice from the old lady:

Fortune favors the bold. Remember that. Don’t be subtle. Be bold. Be direct. You can be bold & direct and still be cool at the same time.

This accomplishes a number of things:

1. You’ll get a response and know where you stand without the need to Monday morning quarterback everything...

2. If you get rejected you get it out of the way (it won’t kill you and you need to kill your ego anyway)...

3. You’ll gain respect for being a masculine man who goes after what he wants win lose or draw...

4. Women like bold men. If she likes you she’ll respond well to boldness...but you gotta learn to get over fear.

Too many men approach from sideways like a timid cautious person. Trepidation isn’t sexy.

Figure out how to go for it in a way that suits your style & personality & just go for it...
 

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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In developing my mask game, made some observations:
Making eye contact for an extended period, it warrants an approach, because any hand gesture, any type of... Ressassurances looked for, once that eye contact is made, pointless, just go for it.
 

Visionist

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We don't really have the same issues in Europe as our waitresses don't expect to be tipped, and so when they're being really nice to you it's not necessarily a ploy.

Submissiveness is a clue a waitress (or any woman) likes you. I was getting a burger in Cannes with friends, all of whom are much more attractive and successful with women than me, but none of them speak English the way I do. Our waitress was a petite strawberry redhead, a cutie. She displayed all the signs of submissiveness towards me; smiling & giggling nervously, stumbling over her words when she came to my order. I teased her gently, and when we were leaving I talked to her a bit, put my arm around her as I did so. She was clearly enjoying it, but I didn't close. Didn't even ask her name.

Always Be Closing.
 

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bat soup

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You really have to have a lot of experience to know when a waitress is really flirting with you. Being nice is how they make money. But the only way you get this is to practice, if your gut tells you she is interested ask for her phone number then ask her out later if she doesn't just let your message go unanswered. Then you will know.... and every time you do this you will get a little better.

The only real way to show a woman you are interested in her is if you ask for her number... do that, and she knows you are interested. Truth is I really do not know how to be subtle... never really tried that. Get to the point quick. The only advice I would offer is wait until you are leaving and she knows you are leaving... If she says no, not a problem... leave her a bigger tip than you normally would, no hard feelings grateful that you are not going to waste any time with her.
As visionsist said, Europe is different to America. In the USA there's a very strong incentive for waiting staff (especially females) to be nice in order to get tips and some of them are extra friendly because of that, as a strategy. In the USA I always found it a bit startling when someone I don't know starts asking me my how my day is going. But the rest of the world that's not normally the case and in this country people almost never tip. The only times I've tipped is when I've been sitting there for 3 hours working and just had one coffee, so I left the equivalent of 10 cents.

On the subject of America and cultural differences, I was once in Las Vegas and a waitress chatted with me a bit, then gave me her telephone number and said we should "hook up" some time. I said "yeah, sure" but I never called her because I didn't have a lot of time there and I didn't realize what "hook up" meant. I thought it meant the same as hang out, like to get a coffee or something. Maybe it did mean that back then, I don't know.
 

RangerMIke

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As visionsist said, Europe is different to America. In the USA there's a very strong incentive for waiting staff (especially females) to be nice in order to get tips and some of them are extra friendly because of that, as a strategy.
When I lived in Europe for 4 years I got used to how wait staff operate. You need something you wave them over and they bring you what you want. When I got back to the USA, I had forgotten how fvcking aggravating wait staff in the US is. Always asking you how things are, it's like they come to you when it's convenient for them and if you don't tell them what you want when they grace you with their presence... well you missed your turn.... over familiar .... I really do hate it. I want the waitress to leave me and my company alone, just keep an eye on my table and if you see me waving you over... come. Instead they hover over you like a fly, but when you want them they are nowhere to be seen.
 

andreihaha

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My tip would be to move fast and be bold.
You see her for the first time, you make a move the same day. Or the second time. Otherwise you're gonna get in the friend zone, or client zone in this case. Eye contact followed by making your intentions clear should do the work as long as she's interested. But yeah, most waitresses are in a relationship. I can say that from experience.
 

stringpuller

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Advice from the old lady:

Fortune favors the bold. Remember that. Don’t be subtle. Be bold. Be direct. You can be bold & direct and still be cool at the same time.

This accomplishes a number of things:

1. You’ll get a response and know where you stand without the need to Monday morning quarterback everything...

2. If you get rejected you get it out of the way (it won’t kill you and you need to kill your ego anyway)...

3. You’ll gain respect for being a masculine man who goes after what he wants win lose or draw...

4. Women like bold men. If she likes you she’ll respond well to boldness...but you gotta learn to get over fear.

Too many men approach from sideways like a timid cautious person. Trepidation isn’t sexy.

Figure out how to go for it in a way that suits your style & personality & just go for it...
Boldness does get the job done at times on these women.
My sarcasm came from the idea that telling a non confident guy to just be bold and ask for a batistas number just causes more awkward anxiety.

So the reason I have mentioned approachanxiety.com in past posts. Its a toe in water type of approach for the guys who cant just say. "Whats your number i want to contact you"
 

Lookatu

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I agree with the above suggestions on being bold. That would be my preference too but I'm not sure if OP goes there regularly thus my suggestion for tip toe'ing and approaching with a bit caution. I know the last thing I would want is to face the same waitress at my favorite joint and have her look at me as being creepy and awkward everytime I go there. On the other hand if this is not his regular joint and he can always go to alternate places, I think he should absolutely be bold with the number close.

The best approach for any situation is to be able to be bold but calibrated as well. Lot of guys have always struggled with the calibration part.
 
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