I picked this article up in my readings, thought it might apply to your situation:
Holding Out for a Hero
Women, even the most independent of heterosexual women, tend
to respond very, very powerfully to a primitive archetype: the powerful man. When women get involved with men they don’t view as “powerful”— when they date “nice guys” and “good providers,” it’s often because they’ve been hurt by guys they’ve found more exciting. And that fantasy of the powerful, exciting man is almost always latent, and therefore something you can tap into.
Mr. Powerful is the guy you find in romance novels. Of course, in
romance novels he’s always rich and handsome, tall of stature, deep of
voice, and broad of shoulder, but those, for our purposes, aren’t his most important attributes. The important attributes are products of belief and behavior, and therefore, things you can adopt and demonstrate, in a way that excites the women you meet.
What are the attributes of the powerful man?
First, independence.
The hero doesn’t need her. Moreover, he frequently rejects her in subtle ways. He often leans away from her and moves away from her, out of arm’s reach. His body language, facial expression, and vocal tone frequently deliver nonverbal messages of “I don’t need you; you need me” or “You’re not important” or “You’re not good enough” or “You’re disappointing me.”
Second, the hero has plans and objectives, a path he’s chosen for
himself. These things don’t center around her. As far as the hero is
concerned, she can stay or go. Whatever she does or thinks or feels won’t sway him from his path. If she’s really, really lucky—if she proves again and again how worthy she is—maybe he will let her have a place in his life.But she will never be the center of his life.
Third, the hero is determined. The hero knows what he’s doing,
knows where he’s going, and goes after what he wants until he gets it.
Nothing sways him, and he doesn’t ***** or whine about mistakes or errors.
Make it absolutely clear that your aims are the only things that really matterto you.
Fourth, the hero is greater and more special than she is—he
doesn’t put her on a pedestal; instead, he occasionally lifts her up to his pedestal, and usually just allows her to fantasize him doing it. The rule is this: He must always demonstrate that he regards himself and his aims as more important than her aims and her needs. While women love intimacy,when it comes to love, they usually want intimacy with someone they see as greater, rather than someone they see as a mere equal.
Fifth, he challenges her. In practice, this sometimes means
undermining her confidence--and as we’ve mentioned, when you do this,
when you subtly or not so subtly reject or downgrade her, she’ll often find it stimulating and energizing. Use the following formulas: “Too bad you aren’t/don’t X” and “If only you were/could X”.
When you challenge her or criticize her, she’ll often become
motivated to prove her worthiness. You should occasionally point out her shortcomings, and most importantly, contemptuously point out her behavior when she tries to play games.
You can also be challenging by being a) volcanic and/or b) remote.
To achieve the effect of Amorous Vulcanism, you should raise your voice, make melodramatic physical gestures, be impatient, smolder, glower.
Occasionally act very angry. Your intensity will reinforce her sense that, in being with you, she’s part of something exciting.
To be remote, use silence a great deal. Silence, in combination with
eye contact, is very powerful. After you deliver a script, make eye contact and hold it silently—this will usually encourage her to process what you’ve said even more thoroughly. Also, don’t talk about yourself very much, except in relation to your plans and your objectives.
Your silence lets her project her romantic fantasies all the more thoroughly. Don’t talk about your doubts or errors. Silence can have the cruel but useful effect of heightening her anxieties. And in worrying about whether she’s about to lose you, she sees your value grow. And in seeing your value grow, she feels prouder of the relationship and more fulfilled.
Perhaps the best approach is to alternate Angry Intensity with Cold
Inaccessibility. These behaviors, of course, are the sticks—the carrots, which should form the basis of your relationship, are the good feelings you create through regular verbal stimulation. As much as possible, say only things that will induce strong states in her—induce strong positive feelings, negative feelings, positive feelings—and not much else.
Pump up her emotions, and then give her lots of silence. Ignore her. When you do venture something personal or reveal vulnerability, it’ll seem like a reward, and a mark of how Deep your relationship is becoming.
Bear in mind, though, that when women complain about a lack of
communication, they’re usually upset at the lack of pleasurable verbal
stimulation—that is, the lack of those kinds of experiences which this report has taught you to create. When you provide regular verbal stimulation and feed her plenty of bubblewords, “communication” will seldom be an issue.
One might think: Hey, you’ve pretty much just recommended
behaving like a Neanderthal.
Yes. Bear in mind that if you ask a woman about the sort of behaviors
described above, she’ll almost surely describe them as reprehensible and very unattractive. What does she like? Well, she’ll probably say, she really likes nice, patient, respectful, loyal guys who treat her really well…
On the other hand, if you simply manifest the sort of behaviors
described above, she’ll tell all her friends what an exciting guy she’s met.
Review
Women find you more attractive when you display the following attributes:
1. Independence. You don’t need her; she needs you.
2. Focus. Your goals are more important than anything else, including her.
3. Determination. You persist in the face of obstacles.
4. Superiority (to her and others). You’re the elusive prize; she should feel
that not losing you is a challenge in itself.
5. Alternating Intensity and Coolness. On occasion, be rude, challenging,
provocative, and/or frustrating—it’s much better to piss her off than to
bore her.
