Strange women behaviour once they're settled in a LTR

[jhonny9546]

Hi guys! One thing has always intrigued me about my mother and father's relationship, and that's my mother's behavior.

Let me explain.

It happens when my father comes home and goes to the bathroom. He never locks the door.
Then my mother comes in and I hear them talking. In 90% of cases, my mother has come in to scold or question my father about something he's done, where he's been, or if he's spent any money.
The conversation always continues with her saying she "understood everything" and that he's "hiding something."
For example, my father goes out shopping and comes back and goes to the bathroom.
Then she goes to the bathroom and says, "You had 20 euros, you spent 10, but you brought back 5," and my father will then tell where he spent the other 5 euros. Then she'll start saying, "I think you played the scratch-off game, you didn't buy car oil with it," and she'll then insist, but he will tell her not to bother him please.

Ninety percent of the time, my dad is telling the truth and in this case he really did buy car oil, but my mother has to leave the bathroom convinced "he spent it on something else".


In short, this almost always happens when my dad goes to the bathroom, she's there scolding him about something.
Or, not that the bathroom is a fixed place, it happens in other areas of the house too. (But like she use that as aprivate room to talk).
My mother is convinced my dad is hiding something from her, so she scolds him, saying, "She knows what he's doing/hiding"

Now, I notice this in other relationships too.
The woman stays assiduously close to the man when he returns, as if she needs to interact with him or needs to be there to annoy him.
She always has to remind him of something he's forgotten or make sure of something else.
How is this behavior defined? What does it depend on?
It seems anything but healthy to me. What do you think?

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Sounds like you dad lost frame at some point

 

[Travel memoir21]

Dr. Suave is right. Im not familiar with your culture but a lot of Latina and Filipina women are like this with their significant other. They’ve got a suspicious, paranoid emotion towards their Man at times. You just want to lean back, relax and open a cold Corona and accept that a lot of women are going to act like this and it’s up to you to choose wisely. Part of growing up as a Man is learning to be the calm peaceful force and inner stability in a woman’s life, so when she’s showing these symptoms, you calmly redirect that energy into something positive. It’s a process, we all make mistakes when it comes to this, that’s where things and activities like being sexually disciplined, staying pure and not looking at porn or anything degrading comes in, you want to be in a relax peaceful mindset spiritually where you can calmy lead your woman.

 

[plumber]

its a control move. conscious or instinct. result is the same.

lost frame, yes. or never had it.

what she is doing.. keeping emotional control.

what he should do. lock the bathroom door when i goes in and do not allow the ambush. this will also happen in a car ride or any other time it is difficult to walk away. he should ignore and not respond or respond once and disengage. she is frame the topic about his behavior in a negative emotional way. very very bad for him.

its clear emotional dominance. some version of this situation occurs for millions of men. it is a boundary violation or dominance attack.

she does not care that much about the money, the point is to keep emotional control of him.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

This is what happens when the weird guy in the white hat over in the Vatican tells women their pussies are holy.

Dr. Suave is right. Im not familiar with your culture but a lot of Latina and Filipina women are like this with their significant other. They’ve got a suspicious, paranoid emotion towards their Man at times. You just want to lean back, relax and open a cold Corona and accept that a lot of women are going to act like this and it’s up to you to choose wisely. Part of growing up as a Man is learning to be the calm peaceful force and inner stability in a woman’s life, so when she’s showing these symptoms, you calmly redirect that energy into something positive. It’s a process, we all make mistakes when it comes to this, that’s where things and activities like being sexually disciplined, staying pure and not looking at porn or anything degrading comes in, you want to be in a relax peaceful mindset spiritually where you can calmy lead your woman.

Gee, Italian, Filipina and Latina women, I wonder what the common denominator is?

LMAO

 

[Gamisch]

It's what happens eventually. There's this extremely interesting phase in LTRS where respect is lost but yet two people decide to stay.

What comes after that is what you're witnessing. Some call it true love. Arguably there indeed is a huge component of love and detachment involved.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi jhonny,
Never experienced anything like that,but we never suspect in others that which we have not contemplated doing ourselves!

 

[jhonny9546]

They've got a suspicious, paranoid emotion towards their Man at times. You just want to lean back, relax and open a cold Corona and accept that a lot of women are going to act like this and it's up to you to choose wisely. Part of growing up as a Man is learning to be the calm peaceful force and inner stability in a woman's life, so when she's showing these symptoms, you calmly redirect that energy into something positive

the point is to keep emotional control of him.

Ok, a contradiction.
Will she come to you and scold you to thank you for the effort you put into the relationship?
Guys, come on, let's look at it from the man's perspective: there's nothing positive about this.
At this point, it's not your job to save her from her complaints.

From my personal perspective, you should just make a rough sketch once or twice, then give her the ultimatum, and if she doesn't agree, then it's best to separate. (And never look back, because these are the kind of women who "follow" you.)
If a woman doesn't recognize her man's commitments enough to get to this point, then she's not worthy of his commitment to her.

There's this extremely interesting phase in LTRS where respect is lost, but yet two people decide to stay.

What comes after that is what you're witnessing. Some call it true love. Arguably, there is indeed a huge component of love and detachment involved.

This is actually when you see people going toxic and getting ill, trauma bonding, etc..

Never experienced anything like that

This sounds interesting, so as I suspected, there are men here who actually never had to deal with this. I wonder if this is a duration issue? Have you been in LTR or STR?

Lastly, I want to thank anyone coming here and sharing their experiences!

 

[plumber]

Ok, a contradiction.
Will she come to you and scold you to thank you for the effort you put into the relationship?
Guys, come on, let's look at it from the man's perspective: there's nothing positive about this.
At this point, it's not your job to save her from her complaints.

From my personal perspective, you should just make a rough sketch once or twice, then give her the ultimatum, and if she doesn't agree, then it's best to separate. (And never look back, because these are the kind of women who "follow" you.)
If a woman doesn't recognize her man's commitments enough to get to this point, then she's not worthy of his commitment to her.



This is actually when you see people going toxic and getting ill, trauma bonding, etc..





This sounds interesting, so as I suspected, there are men here who actually never had to deal with this. I wonder if this is a duration issue? Have you been in LTR or STR?

Lastly, I want to thank anyone coming here and sharing their experiences!

not all men will get this problem. some men have natural built in defense that stops or doesn't let it ever start. the topic or point is how to teach the men with the problem what the other men do to handle it. the gatcha is the men that handle it don't know either, it just is.... in fact.... its not something that can be taught.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Ninety percent of the time, my dad is telling the truth...

That still leaves 10% that your pops is hiding... Which is ANYTTHING BUT insignificant. A union where partners are unable to share basic intel, without fear of things going off the rails, is weaker than a guy named Muhammad's chances of being elected president of The United States, at some point in the coming century


*Fair inference: Your mum is also likely hiding her fair share of things

 

[BaronOfHair]

There's this extremely interesting phase in LTRS where respect is lost but yet two people decide to stay.

Once this

occurs, most folks have neither the courage or perspacacity to end things, move onto the next adventure. Same way most are dissatisfied in their current careers, yet realize:


"Addressing this will bring about momentary discomfort... I'll have to engage in an ounce of self-reflection, ask myself "What would I prefer to do instead?", "Are my desires practical or/and sane?", "If not, what are some more viable goals to pursue?" I'll probably have to acquire new and different skills, alter my current beliefs in some way, etc etc. Therefore, I'm going to instead manufacture justifications for NOT rectifying the circumstances I'm less than thrilled with, behave passive aggressively/perhaps become outright abusive to my subordinates and immediate family, + Gripe about things like the government and immigrants, rather than holding up a mirror to myself

I've prioritized avoiding discomfort at all costs over getting my needs and desires met"