Strange oneidis, any advice?

Frozen799

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Hi All,

First a bit about myself, i am in my late twenties, good looking, fit, regular gym goer and in general with out coming personality, if i would rate myself will be between 8/9. Currently i am focused on my studies and I try to ignore women as they have been major distraction to me in the past, and even if someone is putting herself in my orbit i try to avoid any escalations.

The story itself and why it's a very strange to me personally.
Starting my studies which are 4 hours a day/ monday-friday, everything went good, after 2 months i am starting to get close with the colleagues and a particular girl with whom we share a cab when leaving the camp. After few weeks she basically invites herself to my birthday, and i notice her attraction level towards me , not to mention questions about boyfriends, what do you do and etc. We went few other times in mixed companies, had a good time, but didn't hook up, i presumed it's due to the social credibility. After some time i decided to give it a shot as I grew fond of her, and started to pay much more attention to her, i invited her out and she willingly accepted. We hooked-up, ended at my place, but didn't escalate further as she blocked all of my advances. Everything went smoothly and we had few more dates, at which point I was told that due to some reasons (realistic ones, i prefer not to disclose them) she will not be able to have sex in the next few months. To which i responded that it might be an issue, but let's see how it goes. After few other dates, she suddenly started backing off, and getting cold, not texting me as before and not engaging in conversations and etc. I did try to make a date 2-3 times, which were all rejected without any suggestions to postpone, and on the last attempt she let me know that at the current moment of her life she is really busy and wants to focus on her studies.(basically telling me to stop pursuing and to leave her alone, most probably because i over pursued and invited her on 3 dates in 2 weeks, without getting any positive reply.). To which i replied that it's fine and if she wants to grab a drink sometime, to give me a call. that was about 2 weeks ago. After that we didn't have any communication outside the campus itself, and i am playing it cool, as much as it didn't affect me in any way, not ignoring her, but short chit chats if we are meeting somewhere around the campus, but I am not going out of my way to specifically initiate any contact. Had a hookup with another chick from campus, but didn't get in touch with her, funny story she knew what was going on between me and the first girl, what will be the effect of that?


The funny part to me is that I have been and I can get better women than her, yet still apparently i emotionally invested myself into this too much. The stupid story starts to have affect on my studies and i am wondering what the **** is happening to me. I have other chicks circling around, but maybe the fact that she blew me off in such a way, made a huge obsession in me. I consider myself a semi red pilled man, with medium understanding of women and how they function. I know that it's no use to wonder what might have changed suddenly her behavior as it might be endless of possibilities, but yet I feel emotionally drained and ****ed up. I am not sure if I should made another move, just to get totally rejected or next her? (except the small chit chats) Not sure what to do now, as my ****ed up ego and investments are hurting and hoping that in few weeks she will get in touch with me. The other strange thing is that I didn't even fkd her, yet i am so invested how is that ****ing possible? Should I get out and get as much other chicks as I can? What would you do in this situation?
 

oldmanofthesea

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This subject comes up a lot. Read the forums here and you'll see. Rejection causes you to perceive something as higher value than it actually is. We all want what we can't have. If we are insecure, it can also trigger our insecurities because we feel the other person has made a judgement of our value as a person, and for whatever reason, we tend to believe that judgement as accurate and mattering more than all the hundreds of people or women who like and want us. We want to be wanted, but not by anyone, we only REALLY care about being wanted by people we consider high-value to us. So a woman rejecting you is a double-whammy. First, her value increases in your eyes due to the rejection, and second, because she's high value to you, you put more weight into the rejection, causing you to feel worse, and causing you to brush off the successes you have with other women.

You already know you over pursued her. Don't go back. If she comes back to you, there is a 99% chance it's just to see if she still has you on the hook for her own validation, and once you give her that gift, she will dump you again. You must move on, and never look back. Be polite if you see her, but brief, and do not give her any validation.
 

Julian

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she took frame

invited herself to your bday (FAIL) would not invite new chick to personal bday party. dont even know this chick..desperate move on your end.

you had mixed company dates (FAIL) never take a chick on a group date thats just dummi.

then she mentioned sex and u said it would be an issue (FAIL). should have said some smooth lingo like "dang is sex all you think about it? ;)" then move on with the convo.

also if its this easy for a chick to take over your life and make you write all this crap u need to re eval your priorities in life and geta little more alpha.
 

Frozen799

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@Julian,

1. disagree, it was sloppy texted, the invite was also on my part.
2. I said we went out together with mixed companies, not that those were dates, the dates came after i noticed the attraction.
3. You are correct here, bad move.

I am sure about the 95 % of the things i messed up and I could have made better, the funny part to me is what oldmanofthesea described, never felt in such a way before like a total *****.
 

Robert28

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Hell I still get oneitis every now and then. I’ll date about 10-20 women and feel nothing, then one particular girl comes along and it’s like I forget everything I learned and completely change and I fvck up every single tome and get friend zoned or dumped or both. Why I don’t know, thank God it’s not consistent though or I really would be in a mess. I’ve only developed serious oneitis for 2 girls since 2006, dated one for awhile and the other I never officially dated but she friend zoned me. I made some of that dummest mistakes with both women that I never make with others. It got in my head so bad that I just kept making mistake after mistake. However the next girl that came along I was right back to normal and success came easy. Weird.
 

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EyeOnThePrize

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Same here. No problem with chicks but then one will grow on me and I'll catch some feelings and stop looking at things rationally and maturely. I have a theory and I read something similar in another thread.

Those one-itis cases are when you revert back to a child like mentality of treating your girl like your mom. You think she'll love you even if you get complacent and so you do. you neglect yourself for her because she should take care of you. It's super flawed and childish thinking.

In reality we should be practicing to be fathers (if you're in a LTR and are thinking maybe kids down the road), which means being responsible emotionally and self sufficient. Inspiring our partners through the example of our own actions. Sure of ourselves and calling out our partner when something seems wrong. Being willing to walk if they don't want to work on things. It may seem like the harder, more boring, lamer option at first, but its actually the most fulfilling option. The hardest challenges bear the greatest fruits. Practicing being the mature father is what preps you for raising a family. Holding your frame eventually means holding it up not only to your SO but also to your kids, who you will be your greatest students and biggest fans. You will mold a family from your frame, that's why it's so important to never break it. One-itis is a regression imo, not a progression. If you start a family and are scared to leave your SO, you'll have a dysfunctional relationship and if your woman won't listen then your kids definitely won't.

The constitution and mental fortitude it requires to hold frame and self improve in the face of this monumental challenge scares the **** out of a lot of guys, thus **** relationships where the woman is unhappy and pissy, divorces, unstable kids, dysfunctional families. The woman wants kids but is driving when she shouldn't be, and is pissy as a result. Or the man caves frame and neglects his responsibilities.

Rollo says compromise is necessary for LTR and families to work, and it makes sense. So not only do you have to maintain frame and be responsible, you have to be open to new possibilities and options, which is kind of paradoxical and a hard balance. Anyway point is that one-itis is a useless lazy cop out from having the balls to run your own life.
 
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