Stranded girl asked me for help

GrowingPains

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corrector

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Skimmed 1st and 4th page. That doesn't seem to be the case. They said approach and told you how not to be creepy. Sounds like a green light to me.



How many women have you approached in the past month? How many women, also in the past month, have you wanted to approach and not done it because you hesitated/made up an excuse?
It is a catch-22. You can only make a non creepy approach if a girl is attracted to you in the first place otherwise it will be creepy no matter how you approach. Normally you would look for some non verbal social cues, at minimum, to see if it is okay to approach. (Ie there is an eye contact thread. If you get -1.level feedback you will not approach).

The real question is how many girls look inviting enough for me to feel like they want me to approach them and I am holding back who is not a cashier? None to my knowledge. Obviously it would be creepy to approach someone who does not want me to approach them.
 

GrowingPains

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It is a catch-22. You can only make a non creepy approach if a girl is attracted to you in the first place otherwise it will be creepy no matter how you approach. Normally you would look for some non verbal social cues, at minimum, to see if it is okay to approach. (Ie there is an eye contact thread. If you get -1.level feedback you will not approach).

The real question is how many girls look inviting enough for me to feel like they want me to approach them and I am holding back who is not a cashier? None to my knowledge. Obviously it would be creepy to approach someone who does not want me to approach them.
So instead of answering my question by saying 'none' you rephrased it to protect your ego. Why?

You will never know if a woman wants you to talk to her unless you talk to her. It's really that simple. They can eye fvck you and still not want you to talk to them. Mixed signals are a thing. You cannot rely on this, especially in the place you're at. You need to be approaching simply to get out of your own head. Then you'll be approaching to potentially get numbers. Then you'll be approaching because you notice choosing signals. It is a process. And you are limiting yourself by not even starting. Everything you say stops the ball from rolling, this is where your choices and perspective are making you think you're an incel. No one is an incel. Everyone who is categorized as such is volcel and has the ability to change it.

Change your mindset, change your life.
 

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So instead of answering my question by saying 'none' you rephrased it to protect your ego. Why?
I thought I was paraphrasing your question.

GrowingPains said:
You will never know if a woman wants you to talk to her unless you talk to her. It's really that simple. They can eye fvck you and still not want you to talk to them. Mixed signals are a thing. You cannot rely on this, especially in the place you're at. You need to be approaching simply to get out of your own head.
I must have done some approaches but must have forgot. Lets see, I approached an older Asian lady who was waiting in line at the bank and commented on her uniform and engaged in conversation about her about the TTC subway (she was a subway operator). She was called as next in line and she left to deal with her business. So...one approach there. That probably happened in the past month.

GrowingPains said:
Then you'll be approaching to potentially get numbers. Then you'll be approaching because you notice choosing signals. It is a process. And you are limiting yourself by not even starting. Everything you say stops the ball from rolling, this is where your choices and perspective are making you think you're an incel. No one is an incel. Everyone who is categorized as such is volcel and has the ability to change it.
There are more definitions then the classical trucel definition. I never said I was trucel/incel, but more like nearcel/incel. Nearcel is not volcel, it means "near incel" or very close to incel, or blurry or feels like. If you create a spectrum towards incel in one end and "Chad/Volcel" in the other end, then I think my characterization on here would probably be closer to the incel point. I'll never say I'm exactly on the incel point because I got married and divorced in the past, and had a girlfriend-relationship in the past, and kissed and had sex with a woman and this was all a natural thing. Therefore, with a past like the one I have, I can never claim to be a truecel/incel.

As others have pointed out, the problem with nearcels is that you can not replicate the experience and are sort of left stranded in an eternal dry spell once the relationship/marriage or whatever dissolves and are back to square one and in space.
 

GrowingPains

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I thought I was paraphrasing your question.



I must have done some approaches but must have forgot. Lets see, I approached an older Asian lady who was waiting in line at the bank and commented on her uniform and engaged in conversation about her about the TTC subway (she was a subway operator). She was called as next in line and she left to deal with her business. So...one approach there. That probably happened in the past month.



There are more definitions then the classical trucel definition. I never said I was trucel/incel, but more like nearcel/incel. Nearcel is not volcel, it means "near incel" or very close to incel, or blurry or feels like. If you create a spectrum towards incel in one end and "Chad/Volcel" in the other end, then I think my characterization on here would probably be closer to the incel point. I'll never say I'm exactly on the incel point because I got married and divorced in the past, and had a girlfriend-relationship in the past, and kissed and had sex with a woman and this was all a natural thing. Therefore, with a past like the one I have, I can never claim to be a truecel/incel.

As others have pointed out, the problem with nearcels is that you can not replicate the experience and are sort of left stranded in an eternal dry spell once the relationship/marriage or whatever dissolves and are back to square one and in space.
I think your focus on the definitions is causing you to miss my point..

By natural you mean they happened with little effort and you not having to force yourself outside of your comfort zone?

You want/need more interactions with women. Yet you are not taking actions to create them. That's problem with every 'x'-cel. Whining but no action. There's your answer. Take action.
 
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I think your focus on the definitions is causing you to miss my point..

By natural you mean they happened with little effort and you not having to force yourself outside of your comfort zone?
By natural, it means I did not pay a woman. Some incels have only paid to get intimate, and apart from paying for it they have no hope to be intimate with anyone unless they pay for it. They are called escortcels.

Going into further layer, the two relationships occurred by a couple of flukes. One of them was someone I met online, or via online dating. I was getting rejected by everyone on there but just got a break with her and it developed into something that year before collapsing. The second one my father initiated a conversation with my ex-wife's mother and the pair came near our table. I look at both of them as flukes, or "incel-breaks", the foundations were too unstable for a longer than 9 month relationship.

GrowingPains said:
You want/need more interactions with women. Yet you are not taking actions to create them. That's problem with every 'x'-cel. Whining but no action. There's your answer. Take action.
Seriously there are allot of threads around saying cold approaching is one of the worst ways to meet women, or that unless you have solid looks, that you just really have social circle game to work with, if at that.

The issue is when there is advice given to incels, but when you look feedbacks from average guys who are failing during cold approaches, or average guys using online dating and then making pathetic threads about cratered SMV post-wall women and pining over them, it doesn't really sound very inspiring to me. It's like if it has to be that bad then what's the point.

However, I get the issue that trying, even if you try and fail, sounds like a more worthy narrative coming from me. It at least does leave a serious plot-hole if there is only one approach of an elderly Asian woman in the past month. But it's still one for the record. I like the actress from Killing Eve, I think Sarah Oh or something, there so I think she may have looked a bit like her.
 

rando5495

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Don't cold approach. It can be harsh. Take smaller steps.

Join some social circles through meet up groups and the like.
 

GrowingPains

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By natural, it means I did not pay a woman. Some incels have only paid to get intimate, and apart from paying for it they have no hope to be intimate with anyone unless they pay for it. They are called escortcels.

Going into further layer, the two relationships occurred by a couple of flukes. One of them was someone I met online, or via online dating. I was getting rejected by everyone on there but just got a break with her and it developed into something that year before collapsing. The second one my father initiated a conversation with my ex-wife's mother and the pair came near our table. I look at both of them as flukes, or "incel-breaks", the foundations were too unstable for a longer than 9 month relationship.



Seriously there are allot of threads around saying cold approaching is one of the worst ways to meet women, or that unless you have solid looks, that you just really have social circle game to work with, if at that.

The issue is when there is advice given to incels, but when you look feedbacks from average guys who are failing during cold approaches, or average guys using online dating and then making pathetic threads about cratered SMV post-wall women and pining over them, it doesn't really sound very inspiring to me. It's like if it has to be that bad then what's the point.

However, I get the issue that trying, even if you try and fail, sounds like a more worthy narrative coming from me. It at least does leave a serious plot-hole if there is only one approach of an elderly Asian woman in the past month. But it's still one for the record. I like the actress from Killing Eve, I think Sarah Oh or something, there so I think she may have looked a bit like her.
Bro... This is how the world works. You will find few women who you connect with. The same way every person you meet is not going to end up being a friend. Or even a best friend. So if that's the case, why would adding the factor of attraction into the equation make the odds any different? It should only make it harder. You should expect this. And accept this.

I don't care about the incel point anymore. I care about the fact that you just keep making points that serve as excuses to why you can't change your situation.

You say there's tons of threads of people on the internet saying approaching is hard/bad/whatever. I interpret that as 'there are tons of threads where people are b1tching about their circumstances'. You need to do SOMETHING to change your circumstance. A rock isn't just going to suddenly move one day. Yet you've offered me nothing in regard to how you plan to change.

You asked what I suggest. But I think it will mean more if you come up with them yourself. If the next post reads like an excuse or you beating around the bush rather than you taking responsibility for how things are going then I'm not responding again.

I will even help you out with an example. "I'm not getting opportunities to interact with women because I don't create them. I am not satisfied with the quality of the women I attached but I don't do anything to improve my character and appearance which will attract more quality women". Damn I gave you two, see my two and raise me 4.
 

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Yet you've offered me nothing in regard to how you plan to change.
I think I hinted at social circles and that is also the consensus opinion on here.

GrowingPains said:
You asked what I suggest. But I think it will mean more if you come up with them yourself.
Fair enough. I assume you were talking about cold approaching the way your posts are sounding.

GrowingPains said:
If the next post reads like an excuse or you beating around the bush rather than you taking responsibility for how things are going then I'm not responding again.
I will even help you out with an example. "I'm not getting opportunities to interact with women because I don't create them. I am not satisfied with the quality of the women I attached but I don't do anything to improve my character and appearance which will attract more quality women". Damn I gave you two, see my two and raise me 4.
I'm not talking to a women inside a cinema about a movie that just played because I watch movies at home rather than visit the cinema and watch them there. I'm not talking to women at church because I'm not part of any small group and I just leave with my folks and get out of there because socializing is too high energy for my low energy self. You mean like that?
 
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GrowingPains

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I'm not talking to a women inside a cinema about a movie that just played because I watch movies at home rather than visit the cinema and watch them there. I'm not talking to women at church because I'm not part of any small group and I just leave with my folks and get out of there because socializing is too high energy for my low energy self. You mean like that?
The way you answer is like you're not willing to take any responsibility or able to come up with the idea that maybe you should take some initiative and make an effort to do something different. To you, you just 'are the way you are' and the world isn't rewarding you for it as it should.

And I don't see how any man can come to this forum and still have that mindset having been here for 10 years.

It doesn't make sense. SoSuave is about making yourself the best you can be and yet there are so many unwilling to change. Or seeing why it's necessary. It's mind-blowing.

Good luck man, I guess it just comes back to the fact that you can't help others unless they want to be helped. I don't have anymore to say, it's all there.
 

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I will even help you out with an example. "I'm not getting opportunities to interact with women because I don't create them. I am not satisfied with the quality of the women I attached but I don't do anything to improve my character and appearance which will attract more quality women". Damn I gave you two, see my two and raise me 4.
What the fvck are you talking about here then? You brought up a challenge, I replied to this and you come up with B.S.

No one else are liking your lame-a$$ posts because you are offering no helpful advice.
 
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rando5495

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You say there's tons of threads of people on the internet saying approaching is hard/bad/whatever. I interpret that as 'there are tons of threads where people are b1tching about their circumstances'.
Then you interpret it dead wrong.

I can understand that you have got into approaching or whatever and are passionate about it. But your insistence that he sarge, and your given ultimatum are very misplaced. Check yourself and relax.

Fellow should be building up his confidence more naturally with people. Social-circle.
 

GrowingPains

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Then you interpret it dead wrong.

I can understand that you have got into approaching or whatever and are passionate about it. But your insistence that he sarge, and your given ultimatum are very misplaced. Check yourself and relax.

Fellow should be building up his confidence more naturally with people. Social-circle.
I'm not passionate about pickup. I said nothing about him sarging. And actually, I don't recall saying anything explicitly telling him to cold approach.

My angle is that OP needs to take responsibility for the fact that he's not going beyond his daily routine, which clearly isn't working, and creating opportunities to meet women. Everything he says in response is an excuse for not taking action or blaming external things for his situation.

It's a really simple three step process.

1. Admit the issue.
2. Figure out ways to start interacting with women.
3. Do it.
 

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About a week ago a collage-aged lady (as it appeared) approached me just after I got in my car and asked me if I could take her to a city that was about a half hour - 45 minutes away. I offered her $ 20 instead. She had this cold/flu and had a big set of tissue and was sneezing and looked like she had a nasty head-cold. When I asked her about her taking the bus, she said she had convulsions inside the bus coming down. I also had a bike inside the car which took most of the area.

Now a week or so has passed and I'm still thinking about this lady and think maybe I should have let her inside the car or given her $ 40 instead and think this is a case of being girl-starved that even a lady like that would look appealing. (i.e. she was willing to give her contact information so I could collect the $20 back but I refused). I'm just thinking, how girl-starved do you have to be to remember a strange encounter like that a week or so later? Did I actually like that girl and wanted friendship with her or do I just feel sorry for her after the fact and didn't think I did enough at the time (yeah, in the age of hypergamy it's hard to imagine a stranded girl could exist who wants to ride in your car, as there would be ten desperate guys worst then me drooling to give her a ride, right)?
Her man was peeking around the corner, looking at your stupid azz.
Forgive me if I offend you, if you want to give the money is ok, but don't get attached.
 
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rando5495

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I'm not passionate about pickup. I said nothing about him sarging. And actually, I don't recall saying anything explicitly telling him to cold approach.
Despise this sort of semantics.....

You need to be approaching simply to get out of your own head. Then you'll be approaching to potentially get numbers.
They said approach and told you how not to be creepy
How many women have you approached in the past month? How many women, also in the past month, have you wanted to approach and not done it because you hesitated/made up an excuse?
And so on.


My angle is that OP needs to take responsibility for the fact that he's not going beyond his daily routine, which clearly isn't working, and creating opportunities to meet women.
I think when you give strangers on the internet ultimatums for speaking to them, it goes beyond that into your own ego. Doing what's best for yourself rather than the next guy.

He should not be cold approaching, quite f.ucking clearly not.
 

Suave88

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Why didn't she ask for money? This wouldn't have made it in the news if she did that. It's the ride part that has me stumped.

But let us assume that she was a prostitute or is open to trading sex for cash if she's in a jam. Unless I get intimate with her how does that change anything else in the equation in terms of my safety. It's still the same principle. A stranded girl needs help to go from point a to point b. Whether she is a prostitute or not doesn't make a difference is she has convulsions on the road.

Also, if a girl occasionally trades sex for cash if she's in a desperate jam, does that really make her a prostitute, or does that make her a girl who is trying to survive in a desperate situation? A prostitute/escort would be actually out to make money.
Listen OP!
She didn't need a ride or you. She asked for money in an indirect way.

This is call disinformation. She approached you and created a situation that doesn't exits. She knows better than you and was never going to ride in your car. She also knows you are a normal person and don't give rides to stranges in fear of being responsible for her.
So what she really wanted was your money.
So you have been scammed.
 

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You dodged a bullet. She could have accused you of kidnap.
 

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Her man was peeking around the corner, looking at your stupid azz.
Forgive me if I offend you, if you want to give the money is ok, but don't get attached.
I stayed back to see what she did after. No other guy came out.
 

corrector

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Listen OP!
She didn't need a ride or you. She asked for money in an indirect way.

This is call disinformation. She approached you and created a situation that doesn't exits. She knows better than you and was never going to ride in your car. She also knows you are a normal person and don't give rides to stranges in fear of being responsible for her.
So what she really wanted was your money.
So you have been scammed.
She offered her phone number so I can collect the money back. I refused her number. Perhaps this is the real incel mistake since the number and follow up is low risk and would have created at least a.contact. Refusing a number from a girl because I am nervous after handing her cash is total incel.
 
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