"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Stop Thinking Ahead So Far

thecraftylefty

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A lot of mistakes are made before they even happen. When you think about what your next move will be you’re practically already getting yourself into an unfavorable position. This isn’t chess. You don’t need to think 12 moves ahead. Think about what’s happening right now and live in the moment for a change.

A lot of it goes like this…

What should I say after I approach her and say hi? Stop doing this. Let it flow.
What’s the best way to ask for her number? Again, not good. Just do it.
How do I dismantle the ticking time bomb côckblock friend(s) she has? Have fun with it and stop worrying. You’ll figure it out.

So you stuttered around a girl and her friends, big deal.
You spit when you said something to her, so what?
Don’t worry about trying to cover it up. It happens. If she makes a big deal out of it then she’s probably not the kind of girl you’d want to be around anyway. Plus, her nose wiggles like a little rabbit when she talks.

Here are a few typical situations a guy might find himself in. As a forewarning, don’t do any of this -->

A guy will like some girl, but he’ll like another girl also. Instead of going for both of them, he doesn’t do anything for fear of the other finding out. That one’s a killer.

Or how about when you’re already with a classy little lass but you see a girl at the cell phone stand is eyeing you up and you don’t jump on that opportunity. That one sucks hardcore.

Perhaps you don’t think you look good or feel good right now so you’re not going to talk to that girl that belongs in the shine of fine. You know better, tsk tsk.

(Sidenote: I’m not advocating cheating on your partner if you’re already in a relationship with your wonderful girlfriend of a year or so, but having your options open is always a plus. Trust me.)

Don’t worry what happens between yourself and the other person. Chances are if you’re worrying about the situation then you just met her, so don’t place ridiculous expectations on one single girl. Doing that is setting yourself up for the famous “let’s just be friends.”

You know all those television shows that show the geek or nerd or even the regular Joe getting shot down really hardcore in front of a crowd of all your closest friends and family? I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t happen. The worst rejection I’ve ever encountered was a “I’m just not interested in you.” That’s the worst I’ve ever been snubbed. I hope I can recover one of these days.

Go for it. Don’t play it safe. Be a go getter. Don’t think too much. Live a little (or a lot). Get in trouble. Use your imagination. Break the rules.


thecraftylefty
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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naes

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nice post, i would have to agree. thinking things over too much makes u nervous and increase the chances that you will mess up.
 

tyciol

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Good advise, I always overthink this kind of crap. I'm left handed too!
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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squirrels

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Another thing to note about thinking too far ahead...if you do plan out a step-by-step course of conversation/action, the girl will ALWAYS, ALWAYS do something that doesn't fit in with the paradigm.

This isn't even always a coincidence...some girls will PURPOSELY throw you off your pre-planned game to see how you react...to see if you're genuine or just throwing up canned material.

You need to learn how to act spontaneously.
 

afc_2_dj

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makes sense, I agree in a way.

Thing is ... you see an attractive women in a bar ... you approach without thinking ahead ...

you: hi!
her: hi!
you: errr... err.. err...
you: *runs away*

What I am getting at is one really does need to have some form of mini-plan to ensure you can continue the conversion after hi, at least in the initial stages, if she throws a spanner in the works and pulls the convo in a random direction thats fine, you ave her engaged and just continue.
 

crossboss

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afc_2_dj said:
makes sense, I agree in a way.

Thing is ... you see an attractive women in a bar ... you approach without thinking ahead ...

you: hi!
her: hi!
you: errr... err.. err...
you: *runs away*

What I am getting at is one really does need to have some form of mini-plan to ensure you can continue the conversion after hi, at least in the initial stages, if she throws a spanner in the works and pulls the convo in a random direction thats fine, you ave her engaged and just continue.
I totally agree. I think you should have a small plan, that is flexible.
 

Bonhomme

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Yes, this is very good advice. Just go do it, and you'll get the hang of it from experience.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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sethosayher

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Agreed. Overthinking things increases your nervousness about something perhaps 10 fold. You're so obsessed with the prospect of fudging some little thing up (or rather, fudging every little thing up) that your anxiety compounds and you freak. Having a very loose, general plan is far better, in my experience.
 
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