DonJoseCantosie
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2007
- Messages
- 839
- Reaction score
- 11
yea, ur voice has to be powerful for excuse me and hi to work. can't be weak.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Still struggling to approach
- Thread starter Agent Zero
- Start date
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Luke Skywalker
Banned
- Joined
- May 23, 2006
- Messages
- 2,434
- Reaction score
- 11
But unless you genuinely have something important to say that would be worth interrputing someone's personal space and time, and are struggling to approach, how do you think the voice is naturally going to come across? It is going to come across as weak.DonJoseCantosie said:
If you are going up to a girl and asking her for directions then there is going to be a powerful tone of voice because you have an important purpose behind making an approach - but if you are just hitting on her of idleing around, then you dont really have a real legitimate purpose for interrputing someone and it comes across in the voice. It will be insecure and weak and looking for reinforcement to a behaviour that is out of character to the struggling approacher - because, really it is out of character. People are only trained to interrput someone if it's an emergiency or it's very important to do so since you are inconvienancing people to go into your own world.
I've read something in the Don Juan tips section from Avente there - and he says, if a person knows his role in a particular interaction, then there will be no problem approaching. For example, if one is approaching a hooker, then there is lots of confidence for a sexually charged approach - but for a girl who is out there - you dont know if she's attached, what her values and beliefs are, or what's really your role of coming towards her to approach her.
People struggling with approach anxiety are not confident in their role in the set of interaction, which is why the voice has to be weak and insecure. If approaching is seen as a normal and healthy form of interaction that is necessary, then the tone would reflect that. If it is seen as a desperate attempt of a pathetic loser to try and get laid with the next random girl who takes them on, then the tone would reflect that too.
hey, I dont know if this is totally in relation to what is being discussed but its on the subject of approaches.
When I was younger, I had a severe stammer, and I went on a speech therapy course which basically changed my life, I havent practiced in a while so have gone back to stammering but have started using the techniques again so its gonna start getting better soon. Anyways, on this course, on the third day, since the changes are so profound in each student, we are encouraged to go out and initiate conversation with 200 people in 1 day. It can be anyone, male/female, old/young, ugly/fat/HB10!
I did this, but I did 228 in one day, took me hours, but I was with people who encouraged me. I didnt get any phone numbers, but then again, I wasnt doing it for numbers, I was doing it to improve my life and speaking and conversation skills.
My point is this: I was extremely shy, but if I can go up to all those strangers, even just thinking, i dont want your number, im just after the experience, then YOU CAN DO IT mate!
btw, the advice on this site is unbelievable....life changing
When I was younger, I had a severe stammer, and I went on a speech therapy course which basically changed my life, I havent practiced in a while so have gone back to stammering but have started using the techniques again so its gonna start getting better soon. Anyways, on this course, on the third day, since the changes are so profound in each student, we are encouraged to go out and initiate conversation with 200 people in 1 day. It can be anyone, male/female, old/young, ugly/fat/HB10!
I did this, but I did 228 in one day, took me hours, but I was with people who encouraged me. I didnt get any phone numbers, but then again, I wasnt doing it for numbers, I was doing it to improve my life and speaking and conversation skills.
My point is this: I was extremely shy, but if I can go up to all those strangers, even just thinking, i dont want your number, im just after the experience, then YOU CAN DO IT mate!
btw, the advice on this site is unbelievable....life changing
BingoBango
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 13, 2006
- Messages
- 100
- Reaction score
- 0
I'll give the advice on opening i wish ppl were honest enough to give me 3 months ago.
It all comes down to hard work.
Approach as many guys girls whatever as possible. AFter that one will seem easy as.
Be a bit of an *******. (ur not really an *******, but u feel like one when ur a newbie coz u feel like ur interupting someone - truth is girls like it coz they're bored and ur excitement).
I went to the supermarket with my wing and we approached like 20 girls opening with ANYTHING.
Eg Hi how u doin?
Eg My friend likes to eat x as a snack, is that weird?
Eg Have u seen the movie x? My friend wants us to go see it tonight but i'm not sure?
That one day almost single handedly destroyed my AA.
Another obvious thing ppl hesistate to tell u (althought gunwitch suggests this), is that approaching when drunk is eassssssssy. My game is much worse when drunk, but opening specifically is very easy when drunk. GEt a lot of drunken approaches under ur belt and u'll be more used to opening.
It all comes down to hard work.
Approach as many guys girls whatever as possible. AFter that one will seem easy as.
Be a bit of an *******. (ur not really an *******, but u feel like one when ur a newbie coz u feel like ur interupting someone - truth is girls like it coz they're bored and ur excitement).
I went to the supermarket with my wing and we approached like 20 girls opening with ANYTHING.
Eg Hi how u doin?
Eg My friend likes to eat x as a snack, is that weird?
Eg Have u seen the movie x? My friend wants us to go see it tonight but i'm not sure?
That one day almost single handedly destroyed my AA.
Another obvious thing ppl hesistate to tell u (althought gunwitch suggests this), is that approaching when drunk is eassssssssy. My game is much worse when drunk, but opening specifically is very easy when drunk. GEt a lot of drunken approaches under ur belt and u'll be more used to opening.
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
BingoBango
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 13, 2006
- Messages
- 100
- Reaction score
- 0
yeh, i'm not suggesting to get drunk, it's definitely bad for my game, i get lost in interactions. i'm suggesting to do whatever it takes to get used to approaching, then take it from there.