Starting a bar

RestUnknown

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My social skills are really terrible. Striving everyday to improve it, but after 90% of the social encounters I feel horrible. The other 10% is with family, some colleagues or people I just don't care about.

Now my dream is to start a bar, because I love the social aspect, the managing, the organizing,... As well as creating the correct scene for a party, although this can be very subjective and depends on your public, so not completely sure about that. As long as I employ the right people who have those skills that I don't have, is there any chance of succes? And I can learn from them in the meantime.

But I want your honest opinions, I do believe I am good at the managing stuff, but not so at the social part. Whenever you go out, how often do you see the boss of that bar/restaurant/club? Of course behind the scenes they need those social skills to get good deals, to attract people,...

And another thing, I worked at a bar for some time in the past. Yes I barely could hold a conversation with the customers, but they all liked me because I was friendly and did my job apparantly quite well (typical nice guy behaviour). And I feel I was more social back then, than I am now.

But I simply can't get this thought out of my head. I'm currently in a job which I do love, but I guess not enough. There is no social aspect to it and although it earns 3 times the average of my country, every day is that same idea in my head. But if you read my threads, you can see I'm in a bad spot socially and emotionally...

Honest advice is appreciated.
 

billtx49

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The hospitality industry may not be your best move considering your mindset. Almost every customer wants to be on a first name conversational basis with the owner. Some states or jurisdictions charge an exorbitant amount for that kind of liqour license also…
 

markfromeurope

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My social skills are really terrible. Striving everyday to improve it, but after 90% of the social encounters I feel horrible. The other 10% is with family, some colleagues or people I just don't care about.

Now my dream is to start a bar, because I love the social aspect, the managing, the organizing,... As well as creating the correct scene for a party, although this can be very subjective and depends on your public, so not completely sure about that. As long as I employ the right people who have those skills that I don't have, is there any chance of succes? And I can learn from them in the meantime.

But I want your honest opinions, I do believe I am good at the managing stuff, but not so at the social part. Whenever you go out, how often do you see the boss of that bar/restaurant/club? Of course behind the scenes they need those social skills to get good deals, to attract people,...

And another thing, I worked at a bar for some time in the past. Yes I barely could hold a conversation with the customers, but they all liked me because I was friendly and did my job apparantly quite well (typical nice guy behaviour). And I feel I was more social back then, than I am now.

But I simply can't get this thought out of my head. I'm currently in a job which I do love, but I guess not enough. There is no social aspect to it and although it earns 3 times the average of my country, every day is that same idea in my head. But if you read my threads, you can see I'm in a bad spot socially and emotionally...

Honest advice is appreciated.
- do not open a bar
- keep the job
- get much more social (events, classes) after work with money from the job
 

spinich

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Watch Bar Rescue. Staged, but informative on what all goes into owning a successful bar. Good luck.
 

speed dawg

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My social skills are really terrible. Striving everyday to improve it, but after 90% of the social encounters I feel horrible. The other 10% is with family, some colleagues or people I just don't care about.

Now my dream is to start a bar, because I love the social aspect, the managing, the organizing,... As well as creating the correct scene for a party, although this can be very subjective and depends on your public, so not completely sure about that. As long as I employ the right people who have those skills that I don't have, is there any chance of succes? And I can learn from them in the meantime.

But I want your honest opinions, I do believe I am good at the managing stuff, but not so at the social part. Whenever you go out, how often do you see the boss of that bar/restaurant/club? Of course behind the scenes they need those social skills to get good deals, to attract people,...

And another thing, I worked at a bar for some time in the past. Yes I barely could hold a conversation with the customers, but they all liked me because I was friendly and did my job apparantly quite well (typical nice guy behaviour). And I feel I was more social back then, than I am now.

But I simply can't get this thought out of my head. I'm currently in a job which I do love, but I guess not enough. There is no social aspect to it and although it earns 3 times the average of my country, every day is that same idea in my head. But if you read my threads, you can see I'm in a bad spot socially and emotionally...

Honest advice is appreciated.
If you do it, I'd consider it more of an investment. I'd first write down an outline of exactly what you want it to be and where, etc., then I'd hire out all aspects of it to people who know what they are doing. Marketers, bartenders, security, everything. You manage those people and the finances. So yeah, you've got the right idea as far as hiring what you don't do well. Just know you're going to have a high up front cost. I don't see any way around that in the bar business. Also, yeah, you're going to have get better at relationships, even if you're an introvert. You're going to need to glad-hand a little.

Most people say to start small with a business and build your way up. I can see that with a restaurant, maybe do some catering first or whatever for a dinner party, but I don't know how you could do a bar. Maybe get in the party business, and 'bar tend' a couple of smaller house parties first? Might be a smaller expense and you can build up some money that way while getting experience.
 

Xenom0rph

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The thing about bartenders isnt that they're great conversationalists, it's that they're good listeners and have a friendly demeanor. They listen to a bunch of drunks tell dumb stories all night and so they develop a high tolerance for BS, and people appreciate that. People love to talk about themselves and tell dumb stories about their lives so when they find someone willing to listen (or they think is actually paying attention) they get excited and spill their hearts to that person.

My brother-in-law's cousin is a bartender at an upscale joint in los angeles and the female patrons fawn over him because he listens to their BS drama. They feel "a connection" to him and that "he's a kindred spirit" when all he really does is smile and nod.... Lol, they tip him well and offer to go home with him....dude is living like a rockstar....
 

PowerQuest

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If you want to run a bar , you need to learn the trade. As simple as that.

You need to educate yourself.

- Take classes to improve your social skills.
- Go to a hospitality school and learn the insights of running a business. (E.g learn how to calculate industry pricing models etc)
- Work at several bars (read successful bars and nightclubs) and learn from the owners and the top employee bartenders.
- Save all the money you can for your dream (opening your business)

Once you hit the skill level required in your educational path in the school of life, execute your plan if you still want it at that point.
Good luck!
 

taiyuu_otoko

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This

My social skills are really terrible.
Plus this

Now my dream is to start a bar,
Will absolutely DESTROY you.

To run a bar, you need to hire and motivate people that WORK IN BARS.

You need to handle employees (attractive females if you want to make money) that will try and skate on you as much as they can.

You'll need to deal with vendors, government goofs, all kinds of people who are sociopaths.

I'd recommend getting started very slowly into something like event planning or maybe study bar tending or something.

Or even getting a job as a waiter.

Even for people with MAD social skills, running a bar is / can be a nightmare.
 

jaygreenb

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This



Plus this



Will absolutely DESTROY you.

To run a bar, you need to hire and motivate people that WORK IN BARS.

You need to handle employees (attractive females if you want to make money) that will try and skate on you as much as they can.

You'll need to deal with vendors, government goofs, all kinds of people who are sociopaths.

I'd recommend getting started very slowly into something like event planning or maybe study bar tending or something.

Or even getting a job as a waiter.

Even for people with MAD social skills, running a bar is / can be a nightmare.
Restaurants/Bars are incredibly tough business's to run well with a high failure rate. Agree with your statement.
 

Roober

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You need to fix your mindset to work in that atmosphere and be successful. You dont need to undergo a complete transformation just yet, but you do need to have a sight on the finish line and ne actively moving towards it as your social acuity grows.
 

robotmoogabi

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hire super hot teenage female bar staff, act cool, and hope that they hit on you/are attracted to you.
 

stroino

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Communicate with those who are pleasant to you. Then you will be in a great mood.
 

stroino

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If you don't like the team, then you need to change
 

Kotaix

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I was a regular at a chill rotating tap beer bar for about 8 years and I saw a few owners come and go.

The woman who owned it first drove it into the ground by being too nice to the customers. She would allow you to refill your octoberfest 32oz mug for $2 from any tap you wanted. Great deal, terrible for her bottom line, made everyone love her. She was always there and was super cool. She also seemed to have limitless energy which was great for her and she enjoyed her clientele. She was reasonably hot and hired HOT waitresses.

She sold to a guy who borrowed money from 16 friends to buy the bar. He was a bit of a ****, but he had to be, given what the previous owner had done. He never really seemed to enjoy it as much, it sapped his energy. He was nowhere near as social as his predecessor. He didn't last more than a few years doing it. Waitress quality went down.

If I were you I'd do a market analysis of where you live first and see if it's worth it. Bars have lost some of their relevance as a place to pick up women with the advent of OLD, but if you get the marketing and the niche right you might still do OK.

Also, what is your level of introvertedness? If you're heavily so then this might not be the business for you, if you're a hardcore introvert you're going to struggle with the extraversion required to be in that line of work. It's difficult, maybe even impossible, to change your personality in such a profound way; but that would be a question for Jordan Peterson to answer
 

RestUnknown

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I can not get the thought of this out of my head.

Some points to clarify:

I live in a rural part, so at first I would start with a sort of pop-up summerbar in my spare time just to check viability and my own capacities.

Perhaps I'm a bit too harsh on myself on the introvert part, I'm not a hardcore introvert. I don't mind going out and I don't feel drained afterwards. I don't have trouble going up to someone to ask them about something, but keeping a conversation for longer than a few minutes is difficult, unless the other person is the talkative type. So perhaps I'm not really an introvert, but my social skills are not that good which are holding me back in social life . Subconciously I avoid some social situations because of this, which can make me think I'm an introvert.

All in all I do love being just by myself. But I also love seeing people have a good time and taking care of them. I worked as a waiter for a couple of years and saw myself become more social. They all knew I was a quiet type, but loved my work.

At that bar I saw a lot of people come and go and often I was the more experienced one there, giving the new ones instructions and guiding them which came easy. Occasionally I got mad at them if things weren't going as smooth as they had to be, which kinda suprised me as I'm a typical nice guy who wants to avoid conflict.

I also like to believe I can create a good atmosphere (the right lighting, the right music, the right decorations, the right and efficient working method...). But in fairness, although I like to believe this, I think we all have that idea about ourselves and what might seem right for me, is horrible for someone else,...
 

logicallefty

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In my state bars come and go like women hopping c0ck to c0ck on the carousel. A lot of it is because all the ridiculous fees the state shafts the bars with. The owner of my primary bar said just to have a small oven to cook frozen pizza he has to have a “kitchen manager” on site and of course pay the state to get someone licensed to be a kitchen manager. He owns three bars and works well over 100 hours a week. Good employees are almost impossible to find as the job market in our area is doing well and good employees have the upper hand over the employers for sure. At one time I was looking at buying a bar from a buddy but sure glad I didn’t. Seems like infinite work with little or nothing in return.
 
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