Started dating an older women with kids

[sangheilios]

I met her through an acquaintance who showed my picture to her, ended up getting her phone number and setting up a date.

Anyway, this past Monday we ended up arranging plans to meet up for a drink at a quiet place near where she lived. I knew what she looked like in a photo but I was kind of worried she would be way heavier and/or less attractive than her picture suggested. Anyway, I arrived first and waited outside for her to arrive so we could go in together. When she got out of the car she looked way better in real life than the photos suggest, not that she looked bad. She had really big boobs, big butt, really nice hips and thighs, nice lips, etc. and also had a spanish accent so I was instantly into her lol. We go inside and we end up sitting out on the patio and spend time together for over 2 hours talking. During the date she was touching me a lot and all that so I knew she was into me and having a good time. She is a bit older than me, at 35, which wasn't an issue at all but not surprisingly she also has 2 kids, both of which are a little over 10. At the end of the date I walk her to her car and she is already asking me about when we could meet up again and all that, and before leaving she hugs me twice.

We ended up meeting up for a bit last night but she wasn't feeling that good so I brought her home early. She's already mentioned when she is available over the next few days and we've already talked about potential date ideas.

I really do like her and I'm obviously attracted to her but I don't know how to deal with a situation like this where the woman has kids. Right now I'm focused on just making money, my classes/career goals, working out and spending time with my friends. I'm really just looking for a woman to have fun with, go out on some dates with and all that but I'm not sure if I can keep it like that in this situation.

 

[sangheilios]

Avoid single moms like the plague.

I know, that's why I made this post. It's so hard to find anything decent out there that is actually single, with no kids and isn't bat **** crazy.

If I could just date her casually, have fun, have sex but not get involved in drama I'd be cool with that.....but I'm not sure if that is a realistic expectation. I'm not interested in being a replacement for a missing father figure.

 

[Toddz]

You're just wasting your time that would be better spent pursuing younger women that don't have children.

 

[soulforge]

I know, that's why I made this post. It's so hard to find anything decent out there that is actually single, with no kids and isn't bat **** crazy.

If I could just date her casually, have fun, have sex but not get involved in drama I'd be cool with that.....but I'm not sure if that is a realistic expectation. I'm not interested in being a replacement for a missing father figure.

Girls are popping out kids from the age 16 onwards these days.. To find a young single woman is no easy fukin task anymore.. Especially when you as a man are age 35 and over.

That being said, OP needs to realise he will always be LOW priority in this womans life.. She will choose her kids, her babies father, her freinds and family way over him.

Also remember single moms will DUMP you just like that.. They generally keep there options open.

OP how old are you?
Are the kids fathers still in the picture?
Has she been Alapha Widowed?
What are your long term expectations? Are you wanting to live with her?
Are you wanting to have kids in the future?


You need to consider all of the above questions.

 

[sazc]

Girls are popping out kids from the age 16 onwards these days.. To find a young single woman is no easy fukin task anymore..

I don't think I was out of my 20's when, on a first date, he asked me

"how come you don't have any kids?"

I was pretty flabbergasted at, what I perceived to be, an out of left field question and replied the only thing I could think of...

"Umm..... birth control?"

I followed up asking him why he would ask me such a question and he replied that it was not the norm for women around my age to not have at least one kid. I didn't realize that. Fvckin crazy.

Lol, let me take a moment to ask everyone to vote to blanket the earth with contraception and, if you are so inclined, keep abortion safe, and legal.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Lol, let me take a moment to ask everyone to vote to blanket the earth with contraception and, if you are so inclined, keep abortion safe, and legal.

But that would mean less targets for all these guns we work so hard to keep legal here. It's a balance thing Sazc.

OP: Single mothers don't always make the best relationship material, but knowing what I know about you from your posts here, it doesn't seem you are in the place to be so choosy. You would do better to date her to get all the practice and experience you can and not disqualify women for something like this. Just go into it knowing the ins and outs of dating single mothers, have your eyes wide open to some of the issues you can expect, set your expectations accordingly, and use the dating experience to learn as much as you can so you can apply that to hone your interactions with women. If you've been reading the forums and paying attention, you'll know what to expect with her and what kinds of paths not to go down.

 

[backseatjuan]

@sangheilios fck her couple of times and nothing serious. don't pay for dates.

 

[sangheilios]

You're just wasting your time that would be better spent pursuing younger women that don't have children.

I realize that, but I have such a hard time finding anything that I'm attracted to that is actually single and not bat **** crazy.

 

[sangheilios]

Girls are popping out kids from the age 16 onwards these days.. To find a young single woman is no easy fukin task anymore.. Especially when you as a man are age 35 and over.

That being said, OP needs to realise he will always be LOW priority in this womans life.. She will choose her kids, her babies father, her freinds and family way over him.

Also remember single moms will DUMP you just like that.. They generally keep there options open.

OP how old are you?
Are the kids fathers still in the picture?
Has she been Alapha Widowed?
What are your long term expectations? Are you wanting to live with her?
Are you wanting to have kids in the future?


You need to consider all of the above questions.

I'm 29, I haven't really gotten into the details about her children and the situation with their father, as we've only gone on 2 dates. I'm just posting this thread because I can already see how this will be an issue if I decide to continue going down this route.

 

[sangheilios]

But that would mean less targets for all these guns we work so hard to keep legal here. It's a balance thing Sazc.

OP: Single mothers don't always make the best relationship material, but knowing what I know about you from your posts here, it doesn't seem you are in the place to be so choosy. You would do better to date her to get all the practice and experience you can and not disqualify women for something like this. Just go into it knowing the ins and outs of dating single mothers, have your eyes wide open to some of the issues you can expect, set your expectations accordingly, and use the dating experience to learn as much as you can so you can apply that to hone your interactions with women. If you've been reading the forums and paying attention, you'll know what to expect with her and what kinds of paths not to go down.

Trust me, I'm aware of the fact that a woman with kids already is not really what I'm looking for and not the best relationship material. As you've said, which I'm also aware of, is the reality that prospects are just so hard for me to come by. The pickings are very slim for me, as there aren't any women that are available to me that are single, attractive and just normal....who also are into me.

My goal with this woman was just to see if we date casually, as in go out and have fun, enjoy each other's company, etc. I have a strong inclination that this is not a realistic expectation for this given situation, though it is possible I could try.

I'm genuinely not interested in getting into a serious relationship with a woman who already has kids and taking on the role of a father figure. It's just not something I want to do with my life and knowing this I would never want to lead this woman on in case she is thinking that might be something she'd want down the road.

I'm aware of the fact that it would be better for me to find women who don't have children, who are also attractive and normal, but it just never happens. They are all taken and the ones who are attractive and single are that way for a reason, which I've had a few experiences with over the past couple years.

 

[sangheilios]

I hear you. There is NO reason you can't date her . She might be an awesome woman.

A warning before you get in too deep, single mothers/divorced mothers come with complications and you will NEVER be priority one. Just keep that in mind.

Make sure you keep your own circle of friends and hobbies/interests, and from experience? Don't go out of your way to spend time with her......make sure she comes to you mostly. The reason is, with kids, she will have lots of other obligations, and the more you push for her time, the more you will be a stressor in her life, not an escape.

I wouldn't rush to become exclusive either.

I agree, but as you and others have said there are going to be potential complications.

I have a solid group of guy friends that I hang out with, so I have a social life beyond the time I spend with this woman. I have hobbies and interests, mostly working out/training, reading, investments, etc. I'm currently taking prerequisite courses for physical therapy school, so I devote a good amount of time to my studies. I also have a part time job that I do on the side which pays some pretty decent money. Overall I have a lot going on and doing a lot of constructive things with my life.

 

[user43770]

Plenty of single moms that are just looking to have fun. Be up front with her about what you're looking for and go from there.

 

[soulforge]

I agree, but as you and others have said there are going to be potential complications.

I have a solid group of guy friends that I hang out with, so I have a social life beyond the time I spend with this woman. I have hobbies and interests, mostly working out/training, reading, investments, etc. I'm currently taking prerequisite courses for physical therapy school, so I devote a good amount of time to my studies. I also have a part time job that I do on the side which pays some pretty decent money. Overall I have a lot going on and doing a lot of constructive things with my life.

I hope you also understand, that single moms will dump you QUICK time, of you don't quite meet her expectations.

I understand your situation.. I am age 44 and pretty much every woman I meet is a single mom.

However there single moms near my age who's kids are gown and ready to leave the home.. So I would maybe settle for a single mom with grown kids, not very young ones.

What are your long term expectations? Are you looking to settle down in a committed relationship?

Are you close to each other? How often can see each other?

 

[sangheilios]

I hope you also understand, that single moms will dump you QUICK time, of you don't quite meet her expectations.

I understand your situation.. I am age 44 and pretty much every woman I meet is a single mom.

However there single moms near my age who's kids are gown and ready to leave the home.. So I would maybe settle for a single mom with grown kids, not very young ones.

What are your long term expectations? Are you looking to settle down in a committed relationship?

Are you close to each other? How often can see each other?

I only met her a week ago but we've already gone out a couple times and she texts me a lot saying she wants to go out and all that, I had mentioned this briefly on the original post.

This isn't anything serious at all, it's just I'm attracted to her and we both enjoy each other's company but her having children I saw as a bit of a potential issue down the road. I'm trying to figure out if this is just something I should discontinue early on or if I should just try to play it how I see fit.

My goal, knowing she has children, was to just keep this casual and fun, as I have no interest in being a replacement dad for her children. However, I want to be able to do this without drama in my life, which again I'm not sure is a realistic expectation or not.

 

[soulforge]

I only met her a week ago but we've already gone out a couple times and she texts me a lot saying she wants to go out and all that, I had mentioned this briefly on the original post.

This isn't anything serious at all, it's just I'm attracted to her and we both enjoy each other's company but her having children I saw as a bit of a potential issue down the road. I'm trying to figure out if this is just something I should discontinue early on or if I should just try to play it how I see fit.

My goal, knowing she has children, was to just keep this casual and fun, as I have no interest in being a replacement dad for her children. However, I want to be able to do this without drama in my life, which again I'm not sure is a realistic expectation or not.

Keep smashing... just avoid getting serious with her.

 

[guru1000]

Your vibe is zero. Stop your whining bro.

Date her. Fvck her. Get your vibe up and then start building your rotation with stronger troops.

This girl is irrelevant to the overall picture and not worthy of a thread.

Strive to be top gun and these trivialities will evaporate.

 

[MatureDJ]

Your vibe is zero. Stop your whining bro.

Date her. Fvck her. Get your vibe up and then start building your rotation with stronger troops.

This girl is irrelevant to the overall picture and not worthy of a thread.

Strive to be top gun and these trivialities will evaporate.

I disagree. The OP is incel-tier with childless women, and a single mommy is the best that he can get at this time. He might be able to secure a clock-watching childless woman later in life - if he doesn't go bald.

 

[guru1000]

I disagree. The OP is incel-tier with childless women, and a single mommy is the best that he can get at this time. He might be able to secure a clock-watching childless woman later in life - if he doesn't go bald.

Lol god help you

 

[highSpeed]

I agree, but as you and others have said there are going to be potential complications.

I have a solid group of guy friends that I hang out with, so I have a social life beyond the time I spend with this woman. I have hobbies and interests, mostly working out/training, reading, investments, etc. I'm currently taking prerequisite courses for physical therapy school, so I devote a good amount of time to my studies. I also have a part time job that I do on the side which pays some pretty decent money. Overall I have a lot going on and doing a lot of constructive things with my life.

Then why are your pickings so slim. If you've got sh*t going on, seems like you should have some kind of options.

 

[Billtx49]

If you’re going to go for a single mommy at least make sure you’re the oldest or equal age adult in the room…