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Spinning -> Maintaining Plate

TheNewStyle123

Master Don Juan
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Hey guys.

Been divorced now for 9 months now and I have been successfully spinning plates and having fun meeting new women and utilizing the knowledge I have learned here on SS. Recently I have been talking to this girl for about 2 months and I definitely could see myself becoming exclusive with her - but I'm a little nervous..

I have become good at figuring out how to spin plates, but I am worried things will change when I try to maintain a plate.

How do I continue to invoke competition anxiety?

How do I even approach the topic of us being exclusive? So far I have been waiting for her to be overt. Today, while laying in bed with me, she asked if I went on a date on the dating apps since I met her. I grinned at her and said "what do you think?" She said: "I don't know, you tell me!" (playfully). I said "I have been on a date since we met." She seemed a little surprised and when I asked if that bothered her she said "I mean, yeah!" (not angrily though). I grinned again and said "I enjoy spending time with you." She smiled.

I figure sooner rather than later she will overtly ask if we are exclusive. At that time, I would agree to be exclusive as I feel like I am ready for a relationship, but I'm not sure if I should just come out and say it - or wait for her to approach the topic? I don't want to lose frame or anything early on. I feel like I just need to relax too and not get so hung up on the details.

Thanks guys.
 

Sir FB

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I just went through something similar. Mind you I have an experience count of one in this department. Basically, she kept telling me that she was canceling her OLD accounts and was happy to be off the dating sites and only seeing me. After a while if this I told her that’s what I was doing as well. She did not ask for exclusivity. I made the decision on my own.

I’ll tell you one thing, there are days where I think this relationship might have an expiration date and at those times, I regret my announcement of exclusivity. It seemed like a great idea and natural at the time but sometimes I wonder if I did the best thing for me. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
 

DonJuanjr

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So far I've been rejected by 34-35 females in person, and sent messages to around 42 females on OLD that have been ignored. I am having trouble getting one plate, let alone, multiple. I think you guys are nuts for finding out what it takes to be successful with females, then rejecting it. You guys have been only spinning plates for a few months. Why not enjoy it for a few years? I wonder if oneitis is kicking in.
 

Lookatu

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Today, while laying in bed with me, she asked if I went on a date on the dating apps since I met her. I grinned at her and said "what do you think?" She said: "I don't know, you tell me!" (playfully). I said "I have been on a date since we met." She seemed a little surprised and when I asked if that bothered her she said "I mean, yeah!" (not angrily though). I grinned again and said "I enjoy spending time with you." She smiled.
You've been married before so I think maintaining plates would come more natural for you outside of certain situations like this one.
Now the tricky part is the question that you were asked.

To me, the response you gave might've had her a bit disappointed and maybe having second thoughts about investing more into you. Maybe based on your answer, you could've went from a potential BF to a playboy in her eyes.

IMO, if she is a serious LTR potential, you could've been coy or answered it different.

For example: you: "Why do you ask? Have you gone on any dates or are you ready to delete the apps?" You could've put it on her and forced her hand instead.

If spinning plates and maintaining them, there's going to be a point where you're going to have to play coy, lie, or risk a plate breaking. That's unfortunately the reality.

A good way to minimize this is always be busy or appearing busy. If a woman knows you're constantly busy, they are going to assume you don't have too much time to be seeing anyone else.

Also despite what a lot of guys says on here, women may or may not bring up the exclusivity question for the same reason why we don't. They might be worried about scarying away the guy. It's a two way street. HOWEVER, I do think there are certain time and ways to bring it up for better success. And you have to definitely know for sure that she's into you. This is where a lot of guys fall short IMO.
 

Barrister

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Hey guys.

Been divorced now for 9 months now and I have been successfully spinning plates and having fun meeting new women and utilizing the knowledge I have learned here on SS. Recently I have been talking to this girl for about 2 months and I definitely could see myself becoming exclusive with her - but I'm a little nervous..

I have become good at figuring out how to spin plates, but I am worried things will change when I try to maintain a plate.

How do I continue to invoke competition anxiety?

How do I even approach the topic of us being exclusive? So far I have been waiting for her to be overt. Today, while laying in bed with me, she asked if I went on a date on the dating apps since I met her. I grinned at her and said "what do you think?" She said: "I don't know, you tell me!" (playfully). I said "I have been on a date since we met." She seemed a little surprised and when I asked if that bothered her she said "I mean, yeah!" (not angrily though). I grinned again and said "I enjoy spending time with you." She smiled.

I figure sooner rather than later she will overtly ask if we are exclusive. At that time, I would agree to be exclusive as I feel like I am ready for a relationship, but I'm not sure if I should just come out and say it - or wait for her to approach the topic? I don't want to lose frame or anything early on. I feel like I just need to relax too and not get so hung up on the details.

Thanks guys.
Don't wait for her to ask you overtly to be exclusive IF that is what YOU want. Sure, some women will come out and say this. My experience is that usually these are lower-value women who are more in your face about exclusivity and it usually happens fairly quickly (within 1-2 months of dating). If she is high value or alternatively from a conservative background (or both), she may not ask you to be exclusive herself. The question about whether you have dated others since meeting her is a telltale sign she is thinking about exclusivity with you. There was absolutely nothing wrong with your answer - unless you want this chick for an LTR. Because I agree I think it was kind of a playboy answer which is good for stringing along a plate; but not for forming something more.

If you want an LTR - I would say "I really like what we have." See how she responds - she may point blank bring it up then in the form of "liking it too" and get more affectionate in the moment. Easy cue. If she is still non-commital and you want more clarity then follow up with "how do you see this going?" If she is still non-committal after that then I think that means she isn't looking for exclusivity and I wouldn't keep up the line of questions because you may have misread the situation. But based on her questioning you dating others since meeting her I don't think that will happen. It basically depends on what you want, brother. Good luck.
 

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TheNewStyle123

Master Don Juan
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Don't wait for her to ask you overtly to be exclusive IF that is what YOU want. Sure, some women will come out and say this. My experience is that usually these are lower-value women who are more in your face about exclusivity and it usually happens fairly quickly (within 1-2 months of dating). If she is high value or alternatively from a conservative background (or both), she may not ask you to be exclusive herself. The question about whether you have dated others since meeting her is a telltale sign she is thinking about exclusivity with you. There was absolutely nothing wrong with your answer - unless you want this chick for an LTR. Because I agree I think it was kind of a playboy answer which is good for stringing along a plate; but not for forming something more.

If you want an LTR - I would say "I really like what we have." See how she responds - she may point blank bring it up then in the form of "liking it too" and get more affectionate in the moment. Easy cue. If she is still non-commital and you want more clarity then follow up with "how do you see this going?" If she is still non-committal after that then I think that means she isn't looking for exclusivity and I wouldn't keep up the line of questions because you may have misread the situation. But based on her questioning you dating others since meeting her I don't think that will happen. It basically depends on what you want, brother. Good luck.
thanks man! We had a great night tonight. More details to come
 

TheNewStyle123

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Sooooo.....you're not online right now.

You must be out ring shopping. ;)
Hahahahaha sh!t how did you know... lmao nah man, but we are exclusive now. Pretty wild to be saying that as I did not see myself doing this 8 months post divorce, but she's a really good girl and I found myself genuinely uninterested in the other plates I was spinning and other women I was seeing over the past few weeks. Not to mention I have the best sex with her which is a priority of mine as I had none of that in my marriage...
 

Modern Man Advice

Senior Don Juan
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Hey guys.

Been divorced now for 9 months now and I have been successfully spinning plates and having fun meeting new women and utilizing the knowledge I have learned here on SS. Recently I have been talking to this girl for about 2 months and I definitely could see myself becoming exclusive with her - but I'm a little nervous..

I have become good at figuring out how to spin plates, but I am worried things will change when I try to maintain a plate.

How do I continue to invoke competition anxiety?

How do I even approach the topic of us being exclusive? So far I have been waiting for her to be overt. Today, while laying in bed with me, she asked if I went on a date on the dating apps since I met her. I grinned at her and said "what do you think?" She said: "I don't know, you tell me!" (playfully). I said "I have been on a date since we met." She seemed a little surprised and when I asked if that bothered her she said "I mean, yeah!" (not angrily though). I grinned again and said "I enjoy spending time with you." She smiled.

I figure sooner rather than later she will overtly ask if we are exclusive. At that time, I would agree to be exclusive as I feel like I am ready for a relationship, but I'm not sure if I should just come out and say it - or wait for her to approach the topic? I don't want to lose frame or anything early on. I feel like I just need to relax too and not get so hung up on the details.

Thanks guys.
Why not just let it happen naturally? I'm sure once you and her feel you don't crave seeing other people, you just don't and you become a couple. I haven't asked to be exclusive since I was 14 years old. Every relationship has just organically gotten there without agreements or verbal contracts.

Now regarding competition anxiety, you do by continuing to do what you are doing minus seeing other women (if that is truly what you want). You continue working out, doing what you love, busy with life, exploring yourself and passions (all of which sound super cliche) but the idea/concept of competition anxiety (at least how I interpret it, I can be wrong) is not necessarily men seeing other women but the 'possibility and 'ability' that you can at any given moment that drives a woman to compete for 'her man'. But that only happens if you are truly aligned with yourself and have a high sense of value/worth. It radiates and women see this. So this girl might catch other women checking you out without you even noticing. I speak from experience, I've had gfs (and ex wife) tell me, that girl was checking you out. But I was too aloof to realize.

So it's the possibility/idea/ability that you can indirectly place in her mind that you don't need her and can certainly have any girl you want.

Hope that makes sense.

Modern Man Advice
 

TheNewStyle123

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Why not just let it happen naturally? I'm sure once you and her feel you don't crave seeing other people, you just don't and you become a couple. I haven't asked to be exclusive since I was 14 years old. Every relationship has just organically gotten there without agreements or verbal contracts.

Now regarding competition anxiety, you do by continuing to do what you are doing minus seeing other women (if that is truly what you want). You continue working out, doing what you love, busy with life, exploring yourself and passions (all of which sound super cliche) but the idea/concept of competition anxiety (at least how I interpret it, I can be wrong) is not necessarily men seeing other women but the 'possibility and 'ability' that you can at any given moment that drives a woman to compete for 'her man'. But that only happens if you are truly aligned with yourself and have a high sense of value/worth. It radiates and women see this. So this girl might catch other women checking you out without you even noticing. I speak from experience, I've had gfs (and ex wife) tell me, that girl was checking you out. But I was too aloof to realize.

So it's the possibility/idea/ability that you can indirectly place in her mind that you don't need her and can certainly have any girl you want.

Hope that makes sense.

Modern Man Advice
That makes a lot of sense! Thanks buddy! I am just going to continue to live life and enjoy it - keep up with hobbies, the gym, etc., and having a positive attitude/outlook will emanate in all facets of my life. I think one of the reasons my marriage failed was because I failed - to be happy with my ex wife and with myself. I lost myself. But never again will I let that happen. It was a powerful lesson to learn at 28 years old.
 

Lookatu

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Hahahahaha sh!t how did you know... lmao nah man, but we are exclusive now. Pretty wild to be saying that as I did not see myself doing this 8 months post divorce, but she's a really good girl and I found myself genuinely uninterested in the other plates I was spinning and other women I was seeing over the past few weeks. Not to mention I have the best sex with her which is a priority of mine as I had none of that in my marriage...
Congrats man.

I think after having dated and being with a lot of girls since your divorce, you know what you want. I'm glad you didn't let this opportunity pass you by, by being foolish like some would have.

Like I said, you already know you can get girls at anytime. You've already demonstrated that. You can always put plate spinning on hold when you come across someone good and see where it goes. You got a lot of time in your case.

Hoping for the best and I know you two being able to concentrate on each other will be more fulfilling than just jumping from girl to girl with no meaning(not that there's anything wrong with that but it can get old and not be sustainable after awhile).

:up:
 

TheNewStyle123

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Congrats man.

I think after having dated and being with a lot of girls since your divorce, you know what you want. I'm glad you didn't let this opportunity pass you by, by being foolish like some would have.

Like I said, you already know you can get girls at anytime. You've already demonstrated that. You can always put plate spinning on hold when you come across someone good and see where it goes. You got a lot of time in your case.

Hoping for the best and I know you two being able to concentrate on each other will be more fulfilling than just jumping from girl to girl with no meaning(not that there's anything wrong with that but it can get old and not be sustainable after awhile).

:up:
Thanks man I really appreciate that! And I agree, I definitely had a fun past 8 months meeting new women and spinning plates (something I had never done in my life). But she's really sweet and I didn't want to let a great opportunity pass me by. As my cousin said "what's the big deal going out with her? You're not marrying her. Become exclusive and see where it goes. If it doesn't work out, just go back to meeting other women."
 

Lookatu

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As my cousin said "what's the big deal going out with her? You're not marrying her. Become exclusive and see where it goes. If it doesn't work out, just go back to meeting other women."
Your cousin is smart. This is truly abundance mindset. Other DJ's or wannabe's, take note...
 

TheNewStyle123

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Your cousin is smart. This is truly abundance mindset. Other DJ's or wannabe's, take note...
Dude, my cousin has been a saving grace too. He has said a lot of the things discussed here and in TRM (even uses some of the same terminology). I asked him if he ever read TRM, he said he had never even heard of it hahahah. He was also married young like me, got divorced, spun plates for years with some LTRs sprinkled in, and is now happily married. It's nice to see it can all work out again!
 

Modern Man Advice

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That makes a lot of sense! Thanks buddy! I am just going to continue to live life and enjoy it - keep up with hobbies, the gym, etc., and having a positive attitude/outlook will emanate in all facets of my life. I think one of the reasons my marriage failed was because I failed - to be happy with my ex wife and with myself. I lost myself. But never again will I let that happen. It was a powerful lesson to learn at 28 years old.
Same here. I learned the same lesson.

Keep walking your path.

Modern Man Advice
 

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DEEZEDBRAH

Master Don Juan
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Hey guys.

Been divorced now for 9 months now and I have been successfully spinning plates and having fun meeting new women and utilizing the knowledge I have learned here on SS. Recently I have been talking to this girl for about 2 months and I definitely could see myself becoming exclusive with her - but I'm a little nervous..

I have become good at figuring out how to spin plates, but I am worried things will change when I try to maintain a plate.

How do I continue to invoke competition anxiety?

How do I even approach the topic of us being exclusive? So far I have been waiting for her to be overt. Today, while laying in bed with me, she asked if I went on a date on the dating apps since I met her. I grinned at her and said "what do you think?" She said: "I don't know, you tell me!" (playfully). I said "I have been on a date since we met." She seemed a little surprised and when I asked if that bothered her she said "I mean, yeah!" (not angrily though). I grinned again and said "I enjoy spending time with you." She smiled.

I figure sooner rather than later she will overtly ask if we are exclusive. At that time, I would agree to be exclusive as I feel like I am ready for a relationship, but I'm not sure if I should just come out and say it - or wait for her to approach the topic? I don't want to lose frame or anything early on. I feel like I just need to relax too and not get so hung up on the details.

Thanks guys.
You're not doing it right kuz.

Off a divorce followed by TALKING TO A GIRL FOR 2MONTHS?



Mate this ain't 2005 and number close? This ain't 1950s dinner date in a Era where women appreciate such gestures. It's 2021. Pull or #next. Anything but is weakkkk as ****. You say spinning plates but then you talk about exclusive.

Approach, pull or next. Repeat till dead or D falls off. If divorced you clearly aren't learning. playing house isn't the solution nor is putting ***** on lay away for other men to smash.

Get girls. nut up. turn off the red pill mastutbation and actually go get girls. 2months could be spent on learning about crypto, banging hotter younger girls or running your own biz. not being some *** dumpsters emo tampon.

Take D out. tell her what to do or #nextset
 
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