"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

Somewhat Confused, Opinions appreciated

F

Fairguy

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Hello everyone.

I started going out with this girl, but it has been kind of strange, because I actually never knew (and still do not know) if I am dating or not!! (I know it sounds stupid, one should know, right??)... It started really slow (I actually posted before how it started), went out with her some times, and nothing, then after about 3 weeks just barely holding hands (not all the time), then saying Hi and good bye by a little kiss in the mouth (just a peck, nothing major).... I had tried to kiss her in amore serious way at some point, but she shied away, so I did not try again, and just let it go....

Well, next time we were having dinner, I tried again, and we ended up going all the way. It is weird, because I really like the girl, so my objective was not just to sleep with her, but I actually would like to explore a relationship with her. The action was ok, but nothing spectacular (I do not know about you people, but at least in my case the first time with someone is never that great, it becomes better and better with time, as you get to know and discover the other person better). So anyway, after we were together, my impression was that she did not want to do it yet, (she just became somewhat distant). I have not initiated contact with her, she has called me, but it has been just chit-chat, just as before it happened...that is perfectly fine with me, although I wonder if we are actually still in the same point that we were before it happened, or if things have changed... the thing is that I am pretty sure that if I ask, then I would know, but I would be closing any door that was potentially opened. I guess what I should do is just let her be, and see how she behaves towards me when we see each other again.

It is very weird, I am not really sure if I actually dated (or am dating) this girl!!. What sucks is not knowing...

Any input, comments, are welcome.. Thanks!

Fairguy
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

Read more...

R

realsmoothie

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Unless you've discussed the relationship with her...

...my rule (and it's not mine, I got it from someone else) is that you're only "dating" or have a "girlfriend" if it's ASSUMED that you guys will see each other on a Saturday night.

I've told this to a bunch of people and they seem to agree it's an easy way to figure things out.
 
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Fairguy

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Hi RS

Jejeje... thanks for the advice... actually that is a pretty useful rule of thumb!!... ;-)

Well I guess I am not dating then (according to that criteria).. ;-)

The only thing that sucks is that I really like her, and it is not natural for me to just go out with another girl just for the sake of going out (If there is one that I really like, then I would probably do it).... I could actually have sex with a sure thing on the side, but do not want to... it is like I am commited, but I fully realize the other person is not... So I don't know, I guess I would like to know what is she thinking, but I know that is something I can not possibly know (nor should stress about) anyway...

Thanks though, actually that rule of thumb is practical... :)
 
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flexion_

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With women unless its clear then its a "no". So you aren't dating her.
 
R

realsmoothie

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Fairguy said:
Jejeje... thanks for the advice... actually that is a pretty useful rule of thumb!!... ;-)

Well I guess I am not dating then (according to that criteria).. ;-)

The only thing that sucks is that I really like her, and it is not natural for me to just go out with another girl just for the sake of going out (If there is one that I really like, then I would probably do it).... I could actually have sex with a sure thing on the side, but do not want to... it is like I am commited, but I fully realize the other person is not... So I don't know, I guess I would like to know what is she thinking, but I know that is something I can not possibly know (nor should stress about) anyway...

Thanks though, actually that rule of thumb is practical... :)
Click to expand...

Well, if you want HER to become committed, you need to be a threat NOT to be commited. Does that make sense? I don't mean giving her an ultimatum, I mean seeing other girls so that you have a sense that your "girlfriend" isn't the only one in the world, and it'll reflect in your dealings with her.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

Read more...

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Fairguy

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Yes, it does make sense

Thanks smoothie.... yes, it does make sense....

I have other girls available for doing this, but none of them I actually like (and none of them is as hot as the one I am interested in)... I guess that would definitely work, specially if the new girl is hotter than she is (or at least she "perceives" this to be the case....

On the other hand, if I start dating a hotter girl, I might end up just liking her, which is not necessarily a bad thing... ;-) . I need to know her first, though... MMM... I guess I could actually use the fact that I do not want to date other girls to go out and do some dating, as at least from what is mentioned in this site, when you do not give a sh$t is when you actually score big!...

Thanks for your replies..

Fairguy
 
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