"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Somewhat Confused, Opinions appreciated

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Fairguy

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Hello everyone.

I started going out with this girl, but it has been kind of strange, because I actually never knew (and still do not know) if I am dating or not!! (I know it sounds stupid, one should know, right??)... It started really slow (I actually posted before how it started), went out with her some times, and nothing, then after about 3 weeks just barely holding hands (not all the time), then saying Hi and good bye by a little kiss in the mouth (just a peck, nothing major).... I had tried to kiss her in amore serious way at some point, but she shied away, so I did not try again, and just let it go....

Well, next time we were having dinner, I tried again, and we ended up going all the way. It is weird, because I really like the girl, so my objective was not just to sleep with her, but I actually would like to explore a relationship with her. The action was ok, but nothing spectacular (I do not know about you people, but at least in my case the first time with someone is never that great, it becomes better and better with time, as you get to know and discover the other person better). So anyway, after we were together, my impression was that she did not want to do it yet, (she just became somewhat distant). I have not initiated contact with her, she has called me, but it has been just chit-chat, just as before it happened...that is perfectly fine with me, although I wonder if we are actually still in the same point that we were before it happened, or if things have changed... the thing is that I am pretty sure that if I ask, then I would know, but I would be closing any door that was potentially opened. I guess what I should do is just let her be, and see how she behaves towards me when we see each other again.

It is very weird, I am not really sure if I actually dated (or am dating) this girl!!. What sucks is not knowing...

Any input, comments, are welcome.. Thanks!

Fairguy
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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realsmoothie

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Unless you've discussed the relationship with her...

...my rule (and it's not mine, I got it from someone else) is that you're only "dating" or have a "girlfriend" if it's ASSUMED that you guys will see each other on a Saturday night.

I've told this to a bunch of people and they seem to agree it's an easy way to figure things out.
 
F

Fairguy

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Hi RS

Jejeje... thanks for the advice... actually that is a pretty useful rule of thumb!!... ;-)

Well I guess I am not dating then (according to that criteria).. ;-)

The only thing that sucks is that I really like her, and it is not natural for me to just go out with another girl just for the sake of going out (If there is one that I really like, then I would probably do it).... I could actually have sex with a sure thing on the side, but do not want to... it is like I am commited, but I fully realize the other person is not... So I don't know, I guess I would like to know what is she thinking, but I know that is something I can not possibly know (nor should stress about) anyway...

Thanks though, actually that rule of thumb is practical... :)
 
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flexion_

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With women unless its clear then its a "no". So you aren't dating her.
 
R

realsmoothie

Master Don Juan
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Fairguy said:
Jejeje... thanks for the advice... actually that is a pretty useful rule of thumb!!... ;-)

Well I guess I am not dating then (according to that criteria).. ;-)

The only thing that sucks is that I really like her, and it is not natural for me to just go out with another girl just for the sake of going out (If there is one that I really like, then I would probably do it).... I could actually have sex with a sure thing on the side, but do not want to... it is like I am commited, but I fully realize the other person is not... So I don't know, I guess I would like to know what is she thinking, but I know that is something I can not possibly know (nor should stress about) anyway...

Thanks though, actually that rule of thumb is practical... :)
Click to expand...

Well, if you want HER to become committed, you need to be a threat NOT to be commited. Does that make sense? I don't mean giving her an ultimatum, I mean seeing other girls so that you have a sense that your "girlfriend" isn't the only one in the world, and it'll reflect in your dealings with her.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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F

Fairguy

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Yes, it does make sense

Thanks smoothie.... yes, it does make sense....

I have other girls available for doing this, but none of them I actually like (and none of them is as hot as the one I am interested in)... I guess that would definitely work, specially if the new girl is hotter than she is (or at least she "perceives" this to be the case....

On the other hand, if I start dating a hotter girl, I might end up just liking her, which is not necessarily a bad thing... ;-) . I need to know her first, though... MMM... I guess I could actually use the fact that I do not want to date other girls to go out and do some dating, as at least from what is mentioned in this site, when you do not give a sh$t is when you actually score big!...

Thanks for your replies..

Fairguy
 
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22 Rules for Massive Success With Women
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