Something I realized

[Boricua_33015]

I just had a bad day but I learned a few things about myself.

Today I was like my own psychologist. This post might not seem much to the ordinary person but some of you with social problems may find this helpful.

I realized what could be the roots of my social problems. I am too fuking monotone. I am like a zombie. I am afraid to project emotions. I am afraid to talk loud because talking loud while being monotone sounds hostile.

I unconsciously reject people I am not really interested in. I am not the freindly type of person. My body language shows of someone who is mad at life and his social situation. In alot of situations I become conscious of myself and find that my eyes show fear, timidity or hostility. Of course all negative. Yet my words are positive. This is contradictive! Sometimes I mean to say something positive but because my body language shows something else, the person Im talking to gets confused, or takes it in the wrong way, not the way I intended the person to take it.

I realized that the most social people, are people who are open with their lives. Unfortunately, I am a person of secrets which I can't reveal to anyone. My whole life up until when I found this website has been lonely and negative. Seriously not alot positive stories. If someone asks about me and my life... what the hell am I supposed to say? I can't just reign down upon somebody with all that negative energy!

I guess for me to be successful in my social life is just make up another life..... make up a new life story making everything positive and being fake......

I am not a happy camper right now. Today was a day with alot of realizations about myself.

Don't tell me to visit a psychologist because I beleive I can get through all this without one for I am my own psychologist and change can only come from within.

Now I need to change..... but this is going to be another hard process. I have changed my whole body, lost mad weight, and still continue to do so. Now I need to change my whole fvcking psyche (again), character and personality. Ill have to make up positive life stories and basically be living a lie..... but what else can I do!?

Some notes to self.....

- Be more outspoken
- Be more outgoing
- Be more louder when I speak
- Try to project positive body language
- Project genuine interest in people
- Loosen the fvck up!
- Do not be monotonous
- Do not be afraid to joke around
- AGAIN LOOSEN THE **** UP!
- Be fun to be with

Now..... some GOOD NEWS

I am not a fluent Spanish speaker. A bisexual chick on my bus knows this and today she asked me in Spanish "do you want to sleep with me and my girlfreind in the same bed?"

Me knowing a little bit of Spanish, I got the idea of what she was saying and I said "yes! now tell me what that means in English".

I got the girl's number last week and I think I am going to call her tomorrow.

I'll see what happens.....

 

[drixsa]

Originally posted by Boricua_33015


I realized that the most social people, are people who are open with their lives.

not always true

the most social ppl may socialize a lot but they dont always make it about themselves

they let you in on the little tid-bits of their lives and good stories but if they are like me they still have some secrets and keep some mystery

all in all hell of a way to look at yourself

you may of accomplished your biggest step yet

take it one step at a time, you just start trying to do one thing well and you may find that you are doing many things greatly

 

[Nocturnal]

You don't have to live a lie. You said social people are open with their lives. I'm not saying I completely agree, but that doesn't have to include their past.

Being social is a skill. People don't realize this, they think "people have it or they don't." WRONG. I'm glad you're trying things over. Work on humor, work on conversation in general. Just PRACTICE! You don't have to change your personality or character. You can change the way you express your personality.

You're getting there, and that my friend is what it's all about. Good luck and good job.

 

[MetalFortress]

This is an easy one Boricua. If someone asks you about your past, be mysterious about it, not lying. It saves you the trouble of keeping your lies straight, plus it adds mystery to your character.

 

[Crotch Sniffer]

I am social as hell and people dont know jack sh*t about me. It's really a matter of being observant, laidback and full of opinions.

Think about comedians. They don't reveal a damn thing about themselves except for their own twisted views on reality. You're problem is that you are too INTERNALLY centered and need to shift the balance to the external.

Now granted, it's cool to divulge a little something about yourself once in a while, but only when it fits the situation ("That reminds me of something that happened to me last week, etc etc")

Read Finger's post "Conversation with an AFC". He does a great job explaining context and how to communicate in an outgoing fashion. Also, hang out with the most extroverted folks you can find.

Finally, give yourself some credit man. You must be doing something right if hot bisexual chicks are giving you their numbers. So smile!

Also, it's great to see you are taking responsibility for your own moods/mentality. You've come a long way, Boricua!

 

[Cheatz]

Woah ****, I'm in the same position as you. I have a low voice and I'm 17 and pretty much everything you said is me. Thanks for writing your story up to save me time ... now on to help us

 

[Boricua_33015]

I was more social in classes today, got some good results, but........ it just sucks to see that everyone is getting along fine with everyone and everyone in my class are freindly with each other and Im still roaming the hallways alone with no one to talk to.

To this day I have only seen maybe a couple people from all my classes during the breaks, and at those times I was in a hurry to get to class so I just greeted them.

 

[Boricua_33015]

Has anyone ever had a day like this?

Friday (THANK GOD!) September 26, 2003

Today was another horrible day.

I feel like making holes in my walls with my fists.

I was alot more outgoing than yesterday. But I received bad results!

I spent about half an hour last nite doing self hypnosis, repeating affirmations, and visualizing me having a great day, so I can prepare for the next day (today). I woke up this morning listening to great music, getting myself pumped up for school so I can go to school in a positive mood because I WAS GOING TO BE SO ****ING SURE THIS DAY WAS GOING TO BE GOOD!

1st period was good, I was alot more talkative. Made some convos with people around me.

2nd period suckd, took a test, but I think I got an A+ on it.

During the switch between 2nd and 3rd I saw the bi chick who sits with me and my freind during lunch. I looked at her with a smirk and she said "ILL!". I changed my smirk into a one eyebrow raised and just walked away from her. I heard her say it again as I walked away and I didn't bother to turn around and just walked my ass to the water fountain to get a drink.

3rd period sucked because I found out this fat girl next to me is crazy! That ***** was kept saying things to me so I can pay attention to her and maybe start a convo. But when I did, she got all offensive loud and obnoxsious..... SO I just nodded everytime she said anything after that first small 20 second convo and didn't talk to her for the rest of the period. She would like, make comments and I would never hear what she said because she talks so incoherent.

Between 3rd and 4rth period in the hallways I saw the bi chick again..... I looked at her and she made a comment to me about how the hallways are crowded as hell. I made no response, and so she kinoed me as I walked by, grasping my arm.

4rth period sucked. Took a test, no convo from anyone, but I made some comments about the surrounding events.

LUNCH..... ****ing sucked madd balls. I went to go sit with my freind and the bi chick was there.... I said hi, and she gave me no response. Then she started complaining about how she feels like **** and everything, and my freind was comforting her with humour. I then made a comment to her, and again no response. Then she started crying about a minute later because she was feeling so bad.... My freind comforted her more and she started laughing and **** and saying "hahahah STOP ahahaahahaha, im supposed to be sad, hahaha" and she kept crying and my freind kept on making her laugh and tickling her; so she finally stopped crying. Then someone who used to sit with us like 2 weeks ago came because he just came back from suspension. I talked to him, saying "wussup! where ya been?" no response. I asked him "did you get suspended?" no response. He never looked at me, and I was just a ****ing ghost to him, as he and my freind talked about the weekend and **** so they can chill. They talked for about 3 minutes, and I was shut out the whole entire time and so I said "yo...im out.... peace"

So.... having about 10 to 15 minutes left of lunch I went to my spot where I stood till the bell rung. I saw the bi chick pass by me about 2 or 3 times, ignored me. I saw a girl who I used to mack, but she was not receptive (I see her EVERYDAY as she passes by) and she ignored me as always, acting like she doesn't know me. I saw some guy I knew, some dork rocker kid, ignore me...... GRRRRRRRRR.

In 5th period I made some kino with Yanisbel in front of me.... Very subtle. Just put my hand on her shoulder so she could notice so I can ask her if she had a sheet of paper. She said "yea I have paper, but why are you touching me? your touching me like you know me...." As if all those times that we talked to each other doesn't make a fvcking difference to her. I really don't give a **** about this girl so I said "what are you talking about? I do this to everyone.... you must not like male attention". She said "I like male attention, just not from you!" I said "oh ok..... so then I just won't talk to you again" and turned around to ask the guy behind me for a sheet of paper. She then said "hey! I was gonna give you paper!" I said "sshhhh, no, you already messed up" and she put on a quick puppy dog sad face and then went about her business. Half way during the class she faced me and gave me one eyebrow raise. Now, this is something I always do, so it was a surprise that she sort of took it from me and did it on me! SO I just laughed. She then talked to me minutes later, so I had no choice but to answer her stupid request, but in an unemotional way.

6th period, like always is my most social class, because the guy next to me does a good job of joking around and **** so I can just joke around with him. But sometimes hes just way to immature. He is the only one who I say wussup to in the hallways because he actually doesn't ignore me. Hes a very likeable guy, just too immature and acts like a little kid.

This was my fukin gay ass day.....now Im going to release all my anger out on a fvcking workout!

 

[donut dunker]

honestly your problem is you care to much about having a girlfriend or whatever it is you want from women. Women can smell desperation. but the answer is so simple. stop caring so much stop thinking and start acting. take it one step at a time. just stop over analysing everything and breaking it up in to parts. don't think well per. 2,4,5 were a moderate sucess but 1,3,6,7 were awful. i used to think like that but it only makes you sader. become more outspoken no matter what. you have opinions, voice them! women want a man with there own thoughts not a robot they can program to be like them. and if you dont score with that bi chick im gonna be pissed!

 

[Nocturnal]

You're trying, that's what matters most.

But you're reading WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY too far into this. Self hypnosis for 1/2 hour to prepare for the next day? You're subconsciously convincing your brain that you NEED all that stuff! Thus your brain will act like you need to act like you need all of it. I could go into little details about each person etc, but I think there will be enough of that by everyone else. You need to start focusing on simply practicing being social. Think about what you're going to say before you say it. It sounds much better to say something funny with an extra second pause or so than to say something boring right away.

You're looking at the other people way too much. You need to look at yourself. Gauge your own actions and adjust them to YOUR likings. Don't try to imitate everyone else, focus on what you're doing wrong. You will know.

Write down the top 10 or top 20 things you think make you inferior to what you could be. Start at number one, and work on it. If it's stuttering in conversation, spend a week or however long it takes to make sure every word you say is clear. Get the idea? You will form habits and things will get brighter.

Be less specific about those other people, be more specific about yourself. That's what you need to work on, isn't it?

 

[Sammo]

Mad posts Nocturnal, listen to him boricua they were some good reply's.

Now for my bit.

1. The worst thing you have been doing recently is whinging about how everyone else is in a better position then you and its not fair that they are social and you are not. Like Nocturnal said, you can learn social skills. First you have to stop thiking of it as a PROBLEM and think of it as a CHALLENGE from which you can learn and grow.

2. Slow down there. You are rushing into things, self improvement is a endless road and it looks like your doing enough with all the gym work and dieting you have been doing. Take it SLOWLY. Remember, inch by inch is sinch yard by yard is hard. If you into it to fast your going to give up and make another post to this board to add to your collection.

3. A good start would be to start looking at body language, look at fingers post "Mastering body language", look at people at your school and see who gets better results and see what their body language is like. See what has the best effects on girl. Once you have mastered body language work on your voice tone, finger "Empower your voice" is a good post for that. That should take you a while and once your done then visit nocturnals "Guide to self improvement".

There is some stuff for you to do, remember TAKE IT SLOWLY.

 

[Boricua_33015]

Sorry, my last post (whole thread) was a result of depression. I felt doomed at the time.

To everyone who has posted in this thread I thank you for putting up with my sh1t.....I read all the replies and I am applying the advice given.