Something Doesn't Seem Right

[Mr. Goods]

Hey everyone,

Longtime lurker, first time poster here. A lot of great advice here, most of it has definitely improved me game. Unfortunately, I am currently entrapped in a circle of frustration (with dating, etc.) and need some tips on how to get out of it.

Some background on my "game" and dating: I've never had a serious girlfriend (I am a college senior). In high school, I was a scrawny AFC who was a pushover when it came to girls. I was rejected so many times, in so many ways, that nothing is new to me (I guess that's a positive). One girl preferred to skip Prom than go with me. When I got to college, I was going to change myself for the better. From the moment I stepped on campus, I made it a priority to go to the gym a few days each week. Three years ago, I was the little scrawny kid. Now, people think I'm on steroids :crackup: or ask me to train them. Mentally, I don't take sh!t from people. I'm a lot mentally tougher than I used to be too. Despite the self-improvements, I haven't had much success with girls.

I have flaws, sure. I overthink, I can't dance, I'm not the quickest guy when it comes to starting kino, and escalating is not a strength. I have more closer friends at home than at school. However, I don't feel these elements alone would completely halt my game. Positively, I speak well (good conversationalist), I'm outgoing, have a sense of humor, can think on my feet and can establish control of a situation. Physically, I feel I look decently well (though no Brad Pitt). Overall, I am happy with who I am. What frustrates me is that I see guys with NO GAME and not much in the looks have at least SOME success with girls. I have one friend who simply gets drunk and harasses a girl, and somehow is successful some of the time. A former roommate I had rarely spoke and barely left the room...he had a gf. I feel if they can do it, so can I. But why haven't I?

That's why I'm posting here. I have two friends in two different places who are good with girls. They will both let me know if there's something glaringly wrong in my game. They've seen it all - girls that flake on me, girls that will try to use me just for attention, girls that try to make me jealous for w/e reason, girls who I connect with once and then it's gone. I was hanging out with one of these two guys at a bar last night. After a girl I know (who frequents this bar) says she was at another bar that night, my friend instantly says, "I don't get it - you hold yourself so well, you can talk to anyone with a smile, you don't look bad at all...you may be the unluckiest guy with girls I have ever met."

I am not trying to establish an ego here, but I feel good about myself. I guess, in short (with the background provided)...I seem to have no overwhelming weak spots in my game (some little ones, but nothing huge), but I can't find success with girls, no matter what I do. Do you guys have any tips to break the mold? Due to where I used to be, I can apparently motivate others to get up and do their thing. This time, I need a little direction in why I have been in a rut and what's best to do from here.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Tough to give you advice without knowing some details on specific situations. Why don't you post some reports on the last few dates you've went on or your most recent interactions with women that went off course and we can give you better advice.





PIMP

 

[sodbuster]

Inner beliefs? Are you still the scrawny little high school kid deep in your mind? Hard stuff to get rid of.

 

[slaog]

Inner beliefs? Are you still the scrawny little high school kid deep in your mind? Hard stuff to get rid of.

I agree with sodbuster.


You believe you have bad luck with women... that thats true. If you keep believing that nothing will change.


Everybody puts value on things including themselves. When AFC's meet girls automatically they think these girls are out of their league and they would be luck to have these girls. They are accordingly and the girls are naturally turned off.


A DJ will never think that. He believes he can get any girl he wants because he thinks highly of himself and acts accordingly and women are attracted to that. A person who thinks highly of himself will lead a happier life and is much more likely to be wealthier then average and likelier to have quality women.


In the transition from AFC to DJ you'll find that even though you know you are worth it there are still those automatic AFC beliefs that stop you acting accordingly and make you act AFC.


How to change is basically keep telling yourself you have high value and can get any woman. Keep affirming it and when out keep it in mind when in te company of women. It'll make you behave in a more confident manner etc.


You won't change overnight but if you consciously adjust your thinking it'll become hardwired into your brain and you won't need to think about it anymore.

 

[Mr. Goods]

You believe you have bad luck with women... that thats true. If you keep believing that nothing will change.


Everybody puts value on things including themselves. When AFC's meet girls automatically they think these girls are out of their league and they would be luck to have these girls. They are accordingly and the girls are naturally turned off.


A DJ will never think that. He believes he can get any girl he wants because he thinks highly of himself and acts accordingly and women are attracted to that. A person who thinks highly of himself will lead a happier life and is much more likely to be wealthier then average and likelier to have quality women.


In the transition from AFC to DJ you'll find that even though you know you are worth it there are still those automatic AFC beliefs that stop you acting accordingly and make you act AFC.


How to change is basically keep telling yourself you have high value and can get any woman. Keep affirming it and when out keep it in mind when in te company of women. It'll make you behave in a more confident manner etc.


You won't change overnight but if you consciously adjust your thinking it'll become hardwired into your brain and you won't need to think about it anymore.

I can see where that thought is coming from, but I don't feel that's really the case here. I don't consider anyone "out of my league." No one scares me these days, I'll just go up to them and see what happens. While I don't go around approaching everyone (which maybe I should do), I'm not actually scared of it.

The other half of the argument though could be a possibility. I do remember all the bs I've gone through in the past. While I don't think about it while I'm in the field, if I do get turned down, it comes back. It's similar to a sports team that is usually snakebitten. Every year, they go out thinking "this is it - this is the year!" Things look great, and then in the playoffs, they lose and all the memories of the infamous failures return." Same thing here.

As for Pimp-sicle's question, obviously a lot of the cases end up in me getting turned down (otherwise I wouldn't be posting). However, it's always been for something different:
Girl #1 - Things looked great. We hung out at a few parties, ate together a few times, there was some kino. My downfall came when I stayed at a study session longer than I should have, making myself look a little boring. The scarcity wasn't there.
Girl #2 - Girl seemed interested, we hung out at the start of that year. However, her best friend was a b!tch to me when we met, she wanted to act like her friend, and I wasn't having any of it.
Girl #3 - Definitely had rapport with her, though not a ton of things in common. I couldn't make a trip she was going on because I had other plans (250 miles away), and inevitably she seemed to hold that against me. She stood me up on a date, and that was that.
Girl #4 - Had a lot in common, kino was very good. We were in classes together and always connected. She kept flaking on me and eventually things fizzled.
Girl #5 - This one went the furthest. I went on a few dates with this girl after meeting her at a party. Very smooth sailing at first, but our last date, things didn't feel the same. We weren't acting like a soon-to-be-couple. A few days later, she gave me a very ambiguous excuse about why we can't see each other anymore, and I dropped it.
-Oh yeah, they all happily said "yes' when I asked them out, saying they were looking forward to our date.

So why did these ultimately not work? My weak spot is escalating, perhaps something Sodbuster was alluding too. Back when I was a little younger in high school, I had done a little innocent, everyday kino and was labeled a creep. Me with girls in high school was turbulent times. Also, I'm not wild and crazy. I'm not going to get plastered drunk and yell and scream and all that. I like to maintain my frame and make sure I know what's going on. Finally, I either go 100% or I don't go at all. I seem to care too much about the results. That probably has something to do with it too.

While I certainly have my flaws here, as I mentioned before, how some other guys who I know get girls is a head-scratchier. One is an alcoholic and doesn't do anything outside of classes. Another I have never seen talk to a girl and he's not real attractive-looking...he gets a few girls. A former roommate I had kept himself in the room all semester and was not social at all...but had a gf. I've seen some guys say something really idiotic to a girl (not C+F idiotic, I mean blatantly offensive or he goes in and gropes/molests her) and they somehow get back on good terms. I'll do something tiny wrong, like disagree on how to go about something, and I'm cut off forever.

 

[Toph]

Mr. Goods-

I feel your pain man, you don't know how many girls you have to go through before you will find one that has a HIGH INTEREST LEVEL. I think this may be something you are taking personally.

In several of the examples you gave, the girls sound like they either have middle to low interest levels or are just sluts who party and date several guys at the same time.

I've been in your position and I can tell you there is no one single answer, one single action that you can do to ensure that you will have and keep a girl. You WILL NOT know for sure no matter how good a girl you meet.

My advice to you would be to analyze two things within your own life.

1) You want to have sex with these girls, date them. What is it that you really want? Are you going to let yourself have it, or are you mad at yourself and do you hate yourself deep down for your mistakes. Forgiving yourself can do wonders for your inner game. Don't forgive a certain mistake, just forgive yourself entirely.

2) Be sincere with yourself and get your life in order. It sounds like your doing great but you also haven't met the right girls. I really can't speak to your specific situation but I can say that if you love your life, women will want to be a part of it. Then you have to consistently prove to them that you are the best possible catch and she would be completely retarded for letting you go.

I know you hear this over and over again but you really just need to develop yourself. I don't know you. I don't know your dreams, your visions, what makes you happy, what makes you sad. If you can convey this in a sincere way and in a controlled way, women will feel so emotionally moved by you that you will flip her world upside down.

How about you just be as real as you can possibly be. Don't ask questions just be REAL what does that mean to you?!

 

[slaog]

I can see where that thought is coming from, but I don't feel that's really the case here. I don't consider anyone "out of my league." No one scares me these days, I'll just go up to them and see what happens. While I don't go around approaching everyone (which maybe I should do), I'm not actually scared of it.

The other half of the argument though could be a possibility. I do remember all the bs I've gone through in the past. While I don't think about it while I'm in the field, if I do get turned down, it comes back. It's similar to a sports team that is usually snakebitten. Every year, they go out thinking "this is it - this is the year!" Things look great, and then in the playoffs, they lose and all the memories of the infamous failures return." Same thing here.

As for Pimp-sicle's question, obviously a lot of the cases end up in me getting turned down (otherwise I wouldn't be posting). However, it's always been for something different:
Girl #1 - Things looked great. We hung out at a few parties, ate together a few times, there was some kino. My downfall came when I stayed at a study session longer than I should have, making myself look a little boring. The scarcity wasn't there.
Girl #2 - Girl seemed interested, we hung out at the start of that year. However, her best friend was a b!tch to me when we met, she wanted to act like her friend, and I wasn't having any of it.
Girl #3 - Definitely had rapport with her, though not a ton of things in common. I couldn't make a trip she was going on because I had other plans (250 miles away), and inevitably she seemed to hold that against me. She stood me up on a date, and that was that.
Girl #4 - Had a lot in common, kino was very good. We were in classes together and always connected. She kept flaking on me and eventually things fizzled.
Girl #5 - This one went the furthest. I went on a few dates with this girl after meeting her at a party. Very smooth sailing at first, but our last date, things didn't feel the same. We weren't acting like a soon-to-be-couple. A few days later, she gave me a very ambiguous excuse about why we can't see each other anymore, and I dropped it.
-Oh yeah, they all happily said "yes' when I asked them out, saying they were looking forward to our date.

You might not consciously consider anybody out of your league but subconsciously it is a different story.


You're acting AFC and thats why they are not attracted to you. Everything you talk about has AFC written all over it.


Here's some examples:
-My downfall came when I stayed at a study session longer than I should have, making myself look a little boring.
-However, her best friend was a b!tch to me when we met, she wanted to act like her friend, and I wasn't having any of it.
- I couldn't make a trip she was going on because I had other plans (250 miles away), and inevitably she seemed to hold that against me.
-And the others got bored despite wanting to date you originally.


Forget about those reasons you mentioned. If a girl was really attracted to you there would be nothing get in her way to be with you again. The problem is lack of attraction as I have already mentioned. It wasn't because of studying too long. It wasn't because you couldn't make the trip.


If you really think that you're the prize then women will be attracted to that. Be the prize and you'll act like the prize. A DJ wouldn't let any b!tch friend come in the way of him. Best way to deal with them is be your charming self and 99% of the time you'll change the b!tch's opinion of you. Person A will like person B if they know person B likes them.


So basically my message is that you need to work on your inner game. Don't fool yourself into thinking you're better then you currently are. If you don't know where your weaknesses are you won't be able to fix them.


Look as your friends as an example of inner game. They might be alcoholics etc but they have solid inner game.

 

[1337]

It all falls into place when you accept the reality of things and then detach yourself from the past and outcomes of what you hope for in results. In other words when you stop caring and have some self amusement things will go well for you. Be a bit more busy with your life and watch a girl or 2 try to squeeze into it with out your efforts. To me your problems are probably your attachments an your unconscious afcness trying to fool you with the past then making a retarded visualization of a future based on those.

 

[Ease]

You're acting AFC and thats why they are not attracted to you. Everything you talk about has AFC written all over it.

This is the problem.

You're talking about how guys can say something offensive to a girl and grope and molest her while on good terms. You say it like its a bad thing, that is called GAME!

You need to break your afc mindframe. You sound like a guy in the friendzone while a real Alpha has sex with the girl.

You say that these people who act like jerks have 'no game'. When in fact, they have a very strong game.

It sounds like you need to man up. Grow a beard and watch some al pacino movies. Walk and talk like a man. When you dance with a girl, grab her ass and pull her in hard. Toss that slut around the dancefloor.

Next time you're walking down the road, imagine you are a big hairy bear that wants to have sex.

 

[xdreamz]

you need to stop looking at everyone else and stop making excuses for yourself because it's counter-productive. you're already going out there and meeting women, thats about 20x more than what a normal guy would do. failure is the way we learn how to succeed.

 

[zekko]

you're already going out there and meeting women, thats about 20x more than what a normal guy would do.

Why does everyone around here seem to think normal guys don't meet women?