Some update about last thread not good

[TheGambino]

I went out with this girl I really liked and it didnt end well. Like i said in my first date thread she wrote im home! and i replied with Nice which @BPH said she couldve perceived as buthurt. That couldve done more harm then good.

This girl stays on my mind Because im picky and go for exactley what I want and I feel like i made stupid decisions and I dont want to make the same mistakes. I appreciate all good advice given in the last thread.

Though I called her 3 days after that, she didnt pick up and I decided to give it a last shot. I texted her a day after.

Me: hey
Me: It was pleasant with you
Me: how are you
Her: (1 hour later) hey!
Her: yes it was nice
Her: good dudududu and you?
Me: dududu
Me: Lets go pooling next week which days are you free?
Her: yes sounds fun!
Her: I cant next week Because i have work all week and in the weekend I go to amsterdam with my girls.
Me: no worries week after?
Her: I let you know next week because I get my work schedule then.
Me: Sure thing

4-5 days later

Her: hey! I dont think I feel the need off meeting again. It was nice with you on the date but I dont think more then that. I hope you understand
Me: no problem

so I write this Because i still want to hear from @BeExcellent and @Glassguy

I am 34 now, I am looking for a steady woman where I can date longterm with and eventually become a gf now.

What i think of everything.

I think i was strong in approaching and following up to the first date with phonecalls. I think she is attracted to me, she asked personal questions was engaged during the date and asked stuff like do You like cuddling. Also we made out twice without hesitation.

I think I went wrong with maybe talking still too much on the date, asking her to come over even to drive her back to the parking lot after since she made me h0rney during making out also I think she was still unsure when she wrote im home I replied with nice. I asked her back to my place because I was enthusiastic also and wanted to chill with her at my place ofc. She was not ready.
That was the dealbreaker I think also The fact that I contacted her again shows some inconsistency after saying nice and being silent a couple of days.

I think shes not emotional ready for that type of escalation and is asking Herself am I going to drive another hour and so for him to try to eacalate again? So she didnt feel it. I rushed and gave her no time to reflect and be insure about me which would raise her interest.

Thats it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

There could be a lot of reasons and many of them have absolutely nothing to do with you.

The most obvious is she doesn't see you as a good fit for her and doesn't want to waste time dating you.

Or she didn't feel anything after the date when she was sitting at home, or the next day, etc...

At the end of the day, it's one woman, and one interaction.

What I like to usually do in my mind that's helped me a lot over the years is to walk back thru the date and make mental or sometimes even physical notes of what I think went well, what didn't go well:, what I could improve on and if I was able to spot any "turning points" that led to the ultimate decision on her part. And I would do this regardless of outcome, good or bad.

Sometimes I have even asked for a woman's honest opinion as part of a self-improvement process and much of the time the feedback was still "fluff" but at times I got some pretty brutal responses that I didn't like at the time but ended up helping me immensely in figuring things out over the long run. A few times it was a specific thing that I did or said that turned them off that I would never have thought was important but then once they said it I was like yeah I guess that probably wasn't the best choice on my part and then I made sure I didn't do that moving forward.

Then once you start doing this enough you'll begin to see patterns in both your failed interactions and your successful interactions. The goal is to consciously do more of what has worked previously and less of what hasn't. Essentially you are doing real-time trial and error testing but with data to back it up and kind of "fine-tuning" every interaction until you dial yourself in where your success rate in terms of the end result you want is much higher than your failure rate.

But you have to be willing to be honest with yourself and actually want to change your behaviors and actions to make this work. Essentially, I believe there is an "optimal" version of yourself that can be presented on every first date that will best lead to results and the goal is to figure out exactly what that looks like.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Your mistake was not speed or escalation, but self-absorption. You were focused on your actions, your signals, and whether things were going right, instead of paying attention to how she felt. Self-absorption shows up as insecurity and impatience. Attractive men focus outward: they try to see the situation through the woman’s eyes, notice her pace and comfort, and respond to that instead of their own urgency.

You have to remember, women take longer to fall in love than men do.

 

[CornbreadFed]

So saw this good looking woman on a house music event. After a bit of testing IoI's from her I approached and asked for her name. She told her name but didn't ask for mine, I considered this low interest and moved on with a smile on my face.

Everything you needed to know about her level of interest was clear in the first three sentences of your previous topic. Instead of trusting your instincts, you decided to rely on the hope strategy.

I think shes not emotional ready for that type of escalation and is asking Herself am I going to drive another hour and so for him to try to eacalate again? So she didnt feel it. I rushed and gave her no time to reflect and be insure about me which would raise her interest.

The whole hour-long drive excuse is just smoke and mirrors. She was likely bored and lonely over the holidays, and you happened to catch her at the right moment. Many women lack the nuts to simply say, “I’m not interested,” and will drag things out for days, weeks, years, or even a lifetime. You got the best severance package, take it and say adios.

 

[Solomon]

I read the thread but couldn’t reply since it got locked.

Honestly, your biggest issue here was logistics. If you’re both driving 45 minutes into the middle of nowhere and then trying to bounce her back, that’s almost never going to work unless you already planned on grabbing a hotel. I’ve had women complain about a 15‑minute bounce from a bar before, so 45 minutes is wild.

Women love comfort.

I always set dates like 5 minutes from my place, super easy. I can literally count on one hand how many times I’ve driven more than 30 minutes in the last 5 years. Being in a good area or in the city is a huge game-changer. Not saying it’s your fault, but if you’re trying to hook up, it’s way easier when she’s coming to your city. Most won’t do it if they live more than an hour away, but you’d be surprised, some absolutely will. I had girls drive 1–5 hours last year. My current favorite plate lives 3 hours away. I never drive to them, except once last year when the girl was worth it, 2 hour drive and she paid for food and the hotel and was exactly my type (nerdy girl, great body, big butt and a nice toned waist)

I've turned dates down where women wanted to meet in Bum**** USA, because I've had women drive so far to see me once again I'm not bragging but I put in a lot of work, and if you have solid text/phone game it can be done

Also, I think you might’ve come off a bit too aggressive in the car, which probably turned her off. Happens.

You learn and move on

 

[Glassguy]

I am 34 now, I am looking for a steady woman where I can date longterm with and eventually become a gf now.

Ok lets start here. Because if you don't know what you want, you have no idea of where youre going.
No one plans to fail, they fail to plan.
Although when I'm in the dating field I am open to something serious, I also understand that these things happen organically and dont happen right away.

Ive had longer relationships that started off on a first date hookup and I've had some that I went out with 3 or 4 times without sex, although there was escalation.
Escalation isnt a bad thing, however you seem to not be able to read women very well.
Some women, under the right circumstances, will hook up even though they ultimately want a relationship. Some will absolutely not. I think both should be pursued at the end of the date, but I think you 100% gave this woman the idea that you just wanted to have sex with her through your actions. You previously said you tried to get her back to your house. She said no, but wasnt offended. Then you tried again, even offering to drive 3 hours round trip the next morning to take her back. No good.
If this was a negotiation, you dropped your pants after the first "no". No pun intended. But you threw everything in the arsenal at her. Does that make you look like a man with options that's on his purpose? No.
I personally would have escalated, but after she said no, I would have left the scene and left a positive reflection upon her. Doing that by telling her "maybe next time" with a smirk.

Let me put this into perspective: I got engaged a week ago. Shes phenomenal and checks every box. For our first date we met up, grabbed drinks and then went axe throwing. We had a good time and I kissed her at the end of the date. I didn't even mention furthering the date. We both had a good time and I left her wondering what my interest level was.
Date 2: I picked her up. There was texting and a couple phone calls in between date 1 and 2.....we went shooting pool and then grabbed drinks. I dropped her off, we made out, I went home.
Date 3: she came to my house to make dinner. As soon as I made a move, she didn't resist at all.
Contrary to what all these PAU garbage spewers say: high value women with high self worth, who are relationship minded, want a guy who is consistent that she can trust and feel safe with. That also includes feeling safe with a man who CONTROLS HIS EMOTIONS AND HIS ACTIONS MATCH HIS WORDS. Consistency is key.
They dont want a guy who thinks he is a playboy. This is especially true if the woman is religious.
Now if you just want fun, go find toxic women, younger women who have no idea who they want to be when they grow up, wh0res and women with super low self esteem or uneducated women.
But I dont think any high value males want those types of women for any type of potential relationship. And when I ran rotations, they had to have relationship worthy characteristics to be in my rotation.
Summary- youre too anxious with women. You try to plea bargain with them when the outcome doesnt go your way. No man with options is going to plea bargain. That might be one of the biggest red flags to a woman.
Im not sure where you go from here because you've been here for years. Some people might get better at something but never really master it. You can enjoy dating in that regard, but until you make yourself stop behaving like this, youre always going to wind up back here on sosuave.net asking people where it went wrong.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I read the thread but couldn’t reply since it got locked.

Honestly, your biggest issue here was logistics. If you’re both driving 45 minutes into the middle of nowhere and then trying to bounce her back, that’s almost never going to work unless you already planned on grabbing a hotel. I’ve had women complain about a 15‑minute bounce from a bar before, so 45 minutes is wild.

Ehh, if they have high interest then logistics won't **** block you as much. Also, 45 minutes in the middle of nowhere could be normal for them since they live in a small town. It probably will become an issue later once the interest level balances out though.

 

[The Duke]

@Gambino I enjoy reading your posts and think you can have more success if you work on some things that seem to pop up in many of your interactions you share. Please don't take this the wrong way.

Its not about you, its about her.

You get a little pushy and arrogant when you feel things slipping away. As @Glassguy pointed out in his thread about FRAME. Your emotions start to control you instead of you controlling your emotions and it causes problems. This doesn't happen to a man with a strong frame.

You always need to leave a girl wanting more. She should want to know more about you mentally and physically. Create some intrigue and mystery, it does wonders for attraction. When you spend 80 percent of the time talking, this just doesn't happen. She needs to talk 60-70% of the time. You stated this girl kept asking you questions so you decided to talk even though you knew better. Its losing frame once again. You should have gave a brief answer and parlayed the conversation back towards her. Instead you indulged your ego and ran with it. As a result, its about you not her.

And then when it was time to go, you lose frame once again and the fact that she made you horny was enough for you to push for sex. You let your emotions drive your decision making and emotions are often wrong. Did you ever stop to think, "How does she feel?"

 

[Solomon]

Ehh, if they have high interest then logistics won't **** block you as much. Also, 45 minutes in the middle of nowhere could be normal for them since they live in a small town. It probably will become an issue later once the interest level balances out though.

I get what you’re saying, but you’re overlooking something big: better logistics don’t just mean “more time with the girl,” they mean more time overall. A 90‑minute round‑trip versus a 10‑minute(round-trip) walk is night and day in terms of efficiency. You simply can’t beat that.

And yeah, interest can override logistics early on, but long‑term it absolutely matters. Living in a target‑rich area changes the entire dynamic. I’ve had women drive 3–5 hours to see me, so at this stage it just doesn’t make sense for me to be the one doing a 45‑minute drive for a first date when I can meet someone at a bar literally down the street. That’s a massive advantage, and I’m going to use it.

 

[Glassguy]

@Gambino I enjoy reading your posts and think you can have more success if you work on some things that seem to pop up in many of your interactions you share. Please don't take this the wrong way.

Its not about you, its about her.

You get a little pushy and arrogant when you feel things slipping away. As @Glassguy pointed out in his thread about FRAME. Your emotions start to control you instead of you controlling your emotions and it causes problems. This doesn't happen to a man with a strong frame.

You always need to leave a girl wanting more. She should want to know more about you mentally and physically. Create some intrigue and mystery, it does wonders for attraction. When you spend 80 percent of the time talking, this just doesn't happen. She needs to talk 60-70% of the time. You stated this girl kept asking you questions so you decided to talk even though you knew better. Its losing frame once again. You should have gave a brief answer and parlayed the conversation back towards her. Instead you indulged your ego and ran with it. As a result, its about you not her.

And then when it was time to go, you lose frame once again and the fact that she made you horny was enough for you to push for sex. You let your emotions drive your decision making and emotions are often wrong. Did you ever stop to think, "How does she feel?"

Very good post @The Duke

 

[Glassguy]

@TheGambino Im going to branch off on something that I get strong vibes from @The Duke through his posts and conversations Ive had with him. I'll let him chime in if he feels the same and wants to add more to it.
I'll start by directly stating my opinion and setting some people off, since I've been doing it all day without regard.
PUA is mainly trash. Its garbage. Its made a lot of money off simps.
Now I'm not saying PUA stuff is bad for everyone. I will explain: In order to pull off PUA tactics you must first have the personality and characteristics it takes to pull them off. I'll guess that 95% or higher of men do not.
I also view most PUA tactics being effective on low value women, toxic women, women of poor character, wh0res, etc. If thats what a man's heart desires, fine by me.
I have always sought after women of high character, high value, educated, affectionate/submissive and attractive.
Most men are lazy. They search for the magic line or the magic bullet. PUA channels take these men for tons of $$$$. It happens because men are too lazy for self improvement.
Having said that, I will say this: I consider myself very outgoing, pretty big personality, charismatic, witty, fun yet I am also direct.
Most importantly I am myself. Im not trying to be someone else (which men who try the PUA stuff tend to do).
Ive had tons of lays. Tons of dates. Several very good long lasting relationships.
Total dates I've been on trying PUA tactics: 0
Total dates Ive been on or women I've picked up being myself: all of them.
Meeting women, business dealings, etc....Im myself. If things work out great. If they dont, thats fine too.
Ive said all that to say this, and I mean this in the most trying way to help you....
You come across in your posts as this "player" or PUA. And I think the results speak for themselves. You come across as a try hard. Way too gamey. It will run a lot of high value women off.
Go on a date and be yourself. Be genuine. Don't worry about the outcome. If things progress with a chick, so be it. If things end after a date, so be it. Go find others.
You're in the same bed as a lot of other posters. Trying to imitate something that doesnt go with your agenda or personality. I think your sample size at this point shows its not working.
You dont need to impress people. Just be yourself dude.
I asked you what you were looking for and you basically said a solid woman to develop something that has legs under it. Are you going to get that with the garbage PUA tactics? Trying to be a playboy? We aren't 19 yrs old anymore. You're not going to meet the woman that checks your boxes in a bar. Although possible, not likely.
Youve tried being many versions of other people. You need to figure out how to be yourself. I have news for you. You can't be other people forever and even if you do PAU some chick and things progress, you dont have the personality to continue that gig forever.
You seem like a good dude. Go be that good dude on a few dates. Doesn't mean be a doormat, but be yourself.
I'll take the real me anytime over some blowhard theory on YouTube. I know that who I am works. And it works with the right classification of chicks that I'd date.

 

[TheGambino]

Thanks all for taking the effort of reading my thread and giving me honest replies. I appreciate the brotherhood on here and the combined wisdom which makes so suave such a strong community of men.

Its not that I have a issue attracticting women overall longterm I wrote this thread because I found a woman I geniuinley like that hits my boxes which didnt work out, especially her calmness, reserveness and looks. I need to indeed do some things different and thanks for lighting it out again. Im going to work on it for better results.

 

[BPH]

but I think you 100% gave this woman the idea that you just wanted to have sex with her through your actions. You previously said you tried to get her back to your house. She said no, but wasnt offended. Then you tried again, even offering to drive 3 hours round trip the next morning to take her back. No good.

@TheGambino this.

I wrote this thread because I found a woman I geniuinley like that hits my boxes which didnt work out, especially her calmness, reserveness and looks.

I think this is part of your problem. You're so excited about a future that doesn't exist yet, and you fixate on getting what you want out of that. Plus, at this early stage, you barely know her - you definitely won't know if she checks your boxes.

Read some of the threads I wrote about my ex, like how she killed Valentine's Day as a holiday for me. She was wonderful...for a few months...

The point is, you'll find out whether she checks your boxes on the back-end, not the front-end.

 

[Gamisch]

Gentlemen...the problem ( as usual) is that a man who's coming up in age wants a gf. I know this sounds harsh...but in this dating environment you should NOT WANT a gf..they should want YOU!!!


It's all about the mentality behind it. You are probably oozing out that" I just want a gf" energy. And it's a common theme by the way...most of my friends made an incredible dive downwards into beta simp Land after they hit 30.

When are we gonna talk about the male wall, and the male despair that we blame women after 28 y.o for??

it's WE as men that become REALLY desperate after 30, moreso than women. Men are literally willing to get taken to the cleaners by even importing 3rd world hardened women instead of just living their best life...

 

[Gamisch]

Thanks all for taking the effort of reading my thread and giving me honest replies. I appreciate the brotherhood on here and the combined wisdom which makes so suave such a strong community of men.

Its not that I have a issue attracticting women overall longterm I wrote this thread because I found a woman I geniuinley like that hits my boxes which didnt work out, especially her calmness, reserveness and looks. I need to indeed do some things different and thanks for lighting it out again. Im going to work on it for better results.

Great and honest reply I like that!

If you have no problem attracting women then my advice gonna be simple: attract, feck them, and release them. I promise you sooner or later a good one will wanna stick around.

And it's perfectly fine to fall forba nice woman. Unfortunately ( as you see) it might change the dynamics into an unfavorable situation. .

As I always say: your main focus in life should be om something WAY bigger than women...women will always be there. Watch how the dynamics will shift once you become more aloof..

 

[BeExcellent]

Hi Gambino. Agree with Glassguy, Duke Solomon & BackintheGame.

The thing you need to work most on in my view is outcome independence. You like the girl you saw recently but things didn't go to plan.

That's OK. Here is the lesson my friend:

You are already able to attract the kind of woman you are seeking. This is good.

If you attracted her? Guess what? You can attract another girl similar to her.

Now. When you go out with a girl you like, then you apply what the guys are telling you. Be interested in her, learn about her, be patient, don't be pushy (don't be ruled by feeling horny), etc. Leave her wanting more, not less.

If a girl has to escape from the interaction (let's be honest this recent girl had to escape from you....) that means she feels relief to get away. That is repulsive, and women will not want to come back to an interaction they had to escape.

You want her curious about you, wanting to see you again, etc.

So apply the behavior modifications (incorporate them into your behavior so you teach yourself to do these things naturally) and keep an eye out everywhere for the sort of woman who meets your criteria. Make a written list if you need to so you know what kind of girl you are looking for & to keep your mind focused in the background on that in the context of the type relationship you seek.

All the Best & Happy 2026, BE

 

[TheGambino]

Hi Gambino. Agree with Glassguy, Duke Solomon & BackintheGame.

The thing you need to work most on in my view is outcome independence. You like the girl you saw recently but things didn't go to plan.

That's OK. Here is the lesson my friend:

You are already able to attract the kind of woman you are seeking. This is good.

If you attracted her? Guess what? You can attract another girl similar to her.

Now. When you go out with a girl you like, then you apply what the guys are telling you. Be interested in her, learn about her, be patient, don't be pushy (don't be ruled by feeling horny), etc. Leave her wanting more, not less.

If a girl has to escape from the interaction (let's be honest this recent girl had to escape from you....) that means she feels relief to get away. That is repulsive, and women will not want to come back to an interaction they had to escape.

You want her curious about you, wanting to see you again, etc.

So apply the behavior modifications (incorporate them into your behavior so you teach yourself to do these things naturally) and keep an eye out everywhere for the sort of woman who meets your criteria. Make a written list if you need to so you know what kind of girl you are looking for & to keep your mind focused in the background on that in the context of the type relationship you seek.

All the Best & Happy 2026, BE

@BeExcellent
I think this is the best advice given yet. I do Remember her looking at the Ground in her car that face felt like I shocked her a bit with the boldness earlier on. She needed way more time. You are right, I had to call it a day after the first no. Really a waste for me but a big lesson.

Her interest level wasnt too high after the date otherwise it would be accepted and result in a second one

 

[TheGambino]

@Gambino I enjoy reading your posts and think you can have more success if you work on some things that seem to pop up in many of your interactions you share. Please don't take this the wrong way.

Its not about you, its about her.

You get a little pushy and arrogant when you feel things slipping away. As @Glassguy pointed out in his thread about FRAME. Your emotions start to control you instead of you controlling your emotions and it causes problems. This doesn't happen to a man with a strong frame.

You always need to leave a girl wanting more. She should want to know more about you mentally and physically. Create some intrigue and mystery, it does wonders for attraction. When you spend 80 percent of the time talking, this just doesn't happen. She needs to talk 60-70% of the time. You stated this girl kept asking you questions so you decided to talk even though you knew better. Its losing frame once again. You should have gave a brief answer and parlayed the conversation back towards her. Instead you indulged your ego and ran with it. As a result, its about you not her.

And then when it was time to go, you lose frame once again and the fact that she made you horny was enough for you to push for sex. You let your emotions drive your decision making and emotions are often wrong. Did you ever stop to think, "How does she feel?"

Thanks man I just put myself out there man. Be the best version of myself and just do things that make me happy. Thanks again I appreciate that