Some scattered field reports - bettering myself this year

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So, earlier this year I decided I was tired of being overweight and depressed. (Yes, a chick I had oneitis with started this - I've since lost all attraction for her, but the motivation still remains.) I've lost 30 pounds and am not stopping until I at least lose 75. I also switched jobs and now work in a fast-paced hotel...being around hot women all shift makes it much easier to not get flustered when talking to one. I'm also trying to get involved in swing dancing, just to get used to the feel of touching women and being in close quarters with them.

I'm not planning on getting too caught up in the dating scene just yet, but I had some initial successes in May, and am low key trying to just go out a little more often, meet women, and see what happens as long as it doesn't interfere with my schedule. I don't want to start REALLY trying to get laid until I reach my fitness goal, which may be a mistake.

Three FRs this week.

FR 1: Went to a group swing dance through a friend of mine who organized it. It was very well attended and in a church basement.

I decided to just cycle through women until I clicked with one. (An irritating situation I noticed here - since a number of the women were history majors too, and especially on the religious history side of things, I kept having fantastic & lengthy conversations that were completely platonic!)

I danced with a few who were politely connecting with me, and also danced with a few who lived a bit too far away for me to date (I guess my friend invited her friends from three hours north too). I finally settled on one, and we clicked immediately.

I'd have invited her outside to talk with me somewhere quiet, but this church was in a very bad part of town...so I decided to bring her upstairs with me so we could take an impromptu tour of the church and wander a bit.

We arrive upstairs, we're talking about the icons on the walls, and she's very intrigued - this little field trip is just what the doctor ordered. I go to turn on the lights, and hear a booming voice from the altar say sternly "get back downstairs, you're not allowed up here".

Embarrassed, we both go downstairs, and she leaves within five minutes, too quickly for me to get her phone number. I don't know what I could have done to butter her up other than a venue change, I don't do well on loud dance floors.

FR 2: Went on a mini cruise with some friends for a large social event. (90 minutes, lap around a large local lake.) No women in my circle I was interested in, and the men didn't want to step outside of it - so I did a few laps around the boat just meeting random people and talking to them.

One woman kept bumping into me, I gave her **** for it, and we bantered a little about how she should keep her hands to herself. (Didn't pursue her since she was in a massive group of women and I didn't know how to move forward with that.)

Finally began talking to a second one and we clicked well - and had a few mutual friends. We talked for about a half hour, she was moving closer to me and making pretty intense eye contact, and all was moving forward. Suddenly, though, I got flustered and wanted to quit while I was ahead. (I was convinced if I kept talking to her, I'd eventually start boring her.) I told her I needed to get back to my friends, and that I'd Facebook her. She seemed irritated I was parachuting out of the conversation so quickly, and has not added me yet.

Overall, with this one, there didn't seem to be quite enough attraction for me to be sure enough to go for the number. She wasn't playing with her hair or touching me or staring at my mouth...we were just connecting, she was looking at me pretty intensely, and wasn't objecting to kino. But how many of these signals are necessary?

FR 3: I went out to a neighborhood bar alone, and began talking with a very cute woman who had some fifiboy male friend with her who was no threat to me. (He started staring into space when we talked, and didn't involve himself.) All was moving along well, I was playfully flirting & kinoing with her and gently making fun of her nerdy profession (engineer), and her very drunk female friend then walked in.

She bumped into me and spilled beer all over the front of my shirt and shorts. She apologized profusely, and I then began talking to *her* a bit, flirtatiously making her promise to buy me a shot to prove to me she was sorry. (She was very cute, too, arguably cuter, but turned out to be married.)

At this point though, all momentum with the first girl was gone - she'd gone back to talking with her effeminate friend and at that point I couldn't break into the conversation and include myself (probably intentionally his doing if he was into her and threatened by me).

All of us talked in a group until bar close, but me and Girl #1 never really continue our initial conversation, and I therefore don't have an opening to get her phone number.

This one I'm kind of at a loss with - it seems like bad luck got the best of me, and I ****ed up badly by switching my attentions to a second prettier face.
 

Mike32ct

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So, earlier this year I decided I was tired of being overweight and depressed. (Yes, a chick I had oneitis with started this - I've since lost all attraction for her, but the motivation still remains.) I've lost 30 pounds and am not stopping until I at least lose 75. I also switched jobs and now work in a fast-paced hotel...being around hot women all shift makes it much easier to not get flustered when talking to one. I'm also trying to get involved in swing dancing, just to get used to the feel of touching women and being in close quarters with them.

This is all great stuff. Weight loss plus working around hot women plus dancing. Good for you.

I'm not planning on getting too caught up in the dating scene just yet, but I had some initial successes in May, and am low key trying to just go out a little more often, meet women, and see what happens as long as it doesn't interfere with my schedule. I don't want to start REALLY trying to get laid until I reach my fitness goal, which may be a mistake.

Just keep interacting with chicks. If you score even before your reach your fitness goals, great. If not, you're getting more comfortable around them in the meantime.

Three FRs this week.

FR 1: Went to a group swing dance through a friend of mine who organized it. It was very well attended and in a church basement.

I decided to just cycle through women until I clicked with one. (An irritating situation I noticed here - since a number of the women were history majors too, and especially on the religious history side of things, I kept having fantastic & lengthy conversations that were completely platonic!)

I danced with a few who were politely connecting with me, and also danced with a few who lived a bit too far away for me to date (I guess my friend invited her friends from three hours north too). I finally settled on one, and we clicked immediately.

I'd have invited her outside to talk with me somewhere quiet, but this church was in a very bad part of town...so I decided to bring her upstairs with me so we could take an impromptu tour of the church and wander a bit.

We arrive upstairs, we're talking about the icons on the walls, and she's very intrigued - this little field trip is just what the doctor ordered. I go to turn on the lights, and hear a booming voice from the altar say sternly "get back downstairs, you're not allowed up here".

I always hated it when chicks wanted to have long conversations while dancing. I'm not a good multi-tasker lol. But it's actually an important skill for social dancing so good for you.

Yeah for church basement events, upstairs is generally off-limits. Don't go there.


Embarrassed, we both go downstairs, and she leaves within five minutes, too quickly for me to get her phone number. I don't know what I could have done to butter her up other than a venue change, I don't do well on loud dance floors.

It's ok. Let that one go.

FR 2: Went on a mini cruise with some friends for a large social event. (90 minutes, lap around a large local lake.) No women in my circle I was interested in, and the men didn't want to step outside of it - so I did a few laps around the boat just meeting random people and talking to them.

One woman kept bumping into me, I gave her **** for it, and we bantered a little about how she should keep her hands to herself. (Didn't pursue her since she was in a massive group of women and I didn't know how to move forward with that.)

Finally began talking to a second one and we clicked well - and had a few mutual friends. We talked for about a half hour, she was moving closer to me and making pretty intense eye contact, and all was moving forward. Suddenly, though, I got flustered and wanted to quit while I was ahead. (I was convinced if I kept talking to her, I'd eventually start boring her.) I told her I needed to get back to my friends, and that I'd Facebook her. She seemed irritated I was parachuting out of the conversation so quickly, and has not added me yet.

Overall, with this one, there didn't seem to be quite enough attraction for me to be sure enough to go for the number. She wasn't playing with her hair or touching me or staring at my mouth...we were just connecting, she was looking at me pretty intensely, and wasn't objecting to kino. But how many of these signals are necessary?

You actually don't need much in the way of IOIs to ask for a number. Honestly, just decent eye contact and pretty good conversation is enough. It sounds like you had plenty to go by where you could have asked for a number.

I don't think I've ever had a chick stare at my mouth, even on my best nights. It's one of those rare "textbook" examples that I wouldn't waste time looking for.


FR 3: I went out to a neighborhood bar alone, and began talking with a very cute woman who had some fifiboy male friend with her who was no threat to me. (He started staring into space when we talked, and didn't involve himself.) All was moving along well, I was playfully flirting & kinoing with her and gently making fun of her nerdy profession (engineer), and her very drunk female friend then walked in.

She bumped into me and spilled beer all over the front of my shirt and shorts. She apologized profusely, and I then began talking to *her* a bit, flirtatiously making her promise to buy me a shot to prove to me she was sorry. (She was very cute, too, arguably cuter, but turned out to be married.)

At this point though, all momentum with the first girl was gone - she'd gone back to talking with her effeminate friend and at that point I couldn't break into the conversation and include myself (probably intentionally his doing if he was into her and threatened by me).

All of us talked in a group until bar close, but me and Girl #1 never really continue our initial conversation, and I therefore don't have an opening to get her phone number.

This one I'm kind of at a loss with - it seems like bad luck got the best of me, and I ****ed up badly by switching my attentions to a second prettier face.
The spilled beer all over your clothes largely derailed things. That's not your fault. All in all, these are good attempts. Keep at it, and keep us posted.
 

marmel75

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Good attempts but you seem to get to a point and not know how to smoothly transition to a close. The women notice it too which is likely why they end up not responding afterwards.

Keep practicing and you will figure it out. Just know that women judge you based on how smoothly your transitions and interactions go and how you get from one stage to another. They use this to evaluate your social acuity or lack their of and your experience with women.
 

zekko

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We arrive upstairs, we're talking about the icons on the walls, and she's very intrigued - this little field trip is just what the doctor ordered. I go to turn on the lights, and hear a booming voice from the altar say sternly "get back downstairs, you're not allowed up here".
It wasn't God, was it?
 
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It wasn't God, was it?
This was an Eastern Rite Catholic church (Orthodox liturgy, but Catholic in communion) and there is a large iconostatis in front of the church that's creepy for anyone who hasn't seen one.

I legit thought the iconostatis was talking to me for a second.
 

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