Some Recent Insights On Interest Level & The Pull-Back

[jamesfromhouston]

Maybe this is nothing new but I thought I'd share for the sake of other future members who might find themselves in the same situation.

Recently been dating a girl that I met at a music fest who was initially confusing me.

Always when we meet, we would f'ck and have fun. She would always be down to f'ck and always said yes when asked out.

Most of the time, she would bring up sex during our dates and we would always end up doing it. It also got progressively kinkier.

And then the moment, we say our goodbyes, she will go into this fading mode; where she does not really text or if she does its very bland and short. Communication goes to a minimum. Almost like ghosting.

This coldness became progressively worst which led me to start to think that the interest level has gone away. Our time was up.

Yet the moment I hit her up for a date again, she will jump straight into it quickly with no hesitation and resume into this intense passionate mode.

After awhile I started to realise she is doing the 'pull-back' on me and I have to admit it really got me a few times. (It still does).

This pull-back even made me slightly beta and emotional at times when we hangout. Because I wanted to maintain a consistency and certainty in the amazing interaction we had.

SO, I started to think; for us men; we are logical, we look at things in a very straightforward way. This is why the pull-back can be so effective because of how random and inconsistent it is to their behaviour that it starts to mess with your head and hooks you especially if you are BP.

But I also think, for the most RP of us the pull-back can actually backfire because most times, my RP side was concluding that it was a loss of interest level and it was time to move on. Again this is what we have been teaching ourselves. Say never to low interest.

But given that most modern men today are BP, the pull-back has got to be one of the most effective tools in a woman's arsenal to seriously hook a man.

Ultimately, action speaks louder than words. And I think even for my RP brethren, it would be wise to not just write off 'pull-back' behaviour as lost IL which is something that is so commonly and often done; we should take some time to look beyond words and test with action.

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As always, would be interested to hear some of my brothers' insights on the pull-back and how you handle it.

 

[devilkingx2]

I think the way you handle it is the ideal. Assume it is low interest and act accordingly unless proven otherwise.

Once you realize she's gaming you, then you know to keep her at arms length emotionally.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Some women aren't into texting (yeah it's true...have dated a few). At first they will do it more since it's early on but then kind of lessen it. Doesn't always mean they lost interest, as long as she is seeing and banging you her interest level is fine.

That's the true indicator of interest, not how often she texts, regardless of what some would say

 

[jamesfromhouston]

What did she say when she brought it up, and how did you respond?

Haha I've gotten a few funny ones from her dude.

"Do you want to watch some Netflix?"

"Do you want to go somewhere to chill?"

"I don't want to go home yet, let's chill"

"I'm wet"

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Haha I've gotten a few funny ones from her dude.

"Do you want to watch some Netflix?"

"Do you want to go somewhere to chill?"

"I don't want to go home yet, let's chill"

"I'm wet"

Haha, those are good indicators. I once dated a woman that was really direct and she would tell me "I really want you to take me back to your place and fvck me" when we were out somewhere and getting ready to leave...

Made it pretty easy to get laid and didn't have to worry about figuring her out

 

[Barrister]

Some women expect the man to always initiate in the early stages. I have dated a couple of these. They are pretty rare to come across, but it sounds like this one might be one of those. It makes it a little more difficult to navigate because her silence can be perceived as lack of interest.

Bottom line is not let it affect you. Keep asking her out if she is immediately confirming she wants to and you are banging it out every single time. Don't get too swept up in following a script that you can't adapt to different women.

 

[SW15]

Some women expect the man to always initiate in the early stages. I have dated a couple of these. They are pretty rare to come across, but it sounds like this one might be one of those. It makes it a little more difficult to navigate because her silence can be perceived as lack of interest.

I don't think it is as rare as you think it is. I've dealt with multiple women like this. Even in some my better interactions and relationships, I felt like I did far more of the initiating.

 

[Barrister]

@catsmeow

You are correct that women are creatures of emotion and don't follow any type of logic in their actions generally speaking. Especially when it comes to relationships. But I hope you aren't suggesting that women are just being emotional and do not consciously employ "push/pull" tactics to attempt to increase men's interest in them. Because there are plenty of women who do exactly this. In fact, I would say the vast majority of women (especially hot women) employ this strategy. Just because you don't is purely anecdotal.

 

[Barrister]

I don't think it is as rare as you think it is. I've dealt with multiple women like this. Even in some my better interactions and relationships, I felt like I did far more of the initiating.

I was referencing the exact circumstance of having a high interest woman who NEVER initiates. I do think that is rare. But as far as relationships where a man initiates more often than the woman and the woman expects that - I agree with you that isn't very rare.

 

[Barrister]

PS: Not sure how being hot/not hot factors into the equation but if that's your experience, I won't refute it.

In my experience both very hot and not so hot girls employ female Game.

And both very hot and not so hot girls act within their natural female state.

I will say however, that very feminine girls are acting within their natural state, the ebb and flow of emotions is very much feminine.

The hotter the woman, the more the man will attempt to appease her and the more bullsh1t he will put up with. Women are creatures of habit - once they see this strategy employed and successful they begin using it on a regular basis. Less attractive women who attempt to employ the strategy are more likely to get nexted immediately by a high-SMV male - hence why they won't use it nearly as often.

Not sure what experience you would have with the situation unless you are also dating women.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Women's emotions are fluid, they ebb and flow. This is completely foreign to men as just like you said men are logical and straightforward.

Try to not take it personally and don't assume she's playing a game, I never was.

And I may have been the world's greatest push/puller lol and it took a very strong and secure man to understand me and my nature and not take personally.

Yin and yang. Masculine/feminine.

Sorry, not buying this. I've dated plenty of women who didn't do the push-pull thing. Saying that women are emotional by nature is an old and tired excuse for unreasonable behaviour. It's like saying than all men cheat so don't get too upset when he fvcks a waitress or some girl he meets on a business trip. Just be a "strong woman" and accept it as part of the male nature...lol.

Women are emotional, sure, but they can control their emotions when they want to. That's why you're unlikely to see a woman lose her sh!t when talking to her boss (if she cares about keeping her job)...or a bank manager in charge of approving her loan. Failure to keep the "ebb and flow" in check is a form of sh!t-testing or disrespect.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Men often accused me of playing games, when in truth I wasn't, it's just our natures, at least mine. Nothing contrived or calculated.

Women's emotions are fluid, they ebb and flow. This is completely foreign to men as just like you said men are logical and straightforward.

Try to not take it personally and don't assume she's playing a game, I never was.

This.

One of the biggest mistakes I see men make is they expect women to act like men in all dating interactions. There are differences between boys and girls that go beyond body parts.

 

[EyeBRollin]

There is no push pull. OP is just basing this on texting patterns. If you guys would STOP texting altogether, there would be no analysis needed.

Men, stop texting these broads. Call them up, ask them out, then disappear. Rinse and repeat. Easy.

 

[Bokanovsky]

How is her behavior unreasonable?

I was referring to your comments, in particular this:

Women's emotions are fluid, they ebb and flow. This is completely foreign to men as just like you said men are logical and straightforward.

Try to not take it personally and don't assume she's playing a game, I never was.

And I may have been the world's greatest push/puller lol and it took a very strong and secure man to understand me and my nature and not take personally.

Yin and yang. Masculine/feminine.

You are trying to excuse sh!tty behaviour with tired cliches ("ying and yang", "masculine/feminine", "ebb and flow"). And what I'm saying is that women only act like this when they think they can get away with it. In other words, they save this kind of treatment for men they think will tolerate it (or men they simply don't care about). By the way, men act like this too. Think of a middle manager who treats his subordinates like sh!t and sucks up to his superiors. That's your "female nature" right there. Except it's not exclusively female.

Men and women are not as different as you think. Yes, women are, on average, more emotional and men are, on average, more logical and rational, but those are shades of grey, not black and white absolutes. But we live at a point in time when women are allowed to get away with sh!tty behaviour much more than men.

 

[Bokanovsky]

And what I'm saying is that no they don't "only" act this way when they think they can get away with it. In some cases, it IS their natural state.

I rely on my life experience. When I see the same woman treat some men like garbage and other men like they are gods, I am able to draw logical conclusions.

It's interesting, I have always been open to understanding the male perspective, I respect your experiences and can even sympathize.

I'm not quite sure why some of you are unable to be open to mine, as a woman.

Open to seeing things from a different lens, a different point of view other than your own male frame.

I am open to other perspectives, including yours. However, when I hear something that contradicts my own experience and is entirely inconsistent with what I have observed on many occasions, both directly and indirectly, in the real world, I just can't accept it at face value. If someone tells you that the sky is green, are you going to throw away decades of personal observational data that suggests otherwise, and accept this as fact, just because someone with a "different perspective" says so?

 

[manfrombelow]

Haha I've gotten a few funny ones from her dude.

"Do you want to watch some Netflix?"

"Do you want to go somewhere to chill?"

"I don't want to go home yet, let's chill"

"I'm wet"

This girl wants you for SEX, and nothing else.

Contrary to many prior comments, I really do not see this as a case of lacking interest or having low interest level.

A woman only fvcks you if she likes you enough, it's the principal.

So rest assure this girl does like you, enough to fvck you.

Basically, she's treating you as a FWB, no more no less. This girl knows exactly what she wants in you: Crazy wild steamy wet sex and nothing else (sounds like a dream comes true to me, if you ask me).

But the fact you got so confused that you you had to come up here tells me that you are behaving like a typical girl in a FWB situation - You wonder about her Interest Level in you and you don't know where you stand - while she is, in fact, behaving like the guy.

 

[Barrister]

Bolded, fair enough however it's not always so black and white, imo.

Agree women are creatures of habit and also quite observant but again if it's her natural state, then there is no need to Game a man in that way.

I understand men might interpret differently and that's to be expected.

But again speaking personally, I've always said I don't need to consciously Game a man as my natural state is challenging enough, without tossing Gaming into the equation. Yikes, lol.

And at the risk of bragging, I've been told and consider myself to be quite attractive which is why I don't think a woman's hotness has much bearing.

I'm not trying to convince you of anything, you have your opinions and experiences and I respect them.

Just giving my own perspective based on what I've observed within myself and other women and my own experiences.

That's all.

In my opinion, it isn't a question of interpretation. Women unequivocally engage in this behavior.

To be clear, I am not saying that women are never influenced by their emotions and act out on said emotions (your "ebb and flow") - especially when female hormones get involved. Men can also do this - just with much less frequency. But women absolutely engage in push/pull tactics.

 

[Barrister]

I agree, and stated as such. But it's not absolute black and white. For some women (like myself and other women I associate with) the ebb and flow of emotions (i.e. push/pull) is their natural state; that is all I am saying and the gist of all my posts on this thread. You can choose to understand it (or try to) or dismiss based on your male frame, again your choice.

I understand what you are saying. What you are saying was never in doubt. But you are well aware I am not dismissing anything "based upon my male frame." Come on now - you're better than that.

Your original post was suggesting to the OP that women are simply different from men because of all the feelz they have that "ebb and flow." That what they are doing was not game-playing. My responses to that were to say that there are many women who actively engage in gamesmanship. That has nothing today with my "male frame." That is just a fact.

Now, enjoy your weekend up in the mountains. Ciao!

 

[EyeBRollin]

No such thing as “pull back.” It is interest level.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I don't consider it "pulling away," I just used that phrase because the OP did.

See below, it's a natural ebb and flow, I don't know how else to describe.



Sorry I cannot answer any more questions. Fiancé and I are leaving for long weekend in the mountains.
I have said my piece, if you're unable to grasp, I can't do anything about.

Good luck to you and everyone, ciao!

With all due respect (and I have nothing against you personally), if you can't explain your point in plain English, you don't have much of a point. "Ebb and Flow" means nothing. It's gibberish.